Suddenly Depressed

[Alpha Echo]

I don't know how to explain it. For about a month, I have been planning. I've been researching like mad and getting ot know my characters. I have been so, so excited about this novel and even had to begin writing it before November because I was so excited about it! It was just growing and growing inside me until I felt like I was going to burst, and the only way to save myself was to begin writing. So I did. Not much. I have a few thousand words, and I'm pretty proud of what I have.

But for some reason, as I was sitting at work today contemplating whipping out my WIP and writing some more, this depression came over me. This voice that said it's not good enough. This voice that wondered how I'm ever going to turn my idea into a full length novel.

This has never happened! I have 2 completed manuscripts (and sadly no representation), but never once while I was writing them did I ever doubt myself. I mean, sure I doubted that I would find an agent (and guess what? I was right!). I've read other people's WIPs and doubted that I could ever match up. I've read other published novels and wished I could be half as good.

But I always knew I'd finish the manuscript. I just kept writing, and the words flowed from me without any problems. Well, maybe a pause here and there as I tried to determine the correct transitions. But...not like this.

What's wrong with me? Has anyone else experienced this?

[NeuroFizz]

You may have over-prepared, but I doubt it. With your experience, you know how much work goes into a novel-length project. And even though you have an excellent track record of completion, you are, for some reason, looking at the finish line on this one instead of looking at the scene right in front of you. Is this related to NaNo? Some writers are fine with the long haul as long as there isn't a pressing deadline, but a little pressure like that and a doubt about finishing in time becomes a doubt about finishing in general. For some writers, NaNo is really a NoNo for that reason.

Think back to your successes. I bet you tackled the scene in front of you without looking too far ahead (or agonizing about it), and certainly not all the way to the end. One scene at a time. You have the advantage that you have a good backing of research and significant thought put into the story. But lower your gaze and get to that immediate scene.

And if NaNo is raising the tension in you, bail on it and just write at your normal speed.

NaNo does a lot of good for writers, though. In addition to being a motivator to finish projects, it gives them a taste of working under a deadline. Anyone wishing to make a living solely from writing will probably have deadline pressures more than not. So learning to deal with those pressures is ultimately (but maybe not proximally) important.

[Danthia]

With the world being in such a mess right now, everyone is feeling a bit stressed out. I know I've had moments where things felt hopeless for "no reason." When the blue funk hits me I try to do things that make me happy or cheer me up.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you :) An uncertain world bleeds into our lives, so it's natural for that to make you feel uncertain about your writing. I just sold my novel, and I have nights where I lie awake and think what a terrible time for a book to come out and how no one will be able to buy it. My career will be over before it ever started. But then I remind myself that it'll be next year, and things are bound to be better by then.

So take deep breaths, remind yourself that we all have blue funks and trust that you are still the talented writer you were when you wrote your last novel. :) These scary days -- and feelings -- will pass.

[astonwest]

All the time.

I have the one published, another completed, and was clicking along on the third (not to mention the various short stories published and in the process)...and a week or two ago, it was like I hit a brick wall.

At some point in these last two weeks, I just sat myself down and decided that I needed to get something out. So, I forced myself to sit in front of the computer and typed.

150 words...

Did the same thing the next day.

100 words...

This continued on for a while, until a few days ago, I finally hit 500 words two days in a row. I'm hoping to continue working myself back up.

As others have mentioned, stress has a lot to do with it...regardless of where it comes from (mine is probably work and economy-related, but who knows?).

[RedScylla]

It has absolutely happened to me, and it is temporary. It doesn't even make sense. Heck, I had a serious bout of writing depression on my last project even as I was starting to receive encouraging responses from queries on it. Why depressed? Who knows? Give it a few days and the try to work through it.

[Phaeal]

Maybe you're about to have a writing growth spurt -- your work on the previous novels has given you a deeper understanding of how fiction works, and you're ready to make an exponential improvement in your prose. That could be why you were excited. That could be why you're scared.

Keep working, but this may not be the time for you to tackle the manic NaNo pace. Just aim to write every day and see how it goes.

[maestrowork]

Take a little break. You still have a few days left before NaNo.

[Alpha Echo]

Hmmm...well, those of you who mentioned stress are right. I mean, life is pretty stressful right now. For a multitude of reasons. There's a lot on my mind, a lot of pieces of my life just hanging in the balance, and my own happiness is so easily swayed by the daily flow of these things. I just felt like I was running full force, and now I've hit a brick wall, and I'm not sure I'll find a way over.

But thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to try to get out just a few words at least...something...today. Everyday. That's the way to do it. I think I can.

Maybe I'll feel better after my workout and sauna session at the gym this afternoon.

And about NaNo - I'm really not stressing about the 50k. If I get it, great, if I don't, that's okay too. I think I can do it...if I can get past this hump...but I'm not stressed about it.

This is something different. It's just...depression.

[vfury]

It's probably stress. Even dormant stress has a tendency to manifest in unexpected ways. Take a break; you have until Saturday for the official starting date, after all. Maybe even read a book--I do that when the writing isn't going well because it makes me feel better that I'm doing something book related. But it'll pass. :Hug2:

[littleshakespeare]

This may sound dumb, but I find playing cheery music whilst writing helps! Maybe you just need to put it aside for a while and concentrate on something else that gives you pleasure.

[TheIT]

I regularly fall in and out of love with my WIP. What works for me is not to push. If I lose interest or hit sudden doubts, I set the work aside for a while and do something else. Eventually I regain my equilibrium and go back. I don't think it has anything to do with the work. If I throw too much at any project for a long time, eventually I burn myself out and need to recharge.

I'm coming out of dry spell right now. I've spent most of the summer revising, but by the end of September I couldn't work up any more enthusiasm. So I took October off from writing and used the time to brainstorm for my NaNo project. November will be NaNo, beginning of December is recuperation, then I'll pick up where I left off.

Another thing to consider is that sudden doubts might mean subconsciously you know that you've taken a wrong turn in the storyline. That's happened to me before, too. Take a look at your story idea and see if it still works for you.

Good luck!

[jennifer75]

I don't know how to explain it. For about a month, I have been planning. I've been researching like mad and getting ot know my characters. I have been so, so excited about this novel and even had to begin writing it before November because I was so excited about it! It was just growing and growing inside me until I felt like I was going to burst, and the only way to save myself was to begin writing. So I did. Not much. I have a few thousand words, and I'm pretty proud of what I have.

But for some reason, as I was sitting at work today contemplating whipping out my WIP and writing some more, this depression came over me. This voice that said it's not good enough. This voice that wondered how I'm ever going to turn my idea into a full length novel.

This has never happened! I have 2 completed manuscripts (and sadly no representation), but never once while I was writing them did I ever doubt myself. I mean, sure I doubted that I would find an agent (and guess what? I was right!). I've read other people's WIPs and doubted that I could ever match up. I've read other published novels and wished I could be half as good.

But I always knew I'd finish the manuscript. I just kept writing, and the words flowed from me without any problems. Well, maybe a pause here and there as I tried to determine the correct transitions. But...not like this.

What's wrong with me? Has anyone else experienced this?


With that Avatar and a great friend like me....how on earth are you depressed????? ;)

I think Nuro (first reply post) hit the nail on the head with a VERY LONG HAMMER. He is write on.

Same with personal burdons and troubles that almost EVERYONE ON THIS DAMN CONTINENT except Alaska, apparently, IS FACING.

Don't sweat it.

[Feidb]

I've never had that trouble writing the initial manuscript, but afterwards...

It usually hits me after 20 or 30 rejections with no feedback. Or, I'm thinking about it after the fact, and something just triggers a feeling of inadequacy. Or, I might get a particularly harsh critique at my writer's group. By harsh, I don't mean mean and personal, but the critiquer finds lots of problems I didn't have a clue about.

After 14 years at this, sometimes, I feel like I haven't learned a thing.

However, this feeling is only temporary, usually just a quick flash of doubt. Then it's back to the grindstone.

[Mad Queen]

What's wrong with me? Has anyone else experienced this?
Yes, when I don't get enough chocolate. Eat lots of chocolate. Seriously. At least 2oz.

[tehuti88]

I'm being very avoidant of my current WIP. I know I can finish it, and I want to (because I've finished two serials prior to it and I have an idea for the next). I know where I want it to go. I've never had trouble making stuff up as I go along. I even outlined what I want to happen next so I have no more need to procrastinate.

But lately...every time I sit down to it, I just feel like not bothering. Once a week or so I can dredge up the energy to do so, and it usually goes just fine--meaning I'm not blocked--but most of the time the drive just isn't there. I don't feel like it, plus, I ask myself what's the point since nobody will ever care to read it or anything. *I* love the story to pieces so it's not a matter of being sick of it either. I took a big break from working on it to take notes so I wouldn't lose track of where I was going, so I did get out of shape regarding writing every day, but I was so eager to get started again, and I SHOULD be back to writing daily. Now I'm lucky to get anything done.

This has been ongoing for weeks, if not months. It's not a quickly passing thing. It's not the exact same boat as the one you're in, but I do rather know the feeling. :(

Maybe it's the lack of interest and encouragement from others. I used to have a reader or two, but not anymore, and that makes it hard to find a reason to keep putting so much work into this, even if I do love it. I guess I just want somebody ELSE to love it along with me. Posting about general writing issues on these message boards is the closest thing I have to a connection with readers or writers, and I can't really talk about the specifics of my story here either. So I'm basically on my own most of the time, and when the very reason for my writing is to connect with other people, yet that isn't happening, that makes things very hard.

Sorry to hijack the thread! :o I do hope your situation is more fleeting. It sounds like you have little to worry about and should be able to finish the story with ease.

[Judg]

Oh yeah. Hit me just yesterday. So I tucked myself under the covers and mulled things over. Somehow being in bed takes all the pressure off. I got a good idea or two and started feeling better.

Wasn't a very effective way of getting to sleep, mind you. You win some, you lose some.

[TrickyFiction]

The voice is evil. Don't listen to the voice. When the voice talks to me, I just say, "Hey, Voice, shut up! Get in the kitchen and make me a pie!"

Seriously though, I think this happens to everyone sooner or later. I remember reading Neil Gaiman's response to something in which he talked about his fear of never being good enough. That made me feel better.

Actually, the reason I'm posting this is because I had to take a break from revising and editing, the voice told me such awful things.

[billyf027]

For me, the rejections are like punches although they don't knock me out their accumulted effect takes a toll on my confidence. Then when I sit down to write, my mind and hand freeze as a result of the many punches and I start to think that I don't have enough talent. It knocks out my writing skill. I have to stand up and force myself to continue on. It's not easy to do that all the time.

[coneflower2001]

What Tricky said it right...It happens every now and then to everyone. There are times I don't feel good enough, then I remember to be true to the story. Don't worry what others may want...write the story you feel. Sometimes, give it a few days...ask your charaters if you're on the right track? I have found my writing goes nowhere when a link is missing and usually that's when the ugly voices come out and screw with my mind. Hang in there, this will pass.

[Alpha Echo]

For me, the rejections are like punches although they don't knock me out their accumulted effect takes a toll on my confidence. Then when I sit down to write, my mind and hand freeze as a result of the many punches and I start to think that I don't have enough talent. It knocks out my writing skill. I have to stand up and force myself to continue on. It's not easy to do that all the time.

Yes. I am so tired of the rejections especially when I KNOW I'm pretty good! I mean, of course there are so many amazing authors out there a million times better than me, but on a good day, I feel better than some of the authors out there.

I just got another rejection yesterday.

That's something that's so depressing sometimes. Like this book I just read...400 pages into a book more than 500 pages long, and I didn't care at all about the characters. The author followed none of the "rules" that agents insist us aspiring authors follow. The storyline could have been beautiful but was instead completely predictable...

It's not fair! And this just makes me more depressed.

But I'm feeling a little better today. :) I'm going to attempt to get some writing done (Yes, I know it's not November yet, but as long as I get 50k written in November, I can write as much as I want now, right? ;) )

[Shara]

Alpha, I get this a lot. I think it's normal - normal for writers, at least. Even the 'successful ones'' (ie those who have novels published yearly and warrant big posters on London Underground in way of advertising) tell me they get moments like this.

It's temporary. How you deal with it is up to you. Me, I tend to go away from the writing for a while and play computer games or something. It does pass.

Glad you are feeling better today.

Shara

[Garpy]

self-doubting is very normal. I get it at some point when writing my novels. I hit a stage when I consider what I'm writing is utter pap.

Best advice I can give is to outline your novel thoroughly before you start, so that you know what you need to write for each chapter....then just write through the writers block when it hits you, knowing that what you're writing may well need polishing at a later date.

Trust me....knowing there's a road map that continues the other side of that wall of deppression will get you through.

[Alpha Echo]

Best advice I can give is to outline your novel thoroughly before you start, so that you know what you need to write for each chapter....then just write through the writers block when it hits you, knowing that what you're writing may well need polishing at a later date.

Trust me....knowing there's a road map that continues the other side of that wall of deppression will get you through.

I believe that an outline works for you...but I don't know. I've never outlined. I feel like it totally restricts my characters. I like it when subplots I never dreamed of or characters I didn't know existed pop out of of the woodwork. They usually do incredible things.

But I do thank you for your input!

So far today? 184 words!

Go me!

[Garpy]

I also get sub-plots I never dreamed of, and character diversions from the outline I've made, and shucks....sometimes I even keep one or two of these if they're good enough. But knowing you have at least one route for the tale you're writing to reach THE END provides an incredible amount of reassurance when you hit the mid-book blues.

[Mad Queen]

Whenever I feel bad, I remember I can use the experience to make my characters more realistic. ;)

[Soccer Mom]

Outlining does not repress the subplots and unexpected character development. Trust me. I'm a hardcore outliner, but things always crop up that surprise me. I just think of the outline as a map of the trip. It tells me where I'm going, but doesn't spoil the beauty of the journey.

[TrickyFiction]

So, I came across the link to that little pep talk of Neil Gaiman's I referred to in my last post. Just thought you might like to read it too. It might make you feel better.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/node/1065561

[Alpha Echo]

Thanks Tricky! I'm gonna check it out...now. :)

[Alpha Echo]

Outlining does not repress the subplots and unexpected character development. Trust me. I'm a hardcore outliner, but things always crop up that surprise me. I just think of the outline as a map of the trip. It tells me where I'm going, but doesn't spoil the beauty of the journey.

Yeah, but how do you outline an entire book before you write it? I just can't. It seems overwhelming. I have my own system, and so far it works for me...unless I think about the fact that I don't have an agent yet.

But no, it does work for me, what I do. I don't have an agent, but my plots are good, and so are my characters.

I just don't think outlining would help me. But I think it's wonderful that that's what works for you! It's amazing how there are probably as many different "systems" for putting together a novel as there are people on AW!