MEET THE LOSERS...

[KTC]

My name is Kevin and I like snap peas and Dr. Hook. I write because I'm a compulsive personality and I need to put words down on paper with the same vengeance that others need to push the hypodermic into the meaty flesh of their thighs. I enjoy dog walking and rock skipping. My favourite colour is orange. I prefer tofu over animal. I write mainly fiction with short little outbursts into poetry. I've been published nationally and appeared on CBC Radio Canada, reading my original essays. I blink 358 times a minute on average. I am the tallest member of my family. I have a coin that dates back to the early 1800s. My favourite curse word is &$*#&(*%&. My favourite sound is the sound of the wind hitting the trees in summer. My least favourite sound is that of a baby crying. If I could take on any other occupation, other than my own, I would be the light bulb changer at Sky Dome (Which I refuse to call Rogers whateveryoucallit!). My entry, #199, was originally published at The Greentricycle. Oh, and I love eggplant!

[Samm]

My pseudonym is Samm. I was born a baby girl and grew up to become a woman. Since nothing exciting happened to me as a kid and I swear I never had a childhood, I don't remember much at all about growing up. I think I should explore hypnosis. Being such a straight-laced, dull person, I began relying on my characters for excitement and began living vicariously through them. I am happily married (19 years), have 2 children and 2 cats. I believe in true love and happily-ever-after endings. My favorite place is a little town in the lower Catskill Mountains of New York State, a magical place where woodland faeries still dwell, I'm certain of it. Rip VanWinkle slept about 75 miles from this special place. I hate cold, cloudy weather (SW Pennsylvania!). Someday I want to retire to a sunny, warm, dry place. Maybe then my characters will start talking to me again and I won't be so distracted with Real Life. My entry was #197 on page 8, and my character Larissa is miffed that her story didn't even make the HM list. But I'm not, because now I can put Larissa back on the shelf with all my other characters and get back to Real Life!

[JoeEkaitis]

About the Author

http://writersbbs.com/members/joeekaitis/littleheadshot.jpg

Born in Pennsylvania in 1955 and now living in Southern California, Joe Ekaitis is the middle of seven children. His father William is a retired steelworker and his mother Frances retired from the founding staff of the library at California State University, San Bernardino. Joe has been a radio personality (on college radio station KVCR-FM under the on-air name Jojo Scappezzi) and has appeared on TV (as a 6-foot tall singing raccoon on “The Gong Show” in 1977). These days, he monitors the operation of a million-dollar business communications system for a worldwide financial institution. His wife Cathy is the choir director at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Fontana, California and Joe is the choir’s lead male vocalist. The rest of the time, he writes.

With the publication of his novel for young readers A Griffin in the Neighborhood in 2006, Joe Ekaitis will join the list of American desk-jockey storytellers that includes the likes of L. Frank Baum, E. B. White, and Frank Stockton among its more august members.

Joe readily admits he’s less august, but he’s working on that.

[ZaZ]

With so many Meet the *___* threads, I find this one most appropriate. I'm a recovering drunk, i.e. I still go out and get drunk, just not on a daily basis. Well, we'll see if I make it through this evening. As well as alcohol, I enjoy abusing other chemicals and plants, mainly nature-based as opposed to man-made but when the time and place are right and Wide Spread Panic is in town, look the *beep* uck out. This type of misbehavior has had both positive and negative influences on my writing.

I frequently write my local sports articles in the midst of a hangover that would kill a horse and keep an average human in bed well past noon. In bad weather, I'm prone to covering games with eyes glazed over with brandy. For instance, covering football games in Minnesota can leave one with quite a bit of sideline space to oneself. It also allows one to mingle with both the players and the crowd.

Upon walking into a road game in a town about twenty miles away from my worst escapade, I heard a bellow from the crowd, "Hey look! There's the guy from the paper who was totally sloshed at the DGF game last week." I laughed and waved. It was 17 degrees F with a freezing rain/sleet pelting players helmets at ninety degree angles. One look to the north and bam, here's ice in your eye. I wore shorts.

Much of my small-town Thompsonesque sports writing is of a congenial nature. I followed what one could only deem "Losers" with a capital L during the entire winter season. I received numerous commendations and a generous letter from the school board and school media head honcha in appreciation of empathy expressed in my articles. Because behind the booze, drugs and beating away of crowds of adoring women, I'm a big softy. When those girls sit dejected after a trouncing on the basketball court I feel bad too...until I get to the barstool.

When I'm not writing about sports I like to pen essays to myself about how stupid the world appears and how those in power need one thing more than anything else. A kick up the arse. I also write weekly poems of a fluffy nature to the most adorable young woman on the planet who kindly bestowed the most alluring of graces upon me. In fiction, I stem much of the character of my characters in their names alone. I can sit for about a week trying to piece together the write combination of words to tell a story about my character by his/her/its name alone.

Hence the Lunacy of Pants Inferno. Did it make sense? Wait, kind of. No, it wasn't supposed to. Did it have a punch line? Not really. It was redundant conversation and jumps in thought. I don't like to write in a linear fashion of he walked out of the house, got in the cab, went to the liquor store, hit on the 20 year old behind the counter, got slapped and smoked a cigarette. Boring. I like to capture images and fling words, especially dialoque, around as strange as possible. Sometimes I'm the only one who knows who is really speaking. But the Lunacy of Pants Inferno will prevail. It will be strange and oddly enlightening. That's assuming I ever do anything with it or some dip$hit doesn't just off and steal this glorious idea of well, not much. Some drunken ramblings and a plot yet undiscovered. Like so many things, it's all so irrelevant and meaningless.

I've got to run. I've recently been asked to submit a column to the newsletter of my favorite drinking joint and no, that's not a smokable straw.

[Eussie]

I am a literary agent. Born of rejection slip stock, I was tired of my mindless job of placing thousands of those little buggers in envelopes each week. Tired of the mundanity of my heartless existence, I decided to throw myself into a writer's shoes for a day by entering absolutewrite's competition. Alas, I myself received a slip for my efforts so with my client list between my legs I herdo trapse back up to my cold miserable office in NY City to stuff envelopes again.

Doesn't anyone love me?


---------------------------------
Associated Press Release: March 21, 2001
Literary Agents Top out Lawyers for "Most Loathed Profession"

It's official: If you want to be loved, don't become a lawyer, a used car salesman, or a literary agent. A Gallup poll commissioned for the U.S. Careers and Development office showed literary agents as the most despised profession, with 17% of the vote...


Um...the above was my lame attempt at satire. In real life I'm a displaced Londoner living in Florida, a full-time graduate mathematics student with two kids, two cats, an amore, bills to pay and waaaayyy too many things to do and too little time.....oh yes, and I write novels too :)

[Kevin Yarbrough]

My favorite color is clear.

[DeadlyAccurate]

My name is DeadlyAccurate. My military career began when I played Doom on my 486. After that came Doom II, Duke Nukem 3D, Half-Life, and the pinnacle of my career, Far Cry, where I once bagged an enemy at 500 meters with a single shot from a Barrett Light .50 even though I could only make out the top half of his head. For some reason, most people just aren't impressed with my gun prowess, like they think it's not real or something. I'm sure it's just jealousy. I have no doubt the finalists will be more than impressed <remember to insert subtle hint that effulgent praise will be rewarded with votes*>.

I wrote off and on all the way through college without anything serious coming from it. It was only after I spent four years in college that I realized that I didn't want to earn a living; I wanted to be a writer. Actually, I was tired of being dirt poor and got a job with a corporation as a mainframe programmer. Still have the same job, eight years later. I work part time and telecommute and live in constant fear of being told I won't be able to do either one day.

I freelance game reviews, so instead of critiquing the hard work of only a single person, I crush the dreams of dozens of people at once. I've been called every name you could possible imagine for my reviews, most of which wouldn't make it past the board's language filter.

I'm happily married (11 years) and have two cats.

My entry (#10, I think; it's on the first page anyway) was the start of a short story I wrote on a whim after a D&D game. I tried to shop it around for a while but nothing came of it.

*Not really.

[vig]

i'm vig. you're not. stop staring at me.

vig

[plumberman029]

"...remember to insert subtle hint that effulgent praise will be rewarded with votes."

Hi. I'm Plumberman029 and I'm a loser. I have referenced this quote by DeadlyAccurate because it pertains to bribes. Having written an entry which suggested bribes; having seen the "official bribe" thread which, methinks, was inspired by my entry; and, yet, having failed to place--yes, even in the honorable mention catagory; I am finished with bribes. I see now the error of my ways. (Perhaps I can convince the five pages of commentators of the error of their ways who posted comments on the aformentioned thread.) Sorry. This is the "meet the losers" thread. I shall seek out the "whining" thread later.

In reality, my name is Carl. I am a Master Plumber who has aspirations of becoming an author. I live in Tennessee with my wife of nine years and I have five children, two of whom are twin boys.

[wurdwise]

I started laughing when I saw the title of this thread. It made me think of "Meet the Fockers." :)

Hi. My name is Denise, and I am a AW Idol loser.

[mudflat_marsh_hawk]

Hi all.

Mudflat_marsh_hawk checking in. Not only did I manage to mess up my AW IDOL entry, I also misspelled my own username. After a few glasses of wine, I saw the error of my ways and rejoined the board this evening.

:roll: :banana: :Shrug:

I write for pleasure and self expression, and basically out of sheer curiosity. The what-if factor. My fave genres are mysteries, romantic suspense and thrillers. If I can keep a spellchecker strapped to my side, I might make it, one of these days. (wry grin!) For the insanely curious, mine was entry #141.

When I'm not wrestling with the keyboard, I dabble in web design, digital photography and maintain that my pet finches CAN be trained.

I love a fine Scottish mist, wisteria in the spring, and a medium-rare ribeye.

Cheers!

--mudflat

[edfrzr]

Good evening all. I am an official member of the LA (losers anonymous) club. My name is Dale Frazier. I write under E.D. Frazier only because it sounds a whole lot more important than "Dale".

I absolutely love to read and or write a story that has twists and makes the reader or me go -- DAMN!

My biggest pet peeve is to get all hyped up on a book by a well known author only to get let down when I finally close it.

Why do I write? See above paragraph. I closed a book one day and said "Wow, that really sucked alot and was about as useless as a football bat."

I vowed not to pick up another book until I wrote one (something everyone has one their life's 'to do' list). Eight months later I opened another book.

I really enjoy the suspenseful, thriller. I'm not looking to write the next great American novel that will change the way society thinks or acts. I only want someone to close it when they're done and say two words -- "Not bad."

I live in Charlotte NC (God's country) as plumberman will tell you, is anything south of the Mason Dixon. I am a very young 50 years old and a two time loser, one time winner. For all you younguns' that means I'm on my third marriage. Oh well, I guess I must have done something wrong along the way, huh?

I've had a checkered life to say the least, but I wouldn't change a thing. I would love to be able to write full time and make a living at it, but then again, I'd also love to hit the powerball. I think the odds are about the same.

If you are at all interested, my entry was 'Retribution'. I believe it was number 33 on the depth chart (no.1 in my heart). It was one of the few not to get an honorable mention, a so so mention, or even a 'wow, what kinda crap is that' mention.

I rest in my solace that the adage about planting a seed in the winter becoming a rose in the spring is true.

I submitted the piece I did because I wanted people to be curious or ask themselves -- why? Now my excuse -- it was hideously edited, as I'm certain all others were. Had I know the competition was going to be as strong as it was -- ah hell, who am I kidding, I probably still wouldn't have placed.

I would be more than happy to read someone's writing. I enjoy new ideas. Get them to me as quickly as possible; I am running short.

P.S. I am in the real estate finance business -- the rates are great right now -- call me -- I need the money.
1.877.523.3886 xt 245 (no kidding)

Does anyone want to know why Anna...nevermind

I wish you all the best

[SueB]

Good evening all. I am an official member of the LA (losers anonymous) club. My name is Dale Frazier. I write under E.D. Frazier only because it sounds a whole lot more important than "Dale".

I absolutely love to read and or write a story that has twists and makes the reader or me go -- DAMN!

My biggest pet peeve is to get all hyped up on a book by a well known author only to get let down when I finally close it.

Why do I write? See above paragraph. I closed a book one day and said "Wow, that really sucked alot and was about as useless as a football bat."

I vowed not to pick up another book until I wrote one (something everyone has one their life's 'to do' list). Eight months later I opened another book.



I really enjoy the suspenseful, thriller. I'm not looking to write the next great American novel that will change the way society thinks or acts. I only want someone to close it when they're done and say two words -- "Not bad."

I live in Charlotte NC (God's country) as plumberman will tell you, is anything south of the Mason Dixon. I am a very young 50 years old and a two time loser, one time winner. For all you younguns' that means I'm on my third marriage. Oh well, I guess I must have done something wrong along the way, huh?

I've had a checkered life to say the least, but I wouldn't change a thing. I would love to be able to write full time and make a living at it, but then again, I'd also love to hit the powerball. I think the odds are about the same.

If you are at all interested, my entry was 'Retribution'. I believe it was number 33 on the depth chart (no.1 in my heart). It was one of the few not to get an honorable mention, a so so mention, or even a 'wow, what kinda crap is that' mention.

I rest in my solice that the adage about planting a seed in the winter becoming a rose in the spring is true.

I submitted the piece I did because I wanted people to be curious or ask themselves -- why? Now my excuse -- it was hideously edited, as I'm certain all others were. Had I know the competition was going to be as strong as it was -- ah hell, who am I kidding, I probably still wouldn't have placed.

I would be more than happy to read someone's writing. I enjoy new ideas. Get them to me as quickly as possible; I am running short.

P.S. I am in the real estate finance business -- the rates are great right now -- call me -- I need the money.
1.877.523.3886 xt 245 (no kidding)

Does anyone want to know why Anna...nevermind

I wish you all the best

Hey Masked Man! Glad to see you're still writing! Have a good week!

[Counsel]

My name's Dwight, I'm from Houston, and I'm a loser. They say that acknowledging the problem is the first step in recovery.

Past my midlife crisis, married to a wonderful lady with one towheaded boy-child. I am lucky that way. BS in Psychology, MA in business (HR emphasis); law degree with commercial law emphasis. One-time editorial board member of the Texas Bank Lawyer, a legal publication for the Texas Association of Bank Counsel. If I can manage to be pleasant until 10:00 am, the rest of the day usually takes care of itself. I enjoy premium cigars, aged Scotch, Texas barbeque, experimental aircraft and traveling in the Golden West, preferably by automobile. Aside from that, I like to relax. If you do too, put your feet up, read my under-700-word submission and load me up on rep points. C'mon, you know you want to.

[Susie]

Hi, all,

I'm Susie. I've been writing for 15+ years and have mostly enjoyed it very much. I've had acceptances as well as rejections, so I'm pretty much used to it. Hope you all get acceptances and you're all winners in my book!

warm regards, Susie:)

[Rob-rite]

Hi, My name's Rob and I'm an AW loser.

Lets just take comfort in these words...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

There, I feel better now.

[edfrzr]

Hey Rob, Sherri -- are those your real pictures?

[Julie Worth]

Hi, my name is Julie. I’m a character in a book, not a real person. Since my character is an idiot, rejection doesn’t hurt my feelings. Just don't criticize my shoes. Don't do it.

[Rob-rite]

Hey Rob, Sherri -- are those your real pictures?

Mine's not real -- I created it with Paint, but I think Sherri's is ... ;)

[FreeSlave786]

Hey, I'm from Kenya. I think I mentioned that in some other thread before the finalists were announced and while I was still on an 'anticipation high'.

(I think I thought one of the judges might read it and give a 'foreigner' a shot at being a winner/honorable mention - to maintain one of those balanced choices...:tongue )

Obviously they were busy reading the actual entries and making sound decisions - I need to go whine about that on the other lovely thread I found that seems made for me!

Oh and by the way, I just started writing a couple of years ago. Still in the 'tentatively dipping my little toe into the pool' stage.

Nice to meet you all! We must a heck of a great bunch of people because, it's easy to grin when you're a winner, but it takes a lot of courage (and of course the aspect of anonmity) to come here and announce your presence - yeah to us all! :D

[Hummingbird]

Hello, I'm Hummingbird! Fellow loser! :D

I started really working on getting my writing up to par a couple years ago and I'm trying my hand at a book now. Young adult fantasy my aim. I might venture to Sci Fi and/or children's books eventually.
I love to munch almost any kind of sugar while I write. :D Right now it's mainly a few jellybeans per every 1K. I don't know what I'll do when they run out... Eat real food? ;)

[Paint]

Hi! I refuse to call myself a loser! Although I did like the Serenity Prayer thing. I am a winner who has not been picked yet.

I write because it keeps me up at night and I can't sleep unless I do. My daughter is going to have a stroke when I die and she sees all those boxes of journals. Although I did post warnings on the juicy ones.

I haven't been published, but I did win an honerable mention in a contest on another site. I have a book in the drawer to be published, a family history.

Stephen King is one author I will always pick up so I guess he is my favorite. I even think I kinda write like him. Well, maybe, I'm working on it okay?

My personal life? I'm a painter (Duh) I have raised two generations of children, so that makes me 'experienced.' I am spiritual but not religious. I have three cats who continually provide writing material allthough twisted at times. I live in the mountains and never get tired of it. I read all the time and have huge stacks of "to be read" books. Enough!

I think this contest was a wonderful idea and I read entries until my eyes hurt.

Never, never give up because someone else wants you to.
Love Ya
Paint

[edfrzr]

Trust me Paint; you've already been picked, and so have the rest of us. Hmmmm, 3 cats, the mountains, spiritual and "to be read books"? Are you sure they caught the unibomber?

Maybe you're dipping you're brush in the wrong can.

[Paint]

I often dip the brush in the wrong can. I do, however, have both ears, a real accomplishment on my part.

Unibomber? Is that the guy with the hoodie?

We did have a local who had his body freeze dried and put in the gardening shed in case there was some way he could be restored.

So, yeah.

[alaskamatt17]

I'm not a loser either. I'm just victory challenged.

[sharon]

Is there a 12 step program?

Hi, I am Sharon. (no pseudonym) and I'm also a new AWLA member. I admit that I came to this realization only recently but, I'm ready to face the fact that... I have a problem. However, with help from this group, I feel confident that I can overcome any and all areas of difficulty. (insert: tambourine rattle and a rousing chorus of 'We Shall Overcome')
I've been Canadian for 50 years but, in starting a bit of geneology, have discovered that some of my forefathers moved up here from the U.S. I hope to make it to Kentucky and meet several kinfolk in the future and, to NY and Calif. to meet my husband's relatives.
I wrote entry #97, excerpt from 'Mage's Game'. I've been telling stories since I could talk (my narrow-minded siblings called it 'lying') and writing stories since I learned to put pen to paper. I have had two short stories, a poem and a few magazine articles published, all of which only a handfull of friends and relatives have read. I co-wrote a novel with three other writers. It was written in the form of a calendar/book. We self-published it and, unless you're a friend/relative/acquaintance and we gave you a copy, chances are, you haven't read that, either.
Currenly, I'm working on my novel, 'Mage's Game' and trying my hand at writing a dramatic comedy script. My aim is to have people (other than a friends/relatives/acquaintances) read those and actually pay for the opportunity to do so.
I have a long-suffering husband who does all the cooking, two grown children (my beautiful daughter is married to a wonderful young man with eyelashes we would both kill for) and my son lives far from home but is vastly entertaining and makes us laugh each chance we have to speak with him. To the east and west of me are old, rolling mountains. To the north and south are two beautiful lakes. I live in Paradise... and I'm highly taxed for the privalege.
Loved the opportunity to enter this contest, find AW, and meet all of you great people!

[IdentityUnknown]

I woke up this morning and looked out my window, checked the sky and couldn't see it for all the clouds in the way. So I am inside instead banging away at my computer, when all of a sudden it hits me, "I'm an anonymous loser!"
Wow, I think, are there others in the world? So I pop open my trusty Firefox browser and type those two big words into the Google search engine and, what do you know? It brought me to this place! Absolutely amazing.
So, aftrer looking around a bit, I decided I belonged here and, maybe just maybe, I'll be able to get off my big fat duff and finish that historical novel of romance and adventure I've been working on since '95. Yes, folks, it is a slow write with brief and frequent short attention span deficits interspersed with even more brief spurts of writing. Seems the bulk of my writing consists of e-mail and text messages on my cell phone to my Russian girlfriend and op-ed editorial pieces to myself. What is a closet author to do? Where do I turn to find the therapy I need?
Seemed like here was a good place to start.

[Susie]

Your posts made me chuckle. Thanks much. Think winner!


warm regards, susie:)

[Paint]

Welcome! You are in the right place! After you hang around a bit you will know this site can answer all your writing needs, and a few others as well, probably. Keep coming back! (I hear they say that in 12 step groups!)

Paint

[azbikergirl]

I live in the southwest USA with a Rottweiler named Felony and a cat named Diego de la Vega (ring a bell?), and I ride a beautiful motorcycle named Bullet. We go everywhere together. When he was just a 50cc scooter, he dreamed of going on the freeway so he could run fast. Now that he's a full-grown 1300cc stallion, sometimes it's all I can do to keep him under 90 mph. All we need is a sidecar for the dog and cat...

Since I never expected to win, I'm not really a Looooosah. I'm a non-placing entrant. :D

[watcher]

Hi, I'm Watcher

I'm a 47 year old woman, single at the moment and not in a hurry to change my statis. My buddy is my himalayan cat named Gladys. I'm trying to teach her to do housework and answer the phone. It's not working; she's too smart. She really is gorgeous and very photogenic. I've been tempted, more than once to become her agent and promote her as a cat model.

My lifelong dream has been to do something creative and manage to make a living at it. I've been a photographer, studied metaphysics, graphic arts, and had my own business designing and selling historic and canadianna colouring kits for children. I've had a store that sold crafts on consignment as well. Somewhere in the process it has occurred to me that, whether I make money at it or not, I always have to be working at something creative. It keeps me sane.

Now I've decided to write for the rest of my life. This is a childhood dream that I'm finally ready for. I've always been interested in writing for children. It seems to me that there were life lessons I needed to learn, especially in having my own business that have prepared me for sticking it out as a writer. God, I hope I'm right!

[Wydady]

...and back after my roomate decided to download viruses while downloading porn. Howya doin? I'm 29, from Brooklyn and couldn't care less for the contest, but I'm glad to have an outlet to vent.

[skylarburris]

My name is Skylar. I'm such a loser that I don't even have anything interesting to say in the meet the losers thread. I like to read, to write, and to talk to myself, but I don't like other people overhearing me.

[IdentityUnknown]

Thanks for the welcome, Paint. You know, when I came into this thread, I didn't realize it was about a contest that everyone here flubbed out on. But, I guess it was the place for me to start because I arrived too late to try my hand at the whatever it was you all lost out on. Since arriving, I dabbled a bit in some poetry which, if you care to join, is published on www.poets.com. My user name there is AmerRus. It is a site devoted to the craft of poetry, and, once inside, you will discover that it is indeed a Poets Workshop, with plenty of helpful stuff and critiques by anyone who care to comment on your work. I think it is well worth the fee which is modest, just to have a nifty place to air your poetical endeavors, providing you have any or are inclined to express yourself in verse. So, for all poets in hiding at Absolute Write, I highly recommend that you check this site out.
Cheers and best wishes to all you fellow "losers." Keep on writing!

[edfrzr]

Oh my GOD!!! All this time I've been thinking WEINER!

[mudflat_marsh_hawk]

Hi Identity Unknown...

Yep -- those of us posting here participated in Absolute Write Idol -- which is currently ongoing. A write-off.

Lots of talented folks on this board. Some of us just wanted to do a little
tootin of the horns after we missed the first cut. All in good fun. :)

The finalists are doing a fabulous job keeping us entertained each week with their current submissions.

:Clap:


cheers!

--mudflat

[KTC]

I've been Canadian for 50 years but, in starting a bit of geneology, have discovered that some of my forefathers moved up here from the U.S.

Shhhhhhhh! We must never admit a tie to these American Bourgeois! We are Canadian! We are proud that we come from this land! We venture not to the area BELOW us! tsk, tsk! I'm telling the lady at my Tim Horton's drive-thru about you!