cursedsillycause
09-28-2009, 10:47 AM
Despite being born in the states, I did not learn proper English until kindergarten because I spoke only my mother tongue at home. I learned to read at age four. When I started school, even though I couldn't understand English, I could read it effortlessly. When kindergarten began, I felt betrayed by my parents. I was so cut off from the real world, and didn't know I'd have so much catching up to do. I picked up the language quickly, and melodramatically declared to my parents that I'd never speak anything other than English again.
Over the years, I became very confident in my writing. I knew I'd wanted to be a writer. I started writing for my school newspaper in the 5th grade, and even wrote my first short story that same year-- a mystery about kids stranded on an island, that I later found out I might have unconsciously lifted the premise from an old Scooby Doo episode.
In the 7th grade, I distributed a 19-page, nonsensical, self-indulgent rant on race, popculture, religion and politics to my entire school. I was very confident in what I was saying, and felt that my thoughts on how "women shouldn't drape themselves in clothing to be modest-- modestly comes from within" and I didn't mind being the rebel at a predominantly Muslim school. In 8th grade, I wrote another diatribe - this time about "media indoctrination" and "beauty myth." Again, very confident in my skills and my message.
Then something happened. I stopped showing people what I wrote, and became very self-critical. In the tenth grade, I burned a book of my poems-- poems I had been writing since middle school. They no longer reflected who I was. I was becoming very dark in both mood, and interests. I started listening to punk rock almost exclusively, and cut my hair, and exchanged YA for books like White Teeth, and Mysterious Skin, and rather than producing new poems, I stopped all together.
I tranferred out of the the K-12 school I had been attending, and into a more mainstream high school, and met a wonderful lady who told me I was a born writer, and that I should consider joining the spoken word team, so I did. I wasn't good at it, but I enjoyed it, and I met some amazing people - many of which I still keep in contact with - because of it. And more than anything, it broke my writer's block, and I really liked my new material. I soon filled up a pocket moleskine book with original poems, and songs.
After the cancellation of Joan of Arcadia, I decided I wanted to write TV and movies. All of the script writing books I borrowed from the library or bought, and all of the help websites like AW I had read, did not help me in the least bit with my first script. I thought it was very high-concept, but it was just boring, and nothing on the this earth could salvage it. I buried it.
The wonderful lady I mentioned earlier gave be a thick leather journal (400 pages of so). I''ve filled about half of it with poems and songs. I recently reviewed it and realized out of the 50+ poems, and songs I only am really confident, and absolutely love 13.
I like everything I write to stand the test of time. If I review it a month, or a year later, and think it's absolute rubbish, I throw it out, and don't look back. Of the 13 poems/songs I love, six I wrote at 18 (pre-June), five I wrote at 19 (recently), and two I wrote at age 15 and 17. This indicates that, in time, my writing matured enough for me to like it. Am I 100% confident in my writing? No, and I don't want to ever be. I think my writing would suffer greately if I thought I was the next Zadie Smith when it comes to novel writing or Suzanne Vega when it comes to song-writing. I am not.
This year, I wrote a number of short stories, and attempted my second full-length screenplay until I realized I should just stick to novel writing. An idea that I believe is genius, and original came to me last month, and although the muse isn't in me to commit to churning out pages just now, ideas are coming to me every day, and I've outlined the story. This is the first time I've felt like I know my characters inside and out. Even in my failed screenplay, I didn't know my characters, and had no affinity for the story.
Also, for the first time, it's not remotely YA, and I'm not writing in first person. I've decided to challenge myself and write it in omniscient third person because I would not be able to explore every sub-plot, or character POV otherwise. I think all of the years I wrote exclusively in first person was an indication of my inexperience. I still think I don't have the skill level to write in anything but first person, but I am challenging myself nonetheless.
This post is much longer than I intended. I guess what I'm trying to say is: confidence is important, but never get too comfortable? I don't really remember why I set out to write this post.
Over the years, I became very confident in my writing. I knew I'd wanted to be a writer. I started writing for my school newspaper in the 5th grade, and even wrote my first short story that same year-- a mystery about kids stranded on an island, that I later found out I might have unconsciously lifted the premise from an old Scooby Doo episode.
In the 7th grade, I distributed a 19-page, nonsensical, self-indulgent rant on race, popculture, religion and politics to my entire school. I was very confident in what I was saying, and felt that my thoughts on how "women shouldn't drape themselves in clothing to be modest-- modestly comes from within" and I didn't mind being the rebel at a predominantly Muslim school. In 8th grade, I wrote another diatribe - this time about "media indoctrination" and "beauty myth." Again, very confident in my skills and my message.
Then something happened. I stopped showing people what I wrote, and became very self-critical. In the tenth grade, I burned a book of my poems-- poems I had been writing since middle school. They no longer reflected who I was. I was becoming very dark in both mood, and interests. I started listening to punk rock almost exclusively, and cut my hair, and exchanged YA for books like White Teeth, and Mysterious Skin, and rather than producing new poems, I stopped all together.
I tranferred out of the the K-12 school I had been attending, and into a more mainstream high school, and met a wonderful lady who told me I was a born writer, and that I should consider joining the spoken word team, so I did. I wasn't good at it, but I enjoyed it, and I met some amazing people - many of which I still keep in contact with - because of it. And more than anything, it broke my writer's block, and I really liked my new material. I soon filled up a pocket moleskine book with original poems, and songs.
After the cancellation of Joan of Arcadia, I decided I wanted to write TV and movies. All of the script writing books I borrowed from the library or bought, and all of the help websites like AW I had read, did not help me in the least bit with my first script. I thought it was very high-concept, but it was just boring, and nothing on the this earth could salvage it. I buried it.
The wonderful lady I mentioned earlier gave be a thick leather journal (400 pages of so). I''ve filled about half of it with poems and songs. I recently reviewed it and realized out of the 50+ poems, and songs I only am really confident, and absolutely love 13.
I like everything I write to stand the test of time. If I review it a month, or a year later, and think it's absolute rubbish, I throw it out, and don't look back. Of the 13 poems/songs I love, six I wrote at 18 (pre-June), five I wrote at 19 (recently), and two I wrote at age 15 and 17. This indicates that, in time, my writing matured enough for me to like it. Am I 100% confident in my writing? No, and I don't want to ever be. I think my writing would suffer greately if I thought I was the next Zadie Smith when it comes to novel writing or Suzanne Vega when it comes to song-writing. I am not.
This year, I wrote a number of short stories, and attempted my second full-length screenplay until I realized I should just stick to novel writing. An idea that I believe is genius, and original came to me last month, and although the muse isn't in me to commit to churning out pages just now, ideas are coming to me every day, and I've outlined the story. This is the first time I've felt like I know my characters inside and out. Even in my failed screenplay, I didn't know my characters, and had no affinity for the story.
Also, for the first time, it's not remotely YA, and I'm not writing in first person. I've decided to challenge myself and write it in omniscient third person because I would not be able to explore every sub-plot, or character POV otherwise. I think all of the years I wrote exclusively in first person was an indication of my inexperience. I still think I don't have the skill level to write in anything but first person, but I am challenging myself nonetheless.
This post is much longer than I intended. I guess what I'm trying to say is: confidence is important, but never get too comfortable? I don't really remember why I set out to write this post.