Query moron needs help with belly flop letters

[cyberwraith]

I do try, you know. I read the agent's specs very carefully to be sure I know exactly what books they are looking for, take great pains over spelling their names correctly, call to make sure they're still with the firm or to check on their gender if there is the slightest doubt, read their profile and blog to get a solid sense of them and find commonalities to address, but still my queries are a bit . . . insane, maybe?

I mean, in one I babbled about how I no longer see ghosts though I did as a child (!) and in another I complained that I was considering a pseudonym as my real name is unpronounceable and too long--like they care!

I think what happens is that I try so hard to tailor my query to that agent's requirements and personality that I veer away from the format of 1) why this book matches their call for submissions, 2) the plot in brief, 3) a generic bit about me (not all of them ask for this), 4) contact info, 5) thank you and goodbye

Could I not just write up a standard query and forget trying to speak to them so directly? Has anyone ever succeeded with an agent with a query so tailor made it is off-beat?

All help appreciated. Argh.

[WendyNYC]

Most of my queries that have been successful were barely even personalized (of course I got the name right, but I was only specific about other things if it made sense to do so.)

Seems to me that what they care about is the story. Have you posted in SYW?

[johnzakour]

So don't tailor to each agent especially if it makes you unable to see the forest for the trees. Any query I have every been successful with has always been straight forward.

This is my stories title, this is what it's about, this is why it should interest you, a publisher and readers. This is what I have done in the past that qualifies me to write such a story.

The posting in SYW is a good idea.

[Bluestone]

I agree with Wendy that it sounds like it would benefit you to post your query in SYW.

But to share my two cents: I have a generic, honed query letter that I try, when applicable, to attach a first sentence that is marginally personalized to let them know I've done my homework, "The Agent Query site indicates you are accepting queries in the mystery genre via email" or something to that affect. And I will change the last paragraph to say that I have included the first 10 pages, per your guidelines, or whatever else they want. Otherwise, my query remains intact for each agent submission.

You could be slightly more specific based on your blog reading, or if you attend conferences, or were referred by someone, but I wouldn't blather on about how you are soul mates or how interested they would be in your work, based on reading their blog and you both have the same interests...etc. It is the story you have to tell and your ability to distill it into a few short sentences that they want to see.

I am not published, yet, but have received several requests for partials and a couple of requests for fulls based on my query, so I believe it is working.

Best of luck! :)

[Charlie Horse]

If the agent is a woman, always mention how hot you thought they were in their website photo. If it's a guy, mention something about baseball.

Works every time.

[cyberwraith]

Wendy, John and Blue, Thank you for the sensible advice. I started out with a pretty standard query but then lost my mind. You've simplified my life immeasurably.

As for you, Charlie, I'll have you know the judge was very firm that I should no longer tell other women that they are hot, cold or any temperature whatsoever, and that, as a woman myself, my experience has been that gentlemen prefer only one topic more than baseball: themselves! ;)

Thanks for the humor, goodness knows I need it today.

V

[Danthia]

I think you run into trouble when you become unprofessional. Offbeat is fine, but giving away too much personal info, especially if that info is odd, makes you look amatuerish.

If you go the offbeat route, make sure it relates to the book in some way. If you're writing quirky humor, having quirky humor in the query works. I remember reading about an author's proposal for a YA series where she said she was able to shoot spitballs from 40 feet or something. It was funny and fit the idea she was pitching.

If you worry about crossing the line, then it's fine to stick to a general "here's my book" type query. The book is really what they want to know about anyway.

[Julie Worth]

If you're writing quirky humor, having quirky humor in the query works.

Exactly. And if you can make humor work in a query you'll have a tremendous advantage over everyone else, because most people who try it come off as lunatics.

[cyberwraith]

Exactly. And if you can make humor work in a query you'll have a tremendous advantage over everyone else, because most people who try it come off as lunatics.

Haha! That's NEVER happened to me! . . . Sigh.

You both make great points. Trying to tailor each letter to the discoverable preferences and histories of each agent is a nightmare and from what I'm learning here, totally unnecessary. Thank you both!

I'd prefer to let my writing stand on its own anyway.

V