Roadtrip - Postcards from Death, by humor.

[JeanneTGC]

Wow. Just...wow.

*Aside to the rest of the Humor Regulars* Guys, it's the worst...we've got...

TOURISTS!

Quick! Give 'em the water! And Jay's "special sauce".

*races around to raise the prices on everything*

[C.bronco]

Ho-la. Donde esta el bano?

[Haggis]

Wow. Just...wow.

*Aside to the rest of the Humor Regulars* Guys, it's the worst...we've got...

TOURISTS!

Quick! Give 'em the water! And Jay's "special sauce".

*races around to raise the prices on everything*

Oh, that's right. There's a cabaret around here somewhere. We should stop in for a drink.

[Rolling Thunder]

Which reminds me: how soon will Ben and cray realize the thread came here to hunt them down for trying to kill it?

[clockwork]

10% out-of-towners tax? What a rip!

[Sarita]

Ho-la. Donde esta el bano?
En el cuarto de Rolling Thunder. :D

[Rolling Thunder]

Actually, the HOL is a better choice if you need to freshen up. Or down. Or...sideways? :D

[JeanneTGC]

Ho-la. Donde esta el bano?
By zee cheee-whah-whah. We go right on heeez head.

[JeanneTGC]

10% out-of-towners tax? What a rip!
Oh, but for YOU, we weel only charge zee fifteenpercenttaxonallairyoubreathe and the twentypercenttaxforustonotkillyouquick and the tenpercenttaxforustonotkillyouslow.

Some nice sarapes? How about a beret for the leetle ones at home? Better yet...here are some wonderful joy buzzers...oh, so sorry! That must sting. Here, sit on this comfy cushion. My, but that was a rude noise! Now you must pay the rude noise tax.

What? You don't want to pay? Allow me to introduce you to our Special Tour Guides, Vito and Big Mickey. Enjoy your stay.

[JeanneTGC]

Oh, that's right. There's a cabaret around here somewhere. We should stop in for a drink.
Yes! Right now, drinks in the Cabaret are 1 for Double! Such a deal, truly, you shouldn't miss it...

[Bmwhtly]

Assault the interlopers!


Oh, wait. Now that it's out of Office Party's greasy clutches, Jay can lock it! It can finally DIE!

MWahahahahaha!

well, if she unstickies it too.

*Goes to wait in Jay's office*

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

No such luck, anis. We brought the Thread out for a little R&R. Can you imagine how depressing it is to be cooped up in Office Party, in its own little room, mostly alone - visited by only those who want desperately to kill it and those who grudgingly give it care and consolation for its ills?

We wanted to take it on a Road Trip so it can see there's more to life! Make it want to live again!

So far... it's just more of the same though. You've got to help us give this thread a reason to go on! :D

[robeiae]

Oh, wait. Now that it's out of Office Party's greasy clutches, Jay can lock it! It can finally DIE!
I think you should beat it to death with your shoes...and maybe a five-iron.




Say, what's funnier: a five-iron or a four-iron?

[Haggis]

I think you should beat it to death with your shoes...and maybe a five-iron.




Say, what's funnier: a five-iron or a four-iron?

A pitching wedge. "Wedge" is a funny word.

[cray]

what the? hey!,..

oh good god.


oh, well, at least i don't have as far to go now when i want to try to kill this thang with some nasty business.

[Haggis]

Okay, everybody. Over to the cabaret. There's some interesting stuff (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2408037&postcount=14092)happening there.

[robeiae]

A pitching wedge. "Wedge" is a funny word.
So is "snoot." But that doesn't answer my question, does it?

I'll ask again... WHAT IS funnier: a five-iron OR a four-iron?

[Haggis]

So is "snoot." But that doesn't answer my question, does it?

I'll ask again... WHAT IS funnier: a five-iron OR a four-iron?

A niblick.

[robeiae]

I'm not licking your nibs.


Freak.

[Haggis]

I'm not licking your nibs.


Freak.

Keynesian.

[robeiae]

Speaking of keynote freaks, where is Jaycinth?

[Jaycinth]

...better ask...where is Jaycinth NOT?

Now, Rob, put on your pants...the vultures are starting to get annoyed.





....the hyenas already ran away...

[Jaycinth]

Double post, double post...I bet I can post the most with a nick nack tally whack give the thread a loan....this week HUMOR is it's home...

of course...this may come in handy, eventually
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/funny-pictures-gps-cat.jpg

[Rolling Thunder]

Who let Rob in here?

[Meerkat]

What does ANY of this nonsense have to do with The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?!? What a misleading thread title, Kevin!

[Joycecwilliams]

Personally I prefer Winter Road Trips, especially if they take you to warm places. I love the challenge of the ice, snow, and such...

[Haggis]

hardee har har har. THIS THREAD SHALL DIE was MY title! It's been bastardized so many times that people sometimes forget it's Christian name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thread's a Christian?

[robeiae]

Who let Rob in here?
*thunks RT with a tire iron*

That's funnier than a golf club.

[TrainofThought]

I call shotgun!

http://www.funpub.net/poze/mare/055_pics_1207302655.jpg

[Rolling Thunder]

*thunks RT with a tire iron*

That's funnier than a golf club.

*crushes Rob with Dr. Laura's big head*

ToT wouldn't let me borrow her shotgun.

[K1P1]

Wait! Wait! Don't leave without me! Here's one...uh...uh... What's blue and white and immoral immortal?

[Rolling Thunder]

Hmmm. Immoral. That covers most of the people in the Comedy Cabaret...

[slcboston]

*crushes Rob with Dr. Laura's big head*

ToT wouldn't let me borrow her shotgun.

Ohhh.... is THAT who she is.

No wonder she scares me. :D

[Haggis]

Morning, thread. Sleeping in?

[Jaycinth]

Hmmm. Immoral. That covers most of the people in the Comedy Cabaret...



***Snicker...covered...he said covered....***
***Watches as the barely clad Cabaret denizens play 'non politically correct ethnic fire drill' (Benny Hill Version) with the entrances to the Cabaret.***


HA HA...Cray's wearing 'Underoos!!!!'

[Haggis]

This thread needs funny signs.

[Haggis]

Here's one.

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/znaki_70.jpg

[Haggis]

Here's another:

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/znaki_59.jpg

[Haggis]

One more.

This is my favorite:

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/znaki_66.jpg

[JeanneTGC]

One more.

This is my favorite:

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/znaki_66.jpg
Go Lions!

[cray]

http://www.laughparty.com/funny-thumbs/1259.jpg

[Jaycinth]

http://www.laughparty.com/funny-thumbs/1259.jpg


***must bite tongue...must bite tongue...must......***

***?!***

I wonder if Laura know he does that.......

[cray]

nice!

[Soccer Mom]

Signs?

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-cats-blah-beware-of-dog.jpg

[Haggis]

Cats are not funny.

This is funny.

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/soccer-not-allowed.jpg

[Jaycinth]

Ok.

A buncha writers went on a road trip.
After driving for hours they became stuck in a traffic jam.
It soon became obvious they weren’t going to go anywhere.
Tired, and hungry, they all got out of their vintage VW bus with neon flowers spray painted all over it and decided to take a look around.
When they wandered to the front of the traffic nightmare, they discovered a tanker truck full of an average whiskey had collided with a tanker truck full of ice.
The ice truck had broken open and ice was all over the road.
The driver of the ice truck was having a heated argument with the driver of the whiskey truck, who happened to be an angry witch.

NOW…for the contents of the tanker truck, can anyone tell me what the ice truck driver was saying to the witch when the writers approached?

[Haggis]

Um, no.

[cray]

:Wha:

[Meerkat]

:popcorn:

[TrainofThought]

Ice, Ice, Baby. Dada da dada dum dum. Ice, Ice Baby.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Jay... no thread killin' here, please. This thread's hard enough to keep alive without trick questions!

[Bmwhtly]

Jay... no thread killin' here, please. This thread's hard enough to keep alive without trick questions!
Nuts!
I thought Jay had done it that time...

:e2bummed:

[Jaycinth]

Jay... no thread killin' here, please. This thread's hard enough to keep alive without trick questions!


SIGH::::::::

NOW…for the contents of the tanker truck, can anyone tell me what the ice truck driver was saying to the witch when the writers approached?


SIGH::::::


BREEE-DEEP!


Ok...I guess it is up to me....

99 tankers of average whiskey to drink..

99 tankers of booze..

you take one to town,
tap it..

send out a round...

98 tankers of *hic*:e2drunk:

[cray]

:sleepy:

[Meerkat]

:cry:

[Haggis]

:e2bummed:

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Oh, my sweet lord! Anything but THAT!

[TrainofThought]

Towards the end of the golf course, Ben hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden.....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life......As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!!!"

Then POOF!.....she was gone! After Ben recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend; “Cray, where are you?"

Cray yelled back, "I'm over here in the pussy willows.”

Ben shouted back, "DON'T SWING, CRAY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!"

[Soccer Mom]

:evil grin:

Go ahead and swing, Cray.

[cray]

:evil grin:

Go ahead and swing, Cray.


look at that avatar,.....she's already punished herself!
:)

[TrainofThought]

:evil grin:

Go ahead and swing, Cray.From what I've heard, he already swung. :D

[Soccer Mom]

That explains so much about him.

[TrainofThought]

That explains so much about him.Whispers, "I know, triple A's."

[cray]

goofs!

[TrainofThought]

Whispers, "I know, triple A's."

goofs!I am so sorry, Cray, I didn't think you could hear me.

[TrainofThought]

likely story.Damn it, KTC, you're blowing my 'sincere' cover.

[TrainofThought]

lol. No. Really. It seems so very real. Sincerely.Sincerely you jest to not believe in my sincerity in being sincere?

[TrainofThought]

Sincerely, I do not jest at your sincere attempt at sincerity. Sincerely, I do not.I sincerely wish my sincerity softens hearts so they know how to be sincere when those who fall short of sincerity start ridiculing the sincereness (I know it's not a sincere word) of the sincere.

Woah! That made me dizzy. Gotta go.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

P.U... the sincerity is so thick in here, you can step in it!

[Unique]

Ok.

NOW…for the contents of the tanker truck, can anyone tell me what the ice truck driver was saying to the witch when the writers approached?



Anybody got a fuckin' glass?

[K1P1]

I'm staying at a Hampton Inn, so no glasses. Will a plastic cup work for you?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I think we have a winner!

[Bmwhtly]

This is a push for more posts.http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/8373/comperrorhm3aw0.gif

[robeiae]

Is this dog still here? When does it get funny?

[Bmwhtly]

Just after it's locked.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Is this where we sink to fart jokes?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

So!? I AM an ol' lady, y'know! I can't help it!

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Slip stream'd just drag it back in through the open windows in the back of the bus.

Oh! OH! I've got an idea! Let's send some of our favorite folks to the back of the bus... :D

[TrainofThought]

RT and Haggis were in a bar drinking a beer when Haggis pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked RT if he had one..

"I sure do," RT replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said Haggis, "where did you get that monster."

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked.

"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."

"Could I see him?"

RT reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.

Haggis says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so Haggis asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into RT's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in and before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere.

Haggis says, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

RT answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

[Jaycinth]

I think RT is going to make me do something with this thread on Sunday.

I also think that somewheere...there is a world that is flat, and they eat doughnuts there, too.

But they call them 'sprinks'.


I am capable of thinking a lot of things.

[Unique]

Sprinks - rhymes with drinks.

Yeah - what kind of donuts go with scotch?

[K1P1]

neat doughnuts

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Man, this traveling is hard on the back. These bus seats aren't very comfortable. Can we get some breakfast? Who's got the coffee...

Ooooo! Doughnuts!

[Haggis]

Man, this traveling is hard on the back. These bus seats aren't very comfortable. Can we get some breakfast? Who's got the coffee...

Ooooo! Doughnuts!

Are we there yet? Have we even left? Where are we going?

[Rolling Thunder]

Jay hasn't sent us packing yet? :rolleyes:

[Haggis]

She must want us to stay here forever.

[Rolling Thunder]

She must want us to stay here forever.

Pfft. Yeah, some sociopath she is. I'm gonna report her to...is there a society or board of sociopaths?

[Haggis]

Pfft. Yeah, some sociopath she is. I'm gonna report her to...is there a society or board of sociopaths?

P&CE? :Shrug:

[Haggis]

We're still on this stupid bus, and I've gotta pee.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Me, too!

Who's the bus driver, by the way? Maybe we could threaten to pee on his/her feet and we'd get some consideration here!

[Haggis]

Me, too!

Who's the bus driver, by the way? Maybe we could threaten to pee on his/her feet and we'd get some consideration here!

Nuh-uh. Not such a good idea. Jaycinth is driving. She's dangerous.

Let's go find RT instead.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Jay's driving? How'd that happen?

[Rolling Thunder]

It appears Jay has fallen asleep at the wheel. But I think she'll get us to our next destination.

...

...

...

Sometime soon...

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

So... have we left yet? Where are we going? How long 'til we get there? What kinda food do they have? Are there people there? Who's going with us? Can we leave someone behind? I'm hungry! I gotta GO! Where's my purse? Anyone seen my bag?

[Haggis]

*looks out window*

We're not moving.

[Rolling Thunder]

*Looks out window, too*

No, we're not. Maybe we should watch some *TV*?

[Rolling Thunder]

Or a movie?

[Rolling Thunder]

Or throw a TV/Movie party?

[Haggis]

Bastid. You snuck in there before me.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Guys... someone let all the air outta the tires.

[Haggis]

Guys... someone let all the air outta the tires.

I think someone let the air out of Kevin. He's looking kind of dotish this morning.

[Haggis]

That is about to change.

:popcorn:

[Haggis]

There we go. Cheers!

Leonard Cohen?

[Haggis]

Why not?


I just saw him in concert last night and I'm still in awe.


See HOL for the set list. (-;

Sorry to say I'm not familiar with his work, although I have heard of him. I'll check him out later when I have time to listen to something on iTunes.

[Haggis]

Hey, everybody. Thread Daddy's a grandpa. :D That makes the thread an uncle, I think.

Congratulations, Kevin. :hooray:

[CBeasy]

Guess who's back? Perhaps me?

[Shadow_Ferret]

What is TTSDBNT?

[cray]

don't worry about what it is, ferret! just try to kill it!!!!

[Haggis]

don't worry about what it is, ferret! just try to kill it!!!!

No need to shout, cray.

[Haggis]

What is TTSDBNT?

This Thread Shall Die But Not Today.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Thank you, Haggis. Yes, it's true. I've joined the ranks of the aged.

Come on in. The water's fine.

Guess who's back? Perhaps me?

Wooohooo! w00t! Welcome home! :) Smoochies!

What is TTSDBNT?

A hell hole, Shadow. A hell hole.

But we love it.