The Whining Thread

[Mr Underhill]

♫This is the whining thread
The thread in which to whine,
While all the little children sleep...♫

(My apologies to Mr Nick Cave for mucking up the rhyme.)

C'mon, you know you wanna. And since we all know the judges were absolutely corrupt, having been bought off with brownies and batteries and trips to the opthalmologist; you need a place where you can vent about how your submission was unfairly overlooked, and how people just didn't get it, and how we'll all be sorry one day...

:Soapbox:

Oh, and any malicious gossip about how so-and-so only won because of sexual favors/cash changing hands/secret bavarian cabals also belongs here. Better to keep it all on one thread than surreptitiously popping up all over the rest of the joint, what?

WARNING: Anything posted in this thread from here on in should be considered complete and utter BS. Read and post at your own risk.

[CACTUSWENDY]

:Shrug: ...Been meaning to ask you. Are you a real burglar? (Inquiring minds want to know)....:popcorn:

[Mark Anderson]

I think we all know the scam, and I think it's very underhanded of Jenna to try and pull it. This board only has 4 real members, all other IDs are Jenna's pseudonyms.

Yeah, congrats "Winners". Or should I say "Jennas"?

Hmph.

[zeprosnepsid]

I didn't feel there was much variation in style in the winners. Not that all their work isn't great but it's almost all dramatic realism. I don't read realism. I would have liked a solid non-fiction (none of them were non-fiction right? if they were they seemed to be personal essays) or a science fiction/fantasy or comedy. This bothers me much more than not being chosen, because it makes me uninterested in the competition.

That's my one whine. I do think the writers are good, but they're not the kind of thing I like (for the most part). I hope the weekly writing assignments have good topics....

[paprikapink]

I think we all know the scam, and I think it's very underhanded of Jenna to try and pull it. This board only has 4 real members, all other IDs are Jenna's pseudonyms.

Yeah, congrats "Winners". Or should I say "Jennas"?

Hmph.

What really sucks is that I have to be one of the four actual members -- what I really want to be is a Jenna.

Rats.
:cry:
-paprikapink

[scullars]

Oh well, guess I didn't lace my brownies with enough hashish. Ooops... (looks around furtively for those who might snitch her out...then sighs with relief as she sees everyone's still buzzing from her grandma's favorite treats) ;)

[Torin]

Ohhhhhhh! I was supposed to SHARE the rum. Whoops. :Smack: My bad.

*making note to self for next year*

:Coffee:

[Lilybiz]

Hi everyone. I've been an AbsoluteWrite reader for a few years, but I'm new to posting.

I was just saying this to another member last night:
I think there were a lot of posts that merited inclusion in the winners' circle, but the very nature of an arts contest reflects art itself: meaning, it's subjective. The winners are bound to reflect the taste of the judges, and I agree that there's not a lot of variation in genre. But hey--when you submit to a publication you're trying to appeal to the tastes of the powers that be in the editorial office, so it's much the same thing.

There are a lot of good writers on this board, and a lot of good writers in the finals. It'll be fun to watch the rest of the contest.

Obviously I'm a newbie, or I'd have been a winner, right? I just wasn't sure who to send the cash and chocolate to.

[Mr Underhill]

...Been meaning to ask you. Are you a real burglar? (Inquiring minds want to know)....:popcorn: Define "real."

[Samm]

Sure, I'll admit it: I was disappointed not to be on either list. Until I had time to think about the next stages of the competition. Suddenly, I was feeling relieved! I've been in such a writing funk for so long now, I probably would have pulled a "Mario Vazquez" or else feigned 10 broken fingers (the writer's equivalent of an American Idol contestant faking laryngitis).

I definitely plan to check out Jenna's book, "Outwitting Writer's Block." I don't remember the last batch of "new stuff" I cranked out. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticoncry.gifhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteShrug.gif I feel like I keep http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteHeadbang.gif and I'm ready tohttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smileyflag.gif http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteDisappear.gif . (Want some cheese with this whine?)

I haven't had any reading time today, so I can't offer any coments about similar genre choices by the judges. I do know that I started jotting a list of favs as I read the first 200 entries, and only 3 on my list of 25 were finalists and 1 an HM. And I still have a lot of the last 108 entries still to read!

This first stage was definitely a time-consuming contest, and it is understandable that there was a delay from the judges. I'm glad I entered, and now I'm glad I didn't win (too much work to continue, too little time!). Isn't that http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticoncrazy.gif ?

[Mr Underhill]

Right, just need to get up a good bellyful of bile and cut loose. Allow me to demonstrate. My cue, please.

trips to the opthalmologist?Yes, trips to the opthalmologist, because those judges are blind, BLIND! I say if they are unable to see the elaborate genius of my work from that sample. CLEARLY they were not able to THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX and merely took the writing at face value without recognizing the DEEPER SIGNIFICANCE!!! Which is OBVIOUS to anyone who can decipher the cryptic clues I left in the narrative and dialogue! ANYONE with HALF A BRAIN would be able to see the group dynamics in nascent form, and the QUESTIONING of narrative CONVENTION!?! That demonstrate how the story will develop over the next 100 paGES! GENIUS! PURE UNREFINED GENIUS I SAY! Why do they not see that this seemingly benign and predictable text is in fact a TRAP that will spring on the reader 89 PAGES HENCE??? Why, it will clearly UPSET the APPLECART and turn everything upside down! ANY FOOL can see that this work will redefine the Victorian/Edwardian house-party-detective genre for DECADES TO COME!!!!!!!

And don't get me started on DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME! What a barbaric custom. Whose bright idea was this? Blind SLAVERY to the clock for its own sake. It's straight out of the DARK AGES! Savagery! A COMMUNIST PLOT from Torquemada's DUNGEONS if you ask me!!!!!....
______________________________________

Hoo. Yes, I feel much better now.

[sharon]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_4_110.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk148YYCA) It's because I cross-border shop and buy all your cheese, isn't it? Well, I have news for you... cheese goes well with whine! Wine goes well with... everything! I'm having some now, as a matter of fact. I like it. I like your cheese, too. I'm going to continue to shop 'over there', and eat cheese, and drink wine. Next year, I might just enter a cook book! It will showcase what US cheese goes with Canuck whine! (Hey, that actually might be a good idea). ;)

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/321v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk148YYCA) (love you guys)

[brokenfingers]

I agree Mr. Underhill!

I especially liked the way you set up the inner conflict that would be played out on page 147!

And those characters!! Brilliant! I agree it was a shame that the 700 word limit did not allow you the room to introduce them in your piece but nonetheless - I could practically smell them lurking off the end of the page!

Bravo my good man, bravo...

[Mr Underhill]

I especially liked the way you set up the inner conflict that would be played out on page 147!At last, someone who understands the trials of the true artiste!

http://www.coolsmilies.net/gestures/bow.gif http://www.coolsmilies.net/entertainment/quylao.gif

[Sarita]

ANYONE with HALF A BRAIN

Ouch. Am I allowed in here? :)

[mommie4a]

SARA! We love you - of course you're allowed here, but you have to whine about something, ok? (Not much brain is needed for whining, although really good whining is definitely an art form, as Mr. Underhill has shown.)

[WhisperingBard]

SARA! We love you - of course you're allowed here, but you have to whine about something, ok?
Considering the *many, many* hours she spent poring over all the entries, whining shouldn't be too hard a task. :D Come on, Sara, you're entitled!

[Sarita]

Oh man! Do I have to whine about something? Okay, I have a good one... I DIDN'T GET ENOUGH REP POINTS FOR READING ALL THOSE ENTRIES. What are you a bunch of meanies? Seriously, we poured over all those entries, it was not an easy task. The least you could do is hit me up with some hard core rep points!!!! Come on people!!

(how was that? :) )

[Sarita]

SARA! We love you

YAY! I love you all too!

[WhisperingBard]

(how was that? :) )
(pretty darn good)

[Mr Underhill]

I DIDN'T GET ENOUGH REP POINTS FOR READING ALL THOSE ENTRIES....

(how was that? :) )http://www.coolsmilies.net/jobs/director.gifMmmm, not a bad start. I'd like to see where you're going with this. What's your motivation? Emotion – Angry? Depressed? Deranged? Perhaps a little physicality, try throwing something, maybe.

[brokenfingers]

:roll:

I think we've found our next Simon...

[jdkiggins]

Until I had time to think about the next stages of the competition.
Wait! What do you mean next stages? :Shrug:
(too much work to continue, too little time!). Isn't that http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticoncrazy.gif ?
OMG you're right! :Hammer:

:gone:

[WhisperingBard]

OMG you're right! :Hammer:
Who's got the Xanax?

[Lilybiz]

[QUOTE=Mr Underhill]Right, just need to get up a good bellyful of bile and cut loose. Allow me to demonstrate. ... those judges are blind, BLIND!]

You're right, Mr. Underhill. Okay, okay, I admit it! I was disappointed! I thought I could waltz in here, a newbie, and dazzle the judges with my amazing work. "Wow, isn't she fabulous? Such talent, such imagination, such a way with words! She'll revolutionize fiction as we know it!"

Since that didn't happen I'm quite sure it's only because the judges were, as Mr. Underhill mentioned, unable to think outside the box. I tell myself this because I really wanted to win.

I sent Saritam some points anyway, even though I don't have the faintest idea how they work or how to find out if I have any (I don't need any silly old points, or sour old grapes for that matter) because yeah, okay, they didn't choose my piece but geez, that had to be hard work.

[Samm]

Right, just need to get up a good bellyful of bile and cut loose. Allow me to demonstrate. My cue, please.
Yes, trips to the opthalmologist, because those judges are blind, BLIND! I say if they are unable to see the elaborate genius of my work from that sample.....

Oh, I see more clearly now. To me, that would be a "Bi*ching and Moaning" thread. "Whining" is a more gentle means of bi*ching and moaning. :ROFL:

[Samm]

Wait! What do you mean next stages? :Shrug:

OMG you're right! :Hammer:

:gone:

After this response, I had to chuckle at your sig line:

__________________
PERSEVERANCE: TO PERSIST IN SPITE OF DIFFICULTIES ~jdk
aka: writeafterdark

[Mr Underhill]

Oh, I see more clearly now. To me, that would be a "Bi*ching and Moaning" thread. "Whining" is a more gentle means of bi*ching and moaning. :ROFL:Well, I demonstrated one of the possible temperaments. One could make other choices, including those that more closely resemble your concept of whining (whingeing). If you like, you might adopt a tone of annoying, neurotic insipidity for your rant, or whatever else you find a viable framework.

[Samm]

lol You're funny. :roll:

Maybe I'd have a different tone if I had a different mindset. I said it once and I'll say it again, I'm a lover, not a fighter, and the writing is all written out of me anyway.

*more whine* *hic*

[JoeEkaitis]

I'm sure I heard one of the judges clearly say "I started to read Joe's entry to my son, but I couldn't believe how vapid and vacant and empty all his stories are. There's, like, no lessons…. There's, like, no stories about anything."

[brokenfingers]

Say Joe.....

Just who is that in your new profile photo?

[JoeEkaitis]

Say Joe.....

Just who is that in your new profile photo?

This one? It's me.

[brokenfingers]

D'oh!

I meant avatar...

[paprikapink]

Sara, Three Seven, and one other judge? I only remember those two. Someone remind me, so I can keep on clicking those rep points on those folks.

-pkpk

[JoeEkaitis]

D'oh!

I meant avatar...

Just a fox getting on his morning buzz.

[JAlpha]

Sara, Three Seven, and one other judge? I only remember those two. Someone remind me, so I can keep on clicking those rep points on those folks.

-pkpk

Richard

[JenNipps]

WARNING: Anything posted in this thread from here on in should be considered complete and utter BS. Read and post at your own risk.



lol. I love the disclaimer.

No whining from me, though. Although I entered and would have loved to be a finalist, I don't have time for it since it's crunch time on some other things I've got going.

[jdkiggins]

lol. I love the disclaimer.
I don't have time for it since it's crunch time on some other things I've got going.

:Lecture: I'm whining. I entered for fun. :snoopy: Now, I have to work! :Smack:
Anyone willing to buy me :popcorn: so I stay away from the smokes?

Please.:Hail:

[paprikapink]

Richard! Right. How could I forget. Okay, I'm off to click his scales (whoo-hoo) before he comes around here whining that he's been forgotten and unappreciated.

-pkpk

[jdkiggins]

I tried clicking the scales of everyone who entered, but this darn dark box kept coming up telling me I clicked too many in the past 24 hours and I have to come back! :Smack:

[BlueTexas]

Perhaps it's not fair for me to whine in here, but did anyone read the rest of the finalist entries? Holy crap! They all read so well and felt so polished.

Not asking for sympathy, but I feel SO out of my league. The publishing credits alone are quashing my creativity! One entry in particular is staring down on me from its pedestal...once I'm eliminated I'll say which one!

[jdkiggins]

Oh Blue, come on! The finalists may not have been in any special order, but YOUR name WAS first. :) Let's push Blue's button a bit, he can't seem to reach his own back. Congrats! :Clap: You deserved to be in that list. And if we both don't get to work, we're never going to make the deadline. :Headbang:

I keep walking around my mom's house chanting CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS. :Huh:
I need :Hug2: and :Coffee: . I must be :crazy: .

[Counsel]

And here I was, Pulitzer all ready to hand out to a compliant judge.

Ppffffftttt.

[pepperlandgirl]

:Lecture: I'm whining. I entered for fun. :snoopy: Now, I have to work! :Smack:
Anyone willing to buy me :popcorn: so I stay away from the smokes?

Please.:Hail:

Haha, me too! That's exactly how I feel. I was like "Work? Dude, I forgot about that part!" In the past 10 days, I've had two ciggies, and I mean to go another week without a single one, but I have a feeling on Saturday night, I'll be chain smoking with shaking fingers as I frantically revise (or finish!) my story.

[jdkiggins]

Can someone please tell me why there are 157 views in the Week 1 entry thread that has no entries? :roll:

[BlueTexas]

Oh Blue, come on! The finalists may not have been in any special order, but YOUR name WAS first. :) Let's push Blue's button a bit, he can't seem to reach his own back. Congrats! :Clap: You deserved to be in that list. And if we both don't get to work, we're never going to make the deadline. :Headbang:

I keep walking around my mom's house chanting CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS. :Huh:
I need :Hug2: and :Coffee: . I must be :crazy: .

Hey, I'm a she! And thanks for the encouragement...

[Susie]

I think you're all winners! I really didn't mind not being picked, but didn't you read the great advice, wisdom and flair (?) my hubby gave on winning contests? Guess I better read it again.:) He really lost, not me since I interviewed him. lol.

Warm regards and better luck next time, Susie:)

[Humourwriter]

Sure, I'll admit it: I was disappointed not to be on either list. Until I had time to think about the next stages of the competition.
While I was pleased that I got the honourary mention, I was disappointed not to make the finals.

Then I saw the first assignment. Yikes! It wasn't the length that scared me, but the fact that I'd have to come up with a character. I don't do characters. That's why I write a humour column.

I definitely plan to check out Jenna's book, "Outwitting Writer's Block."
Can definitely recommend the book, and not just because Jenna let me put some of my humour in it. I tend to re-read it every few months just to keep myself going. (It's a lot cheaper than drugs.)

Bill.

[Sarita]

Mmmm, not a bad start. I'd like to see where you're going with this. What's your motivation? Emotion – Angry? Depressed? Deranged? Perhaps a little physicality, try throwing something, maybe.
I'd go with deranged. Not throwing anything yet, but it may come to that ;)

[astonwest]

Can someone please tell me why there are 157 views in the Week 1 entry thread that has no entries? :roll:

Because everyone is wanting to find out the theme for their entries (for the finalist thread, and the "play along" thread)?

Oh, wait...I'm supposed to whine on this thread...

errrr...
hmmm...
lessee...

...

Obviously the judges were very biased against aliens such as myself...blatant discrimination...they should be ashamed...

:Ssh:

[JenNipps]

:Lecture: I'm whining. I entered for fun. :snoopy: Now, I have to work! :Smack:
Anyone willing to buy me :popcorn: so I stay away from the smokes?

Please.:Hail:

I have a lot of :popcorn: I bought during a moment that I forgot I don't like it because it sticks in my teeth. It's good, as far as popcorn goes, and you're welcome to it. :)

[JenNipps]

Can someone please tell me why there are 157 views in the Week 1 entry thread that has no entries? :roll:

:tongue:

I viewed it to copy down the assignment, which I intend to complete even though I'm not a finalist. :)

[jdkiggins]

:tongue:

I viewed it to copy down the assignment, which I intend to complete even though I'm not a finalist. :)

:D Guess that joke went over like a lead balloon.
Me thinks I better stick to...what is it I write? :o

[Kevin Yarbrough]

I'd say the competition was rigged. The only reason I didn't make it was because the real owners of this board (PA) don't like me. They thought they could be smart and make me an HM, but I'm to smart for that. I caught on to their little trick. Like someone said, there are only four real people and those people are the Big Four at PA. Now, they made this board to start an us v. them scenario, to show them the traitors in their midst, and to find out who is on the fence and you know what? It worked.

OK, feel better now. Just can't figure out if the "Jenna" persona is Larry, Willem, Miranda, or Janet?

[jdkiggins]

Hey, I'm a she! And thanks for the encouragement...

Oops, sorry Blue. I had better have my glasses checked.
Darn avatars. You just can't trust them. :)

[firehorse]

Oh Blue, come on! The finalists may not have been in any special order, but YOUR name WAS first. :) Sure, remind me that mine was last ;)

I keep walking around my mom's house chanting CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS, CROSSROADS. :Huh: Now I feel like I need a strategy: do I write something funny? Poignant? How can I make mine different? I usually draw on my own life, but at the moment, I'm blanking out. Yes, on my life. :ROFL:

And as for the smoking - my apartment is non-smoking, so I have to go on the porch. I think I'm going to really wish I could smoke at the computer for however long I'm in the running!

[paprikapink]

I think I'm going to really wish I could smoke at the computer for however long I'm in the running!


You'll be in the running a whole lot longer if you don't.

-pkpk

[Samm]

Can definitely recommend the book, and not just because Jenna let me put some of my humour in it. I tend to re-read it every few months just to keep myself going. (It's a lot cheaper than drugs.)

Bill.
Thanks for the recommendation. I was pretty sure I was going to get Jenna's book, but now I know I will. :)

[mistri]

I'm sort of relieved I didn't make it, as writing to theme would've taken time away from editing my novel, but yeah I'm guess I'm disappointed (i.e. whining a lot) about not placing in either list. Not making the top ten per cent (okay a bit higher than that, but I'm an insecure writer, ok?) makes me wonder if my novel won't get anywhere with agents or publishers, either.

Then I tell myself I'm being silly, that I can revise and make it stronger anyway - and that the competition was amazing. Then I get insecure again. Then I give myself a mental slap, and tell myself not to be so stupid. Yep, it's a good thing I didn't go any further :)

[hapsburg]

JDKIGGANS~


I got your joke, and it made me laugh:)

[firehorse]

Darn avatars. You just can't trust them. :)Just to clarify, I am a woman, not a horse :roll: .

Okay, it's not that funny (I'm referring to my line, Joanne, not yours).

[Sarita]

Just to clarify, I am a woman, not a horse

WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A HORSE? All this time you've been misleading us! Shame on you Sarah, shame, shame! (oye, flashbacks to third grade)

:ROFL:

[firehorse]

WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A HORSE? All this time you've been misleading us! <sigh> Well, I guess the truth has to come out sooner or later. I'm ghostwriting for a horse. You see, he can't type very well with his hooves, but he has some brilliant ideas.

(So glad I'm not on a stage; I'd get the hook. Forgive me. My mind is occupied by crossroads. Every word, every phrase, every concept is a brainstorming possibility for 'crossroads').

The idea that just popped into my head was 'species reassignment' (like a sex change operation). I suppose there would be a lot more to learn than, say, lowering your voice and scratching your balls. I'm not a fantasy writer, so I'm not going to tackle this one.

I'm not stoned. I swear. That's the scary part.

[FreeSlave786]

Can we get back to whining ...

Lord! I feel sooooo bad, even though I entered just to prove to myself that I had the courage to - is that a whiney excuse in itself? :confused:

Probably, otherwise i wouldn't have spent entire nights dreaming up my 'acceptance post' *sigh* I usually use that time to come up with story plots and wonderful, grabbing prose. I may have lost the bestseller of my life.

Then of course, I maintain that I should have been one of the finalists just on the basis of variety, you know - different culture, different country, different continent. I would have added a touch of the 'exotic' to the final readings. Something that would refresh the judges and provide them with a stimulating change.

Ah well! Their loss... Me, I'm going back to hunting down that bestseller. As soon as I squeeze my clothes dry of all this salty stuff I'm soaked in :cry:

[jdkiggins]

Just to clarify, I am a woman, not a horse :roll: .

Okay, it's not that funny (I'm referring to my line, Joanne, not yours).

Darn, Sarah. I was hoping I could get a ride. My car died.
And yes, it was funny! :roll: I'd put a whole string on ROFL guys but Willaim reminded me that a picture is worth 1,000 words, so I don't want to overload this box.

[Mr Underhill]

Can we get back to whining ... I would have added a touch of the 'exotic' to the final readings. Something that would refresh the judges and provide them with a stimulating change.

Ah well! Their loss... Me, I'm going back to hunting down that bestseller. As soon as I squeeze my clothes dry of all this salty stuff I'm soaked in :cry:Yes, you're getting the hang of it.

[FreeSlave786]

Yes, you're getting the hang of it.

Why, thank you! - I shall wear that comment with pride :cool:

Now I have to think up my next witty post ... it's in me somewhere, probably the same place that all those winning entries took off to. Just gotta hunt them down like we hunt them wild lions that walk up our streets and trample on our crops :idea:

[Mr Underhill]

Perhaps it's time to revive this thread?

:Soapbox:

[mommie4a]

Go for it, Mr. U!