Road Trip postcards: Death by Cliché

[Soccer Mom]

Mmmmm, Mojito.

:hic:

wazza haggish? I know him?

:hic:

I dum member.

:falls off seat:

[Rolling Thunder]

That was so...cliché.

[Robert Toy]

Mmmmm, Mojito.

:hic:

wazza haggish? I know him?

:hic:

I dum member.

:falls off seat:
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l253/RT_2006/funny-pictures-kitten-asks-if-you-f.jpg

[clockwork]

Welcome one and all to the glitz and glamour of the screenwriting forum! Not only do we have all of the soul-destroying rejection of a novel writing forum but we have the added rejection of the film and television industries as well!

Here, it's Death by Cliché which means the hero always wins, the guy always gets the girl and our plot-lines as formulaic as a bag of Doritos. Don't forget to visit our studio gift shop where you can get a swell, "I Was Universally Rejected" t-shirt or an "I'm Paramount Failure" coffee mug for 20% off this week only!

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go back under my desk and continue sobbing uncontrollably about the life I've chosen for myself! Enjoy!

[storygirl]

I shouldn't have used beer as a chaser after those mojitos. I pass out for like two seconds. . .and now we're in script writing?!?!?! oh, I'll need more morning beer.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2371/2234159472_b0e80eb03d.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

::cough::

::wheeze::

OFG looks blearily around the bus, one eye still closed, and says: Where're we?

[Haggis]

INT. BUS - MID MORNING

A flattened HAGGIS somehow slithers through a cracked window,
and falls onto the floor, next to a passed-out SOCCER MOM. He grabs SOCCER MOM's right thumb, sticks it in his mouth, then blows hard, thereby re-inflating himself. He sits up, and looks around for his mortal enemy, ROLLING THUNDER.

HAGGIS's eyes roam around the bus. He follows them, then puts them back
in his eye sockets. Then he notices ROLLING THUNDER, at the back of the bus, furiously pounding the keys on his laptop.

HAGGIS
Randomly banning nOObs again, RT?

ROLLING THUNDER
You! I thought I killed you.

HAGGIS
You wish. You don't have what it takes to do me in.

ROLLING THUNDER
We'll see about that.

(to be continued)

[storygirl]

:hi:
Look, Haggis is back, and almost three dimensional.

[clockwork]

INT. BUS - MID MORNING

A flattened HAGGIS somehow slithers through a cracked window,
and falls onto the floor, next to a passed-out SOCCER MOM. He grabs SOCCER MOM's right thumb, sticks it in his mouth, then blows hard, thereby re-inflating himself. He sits up, and looks around for his mortal enemy, ROLLING THUNDER.

HAGGIS's eyes roam around the bus. He follows them, then puts them back
in his eye sockets. Then he notices ROLLING THUNDER, at the back of the bus, furiously pounding the keys on his laptop.

HAGGIS
Randomly banning nOObs again, RT?

ROLLING THUNDER
You! I thought I killed you.

HAGGIS
You wish. You don't have what it takes to do me in.

ROLLING THUNDER
We'll see about that.

(to be continued)

Haggis, baby! Love the script, love it!!

Just a couple of notes.

The bus thing works really well. Really. But our research shows people don't like public transport, could this be some sort of stretch limo or better, a private fun-time jet?

We're losing our core 18-30 demographic - can you increase rap dogginess by 15%?

This Rolling Thunder character isn't working for me. Could he be some sort of monkey-side-kick instead?

You need a twist before the end of the scene. Can you include a plot detail that comes out of the blue and changes everything that comes before it but still be in line with the story we're trying to tell? That'd be great!

We're slating this for a Summer 2009 release, can you draft me different versions to include potential sponsorship from Pepsi, McDonald's and Budweiser?

Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

But where's my character? What'm I doing?

And what's my billing?

[storygirl]

Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.
:eek:

This place scares me.

:gone:

[Soccer Mom]

SOCCER MOM
sits up woozily and takes in her surroundings. She realizes her thumb is wet and wipes it on her slacks with disgust.

[Haggis]

Haggis, baby! Love the script, love it!!

Just a couple of notes.

The bus thing works really well. Really. But our research shows people don't like public transport, could this be some sort of stretch limo or better, a private fun-time jet?

We're losing our core 18-30 demographic - can you increase rap dogginess by 15%?

This Rolling Thunder character isn't working for me. Could he be some sort of monkey-side-kick instead?

You need a twist before the end of the scene. Can you include a plot detail that comes out of the blue and changes everything that comes before it but still be in line with the story we're trying to tell? That'd be great!

We're slating this for a Summer 2009 release, can you draft me different versions to include potential sponsorship from Pepsi, McDonald's and Budweiser?

Like I said, great script - you just need to change everything.

Clock, my friend. I couldn't agree more. Why, moments after I hit the "submit" button, I was saying the same things to myself. So, consider it done.

FWIW, I completely agree about the ROLLING THUNDER Character. Even the peeps in my crit group said he was unbelievable, and that nobody could be that evil. I'm thinking of having him fall out of his bass boat and drown in scene two. Picture this: the whole gang standing around the lake cheering while RT struggles and struggles, then finally slips below the waves. Let me know.

Oh. And about the Budweiser thing? It's great. It's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe using Bass Ale instead of Bud. Perhaps a nice German. What do you say? I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.

[storygirl]

I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.
:ROFL:

Oh, I'm sorry, it just makes me laugh when Haggis tries to claim any type of integrity.

:ROFL:

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

AHEM!!!!

But where's my character? What'm I doing?

And what's my billing?

[clockwork]

But where's my character? What'm I doing?

And what's my billing?

:eek:

This place scares me.

:gone:

Clock, my friend. I couldn't agree more. Why, moments after I hit the "submit" button, I was saying the same things to myself. So, consider it done.

FWIW, I completely agree about the ROLLING THUNDER Character. Even the peeps in my crit group said he was unbelievable, and that nobody could be that evil. I'm thinking of having him fall out of his bass boat and drown in scene two. Picture this: the whole gang standing around the lake cheering while RT struggles and struggles, then finally slips below the waves. Let me know.

Oh. And about the Budweiser thing? It's great. It's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe using Bass Ale instead of Bud. Perhaps a nice German. What do you say? I gotta claim a little artistic integrity here, right? Heh, heh.

Good questions everyone! I'll have my assistant's secretary look into those.

Why don't we start over? I've got $140 million to spend on a summer blockbuster next year and I'm taking pitches/loglines for AW: The Movie. I'm liking the road-trip motif but a road trip to where? And to what and who? Story, stars, stunts, I want it all. Let's get this turkey greenlit.

Rule no 1: There are no rules!

Rule no 2: No rom-coms.

(and if you're looking for integrity, buy steel.)

And yes, Jen, you can act in it if you want. But you have to say who you want to play and where you see the character going.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Yes, yes... we'll discuss all that once my contract is clear-cut and iron-clad. Therefore:



But where's my character? What'm I doing?

And what's my billing?

[storygirl]

Story, stars, stunts, I want it all. Let's get this turkey greenlit.


I'm right here, but I don't know where stars and stunts are. I swear, I haven't seen them.

[clockwork]

I'm promoting you to Head of Comedy!

[Soccer Mom]

AW: the movie

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/4/7/justwhenuthot128520869737812500.jpg

Starring SOCCER MOM as herself!

[storygirl]

I'm promoting you to Head of Comedy!

Oh yeah!

I won't let the power go to my head.

Bow to me you minions of comedy for I am your queen!!!

[Rolling Thunder]

Rule no 1: There are no rules!



*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*

[Soccer Mom]

*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*

:solves the mystery and sells the option on her story to Dream Works for an undisclosed seven figure deal:

[Haggis]

Why don't we start over? I've got $140 million to spend on a summer blockbuster next year and I'm taking pitches/loglines for AW: The Movie.

I am so all over that.

We've already got the story (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=105279). All we have to do is adapt it for teh screen.

[clockwork]

*kills Mr. Clockwork in the study with a candle holder, pockets the 140 million*

Silly fool! That money belongs to GE. I'd put it back unless you want 737s landing on your lawn for the next fifty years!

I am so all over that.

We've already got the story (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=105279). All we have to do is adapt it for teh screen.

An adaptation with a pre-existing fan-base? Even better!

[Haggis]

An adaptation with a pre-existing fan-base? Even better!

I knew you'd like it.

Shall we do lunch to talk out the details?

[Rolling Thunder]

Silly fool! That money belongs to GE. I'd put it back unless you want 737s landing on your lawn for the next fifty years!





*hits Mr. Clockwork again*

Damn.tm That's one thick skull...

[clockwork]

*hits Mr. Clockwork again*

Damn.tm That's one thick skull...

You can be in charge of craft services.

I knew you'd like it.

Shall we do lunch to talk out the details?

Absolutely. My office is here in the restaurant anyway so drop by anytime.

Are we going to have to pay this Sven guy for the rights?

[Haggis]

Are we going to have to pay this Sven guy for the rights?

He's not claiming authorship. I say we consider it public domain and snap up that sucker before someone else does.

[clockwork]

We'll option the rights to it for a dollar and get Mary to draft some legal thing that screws him out of all subsidiary rights.

That leaves...

...


$139,999,999 dollars left.

(we should pay ourselves inordinately large amounts of money for doing this, naturally.)

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

::sigh::

[storygirl]

As head of comedy, I'll need twenty mil. . .at least.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

As the star with highest billing, I'll need $40mil, at a minimum, a private dressing room, my own chef/catering department, and Gerard Butler as the leading man and my love interest.

And a 30% of the gross take... if any.

[Soccer Mom]

We'll option the rights to it for a dollar and get Mary to draft some legal thing that screws him out of all subsidiary rights.

That leaves...

...


$139,999,999 dollars left.

(we should pay ourselves inordinately large amounts of money for doing this, naturally.)

:cracks knuckles:

Legal fees? Excellent. I can tell this will take many, many billable hours to accomplish!

[clockwork]

As head of comedy, I'll need twenty mil. . .at least.

You're on a per funny basis. A million a funny.

As the star with highest billing, I'll need $40mil, at a minimum, a private dressing room, my own chef/catering department, and Gerard Butler as the leading man and my love interest.

And a 30% of the gross take... if any.

That's quite an obscene amount. It would make you the highest grossing star in the world ever! I'm not sure I can go beyond 25 mill. For a percentage of the gross you'll have to co-produce.

:cracks knuckles:

Legal fees? Excellent. I can tell this will take many, many billable hours to accomplish!

Why did I get the feeling that would be the case? Ah well, a studio's most precious resource is its legal department.

[storygirl]

You're on a per funny basis. A million a funny.



I can live with that.

[storygirl]

My comedy has been doing well with test audiences.

http://www.rtsfutures.org.uk/media/images/production/0000/1005/Comedy_Event_lightbox.jpg

[clockwork]

Good start. But we'll need to skew younger to hit our target audience; annoying teenagers with healthy allowances.

[SpookyWriter]

Help! Someone please write a script and get me out of the Twighlight Zone.

[Haggis]

Help! Someone please write a script and get me out of the Twighlight Zone.

Quick. Someone close the lid on the jar of Tang.

[SpookyWriter]

Quick. Someone close the lid on the jar of Tang.Quick someone call Ray. Haggis is making bad chinese jokes again.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

That's quite an obscene amount. It would make you the highest grossing star in the world ever! I'm not sure I can go beyond 25 mill. For a percentage of the gross you'll have to co-produce.

Done.

When does Gerard Butler get here?

[SpookyWriter]

Done.

When does Gerard Butler get here?Right after haggis fixes the flat. I hate leaning over a gorge, a one mile drop to the bottom, on three tires and a bunch of whining writers. Someone please just push us over the edge.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

We... we're teetering over the EDGE!?!

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

(This is the 'creating tension' part of the script, right?



RIGHT!?)

[SpookyWriter]

If a script needs that much push then to hell with having RT save us. We're doomed by needless script changes.

[Soccer Mom]

Say, OFG, looks like you need a good negotiator in your corner. You need someone to make sure that you get what you deserve. You need an agent, babe.

[Rolling Thunder]

If a script needs that much push then to hell with having RT save us. We're doomed by needless script changes.

I'm the antagonist. Saving you is not my goal.

*opens colorful tin*

Poisoned cookie?

[SpookyWriter]

Say, OFG, looks like you need a good negotiator in your corner. You need someone to make sure that you get what you deserve. You need an agent, babe.And I got just the guy.

http://www.italiaspeed.com/2005/cars/fiat/07/james_bond/pierce_brosnan.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Say, OFG, looks like you need a good negotiator in your corner. You need someone to make sure that you get what you deserve. You need an agent, babe.

I do? I do! I need an agent with no small knowledge of the law, too. You available?

[SpookyWriter]

Saving you is not my goal.Could I get a good shave though before you kills me?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

And I got just the guy.

http://www.italiaspeed.com/2005/cars/fiat/07/james_bond/pierce_brosnan.jpg


No. No. Nonono.

I like this one better:

http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/thumb/6/6b/Hot_craig.jpg/300px-Hot_craig.jpg

[Rolling Thunder]

Could I get a good shave though before you kills me?

Certainly.
http://www.moviewallpapers.net/images/wallpapers/2007/sweeney-todd/sweeney-todd-2-1024.jpg

[SpookyWriter]

Certainly.
Oh, I knewed there was a readson behind your sanity.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Could I get a good shave though before you kills me?

A shave? You want a shave?

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb97/Skuggs23/361px-Sweeny_todd_2.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Dammit, RT! You beat me to the punch again!

[SpookyWriter]

He's busy calling Mac for instructions on how to handle the pOlicts forum.

No. No. Nonono.

I like this one better:

http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/thumb/6/6b/Hot_craig.jpg/300px-Hot_craig.jpg

[mscelina]

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

Johnny Depp is in da HOUSE!

Okay. Whew! That felt good!

*goes back to attaching chains to the bottom of the dangling bus, dropping them over the edge to the tow truck with its engine revving at the bottom of the gorge*

[SpookyWriter]

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

Johnny Depp is in da HOUSE!

Okay. Whew! That felt good!

*goes back to attaching chains to the bottom of the dangling bus, dropping them over the edge to the tow truck with its engine revving at the bottom of the gorge*Did you say, George?

http://www.makemeheal.com/news/images/george-clooney-plastic-surgery.jpg

What's this I hear about my butt?

[Soccer Mom]

I do? I do! I need an agent with no small knowledge of the law, too. You available?

Oh yes! Just happens I'm between gigs. We need to draft a killer rider. Do you have a favorite color for your dressing room? Special flowers? Foods? Music? Start a list!

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Oh yes! Just happens I'm between gigs. We need to draft a killer rider. Do you have a favorite color for your dressing room? Special flowers? Foods? Music? Start a list!

Hmmm... dark grayish blue. Snow white macrame medallion drapes over windows overlooking the ocean. Absolute silence outside until I signal I'm awake by calling for my AW mug of hot Vanilla Rooibos tea (ordered specially from Cassiopeia's Corner - she knows exactly the blend I love!).

The flowers should be either white (to go with the blue/white theme) or red (and we'll be patriotic that day).

Foods... Mmmmm... Fresh seafood prepared by Alton Brown or Paula Deen. In a pinch, I'll accept Tyler Florence... unless Gerard decides he wants to cook for me, too.

Music... classical. Light classical. Beethoven. Mozart (no opera).

And I need chocolate available at all times... Fudge Love would be nice.

[Soccer Mom]

Hmmm... dark grayish blue. Snow white macrame medallion drapes over windows overlooking the ocean. Absolute silence outside until I signal I'm awake by calling for my AW mug of hot Vanilla Rooibos tea (ordered specially from Cassiopeia's Corner - she knows exactly the blend I love!).

The flowers should be either white (to go with the blue/white theme) or red (and we'll be patriotic that day).

Foods... Mmmmm... Fresh seafood prepared by Alton Brown or Paula Deen. In a pinch, I'll accept Tyler Florence... unless Gerard decides he wants to cook for me, too.

Music... classical. Light classical. Beethoven. Mozart (no opera).
And I need chocolate available at all times... Fudge Love would be nice.


Got it! Yep. Seafood. How about for your entourage? What kind of eats do they need?

Oh, and the soundproofing for your dressing room. Very important.

I think you need a fresh supply of Evian for your flowers. Yup. And a crystal vase. Make that two in case Mindy or the cats breaks one.

Yeah, I can totally make this work.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Throw in whatever you like for yourself - you're part of my entourage now. And don't forget a companion for yourself, too. I don't want you to get lonely while I'm busy working... which, by the way, will only be from the time I wake up until 4pm, Oklahoma time. (No nights, weekends, or holidays.)

And chocolate chip cookies. Plenty of those - half with pecans, half without.

And cold, cold, cold milk. Can't eat a warm chocolate chip cookie without icy cold milk.

[Soccer Mom]

Throw in whatever you like for yourself - you're part of my entourage now. And don't forget a companion for yourself, too. I don't want you to get lonely while I'm busy working... which, by the way, will only be from the time I wake up until 4pm, Oklahoma time. (No nights, weekends, or holidays.)

And chocolate chip cookies. Plenty of those - half with pecans, half without.

And cold, cold, cold milk. Can't eat a warm chocolate chip cookie without icy cold milk.

Check! For me? They're gonna have to up the Dr. Pepper budget.

[Bmwhtly]

I don't post in this thread too often, so I'll settle for a Producer credit.

*sits back sends an AD for coffee*

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Check! For me? They're gonna have to up the Dr. Pepper budget.

Is that all you want? Oh, come on... you can have just about anything you want! How about... Mmmmm... A visit with Captain Phil?

[clockwork]

Before we acquiese to any demands, or sign any contracts, I'll need to know the names of the last three films Jen starred in, what part she played and each film's worldwide box office gross.

[cray]

where are we?
script writing? ugh. the mods here are,..

oh,...hey there, clockwork! how are you doing? hope your day is progressing nicely thus far.

:D

[Haggis]

Before we acquiese to any demands, or sign any contracts, I'll need to know the names of the last three films Jen starred in, what part she played and each film's worldwide box office gross.

I quite agree.

Frankly, I'm sick of all of you with your money-grubbing ways. This is about art. This is about creating something for future generations to enjoy. Let's hold off talk about money at least until we see the finished product, hm?

That little tirade should earn me 10% of the gross, don't you think, Clockwork?

[Robert Toy]

Happy Bastille Day Robert!

Merci beaucoup

[clockwork]

I quite agree.

Frankly, I'm sick of all of you with your money-grubbing ways. This is about art. This is about creating something for future generations to enjoy. Let's hold off talk about money at least until we see the finished product, hm?
That little tirade should earn me 10% of the gross, don't you think, Clockwork?



Well, said that man! I quite agree too. We can fight endlessly over contracts and perks paid for using money I've already spent set up in holding accounts but that won't change the world.

This is about art, about the creation of something lasting and important for the ages. I refuse to allow anyone to lower the tone!

where are we?
script writing? ugh. the mods here are,..

oh,...hey there, clockwork! how are you doing? hope your day is progressing nicely thus far.

:D

:rolleyes:

Cray, don't you have a dildo to run?

[cray]

:roll:

funny!

but no, haggis called me over here....it seems the scriptwriter 3000 runs on batteries.

[clockwork]

Gah! You're right.

Any chance of some commericial sponsorship from Eveready? I've got a whole merchandise and toy product line up in mind that are gonna need a helluva lotta batteries.

[Bmwhtly]

I've got a toy that are gonna need a helluva lotta batteries.Yes you do. And unless you want to pictures of you and your toy to hit the tabloids, you'll give me a producer credit, 1% of the budget and 5% of the worldwide gross.

[clockwork]

That's a misquote and you know it! Go hock your wares to the National Enquirer. This is Hollyweird! People expect their studio chiefs to be perverts!


(we're off the record, right?)

[Haggis]

That's a misquote and you know it! Go hock your wares to the National Enquirer. This is Hollyweird! People expect their studio chiefs to be perverts!


(we're off the record, right?)

:e2photo:

Everything here is off the record.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I quite agree.

Frankly, I'm sick of all of you with your money-grubbing ways. This is about art. This is about creating something for future generations to enjoy. Let's hold off talk about money at least until we see the finished product, hm?

That little tirade should earn me 10% of the gross, don't you think, Clockwork?


Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the last schmuck with a Poloroid tried to tell me. Talk to my lawyer/agent.

[Soccer Mom]

Ms. OFG does not do personal appearances except for Oprah or awards shoes. And that isn't her on the videotape.

Now where is her tea?

[clockwork]

Where is her resume?

See above:

Before we acquiese to any demands, or sign any contracts, I'll need to know the names of the last three films Jen starred in, what part she played and each film's worldwide box office gross.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Ms. OFG does not do personal appearances except for Oprah or awards shoes. And that isn't her on the videotape.

Now where is her tea?

Shows! Awards SHOWS! :D

[Jaycinth]

Sometimes there is a reason for things.

:snoopy::snoopy::snoopy:


Others ?







You're better off using your Mastercard.

[Haggis]

Sometimes there is a reason for things.

:snoopy::snoopy::snoopy:


Others ?







You're better off using your Mastercard.

Jaycinth's buying dinner for all the folks on the bus with her Mastercard.

Get your orders ready.

[SpookyWriter]

Jaycinth's buying dinner for all the folks on the bus with her Mastercard.

Get your orders ready.Do we have to get whooped into a frenzy first?

[Haggis]

Do we have to get whooped into a frenzy first?

Nope. The whooping frenzy starts after Jay finds out we used her Mastercard.

[SpookyWriter]

Nope. The whooping frenzy starts after Jay finds out we used her Mastercard.Cool. I just bought you a steak dinner and champaign

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Mmmm... lobster, filet mignon, Caesar salad made table-side, twice-baked potato, baby asparagus with a lemon butter sauce, and hot rolls. For desert, an incredibly delicious crème brûlée with fresh fruit... and another bottle of the Clos du Mesnil, Garçon? Merci! Nous vous sommes extrêmement reconnaissants.

[Soccer Mom]

Why, what is this? Another whole table just for your entourage? How lovely! Yes, thank you! I believe I will.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Shrimp cocktail, Mom?

[Rolling Thunder]

The words shrimp and Haggis are interchangeable, aren't they? :D

[Haggis]

The words shrimp and Haggis are interchangeable, aren't they? :D

Enjoy your dinner, RT. I'll have my people kill your people :)

[Rolling Thunder]

Enjoy your dinner, RT. I'll have my people kill your people :)

I prefer to kill my own people, thank you. And BBQ them...

[Cranky]

Bar-bee-Q!

Me 'n you!

Stinky, stinky pew pew pew! :roll:

[Rolling Thunder]

Still cranky, huh?

[Cranky]

Nope, actually, I'm feeling pretty good now.

Or maybe I'm just punch drunk. Dunno yet. :D

[Rolling Thunder]

I'm gonna assume your husband's pet name is 'pretty good' and the verb prefacing said name is TMI.

Or not.

[Cranky]

:roll:

No, that's later. Also TMI. :D

[EriRae]

*wonders what RT is feeling...*

no, not really.

[Bmwhtly]

Jaycinth's buying dinner for all the folks on the bus with her Mastercard.

Get your orders ready.Kewl!

Poached egg on toast, please.

[cray]

http://www.rainbowsplash.com/hollywoodscriptwritingcom/pics/myscriptsucks.jpg

[storygirl]

Umm, so a desperate blond is turning to a giant battery for help?

Yeah, I guess that's about right.

[Rolling Thunder]

She must not have read cray's 'best results' disclaimer. :D

[SpookyWriter]

She must not have read cray's 'best results' disclaimer. :DIn the dark?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Why, what is this? Another whole table just for your entourage? How lovely! Yes, thank you! I believe I will.

Mojito?

More shrimp cocktail? How 'bout some Beluga caviar? Or perhaps some Ossetra? It's got a mellower flavor but it costs about the same... not that I'm concerned about cost since Jay's payin'...

[storygirl]

Thanks to Jay, I just bought some thigh-high boots.



Oh, not for myself. . .They're for Haggis.

[storygirl]

These look like his size, right?
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:4uzJa0PvsdPYuM:http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s272/rabbitinthehole/fudge/FUNKY_BOOTS.jpg (http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s272/rabbitinthehole/fudge/FUNKY_BOOTS.jpg)

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

They'll make him look taller; that's for sure.

[storygirl]

I think they go well with the hypodermic needle, don't you?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Absolutely. The studs match the stainless-steel of the needle.

[storygirl]

See, I knew you had an eye for fashion OFG.

[Unique]

High heeled boots and a shiny new needle? Then Haggis definitely needs one of these (http://tinyurl.com/33j6fu).

[storygirl]

LOL! Yes, that soooo completes the ensemble.

[Unique]

We better keep him on the bus, though.

The Ladeez see him dressed so fine, we might not get him back.
I'd hate to have to wrestle some broad for him.

[storygirl]

We can keep him on the bus for a while, but when it's time for his walk, you're taking him.

[storygirl]

I found a picture of Haggis in his threads.

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll86/blingblang13/134365073_1818383.gif

[Jaycinth]

Nope. The whooping frenzy starts after Jay finds out we used her Mastercard.


You'll do anything for attention.

***begins to kill Haggis by stuffing him full of thick sliced, hickory smoked bacon...fried to PERFECTION..and....not drained***



***why yes, dear, I do have a ton of the stuff.***

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Have y'all noticed that it's more 'Hollywood' here than it was in Movies and Television?

[Haggis]

You'll do anything for attention.

***begins to kill Haggis by stuffing him full of thick sliced, hickory smoked bacon...fried to PERFECTION..and....not drained***



***why yes, dear, I do have a ton of the stuff.***

You do realize, don't you, that my HDL is so abnormally high, that you could feed me this stuff until I'm dead, and then I still won't die from it.

More bacon, por favor.

[Soccer Mom]

Yeah baybee! TV land was Burbank. This is the big time. Your people will call Chris' people so y'all can do lunch.

Wait...I'm your people.

[Haggis]

Yeah baybee! TV land was Burbank. This is the big time. Your people will call Chris' people so y'all can do lunch.

Wait...I"m you're people.

*sedates SM with PHENTERMINE*

[Rolling Thunder]

I'm betting Chris' people is his mom.

[Soccer Mom]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/6/9/icanhazphe128574957448603157.jpg

[storygirl]

Careful SM, the first one is always free. . .then, then you don't want to know the cost.

[Haggis]

Careful SM, the first one is always free. . .then, then you don't want to know the cost.

Candy, little girl? :e2brows:

[storygirl]

I do have a serious sweet tooth.

Hmmmm. . .my momma always said don't say no to a box of chocolates from a stranger; or was it don't talk to strangers and life is like a box of chocolates?

I can't think when candy is so near.

[Haggis]

I do have a serious sweet tooth.

Hmmmm. . .my momma always said don't say no to a box of chocolates from a stranger; or was it don't talk to strangers and life is like a box of chocolates?

I can't think when candy is so near.

That's what we count on.

[storygirl]

We?
Who is in cahoots with you?

[Haggis]

We?
Who is in cahoots with you?

They (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7tleFb6TlI) are.

[Soccer Mom]

Careful SM, the first one is always free. . .then, then you don't want to know the cost.


Don't I know it. One day you're licking the bottle, the next you're waking up dog knows where wondering what you've done.

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/6/20/idontevenk128584573947415533.jpg

[storygirl]

SM, :ROFL:
That is too funny.


Haggis, they are too cute to be scary. . .Did you write the script for it? Just curious.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

*sedates SM with PHENTERMINE*

Quit plying my lawyer/agent/people with drugs, dog!

[Jaycinth]

You do realize, don't you, that my HDL is so abnormally high, that you could feed me this stuff until I'm dead, and then I still won't die from it.

More bacon, por favor.


Oh I could just sit here all day stuffing you full of lucious hickory smoked bacon. Heck we can even fry up a few tons of that applewood stuff, too.

Eventually you will croak. I am patient.


***continues feedering Haggis the world's supply of bacon***

[Haggis]

Oh I could just sit here all day stuffing you full of lucious hickory smoked bacon. Heck we can even fry up a few tons of that applewood stuff, too.

Eventually you will croak. I am patient.


***continues feedering Haggis the world's supply of bacon***

URP....

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

If he hurfs on the bus seat, Jay, you're cleanin' it up!

[Soccer Mom]

Okay, looks like things are going smoothly. Time to have the publicist start rumors of drama on the set to picque interest in the production. Quick! Throw a fit, OFG! Gotta live up to the diva reputation.

[Haggis]

I thought she was already throwing a fit.

[Soccer Mom]

Honey, that wasn't a fit. Trust me.

[Unique]

Yeah baybee! TV land was Burbank. This is the big time. Your people will call Chris' people so y'all can do lunch.

Wait...I'm your people.

Wait ... (!) U iz people? I thinkz you catz like me. Now I'm mad.

Maybe I don't share this fine piece of KTC confession history I findz yesterday.

Nah. I will. Maybe for a postcard... ha ha, KTC, Kentucky Fried Canuk.


KTC (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/member.php?u=1274)
Salinger for a month.



Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Dancing in the dark...
Posts: 3,063

Carole, I see what the problem is here. He's a man. We expect you guys to do all the planning. Yes...even on your birthday. We're stupid. Even more important, we think you will not like the plans we would make so we depend on you to make the plans. We would be happy driving aimlessly around the world saying, "Whatayawannado?" We are hopeless. Yeah...I'm just making excuses. But, hey, I bet whatever you would have suggested...he would have done. I'm telling you...never count on a man to make the plans. You will be looking at the wall.

[Cassiopeia]

Hey, I wondered what happened to this thread. You all are trying to ditch me, aren't you?

Come on, admit it!

*sobs*

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I thought she was already throwing a fit.

You think that was a fit? HA!

Honey, that wasn't a fit. Trust me.

Should I pull out all the stops and show 'em a real fit so they'll recognize the real thing when it comes along next time?

Hey, I wondered what happened to this thread. You all are trying to ditch me, aren't you?

Come on, admit it!

*sobs*

This thread's tryin' to ditch us all.

[storygirl]

This thread's tryin' to ditch us all.See, then it's only fair that we keep driving it into a ditch.

[Cassiopeia]

OH well too bad we are smarter than a thread. :)

oh ..wait...huh..wondering what that says about my intellect. :D

[storygirl]

Oh don't worry, I've been left behind many times by this thread. I had to walk from horror. Or was it to horror? I dunno, I just remember horror was involved.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

OH well too bad we are smarter than a thread. :)

oh ..wait...huh..wondering what that says about my intellect. :D

Besides, you were on the first bus. I took your picture (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2444034&postcount=23144).

[Cassiopeia]

Besides, you were on the first bus. I took your picture (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2444034&postcount=23144).


That is so awesome :)

[Unique]

Hey! Who let paris on the damn bus?

oh. haggis.

chew toy.

nevermind.

drool becomes her. rabid much?

[K1P1]

Whew, sure is good to be home.

Uh, I thought I was home.

Where are we?

[Cassiopeia]

I'm not sure where we are, I just recognize some faces. That's home enough for me. ;)

[Unique]

TV & movie land - we could be any damn where. Even outer space.

I see aliens and I'm outta here.

<eyes cass and maggie suspciously>

Ya'll don't have hidden antennies anywhere do you?

[Cassiopeia]

TV & movie land - we could be any damn where. Even outer space.

I see aliens and I'm outta here.

<eyes cass and maggie suspciously>

Ya'll don't have hidden antennies anywhere do you?*smiles coyly* not so that anyone would notice. :)

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Na-noo, na-noo. :D

[Rolling Thunder]

This forum must be full of slackers.

[Haggis]

This forum must be full of slackers.

You rang?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

You know... it's about time for some more pics, ain't it?

Where's that damn camera?

[Bmwhtly]

I took your picture (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2444034&postcount=23144).That is Awesome on toast!

[clockwork]

Sorry folks. Been at a pow-wow with the other studio chiefs. They're cutitng our budget in half to 70 million because they want to plunge the other 70 into "YouTube: The Movie" starring Sidney Poitier as Tay Zonday. I'm going to need everyone to slash their budgets and hand in any and all complimentary muffin baskets, post-haste.

[Soccer Mom]

Sorry folks. Been at a pow-wow with the other studio chiefs. They're cutitng our budget in half to 70 million because they want to plunge the other 70 into "YouTube: The Movie" starring Sidney Poitier as Tay Zonday. I'm going to need everyone to slash their budgets and hand in any and all complimentary muffin baskets, post-haste.


No way, man! NO WAY!!

BACK OFF!

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY MUFFINS, CHRIS!!!!!!!!!

[storygirl]

No one takes my muffins. . .No one.

[clockwork]

Hey stop eating those! They have to go to the William Morris Agency this afternoon!

[Haggis]

*Checks Clock's bank balance, which is coincidentally 70 million to the plus*

[Soccer Mom]

No one takes my muffins. . .No one.

Word!

Maybe you don't understand how this works, Chris. I"m going to explain it to you. The little people make things work. We actually do all the stuff that gets done.

The important people have no use for chocolate double-chip muffins and their personal nutritionists won't let them touch anything with processed flour. So the muffin baskets shuffle down to the little people.

I am a little person.

No one touches my muffins and lives to tell.

No one.

:crams whole muffin into mouth:

[storygirl]

I'm with SM. I think we might join a work for muffins union.

[clockwork]

You're all fired. :hi:

[Soccer Mom]

Take our muffins and nothing good will happen.

STRIKE! STRIKE!

[Soccer Mom]

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME! I'M IN A UNION!!

(notice my use of shrill all-caps?)

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

*Checks Clock's bank balance, which is coincidentally 70 million to the plus*

::All eyes narrow and gazes turn toward Clock.::

[clockwork]

Well, of course I have 70 mill in my bank account - I'm the guy making the film!

Now gettha beelpin'-bleep outta my office!

[Soccer Mom]

Hell no! We won't go!


http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/funny-pictures-civil-disobedience-cat.jpg

[clockwork]

All right. How about your keep the chocolate muffins but return the crappy bran, cucumber and carrot muffins?

[Soccer Mom]

Oh, I can be very reasonable. You can have the bran and cucumber ones if I can keep bannana and chocolate. And blueberry. But I'll sacrifice the carrot ones. I'm sort of fond of the carrots but in the interest of peace, I'll be generous.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I don't know... this is SO upsetting! I... I... I don't think I can think about any negotiations today.

:e2cry:Where's Gerry?

[storygirl]

All right. How about your keep the chocolate muffins but return the crappy bran, cucumber and carrot muffins?
NO.

A muffin is a muffin, no matter how crappy.

[Soccer Mom]

Okay, now OFG is upset. This going to require culinary intervention and a day at the spa. Where is that masseuse?

I NEED A MASSEUSE STAT!

[clockwork]

Well, you guys need to agree amongst yourselves what constitutes a muffin and just what muffins you'd be willing to give up. Or not.

In the meantime I'm going to audition some strike busters - the kind they had in the twenties. (Just in case.)

And no damn masseuses until this is sorted!

[storygirl]

The thought of loosing my muffins is too much.

It's.

Just.


Too.

Much.

http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u131/Tebryn_Cabal/kitty-being-flushed-comedy.jpg

[clockwork]

I had no idea they meant so much. Perhaps the studio can negotiate individually with its employees to achieve the best deal for each person?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Okay, now OFG is upset. This going to require culinary intervention and a day at the spa. Where is that masseuse?

I NEED A MASSEUSE STAT!

Don't forget Gerry.

Well, you guys need to agree amongst yourselves what constitutes a muffin and just what muffins you'd be willing to give up. Or not.

In the meantime I'm going to audition some strike busters - the kind they had in the twenties. (Just in case.)

And no damn masseuses until this is sorted!

But... where's Gerry?


The thought of loosing my muffins is too much.

It's.

Just.


Too.

Much.

http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u131/Tebryn_Cabal/kitty-being-flushed-comedy.jpg

I'm right behind you if they don't find Gerry!

I had no idea they meant so much. Perhaps the studio can negotiate individually with its employees to achieve the best deal for each person?

Yes, yes. Yesyesyes.

BUT WHERE'S GERRY!?!

[clockwork]

Who... or what is Gerry?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

http://annalouiselucia.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/gerard.jpg

Gerard Butler
AKA: Gerry
AKA: Stud Muffin

[clockwork]

Ah.... I see. Very good. Well, I uh - I had lunch with Gerry today - yeah, that's right - and he said if you help me sort out this Muffingate thing, he'll totally like...do, you know, whatever you want. Yeah.

(he had the chef's salad)

[Haggis]

Ah.... I see. Very good. Well, I uh - I had lunch with Gerry today - yeah, that's right - and he said if you help me sort out this Muffingate thing, he'll totally like...do, you know, whatever you want. Yeah.

(he had the chef's salad)

But you had lunch with this Jerry.

http://library.thinkquest.org/04apr/00328/jerry-springer.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

::OFG glares at Clock::

You... wouldn't... try... to... trick me, would you?

[cray]

But you had lunch with this Jerry.

http://library.thinkquest.org/04apr/00328/jerry-springer.jpg




i doubt it, haggis. he hosts a talent show. :D

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

But you had lunch with this Jerry.

http://library.thinkquest.org/04apr/00328/jerry-springer.jpg

Thanks, Haggis... I owe you one. (One what, though?)

[Haggis]

i doubt it, haggis. he hosts a talent show. :D

Battery boy has really been pressing for a new avatar today.

[Rolling Thunder]

Battery boy has really been pressing for a new avatar today.

I'll notify Roger. :D

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I'm thinkin' Clock needs a new avatar, too, if he doesn't get me the right Gerry!

[cray]

what? cripes, i've been nothing but helpful and loving to all of aw today.


ofg is right, chris needs to be a turned into a jerry springer schmoo or something :D

[Soccer Mom]

Gerry and a muffin and a latte stat!!!!!!!!!!!

Halp! Gotta take care of my diva!

[K1P1]

Well, you guys need to agree amongst yourselves what constitutes a muffin and just what muffins you'd be willing to give up. Or not.

In the meantime I'm going to audition some strike busters - the kind they had in the twenties. (Just in case.)

And no damn masseuses until this is sorted!

Hey, count me in, I like to bust... um... er

[storygirl]

Okay, I'm back from securing my muffins in an undisclosed location. . .They are mine. I earnedededed them. Mine.


Oh, a latte sounds good. And where's Gerry?

[Haggis]

Okay, I'm back from securing my muffins in an undisclosed location. . .They are mine. I earnedededed them. Mine.


Oh, a latte sounds good. And where's Gerry?

http://media.canada.com/67bc2623-9886-4c71-9f03-edf992a0aa3a/jseinfeld_375x375.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

You getcher own Gerry, SG. The one with the last name 'Butler' is all miiiiiine.

And speaking of my Gerry.... SC?

[Haggis]

Did you say "Gerry?" Like "Jerry" but with a "G?"

Sorry. My bad.

Here you go.

http://z.about.com/d/journalism/1/0/i/2/-/-/geraldo.jpg

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

http://annalouiselucia.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/gerard.jpg

Gerard Butler
AKA: Gerry
AKA: Stud Muffin

THIS Gerry. I want THIS GERRY.

[storygirl]

But does he want you?

[Cassiopeia]

THIS Gerry. I want THIS GERRY.sorry m'dear, he's stashed away all for meeeeeeeeeeee. ;)

[Rolling Thunder]

Don't make me pull this thread over and lock it, people.

[Cassiopeia]

sheesh...gerry envy is an ugly thing

[Soccer Mom]

puff, puff

'kay, he's here. No, no. In the back of the jeep.

:pants: just took a little duct tape and a stun gun. Oooof. Little help?

http://www.entertainmentwallpaper.com/images/photo/gerard_butler.jpg

[storygirl]

Don't make me pull this thread over and lock it, people.
You know the breaks don't work. If we stop, it's usually because we hit something or a wheel or two fell off. Attempting to pull this thread over is pointless.

[storygirl]

puff, puff

'kay, he's here. No, no. In the back of the jeep.

:pants: just took a little duct tape and a stun gun. Oooof. Little help?

http://www.entertainmentwallpaper.com/images/photo/gerard_butler.jpg
Right. I'll get the duct tape and shot gun.

[Soccer Mom]

Stun! Only stun him!

You don't want to damage the goods.

http://images.fandango.com/r79.0.2/images/commentator/3002.jpg

[storygirl]

I just meant I'd carry the duct tape and shot gun. . .you can drag him, right?

[Soccer Mom]

Uh...sure. Let's get him inside. OFG should be back soon.

I'm sure you and I can think of something to do with him until then...


UUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmfffffffffff fffffggggggggggggggggg!!


Heavy.

[Cassiopeia]

sorry to bust your bubble ladies but that's his double ya have there. I got the real deal locked up here.

:tongue

[storygirl]

Uh...sure. Let's get him inside. OFG should be back soon.

I'm sure you and I can think of something to do with him until then...


UUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmfffffffffff fffffggggggggggggggggg!!


Heavy.
Can we dress him up in a little Bo Peep outfit, take lots of pictures, and use them later for blackmail?


Huh huh huh? Can we? Can we?

[Soccer Mom]

Eh...why not. It'll be job security if they try to take our muffins again. Gerry can intervene on our behalf. Studios listen to stars, right?

[clockwork]

Hey! I just realised I can lock or delete this thread if I want. Exactly how evil do I feel right now....

[storygirl]

Studios? yeah, I guess.

I was thinking we'd have the pics to blackmail OFG.

[storygirl]

Hey! I just realised I can lock or delete this thread if I want. Exactly how evil do I feel right now....
*squeezes clock* Mmm, you feel fair to middling evil. I think the thread will stay.

[Cassiopeia]

Hey! I just realised I can lock or delete this thread if I want. Exactly how evil do I feel right now....Now don't be hasty love. Deleting would just be ...so ...uncool!

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

But does he want you?

Yes.

sorry m'dear, he's stashed away all for meeeeeeeeeeee. ;)

No.

puff, puff

'kay, he's here. No, no. In the back of the jeep.

:pants: just took a little duct tape and a stun gun. Oooof. Little help?

http://www.entertainmentwallpaper.com/images/photo/gerard_butler.jpg

Good work! YOU get a bonus.

Uh...sure. Let's get him inside. OFG should be back soon.

I'm sure you and I can think of something to do with him until then...


UUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmfffffffffff fffffggggggggggggggggg!!


Heavy.

Mmmmm... you didn't do anything rash, did you, SM?

sorry to bust your bubble ladies but that's his double ya have there. I got the real deal locked up here.

:tongue

Double-schmubble. I used to work for Xerox back when copies were so good, you couldn't tell 'em from the original. Gerrys all around!

Studios? yeah, I guess.

I was thinking we'd have the pics to blackmail OFG.

Good luck. To be blackmailed, I'd have to have shame.

*squeezes clock* Mmm, you feel fair to middling evil. I think the thread will stay.

I am NOT going to tell you what I read in that sentence the first time through.

[Soccer Mom]

Oh, he's unharmed. Quite. His brain seems a bit mushy from all the stun gun shocks, but he looks great naked.

:hides Bo Peep bonnet:

Not that I would know. Of course.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Here! Let me perform CPR!

[Haggis]

Here! Let me perform CPR!

THE MOUTH, OFG! THE MOUTH!

[Bmwhtly]

Don't make me pull this thread over and lock it, people.Hey! I just realised I can lock or delete this thread if I want. Exactly how evil do I feel right now....One of you just do it!
...
Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it Do it

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

THE MOUTH, OFG! THE MOUTH!


Hey, you do your CPR; I'll do mine.

:: Dramatic pause ::

LOOK! HE'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Or excited.

Or... something.

[cray]

i'm good at cpr

who needs it? rt???

[storygirl]

Cray. . .you scare me.

[Haggis]

Cray. . .you scare me.

Yeah, but he's got a nice rack.

[storygirl]

Yeah, but he's got a nice rack.
That he does. I'm actually a little jealous.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Well, I might be, too... especially with their... um... shall we say 'perkiness'? Then I see the boils on his shoulders, chest, neck, and face and I think, "Hmmm. I guess droopy is okay!"

[clockwork]

I

:heart:

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h134/clockwork9/250px-Droopy_Dogcopy.jpg

[storygirl]

:roll:

[cray]

Cray. . .you scare me.


my eyes are up here, storygirl!

sheez.

[storygirl]

my eyes are up here, storygirl!

sheez.
I'm sorry.

I
just
can't
stop
staring. . .


That tongue, it's hypnotically repulsive.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

:roll:

:roll: :roll:

[Haggis]

I'm sorry.

I
just
can't
stop
staring. . .


They can't be real.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Of course they're real. They couldn't be a mass hallucination, could they?

[storygirl]

Anything could be a mass hallucination. For all I know, AW doesn't even exist and I'm just typing away on my oversized calculator, thinking I am surrounded by many online friends.

[SpookyWriter]

You are all alone.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

So are you.

[storygirl]

And you.



This is almost bleak and twisted enough to belong here in scriptedness.

[Unique]

Well, of course I have 70 mill in my bank account - I'm the guy making the film!

Now gettha beelpin'-bleep outta my office!

fine! be that way.

Well, you guys need to agree amongst yourselves what constitutes a muffin and just what muffins you'd be willing to give up. Or not.
!

muffin, schmuffin! I thot U wuz mai muffin, chris. <snif>

lies. it was all lies. wherez that cucmber muffin sg?

[SpookyWriter]

So are you.I'm not alone. I got's my invisible friends to keep me company. Wanna us to come over and keep you company?

[storygirl]

lies. it was all lies. wherez that cucmber muffin sg?
She's been drinking again. Cucumber muffin. Poor, sad, silly girl, I know not what thou means.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

I'm not alone. I got's my invisible friends to keep me company. Wanna us to come over and keep you company?

But what if your invisible friends and my invisible friends don't like one another?

[Haggis]

But what if your invisible friends and my invisible friends don't like one another?

They're invisible. Who gives a ratz azz?

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Just 'cause they're invisible don't mean they're inaudible. Them bastids get loud when they get ticked off.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Now... back to me.

Where's Gerry? Where's my customized dressing room? Where's my caterer?

And, more importantly, where's my lawyer?

What's my part? Where's the script? I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Work!

[SpookyWriter]

Just 'cause they're invisible don't mean they're inaudible. Them bastids get loud when they get ticked off.Would they be nervous ticks?

The Nervous Tick

His eyes bulged, terrified, from the pressure I placed on his spine. He gulped, I know he did -- although I couldn't be sure -- and then took a deep breath as I squeezed tightly. A droplet of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth.

He twitched again. I felt him.

[Ol' Fashioned Girl]

Ewwww.

[Haggis]

*waits impatiently at bus stop*

Where the hell's the bus? We're supposed to be leaving now.

*paces back and forth*

And where are we going, anyhow?

*looks at sign*

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/shitseeing.jpg

[Robert Toy]

*waits impatiently at bus stop*

Where the hell's the bus? We're supposed to be leaving now.

*paces back and forth*

And where are we going, anyhow?

*looks at sign*


Don't forget, right to left.

[Haggis]

Don't forget, right to left.

You mean the sign's written in Hebrew? :Wha:

[Robert Toy]

You mean the sign's written in Hebrew? :Wha:
One minute let me get my glasses.


















Hmm..now it looks like greek.

Reminder: *get new glasses*

[Haggis]

One minute let me get my glasses.


















Hmm..now it looks like greek.

Reminder: *get new glasses*

Who you calling a geek?

*cleans glasses*

Oh. Never mind.

[clockwork]

Now... back to me.

Where's Gerry? Where's my customized dressing room? Where's my caterer?

And, more importantly, where's my lawyer?

What's my part? Where's the script? I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Work!

I'm sorry. I don't think this movie idea is going to happen. I'm just gonna have to cash the seventy mill and put it to good use myself.

Don't feel bad, these things hardly ever get made. Next stop: development hell!!! (aka Poetry)

[clockwork]

GASP!

Jon's in Dublin?!! That's barely 140 miles from me!

*cranks siren and initiates standard Grandpa drill...

"Everybody into the basement!!"

[Haggis]

I'm sorry. I don't think this movie idea is going to happen. I'm just gonna have to cash the seventy mill and put it to good use myself.

Don't feel bad, these things hardly ever get made. Next stop: development hell!!! (aka Poetry)

Poetry? But I can't rhyme.