Amazing Dialogue - What's your favorite?

[sspunisher]

Just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on where you constantly seem to watch/read great dialogue, and maybe an example or excerpt.

Anyone here familiar with White Wolf Publishing / The World of Darkness? They're responsible for numerous roleplaying games, some of which include Vampire: The Masquerade as well as Werewolf, Mage, etc.

I don't play the games, but the books are so damn amazing. In particular the Vampire rule book they have. It has some game mechanics/rules in there, but the earlier and later chapters (and sprinkles here and there in the middle chapters) have short stories and long monologues of vampires speaking to other vampires, humans, themselves, etc.

Every time I read this rule book I just come out speechless. Here's an excerpt, the very first page of the rule book. I'd like some of your thoughts on it as well as some of your own personal favorites.


Prologue: A Gathering of Beasts

"Bela Lugosi's dead, and so am I. But what's left of Bela is rotting in a pine coffin somewhere, while I have the opportunity to sit here on the balcony, enjoy my drink and look at you. Correct me if I'm being presumptuous, but I suspect that I have the better end of the deal.

I can tell by looking at you that you're not comprehending. Of course you're not--these are cynical, rational times, and you're not going to believe that I'm a dead man just because I say so. A century ago it would have been different--well, it was quite different the last time I had this little talk with someone--but this is the age of facts. And the facts are that corpses don't move, don't walk, don't talk. I'm terribly sorry my dear, but I have a surprise for you: This corpse does.

So sit down. Please, I insist that you make yourself comfortable. Pour yourself something to drink, preferably from the bottle on the left-- the stuff on the right is an acquired taste. It's going to be a long evening, and you're going to need a stiff drink or two, I suspect. After all, in the next few hours I'm going to explain to you in excruciating detail why everything you think you know about life and death is wrong. In other words, you don't know a blessed thing about the way the world really works, and I'm going to open your eyes.

But I'm afraid, my dear, that you're not going to like what you see."

[Mac H.]

I liked the first line of the speech but the "I can tell by looking at you that you're not comprehending" really throws me off. It's putting some information in dialog instead of showing it, and just isn't the way people talk. It's just a kludge to allow it to be a monologue.

I like throw-away lines that make say much more than the initial meaning of the sentence. eg:


"In my world", said Eustace, "a star is a huge ball of flaming gas."
"Even in your world, my son, that is not what a star is. It is simply what it is made of"

- C.S Lewis 'The Voyage of the Dawntreader'

I also like the fun, back-and-forth type dialog that I always enjoy but never attempt myself: (Excuse the formatting)

The scene: BUFFY is teaching DAWN about killing vampires. A vampire is emerging out of his grave in front of them....

_ BUFFY
It's about power -- who's got it, who
knows how to use it. So... who's got
the power, Dawn?

_ DAWN
Well, I've got the stake.

_ BUFFY
The stake is not the power.

_ DAWN
But, he's new. He doesn't know his
strength. He might not know all those
fancy martial arts skills they
inevitably seem to pick up.

_ BUFFY
He's a vampire, okay? Demon,
supernaturally strong, skilled with
powers no human could possibly ever...

_ VAMPIRE
_ (Interrupting)
Excuse me. I think I'm stuck.

_ BUFFY
You're stuck?

_ VAMPIRE
My foot's caught on a root or
something. I don't even know how I got
down there. If you girls could give me
a hand...

_ DAWN
So, he's got the power.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also collect snippets of dialogue that have some good techniques I can steal.

eg: (From 'The 4400')


INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE

Dr: I’ll need to run some more tests.
Patient: Is something wrong ?

Cut to:
EXT. Patient & Boyfriend are on a bench
Boyfriend: What kind of genetic abnormality?

I like the way the patient didn't ask 'What kind of tests’ or go into the blather that I would have - they communicated the information beautifully - and went straight to the real point – the conversation between herself & the boyfriend.

I wish I could write that nicely.

Mac

[dpaterso]

What with the thread title an' all, I was gonna suggest the Raymond Chandler-esque dialogue that features in some of Bogey's movies... and I like Mamet when he's on form, "State & Main" isn't seen as one of his better films but the script's snappy dialogue and characterization is a pleasure to read. 'Course, if you just mean vampire films or fiction then I'm probably posting in the wrong thread. :)

That sample you posted is, to me, the most on-the-nose unnatural dialogue you could ask for -- although, of course, the story might not be set in 2005? What I mean is, if Lugosi's remains are still rotting as opposed to rotted past tense, then it could be set in the mid-'50s. If that's the case then maybe what I'm saying doesn't apply...

Fact: everyone knows what vampires/undead are. But the person this vampire is talking to apparently hasn't a clue, which allows ye vampyre to wax lyrical. He's going to explain everything "in the next few hours" -- I hope the poor girl's brought a plate of sandwiches and a flask of coffee with her because it's gonna be a long night, baby! Hey, maybe that's how vampires lull their victims into stupor before they feast -- they bore 'em unconscious!

My cynicism aside, it's good that you had such a positive reaction to this dramatic situation and the character, and maybe find inspiration to write your own stories.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

[Kiva Wolfe]

Not counting the dialogue all through Fargo, for me, the dialogue in movie openings, whether it is back and forth between characters or a narrative voice over, is where it hits home and sets the mood. Two that come to mind are the diner scene in Pulp Fiction and, coincidently, the diner scene in Thelma and Louise.

Who can forget the of all the gin-joints monologue in Casablanca--dang, it still brings tears to my eyes.

[sspunisher]

Actually Dpat, what I like most about the 'monologue' is that it doesn't fall into the trap that the story is set in 1998. Even though it is, the vampire is supposedly over 200 years old. Don't you think he'd be a bit on the proper/ "as a matter of fact" side?

I guess I picture the scene in a certain way in my mind, maybe thats why these lines work better for me. They would definitely have to be preformed by someone who can add a certain distinguishable flavor to them, considering they are simple and maybe bland.

But point taken. I guess you can't take into account the music and the 'on the set mood' and the actor when your writing. Your sole purpose is to make the dialogue lively without all the effects. Tis a learning experience.

[KTC]

I was transfixed by the dialogue in The Wonder Boys, from start to finish.


Excerpt #1

JAMES LEER
Do you have a mirror? It's the best way to see
if someone's breathing.

GRADY
He's dead, James. Believe me, I know a dead
dog when I see one.

James looks miserably at Poe.

JAMES LEER
What are we going to do?

GRADY rises awkwardly, holds out his hand.

GRADY
First you're going to give me that little cap
gun of yours.

18 INT. GALAXIE - MOVING

GRADY and James stare gloomily out the windshield.

JAMES LEER
Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question?

GRADY
Yea, James.

JAMES LEER
What are we going to do with...

James glances in the backseat, where Poe lies, strange
blue eyes gleaming.

GRADY
I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out
how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her
husband's dog.

JAMES LEER
You?

GRADY
Trust me, James, when the family pet's been
assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear
one of her students was the triggerman.

JAMES LEER
Does she want to hear it was one of her
professors?

GRADY
I've got tenure.


Excerpt #2

JAMES LEER
He's still a little warm.

They lay him down, push him deep into the trunk--until
there is a SOUND like a pencil SNAPPING.

JAMES LEER
Yuck.

GRADY grabs Crabtree's garment bag, frisks the pockets.

JAMES LEER
That's a. big trunk. It fits a tuba, a
suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost
perfectly.

GRADY
(searching)
That's just what they used to say in the ads.
Come on, Crabtree, I know you're holding...

JAMES LEER
Whose tuba is that anyway?

GRADY
Miss Sloviak's.

JAMES LEER
Can I ask you something about her?

GRADY
She is. Ah. Here we go...

GRADY unravels a pair of boxer shorts, finds an airplane-
size bottle of JACK DANIELS, then grabs another pair of
boxers.

JAMES LEER
Oh. So. Is--is your friend Crabtree-- is he--
gay?

GRADY
Most of the time he is, James. Some of the
time he isn't. Now what do we have here?

GRADY rattles a prescription bottle, then shakes out a
pair of WHITE PILLS, each etched with a tiny numeral 3.

GRADY
Looks like ...our old friend Mr. Codeine. That
should take the pinch out of my ankle.
(handing the bottle to James)
Have one.

JAMES LEER
No thanks. I'm fine without them.

GRADY
Right. That's why you were standing in the
Chancellor's back yard twirling that little cap
gun of yours tonight. You're fine, all right,
you're fit as a ****ing fiddle.

GRADY opens the tiny bottle of Jack with his teeth,
drinks down two number 3's, then looks at James.

GRADY
I'm sorry, James. I'm sorry I said that.

Recklessly, James takes a pill, tosses it in his mouth,
and tips back the tiny bottle of Jack. Half a second later,
he spits it all out. GRADY looks down, peels the soggy pill
from the lapel of his jacket.

GRADY
How 'bout we try that again.