Nathan's new contest -- "The Preposterously Magnificent Dialogue Challenge"

[Kryianna]

The amazing agent Nathan Bransford is doing another contest over at his blog:

http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/

250 words of dialogue. Read the original post for more rules, as they are subject to change. Prizes, which of course are also subject to change, are a choice of a query critique, partial critique, or 10 minute phone conversation with Nathan.

Deadline is 5:00 PM Pacific Time on Wednesday May 21st. As there are already 233 entries at the time I'm writing this, get yours in before Nathan's head and blog explodes.

Good luck, everyone!

[mscelina]

Oh! Oh!

*scurries off to frantically search for decent dialogue*

[KTC]

The amazing agent Nathan Bransford is doing another contest over at his blog:

http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/

250 words of dialogue. Read the original post for more rules, as they are subject to change. Prizes, which of course are also subject to change, are a choice of a query critique, partial critique, or 10 minute phone conversation with Nathan.

Deadline is 5:00 PM Pacific Time on Wednesday May 21st. As there are already 233 entries at the time I'm writing this, get yours in before Nathan's head and blog explodes.

Good luck, everyone!

OH SWEET MAMA! There is a god Nathan! I'm there. Thanks for the heads up...

[C.bronco]

I just printed out the entry rules.
;)
This should be fun!

[Cranky]

Oooh, I might just have something that will work! :D

[Polenth]

I didn't have anything heavily dialoguey, so I made something up at random. Yay for entering though.

[jannawrites]

Huzzah! I just entered. What a rush!

Good luck to everyone. Maybe it'll be one of our AWers who wins!

[Judg]

Sometimes I think that man is insane. Or just plain masochistic.

I entered anyway.

[maestrowork]

I'm not going to enter in any more contests.

But good luck, everyone.

[SPMiller]

I put up some stuff that critters have tagged as a "fascinating" or "interesting" exchange. Not sure if it can stand without the story, though. We'll see.

[KTC]

That was hard to pick. I just posted my excerpt. Argh... yuck!

[SPMiller]

Odd. My post didn't show. Now I'm worried about a double-post if I try again.

[Kryianna]

SP, mine took a few minutes before it appeared.

[Judg]

SP, there are two pages of comments. That's probably why you didn't see yours.

[SPMiller]

Well, it has been 25 minutes. I can wait a little longer, I guess.

Oh, Judg, I know. I'm looking at rosie's post timestamped May 20, 2008 2:29 PM.

There. Tried a second time and it worked.

[Shweta]

Okay, I'm going to take a breath and enter, I guess.
First draft conversation from the novel, whee.

ETA: On second thoughts, maybe not. I can't find a single place where I have 250 words of conversation without a lot of setting, where I don't want to go in and massively rewrite. Oh well.

[c.e.lawson]

I looked over some of the entries briefly, and MAN it's hard to make a snippet of dialogue instantly engaging. 250 words is NOTHING!

c.e.

[Judg]

Ain't it true, C.E. Yet I was rather impressed with how good many of them sounded. Before I quit reading, that is. I'm not as crazy as Nathan.

[KTC]

I looked over some of the entries briefly, and MAN it's hard to make a snippet of dialogue instantly engaging. 250 words is NOTHING!

c.e.


That is exactly what I was thinking. And it took me for ever to find something even semi-worthy of posting.

[mscelina]

Well, I'm in. Fortunately, I had a nice little snippet of dialogue between a reasonable being and a religious fanatic--from a WIP where the god is an atheist. *snerk!* Ah well, it will be interesting to watch.

Of course, my dialogue SUCKS, but what the hey?

[SPMiller]

Well, I'm in. Fortunately, I had a nice little snippet of dialogue between a reasonable being and a religious fanatic--from a WIP where the god is an atheist.From first-draft portion of my fantasy novel, page 331:

[The god says:] "I--I've dreamed of this moment, when I finally cease to be. Tell me. Do you believe in God?"

"No."

The doll's little mouth, a line of black ink painted onto its face, twisted into a smile. "Neither do I."Obviously this isn't what I entered, but hooray for atheistic deities!

[mscelina]

Yeah--I like the conflict--it's non-existent for the character, and overwhelmingly important to everyone else.

A snippet of my snippet:

“Blasphemy!”

Aleira smiled at the priestess’ indignant shriek. “Is it blasphemy to think? If what I say and think and do is offensive to her, she could obliterate me from existence, right? She evidently doesn’t have any trouble sending people to war. One life more isn’t much to take.”

[Matera the Mad]

I actually managed to load the page and post it this time. :D

[Devil Ledbetter]

That is exactly what I was thinking. And it took me for ever to find something even semi-worthy of posting.
Oh good, I thought it was just me. I came up with three dialogue-heavy sections that didn't require additional explaining, then let my husband decide which one to post.

It's #362.

[mscelina]

Is it just me, or had nothing been added to the contest thread in like three hours? Just curious, because my entry hasn't shown up yet.

[julief]

I entered. I have no chance. I went with the most dialogue heavy part of my WIP, but I had cute/humorous dialogue with an unfinished (and probably gonna stay that way) work that I maybe should have entered...

doubts...

[jannawrites]

...

doubts...

Me, too. Should I have set it up better? Should I have used a different excerpt entirely? What if there are too many characters, thus confusing the reader, in this snippet? Ack!

[KTC]

Nice work, David. I liked it much!

[KTC]

Is it just me, or had nothing been added to the contest thread in like three hours? Just curious, because my entry hasn't shown up yet.

Are you clicking on 'newer' and 'newest' to get the latest pages of comments?

[SPMiller]

Could be what happened to me. The first try, I Previewed my post then Published it, but my post never showed up.

The second try, I just Published it, and it worked.

[mscelina]

Are you clicking on 'newer' and 'newest' to get the latest pages of comments?

yep. The latest comment I get is Jeanne's from 8:07 a.m. -- post number 364

[mscelina]

never mind. found it when I collapsed the comments.

[KTC]

I see 367. But the time is in a different zone too, isn't it?

[SPMiller]

Pacific. -2 hours for me.

[Devil Ledbetter]

Is it just me, or had nothing been added to the contest thread in like three hours? Just curious, because my entry hasn't shown up yet.It's up there. There's more than one page of them. You have to go to the bottom and click "newer" then search your name. You posted at 3:29 PM.

Edit. Oh, dir, you guys are too fast for me.

[Devil Ledbetter]

Nice work, David. I liked it much!Thank you. I can't find yours! The site is running super slow. What name do you post under there?

[Stew21]

I just saw this. crap. Do I have any dialogue sequences worth posting?

KTc? Do i?

[Shady Lane]

I'm in! May 19, 2008 9:16 PM

[KTC]

I just saw this. crap. Do I have any dialogue sequences worth posting?

KTc? Do i?

I loved your dialogue, Trish. I think it's one of your stronger points. Just close your eyes and scan the novel through your memory. It'll take you to the best conversation. In my head, I went to the one in the mirror.


David... I posted under Kevin... at around 5pm... so probably a page or so back. I'll go try to find it.

[KTC]

Thank you. I can't find yours! The site is running super slow. What name do you post under there?

Found it!


My post (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211317500000#c503662252 5064433383)

2:05pm today, by Nathan's time.

[Shady Lane]

I LOVE it, KTC.

[julief]

I agree, it's good KTC.

Mine's under JulCree on the first page: May 19, 2008 8:41 PM

[Straka]

Ya I'm going to enter a chopped up scene from my current work. Interesting doing just that though, boiling down 2 pages to 250 words just by cutting out all the description.

[Cranky]

Mine's under "anonymous". :D

[julief]

see, this is totally what I should have put up there (why can't i get these people past page 30, they're just too cute):

Hart attempted to see over the hood. “You can tell all that just by glancing?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you some kind of car whisperer?”
This time she knew she heard chuckling. Brady closed the hood and came back towards her. “Look,” Brady said, “I can bring you somewhere and you can send a tow-truck out to get it later.”
Hart chewed on her lower lip. Although Brady hadn’t done anything to cause her suspicions, she still wasn’t sure she was willing to place her well-being in his hands. After all, he could take her anywhere, do God-knows what to her. Although that didn’t seem like such a bad prospect. Hart ignored all the tantalizing places that thought could go. “Don’t you have a cell phone?”
“Nope.”
“That’s stupid. Everyone does.”
“Then I guess that makes me nobody.” He smiled.
“You don’t run a hotel with your mother, do you?”
“Um. No.”
“You don’t like to run around with a mask on and a knife, do you?”
“No.”
“Or a fishing hook?”
“No.”
“Or a chainsaw?”
“No.”
“You don’t make potions and lose large amounts of time?”
“No.” He chuckled. “I’m not a psycho, or Dr. Jekyll. Anything else?”
Hart squinted at him. “Do you believe in all work and no play?”
“You’ve really seen too many movies.”
Hart gave him a hard stare.
“Fine. No. I’m a big believer in play.”
“Gun play?”
“No, more of the sweaty, between the sheets play,” he said, looking pointedly at her now-covered leg.
“Oh.”

[Pike]

Got mine in earlier then went back to see all of the AWers on board. My eyes are burning from too many late nights/ early mornings to actually read much but will have to try tomorrow. Damn Nathan is a glutton for punishment but we love it!

Pike

[Bartholomew]

I've got an entry in. Winning the contest would be nice, but is unlikely.

[Paichka]

Bart,

Mine's right above yours! :)

I doubt mine will win anything, but I thought the dialogue was cute, so I figured...what the hey.

[beezle]

Yep, mine's in. I'm Vince. Somewhere in the 420's.

That's a big number. That's a lot of entries. Good luck folks : )

[beezle]

Okay, I'm going to take a breath and enter, I guess.
First draft conversation from the novel, whee.

ETA: On second thoughts, maybe not. I can't find a single place where I have 250 words of conversation without a lot of setting, where I don't want to go in and massively rewrite. Oh well.

Have you changed your mind?

Got nothing ta lose, Shweta.

[Shweta]

Got nothing ta lose, Shweta.
Except that I don't have novel dialogue I'm happy with and don't want dialogue I'm unhappy with running around on the internets :)

And I am too zoned to bother finding good dialogue in time, while I should be prepping for WisCon :)

Also, grats on 1000 posts!

[Stormhawk]

Here's mine. :)


‘Have your angels embittered you beyond all emotion? I just want-’

‘What you want is a lie. You can’t get back those that have died.’

‘The mirror can do anything.’

‘The fairy tale beast was royalty, the X-Men one was a genius, you’re just a nutcase. She’s dead. I’m very sorry, but she’s dead. Otherwise, you would have found her by now, right? People die. People just die. If you do get your hands on the mirror what you bring back won’t be the person you lost. You’re just trying to delude yourself because you’re scared.’

The monster simply grunted.

‘So what now?’ she asked as she scanned for an exit. ‘You want to fight me?’

‘I want the mirror.’

‘And I want a fucking pony, what’s your point?’

‘You dare compare frivolities to the love of my life?’

‘If you really did love her, you wouldn’t have left her behind. You don’t leave behind people you love. You can’t whinge about your mistake now, you can’t make other people pay for it, and you can’t fool yourself into thinking you’re doing the right thing.’

‘What would you have me do?’

‘Disappear and never come back. I’m all for the Disney aspect of your life, but you’re a danger. Rule of the majority - individuals suffer for the greater good. You might think you’re special, you might even really be special, but that doesn’t matter.’

‘I’m not going to disappear.’

[beezle]

Also, grats on 1000 posts!

Hah, cheers. But I was more excited hitting 1000 the first time I did it.

And yeah, I guess I can understand that. One of the things you have to think about when you actually have a writing reputation to protect?

I am unconstrained, there.

[Shweta]

I don't have a reputation. But I don't intend to get the wrong one.

And oops, didn't realize this was the Nth time. Is that why you delete posts sometimes? I wind up wondering what they were! >_<

[Jo]

The first try, I Previewed my post then Published it, but my post never showed up.

The second try, I just Published it, and it worked.

Same here. :)

I entered for the fun of it. Mine's only a sprinkling of dialogue, but it's there.

Best of luck to all those who entered!


Fun? Did I say fun?

This reminds me of being Snarked.

*runs and hides*

[EriRae]

I had seven snippets of dialogue. A co-worker helped me narrow it down to three, and then I just picked the one that didn't need much background. Best of luck to everyone, especially Nathan, since he has to read them all!

[Devil Ledbetter]

Found it!


My post (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211317500000#c503662252 5064433383)

2:05pm today, by Nathan's time.
Nice. I like the deep yet subtle way it conveys character.

[NeuroFizz]

I threw one in yesterday, from my WIP. It's at May 20, 1:46p.m. (under Rich)

[Devil Ledbetter]

Mine's here. (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211331000000#c297608062 0739645964)

[Straka]

Mine's here. (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211331000000#c297608062 0739645964)

Nice, it certainly sounds like a high conversation, except it needs to be 5 times as long if there weren't a limit :)

[Esopha]

Mine. (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211373480001#c722889619 2753799908)


I've already read through the first two pages and picked out a handful of favorites. It'll be interesting to see if Nathan agrees. :)

[Polenth]

Could be what happened to me. The first try, I Previewed my post then Published it, but my post never showed up.

The second try, I just Published it, and it worked.

I had the same thing. It didn't publish from the preview version.

[Sassee]

Mine's #461 (I think). How do I link to it? Either way I've posted the snippet in my blog as well so I don't have to filter through the now three pages of entries. I pity Nathan and all the reading he has to do tonight!

[PastMidnight]

I got in early, somewhere in the 70s or 80s, under 'jessica'. Count me as another one who had trouble finding a conversation that wasn't also heavily laced with narrative. The snippet and supporting description brought it to 249 words!

There are some folks who've posted and have clearly not read the rules, though. I was curious and checked the word count of one and it was 450.

[Stew21]

I just entered.

here (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211381460000#c292462697 3836656)

under stew21 may 21 7:51 AM timestamp.

[Charlie Horse]

Did it with this.

“C’mon you guys,” Linda prodded as she brought out a huge pot and added it to the buffet, “get over here and help yourselves.”

“You go first,” Destanee nudged Ben in the ribs. “From the get go you seemed to be the one who fit in best here.”

“From the get go?” Ben looked at her with a mocking grin. “What does that mean?”

“It means from the start,” Ginger cut in. “From the beginning. You’ve never heard that saying before?”

“Maybe,” Ben responded, “but I still don’t get what it means. How do you put ‘get’ and ‘go’ together and make it mean from the beginning?”

“Would you just shut-up and get in line for food,” Patrick growled. “We’ll be right behind you.”

“Whatever,” Ben sighed. “I still don’t get what that means though. I mean, who says stuff like that?”

“I might...sometimes,” Ginger said, taking a spot in line behind Ben as they marched single file over to the table.

“Oh, Miss Metaphor here standing up for your fellow city girl,” said Ben.

“Hey,” Destanee shot back, “just because we don’t have witty sayings like ‘can’t get there from here’ or ‘cut a pig in the ass’ doesn’t mean we’re vocabularily challenged.”

[a_sharp]

Mine (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211314920000#c453036755 3617001718) from May 20, 2008 1:22pm, as "D"

The way to make a link with Internet Explorer is to right click the top line of your comment and select "Properties." In the popup is an Address (URL). Select the whole thing by dragging the mouse, then press "Ctrl + C" to copy to the clipboard. You can then paste it in your AW post.

In Firefox, right-click the top line of your comment and select "View Page Info," then click the "Links" tab and browse for your time entry. Highlight the row for your name, right-click it, choose "Copy" and then paste the link here.

In either case, please choose a short word or phrase to make the link, as the actual address is extremely long and clutters the AW post page if used.

There may be other ways, but this is how I found it to work.

[benbradley]

I wasn't going to enter, but I just had som inspiration, and if I can write it soon enough, I might... the deadline is something PST or whatever - what is it EST? I'm presuming his server will hold out, which could be a problem...

Here's two rough starting lines of it, just to remind me for later today (apologies if I offend anyone for any reason):

"... I was told to sit down, shut up and listen. I didn't know..."
"You're full of it! You're more full of it than you've ever been in your life!"

[Devil Ledbetter]

Mine (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211314920000#c453036755 3617001718) from May 20, 2008 1:22pm, as "D"

The way to make a link with Internet Explorer is to right click the top line of your comment and select "Properties." In the popup is an Address (URL). Select the whole thing by dragging the mouse, then press "Ctrl + C" to copy to the clipboard. You can then paste it in your AW post.

In Firefox, right-click the top line of your comment and select "View Page Info," then click the "Links" tab and browse for your time entry. Highlight the row for your name, right-click it, choose "Copy" and then paste the link here.

In either case, please choose a short word or phrase to make the link, as the actual address is extremely long and clutters the AW post page if used.

There may be other ways, but this is how I found it to work.I just clicked the date/time stamp beneath my post, then copy and pasted the url the came up in the address bar.

[AlexV]

That's a fun contest, and there are a lot of good posts on there. It ought to be fun to see what Nathan says. I entered with this (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211390640000#c332256234 0799607586).

[Devil Ledbetter]

Nice, it certainly sounds like a high conversation, except it needs to be 5 times as long if there weren't a limit :)It is, and it is. :D

[mscelina]

Damnit. neither one of those worked for me. I'll just do this instead.

“Anyone may commune with the goddess Ananke if they approach Her with devotion in their hearts.” It was obvious that the sentence was rote. The priestess spoke from a long-ago memorized lesson.

“And does the goddess speak back?”

The woman straightened, her lips curving into a tight smile. “Those to whom the goddess speaks are brought into the temple to be trained in her ways.”

Aleira thought for a moment. “So in that way, the temple controls all of the people who can speak to its goddess?”

There was a rippling undercurrent of unrest in the crowd that accompanied the uncomfortable shuffling of the dignitaries on the platform. The priestess’ eyes narrowed, but Aleira, determined to make her point, ignored her and continued in the same reasonable, calm voice.

“It just seems to me that if one person can talk to the gods directly and know their will, surely all of us can. If the gods created this world and the people upon it, why would they favor one or two of us above the rest? Why can’t we all talk to her and make up our own minds about what she wants us to do?”

“Blasphemy!”

Aleira smiled at the priestess’ indignant shriek. “Is it blasphemy to think? If what I say and think and do is offensive to her, she could obliterate me from existence, right? She evidently doesn’t have any trouble sending people to war. One life more isn’t much to take.”

May 20, 2008 3:29 PM

[Straka]

Holy heck, 507 submissions, 5 in the last 5 minutes. Nathan is sure getting an eye full.

More fuel for the fire; here's mine! http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211393160000#c563240632 8047294009

[drachin8]

Preposterous Dialogue! (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211340000000#c184333344 0159131952)

I had a weird dialogue snippet wake me up the other night, so I figured I might as well submit it. I'm still not sure what the heck is going on in it, but it involves clowns, so it can't be all bad!


:)

-Michelle

[Sassee]

Meh, I can only get the address of the page it's on, not a link to the specific comment. Oh well. I'm on page three (which is 400-600) and you can just use the find feature for "sassee" :P

[Zoombie]

Here's my post:

They kept walking. Jimmy watched the terrain crawl by, his legs feeling even worse than before. When he asked about that, Gabe just said. “Second day is the worst when yer marching.”

“What so it gets better on the third day?”

Gabe's grinned had a mean edge to it.

The walk continued. The Armory went by with horrible, agonizing slowness.

“How did people survive before hovercars?” Pix muttered.

“People survived before hovercars?” Jimmy asked.

“They used to go on wheels, too. And before that, there were no cars at all.” Pix scowled. “And now, we're getting a nice little trip to the past. I'm surprised people didn't just melt.”

“Why,” Jimmy snorted. “Why in the galaxy would people melt?”

“Cause they'd have to walk so far.” Pix nodded.

[orion_mk3]

I have to say, I'm disappointed. I had a magnificent bit of dialogue, but it was lost to the aether; I didn't realize that it hadn't gone through until this afternoon :(

[Zoombie]

Write it again...but better. Just like how the Enterprise becane the Enterprise a,b,d,c,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,and so on.

[KTC]

I just entered.

here (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211381460000#c292462697 3836656)

under stew21 may 21 7:51 AM timestamp.

I love that part!

[PastMidnight]

Nathan has said that he's already read through #400, so he's in good shape!

[Straka]

the man's good...

[SPMiller]

the man's crazy...Fixed.

[Lyxdeslic]

It's worth a shot. I don't even know what winning the contest nets you. I'm off to investigate. :)

Here's my entry. (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211412420000#c751999857 8288360294)

Lyx

ETA: Ah, a query critique. Those of you who've followed my query hell woes as of late certainly understand the irony of that one. :D

[kdnxdr]

I entered as Steadydrip, my blog name.

[beezle]

Yeah, mine won't win. It was too stylized to be "good dialogue".

But if you win, you get a 10 minute phone call with him (the agent), or a partial crit, or a query crit, I believe.

[Joycecwilliams]

Mine's here. (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211331000000#c297608062 0739645964)

Your's is right above mine... I must say I love your description using the old vinyl... very nice and I am envious...

Here's mine...

"Want some water?" Larry asks, while looking at me for tell tales signs of shock.

"Got any Jack Daniel's?"

"No! The strongest drink in the house is lemonade. Would you like that instead?"

“That'll do, I guess."

Larry heads into the kitchen and pours lemonade into a tall glass. On his return he hands me the lemonade and asks. "Do you drink a lot Trish?"

"No, maybe three or four times a year, but finding out you’re alive….. after 16 years… shocked me. Who wouldn’t need a drink?”

"Me, I don't,.. can't. I'm in A.A. You never drank. EVER! Then you ask for a Jack Daniel's of all things! It shocked me!" Larry replies half surprised and half amused.

"I drink socially, it's no big deal. I'm off Jack, okay?"

"I said it doesn’t bother me. However you have to know, my sobriety has top priority over everything."

“I understand. Why did you come to NH?” I ask, while Larry watches me drink my lemonade. After a moment.. I prod him, "You never answered my question."

"I know. Trust me Trish; I can't talk about anything right now. You deserve answers, but please be patient for awhile longer." Larry’s tone echos sincerity.

"Okay, I'll try, Ethan."

I'm not Ethan! Never call me Ethan, ever! It's dangerous. I'm Larry you need to remember that always. Ethan Rekunen is dead! He died instantly from a hotshot of heroin on Christmas day 1991, and now rests in the devil's arms."
May 20, 2008 5:53 PM

[Madison]

Preposterous Dialogue! (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211340000000#c184333344 0159131952)

I had a weird dialogue snippet wake me up the other night, so I figured I might as well submit it. I'm still not sure what the heck is going on in it, but it involves clowns, so it can't be all bad!


:)

-Michelle

yours is quite brilliant. and I'm not exaggerating, because it reminds me of the play version of alice in wonderland, which I was in and DETESTED beyond belief, but I still like your dialogue.

I subbed too, just for fun (posted under 'madison, thrill seekers' don't have the url). i've nothing to lose...

[Straka]

Preposterous Dialogue! (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211340000000#c184333344 0159131952)

I had a weird dialogue snippet wake me up the other night, so I figured I might as well submit it. I'm still not sure what the heck is going on in it, but it involves clowns, so it can't be all bad!

Nice, the ending line makes it all worth it :)

[orion_mk3]

AutoComplete to the rescue! My computer had my dialogue in its memory the whole time, and it went through :)
"Charmed, charmed!" the man said, rising and vigorously pumping the captain's hand. "Valerian Ivanovitch Albanov. You may call me Valerian, Ivanovitch, Albanov, or any combination of the three, though just Ivanovitch will probably fetch more than just me!"

"I see," said Lebedev. He licked his lips, trying to think of something to ask about, to break the ice. "Have Berenty and his men been giving you any trouble?"

"Trouble? Not in the usual way. Berenty has simply told us that if we don't perform our duties to the utmost, that great shaggy bear of a Korenchkin will hurl us in the brig and show us some tricks that haven't been used since Trotsky. It's got everyone in the lab scared; reminds me of an old joke, actually. Ask me if there would be a KGB in a perfect socialist system."

"Ah, tell me, Albanov," Lebedev said. "Would there be a KGB in a perfect socialist system?"

"Of course not! In a perfect socialist system the state will be abolished, together with its mechanisms of oppression," said Albanov. "People will arrest themselves!"

The captain forced a chuckle. "That's a fine joke, Valerian Ivanovitch, though I think I may have heard it before. A man who'll tell a joke like that has no love of Berenty and his lot, and no fear of them either."

"Right on the first point, wrong on the second," said Albanov. "I only joke to those I can trust; Berenty finds me a tiresome and dull fellow."

[Shady Lane]

Cannot figure out how to post a link for mine, so I thought I'd post it here for your enjoyment. :)

Brown nudges me. “She has AIDS. Go talk to her.”

“I have a respiratory infection, remember? Killing her is not the sweetest welcome.”

“She wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t healthy.”

I gesture up and down myself. “Um, hi?”

“Okay. Good point.”

I move through the crowd of gyrating people. They’re so composed in their khaki pants and dangly earrings and Christmas sweaters...I spin around and watch the slated ceiling, feeling dizzy in the best way ever.

This girl hands me a bottle of water and says, “You are frickin drenched.”

And I just know. “Are you Carolyn?”

She smiles.

“I...” I start, then swallow. “I have HIV....I almost have AIDS.”

She does this little headshake. "Everyone almost has AIDS," she says. "You’re just one step closer than the rest of them."

She leaves me in the crowd, and I put my arms around myself. The water bottle is cold against my back.

But then Brown’s touching me, telling me, “I think it’s time to go home, little one.”

I tell him, “I’m having so much fun.”

“Yeah, but I can hear you breathing and it’s really smoggy, man. And I’m under strict orders to bring you home before you die.”

“But I’m having so much fun.”

He hugs people goodbye. I watch, I touch, and I feel warm. Outside, the stars are so, so far away.

“I’m not dying,” I tell him.

“I know.”

I keep my head up. “I’m just one step closer than the rest of you.”

[Jo]

My dialogue sprinkling is on page three, here (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html?showComment=1211358480000#c795021022 9379920736).

[SPMiller]

Oh, I was wrong--I actually see multiple AWers in the list.

And this is not to be misconstrued as campaigning! Simply recognition of placement in the last five.

[Nathan Bransford]

Thanks so much to everyone who entered! There were so many great entries, and it was a tough one to judge.

[Cranky]

Thanks for hosting it! I'm still glad I'm anonymous, though. LOL!

Good luck to everyone, and I hope you're resting your eyes now. :D

[Jo]

Yes, thanks for hosting it! I'm still wading through the entries. My eyes are boggled. My brain is mush.

*hands around icepack to go with the alcohol*

Cheers to the judge, and those who were judged. :e2drunk:

ETA: Congrats to the final five!

[EriRae]

Congrats to the five finalists! I voted...I saw a couple I recognized from here--way to go!

[drachin8]

Congratulations to all finalists as well! Like ErinMiller, I was bouncy happy to see the AWer names make the list! go, AW!


:)

-Michelle

[KTC]

Congrats to the 5! Good luck with the next round. I am going to vote later.

[beezle]

Good work folks, some nice reading there.

[Lyxdeslic]

Good luck to all the finalists. Although I must admit, that last one makes me wonder why I fret so much on punctuation. "You know what I mean." He said.

No, not bitter, happy for the finalists. Just sayin'.

Lyx

[Straka]

well done!

[Lyxdeslic]

the man's good...

well done!All right there, S. Unpucker those lips. :D Here's some Chapstick. Keep it. After where those lips've been kissin', it's all yours. :D

And, for the record, I'm kidding. Most likely in poor taste. I apologize in advance if the joke is not well received.

Lyx

[astonwest]

I only found it difficult to find a section of dialogue that fit within 250 words...

[SPMiller]

I only found it difficult to find a section of dialogue that fit within 250 words...Are you suggesting that some participants might have been apt to select different snippets, had they known the length requirement wasn't strict?

It's hard to say if that would have significantly affected the outcome.

[c.e.lawson]

Are you suggesting that some participants might have been apt to select different snippets, had they known the length requirement wasn't strict?

It's hard to say if that would have significantly affected the outcome.

I'm pretty sure I would have chosen a different snippet of mine if I had twenty or thirty extra words to play with. I liked the dialogue better in another snippet, but I felt it needed a bit of description to make it vivid, and I was already at the word limit.

[beezle]

I'm pretty sure I would have chosen a different snippet of mine if I had twenty or thirty extra words to play with. I liked the dialogue better in another snippet, but I felt it needed a bit of description to make it vivid, and I was already at the word limit.

Probably just as well you didn't. One of the finalists has been disqualified for knowingly going over that limit.

[Bartholomew]

Thanks so much to everyone who entered! There were so many great entries, and it was a tough one to judge.

It is automatically assumed that my dialogue was the best, and that all others were runner ups. But I admire the fairness you applied to your contest in not holding the other entries up to the standard of absolute godhood. I'd have felt somewhat low had my natural, diety-like skills stolen the reward from someone else.

Bart, who is now fleeing as fast possible from the thread and cannot be found.

[KTC]

Don't worry, Bart... we'll help you hide.

[Straka]

All right there, S. Unpucker those lips. :D Here's some Chapstick. Keep it. After where those lips've been kissin', it's all yours. :D

And, for the record, I'm kidding. Most likely in poor taste. I apologize in advance if the joke is not well received.

Lyx

Ok that's it! Here I'm trying to hide my bitterness at once again not being selected out of a pool of 600, and attempting to sound all cheery and you have to go and make me sound like a suck up. It's is a cruel, cruel world.

haha :-P

[EriRae]

It is automatically assumed that my dialogue was the best, and that all others were runner ups. But I admire the fairness you applied to your contest in not holding the other entries up to the standard of absolute godhood. I'd have felt somewhat low had my natural, diety-like skills stolen the reward from someone else.

Bart, who is now fleeing as fast possible from the thread and cannot be found.


I would second that, but I'm too scared. :D

[Devil Ledbetter]

Congratulations Polenth! (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-sole.html)

[Jo]

:snoopy: :partyguy: :hooray:

Congrats!

[Polenth]

Congratulations Polenth! (http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-sole.html)



! :Jump: Y :Sun: A :e2fish: Y :Jump: !

[JJ Cooper]

Senational. Great effort. Well deserved.

JJ

[Paichka]

Congrats Polenth!

I LOVED your dialogue. The voices were distinct and awesome.

[EriRae]

Yay! Way to go Polenth!

*goes back to reread dialogue and jot down pointers* :D

[Chumplet]

Oh, Polenth, your entry was most excellent. I chuckled at the end. Congrats!

I entered in the last half hour, using a snippet of dialogue from a challenge entry. It was 'spur of the moment' and came to exactly 250 words.