Show the sex scene or fade to black

[Lyra Jean]

Besides the basic answer of if it advances your story how do you know whether to show a sex scene or fade it too black? Is it a preference? Does showing a sex scene automatically make said story erotica?

*I have nothing against erotica and read it all the time.

[maestrowork]

Does the sex a) develop characters, b) advance the plot or c) strengthen the themes? Is it gratuitous or does it serve a great purpose (see above 3 criteria)? If not, cut.

And no. Plenty of mainstream/genre fiction has sex scenes. Erotica is itself a specific genre and one only needs to read a few to understand what it is.

Like just because your protagonists are teenagers doesn't mean your book is YA. Same logic here. What is the focus here? What is your book about? Why is the sex scene(s) important?

[Lyra Jean]

Now that you mention yeah I do notice a difference. I just never studied it before for writing purposes.

[2Wheels]

A question I once tossed around myself. I would have preferred to take the 'fade to black' option, but decided, for various reasons, that I couldn't. It was a monumental moment between my MC and her love interest, and became an opportunity to reveal certain key pieces of information about them (and between them).

A sex scene does not erotica make. You don't have to go overboard with it. You can write an intimate scene without having to resort to bodice--ripping cliches or going into fine detail. If it is something you're going to write--keep your normal writing voice!

[C.M. Daniels]

For me, it depends on the project and the characters involved. If it fits in the story, and advances it, go for it.

[sleepsheep]

If it is something you're going to write--keep your normal writing voice!

I can't agree with this more. The best example of sex scenes done right come from Charlain Harriss and her Sookie Stackhouse books. She writes them with excellent humor, and keeps the true voice of the book and the characters. And of course, they are not just for cheap thrills, but really do enhance the story and the characters.

[Zinta]

I've always felt a good love scene is one of the hardest to write. Few topics sink more quickly into cliche. Very few writers write a true and good love scene. When I do come across one that steams and yet has a fresh expression ... I know I have found a master. On any topic.

One of the best love scenes I've read is by Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls. There is not much more than "yes" and more "yes" and still more "yes" in the scene, but Heminway was indeed the master of the spare word. It worked. The pages curled. Hemingway could walk that tightrope better than anyone. This much and no more.

I prefer the fade to black variety, perhaps mostly because most writers can't love the word well enough. Getting graphic for the sake of graphic is, well, dull. And a sign of literary weakness, a crutch. If you are a word master, tantalize me. If you're not, and very, very few are ... less really is more.

[JamieFord]

Is it germane to the story? Is it necessary? Or does it stand out and distract...like a zit? Less is probably more.

[TTCleveland]

Depends on who it's for.

[NeuroFizz]

I'm not a fan of any detailed description of the mechanics of interaction in a love scene (in non-erotica). It just makes it seem kind of gratuitous, even if the scene does add to the story. But before you assume I favor just jumping from the kiss to the cigarette, realize that there is so much more to a love scene than friction. This is one of the most intense experiences two people can share (both physically and emotionally), and playing with the actions and reactions in both arenas (physical and emotional) can provide incredible additions to characterization, tone and even theme of a story. If we put our writing of a love scene in the character's head instead of his/her genitals, we have the potential to write something powerful, interesting, and extremely useful for progression of the story.

[C.bronco]

I'm too much of a prude to write a sex scene. But that's my hang up.

[Diamond Lil]

I write romance, but I'm careful when I write sex scenes. Less is more: tantalize the readers between the scenes with crackling tension and smart dialogue and then they'll ready for between the sheets.

[Ken]

...fade to black, with the assumption that readers can probably imagine much better sex scene than I could ever hope to write, myself. For those who can write them, well, I'd say it pays to slip one in, even if it is a tad gratuitous, because sex does indeed sell. Mainstreamers are full of such goings on days these days, giving authors no reason to hold back, so long as they keep the depictions reasonably mild: R but not X.

[terminal humanity]

First, I would not take advice from people who don't know when to use "too" versus "to." Do what you feel is right, reread it, then modify if needed. Worry what the editor says. Listen to the people who read your story before the editor gets his/her hands on it.

The WIP I'm focusing on is dark, brutal, and wildly offensive. Therefore, I go into the sex scenes with gusto, all the dirty details in haul. The worst things you can imagine, but not the worst I can imagine. THAT wouldn't be right for my story;-)

Personal preference before audience satisfaction. If you aren't happy with it, then who cares if others are happy with it?

[Phoebe H]

Write it and see. You can always cut it later.

[Stunted]

If I it's a couple that I really like, when they have sex, something really satisfying has to happen. So it doesn't necessarily have to be explicit, but there should be a little while before it fades to black where you're like "OMG, are they going to have sex? They totally have to have sex. Come on! Come on!" and then one of them says something really cute/badass/whatever that makes it clear that they're going to do it. Then you can fade to black.

In case I wasn't clear, explicitly isn't bad. It's just that no matter what you decide to do, there has to be suspense and then something emotionally satisfying has to happen.

[maestrowork]

In case I wasn't clear, explicitly isn't bad. It's just that no matter what you decide to do, there has to be suspense and then something emotionally satisfying has to happen.

Why does it have to be satisfying? Why can't it be awkward, frustrating, weird, silly, disgusting, unnerving, brutal, repulsive, anxious, conflicting, mean... unsatisfying?

Sex scene is just like any other scenes -- why the expectations? Why can't it be what it is? A part of the story. Why must a death scene be sad? Or a wedding scene be lovely? Just like any scenes: Show vs. tell. You can, of course, always fade to black and then describe it late using any one of those vague adjectives, or you can guide your readers through the experience and make them feel awkward, frustrated, weird, silly, disgusted, etc. But a sex scene, like any other scenes, must serve a purpose. Or you can skip it completely if it doesn't serve any purpose.

I don't understand the qualms about sex scenes because, I mean, do you have a problem with writing death scenes? How your antagonist gets it bad in the end? How about scenes where the characters beat the shit out of each other? Do you have a problem with that as well? To me, sex scene is just like any other scenes, albeit it could be more difficult to do well. But people who have a problem writing or reading sex scenes -- I have a feeling they have a problem with talking about sex in general.

So that's not a story problem. But a problem with the author. As for the readers: if you build it, they will come (so to speak). Those who won't read your book for whatever reasons, won't anyway.

[NeuroFizz]

First, I would not take advice from people who don't know when to use "too" versus "to."
Thanks for pointing out my error. But before you assume it's a lack of knowledge, you may want to consider that it is just a typographical error, particularly since in all other instances in the post it was used correctly. And your work isn't done here. There are more posts with typos or incorrectly used words. Seems you'll have to ignore quite a bit of advice in AW.

[Perks]

Since sex is generally not a spectator sport, I find that, most of the time, it serves only to pull me out of the story and remind me that it's not real. (Unless, of course, the sex is the point of the story, in which case, I have no problem with it.)

I can read the characters' thoughts and paragraphs of narrative detailing their motivations, but sex, being as personal and complicated as it is, almost always requires too much focus to ring true, becoming self-conscious and distracting.

And then sometimes it works just great. The sex in Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex was essential and perfectly rendered. So, I think I just talked myself around the block.

[seun]

Since sex is generally not a spectator sport

I don't know about that. There are some woods near my house where people meet and...uh...nevermind.

[GirlWithPoisonPen]

You should write a sex scene that suits the mood and tone of your book. It's no different than any other scene.

[Maryn]

First, I would not take advice from people who don't know when to use "too" versus "to." Listen up, esteemed new member. Rule number one around here is "Respect your fellow writer." Rule two is "Obey rule one."

You're snarking up the wrong tree anyway. Neuro does many critiques helping others improve their writing, has a publishing career in addition to his day job, and freely shares his expertise and experience. Personally, I'd think you could find better people to attack and/or alienate, you know?

Maryn, agreeing with a portion of your profile

[qwerty]

I'm old enough to remember the move to get Lady Chatterley's Lover banned for its sexual explicitness. Of course, that was what made it a "must read" and a huge sexess for D.H.Lawrence's publisher.

But, let's face it, there are only so many ways the sexual act can be described. Once that's been done many times, it can become boring.

And sex should NEVER be boring.

There are more posts with typos or incorrectly used words. Seems you'll have to ignore quite a bit of advice in AW.

So say all of us.

[Stunted]

Why does it have to be satisfying? Why can't it be awkward, frustrating, weird, silly, disgusting, unnerving, brutal, repulsive, anxious, conflicting, mean... unsatisfying?

You're right. I was imagining a very specific kind of sex scene. Let me amend what I said. When writing a sex scene, whether you fade to black or not, you need to have suspense and then firmly establish whatever the emotional content of the sex is.

[cwfgal]

Why does it have to be satisfying? Why can't it be awkward, frustrating, weird, silly, disgusting, unnerving, brutal, repulsive, anxious, conflicting, mean... unsatisfying?

Sex scene is just like any other scenes -- why the expectations? Why can't it be what it is? A part of the story. Why must a death scene be sad? Or a wedding scene be lovely? Just like any scenes: Show vs. tell. You can, of course, always fade to black and then describe it late using any one of those vague adjectives, or you can guide your readers through the experience and make them feel awkward, frustrated, weird, silly, disgusted, etc. But a sex scene, like any other scenes, must serve a purpose. Or you can skip it completely if it doesn't serve any purpose.

I don't understand the qualms about sex scenes because, I mean, do you have a problem with writing death scenes? How your antagonist gets it bad in the end? How about scenes where the characters beat the shit out of each other? Do you have a problem with that as well? To me, sex scene is just like any other scenes, albeit it could be more difficult to do well. But people who have a problem writing or reading sex scenes -- I have a feeling they have a problem with talking about sex in general.

So that's not a story problem. But a problem with the author. As for the readers: if you build it, they will come (so to speak). Those who won't read your book for whatever reasons, won't anyway.

What he said. (Quoted above because I thought it was worth repeating.)

And thanks for the parenthetical coffee-out-my-nose, Maestro. ;)

Beth

[ideagirl]

Does the sex a) develop characters, b) advance the plot or c) strengthen the themes? Is it gratuitous or does it serve a great purpose (see above 3 criteria)? If not, cut.


And d), can you write a good sex scene? There's an actual writing award for bad sex scenes. Not something any of us would want to win! So you might as well try writing it and see how it comes out. If it reads well, maybe see how to tweak it so that it does develop characters, advance the plot or strengthen the themes.

[vixey]

If you query Romance publishers directly, their guidelines will direct you which lines to query with point blank questions like...Is it behind closed doors sex or Is it graphic?

I agree with everyone you need to decide if it's necessary to the story. I've written sex scenes and I've chosen to omit them. I think leaving those scenes up to your readers' imaginations can be powerful.

[firedrake]

I'm not a fan of any detailed description of the mechanics of interaction in a love scene (in non-erotica). It just makes it seem kind of gratuitous, even if the scene does add to the story. But before you assume I favor just jumping from the kiss to the cigarette, realize that there is so much more to a love scene than friction. This is one of the most intense experiences two people can share (both physically and emotionally), and playing with the actions and reactions in both arenas (physical and emotional) can provide incredible additions to characterization, tone and even theme of a story. If we put our writing of a love scene in the character's head instead of his/her genitals, we have the potential to write something powerful, interesting, and extremely useful for progression of the story.

I've been reading this thread with interest because I have a couple of scenes in my book that need a little more work. I have to say that what you say here is absolutely spot on and I think I now have a much better idea of how to tackle those scenes (which are important, btw).

[ideagirl]

Why does it have to be satisfying? Why can't it be awkward, frustrating, weird, silly, disgusting, unnerving, brutal, repulsive, anxious, conflicting, mean... unsatisfying?

Sex scene is just like any other scenes -- why the expectations? Why can't it be what it is? A part of the story. Why must a death scene be sad? Or a wedding scene be lovely?

Exactly. I agree completely. Please note that when I said "can you write a good sex scene," I didn't necessarily mean a scene in which the sex is good--I just meant a good scene depicting the characters having sex. As opposed to a cliche-ridden bodice ripper or a genital-fest so explicit that it reads more like a medical textbook than an emotional experience.

[Ruv Draba]

Somewhere betwixt molluscular squelching and fade to black is what I'd call a dramatically functional sex-scene: prose that reveals characters, creates dilemmas, advances action, heightens tension or suspense, and goes into only as much detail as is needed to do that.

There's a huge difference between humping the Swedish pool-cleaner because he was there, and seducing the ageing judge who falsely imprisoned your husband. One rates a sentence; the other rates a chapter.

[ideagirl]

There's a huge difference between humping the Swedish pool-cleaner because he was there, and seducing the ageing judge who falsely imprisoned your husband. One rates a sentence; the other rates a chapter.

Brilliant point.

And it actually reminds me--wasn't there a news story a year or two back about a woman who seduced one of the jurors on her husband's trial? She dyed her hair, moved to his neighborhood, created a false identity for herself (so the juror wouldn't guess who she was), and seduced him!

[Scott Cole]

I used to fade-to-black on all of my sex scenes. It worked for some scenes, but left others feeling empty. I've since revised many of my scenes to include the sex, and I've found that it is very difficult to write about sex without being explicit.

Do the scenes advance the story? Not really, but they help in defining the relationships between my characters.

If I cut the scenes entirely, the story would go on and would likely be just as good. But it wouldn't be the same story.

[J C Coy]

Besides the basic answer of if it advances your story how do you know whether to show a sex scene or fade it too black? Is it a preference? Does showing a sex scene automatically make said story erotica?

*I have nothing against erotica and read it all the time.
In my current wip I have one scene that fades to black...just because it worked so well that way and three that are very graphic. And I do not consider it erotica, just hot sex scenes.

[angeliz2k]

I would put it this way: would the POV character tell all about it? How much so?

In one WIP, there is a scene where they have sex. There isn't the nitty-gritty, because neither of the characters would ever describe the nitty-gritty to anyone. It's more of an impressionist painting because that's how the POV character would remember it and relate it.

In another WIP, the character is much more, er, liberal in her attitudes towards sex. But she would be coy and playful about it, so the "fade-to-black" is part of the game--it's a tease.

Maintain your characters and your tone. And of course, write what you feel comfortable with. If you really don't think you can/want to write a graphic scene (I wouldn't want to, and I'd be bad at it!), then don't.

[Lyra Jean]

Wow for some reason I wasn't expecting so many responses.

I think in my mind I was seeing sex scenes as something different from other kinds of scenes. So thanks Meastro for pointing out that no they aren't that different.

So I'm just going to write them out and see if it works or not.

[2Wheels]

... There's a huge difference between humping the Swedish pool-cleaner because he was there, ...

Poor Sven. Still being stereotyped ... :D