The AbsoluteWrite Absolutely Awful Poetry Crit-eek Thread

[Alphabet]

Here is where you can crit-eek any, some, or all of the poems entered for the 'AbsoluteWrite Absolutely Awful Poetry Contest'. Now, remember this is a competition for the worst poem, so your crit-eeks MUST be about how to make the poem WORSE, or admiration of the BAD POINTS of the poem.

NOTE: Any suggestions put in here for how to make a poem worse can NOT be used to worsen the associated competition entry (see competition rules) so go ahead.. sabotage your competition! Prevent them making their poetry worse before the deadline by pointing out what they COULD have done here.

[Nateskate]

Roses are red. Stones are real crunchy

Like fruitloops and milk, I have them for lunchy

well, not stone, I meant cereal for lunch, and I know stones aren't entirely

crunchy, but you know they might crunch a little when a dump druck drives

over them, or, heavy equiptment, you know, like crunch, crunch in the tires.

Come on, you know what I mean, don't you?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Haven't you ever written anything you are proud of

Why, you judgmental, feather-blasted, toad loving...

Oh forget it, never mind!

Is this bad enough for ya!

[scfirenice]

Oh my god...That is priceless!

Wow.

See mine under the contest thread!

[Nateskate]

Eye of a pig
Tick in a twiddle
Move over dog
you're starting to piddle

eggs that have rotted
Boils filled with fungus
The tongue of a turd
sprays bad poems among us

[scfirenice]

Oh my god...that is WOW.

see others under contest thread. I think you stuck it here by accident.

Strong work!:crazy:

[Nateskate]

Oh my god...That is priceless!

Wow.

See mine under the contest thread!

This isn't the contest thread? My life's story!

This is so my first day of class!

"Which way is science..."

"That was last period, you missed science!"

"Oh, I thought it was fourth period"

[scfirenice]

No but you're close, go down a thread or two...

[Nateskate]

scfirenice; What can I say; but you show'd me the way! Thanks

I think Cassie really gets "bad" poetry. The over the top love poem really nails it on the head. It captures the heart of clinging love gone bad. Bad poetry should either shock you or makes you want to puke. Anymore love, and I'm there. It should be titled, "Clinging and Cloying"- good job.

Eldragon, "Now there's a woman I can never measure up to! Yikes, I guess a sensitive heart and interesting mind just don't cut it these days. Now, again, in my own experience, I find an interesting mind, those sweet "inches" between the ears, well you just can do things to please a soul (and the body is connected to the soul) that some people can't imagine. Of course, that's another story, and only my wife know's for sure.

Joe Ekaitis: Man, you can keep going with this. How about the people who pull out in front of your car on the street, making you hit the brakes, and then proceeding fifteen miles under the speed limit for the next five miles in a no-passing lane!

[scfirenice]

I am shocked and awed by all of them, I threw up my supper. Excellent work people. This is going to be a hell of a contest.
S

[Nateskate]

Jenna, I didn't think you were capable of bad writing. Good job!

I'd give you rep points, but isn't that like tipping the owner????

[Nateskate]

Rich, that was actually quite good. You're going to have to practice being bad.

Now repeat after me, "I will not make sense...I will not make sense...I will not..."

[Nateskate]

JAlpha (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/member.php?u=1008) vbmenu_register("postmenu_290541", true); - That was bad. Good job!

[JAlpha]

[QUOTE=Nateskate That was bad. Good job![/QUOTE]


Thanks Nateskate. I thought it was bad too--so bad, I didn't even want to post
it under my known screen name.
Now, I'm going to have to join a witness protection program:gone: and start my writing career all over again:Headbang:

[Nateskate]

Thanks Nateskate. I thought it was bad too--so bad, I didn't even want to post
it under my known screen name.
Now, I'm going to have to join a witness protection program:gone: and start my writing career all over again:Headbang:

But isn't that the point? If they run you out of the board, you've won, right! I wish I was that horrible. In fact, maybe I am, but I'm not ashamed of the fact. I stink, and I'm going to relish in that fact. That's what being the badest is all about dude. Let's whip out the bikes and the chains, man (not in the male sense-equal opportunity bad poets gang), and ride through dumping bad poetry all over the land.

[reph]

Is there a limit on the number of rep points a person can give in a day? I intend to enter. I want to pay the entry fee after all entries are in, so I can go down the thread and not miss anybody* and so I can give a second point to my unfavorite.** If there are a hundred entries, will vBulletin let me give a hundred points all together?

This contest is a great idea.

*The vBulletin feature that supposedly marks your place for you misbehaves. I don't trust it.

**Suppose the poem I find baddest comes in at the end of the thread. I'll have to sequence the point-giving so I can rep its author twice.

[Richard]

I must admit, I'm not quite sure what the point of mandatory repping is, what with them being completely invisible...

[Alphabet]

A few people have enquired about different aspects.. so here are an accumulation of answers.

Yes it does mean give a point to all the entrants, not just the ones that were entered before your poem. Who knows.. there might only be 50 entries.. there might be 400.. there are more than 2000 accounts I hear.. so.. but no..

The more people that enter the competition, the more points each contestant gets just for entering - that's the idea.. that as more people enter there is more and more incentive for people to enter.

As for how to give the points, gradually or all at once, that is a personal choice. The voting period will take a week so there is plenty of time to pay the fee at the end of the competition if that is how you prefer to do it. Or give the rep points as you read each entry. Just be sure that the fee is paid before the winner is announced.. if we discover that the winner didn't pay the fee there would be a disqualification (although how we get the winner's prize back I am not sure!).

The value of rep points... well, that is in the eye of the beholder, and as the only beholder is the individual who is to say whether each entrant will value their rep points or not except them?

Have fun with it. I'm certainly loving the entries and it already looks impossible to tell who will win. And don't forget you are all free to edit your poems to make them worse and worse until the final deadline.

[mkcbunny]

These poems are awful. And I mean that in the best possible way. I'm feeling both pain and delight in reading them.

[rtilryarms]

I am literally rolling on the floor laughing my socks off. What a sell idea. The cost is only one Board reputation point but your entire personal reputation is lost after posting.

I must go post;
I must go post;

WAIT RT! save the rhyming for the contest!

[Unique]

Dreadful! Each and every one.

Just when you think they can't get any worse - - they do! EEEeeek! I'm going blind!

[William Haskins]

these may be some of the best poems ever published in this forum.

[JAlpha]

these may be some of the best poems ever published in this forum.

"I resemble that remark." http://www.groucho-marx.com/groucho.gif

[reph]

Alphabet, would you clarify something? We vote with a positive rep point, right?

[rtilryarms]

I vote to publish an anthology with biographies! Not using our real names of course. It is just stupid enough to make $millions!

[Nateskate]

William's here, so the game is afoot
"First I be," says he. Pirate smile, and
dagger in place.

But is he willie, or billie, or nillie?
William Haskins, where are you?
Under a rock?
Under a sock?
Preparing words in a crock?

I know you can be bad, happy, or sad
but will you be Bob, or Rob, or Clay?
Or will you be William,
that's what I say?

William proved he can be good
and so he should;
but dare he take off his mask
and post bad prose
without a Pseudo?

Come out, come out, from wherever you are!
Joust or duel? No, I'm no fool
No, I don't suck
but when Willie pulls out the stops
Duck!

[Alphabet]

Reph: Yes, a positive rep point. :ROFL:
NOTE: You are of course free to give + or - rep points at any time, but no negative reps as part of this competition.

[Paint]

I detect a stench growing over the Poetry thread...o it's the bad poems! Great idea BTW, this thread gets pretty serious on occasion. We need to play!!

[Nateskate]

Mystery host is like Bob Newhart, dry, mighty dry. Which is an acquired taste in my old neighborhood.

[stormie]

I really like (hate?) JAlpha's poem about hot flashes.

One time when I happened upon http://www.poets.com, I thought I'd have some fun and posted a really,really bad poem to see what critiquing I'd get. I thought, Hey, someone has to realize I'm not serious here. But no, either they actually loved it or told me how I could make it better. And what gets me is that many of those people pay to become full members (whatever that means).

Anyway, this is a great contest! I'm still laughing. And staying calm.

[JAlpha]

I really like (hate?) JAlpha's poem about hot flashes.

Thank you, Stormie, for the complimentary insult :Hug2:

[reph]

More bad poetry here:

http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/

William McGonagall of Dundee has been called the worst poet writing in English.

[JennaGlatzer]

The point of the rep points-- I don't know, but I'm having a blast reading mine. I laugh every time I see the one that says, "You've outdone yourself. A horrible poem!" And the one that says simply, "It Stings! It Stings! It Stings!" :)

I have no idea how to choose the worst. You're all so wretched in so many ways. Congratulations!

[rich]

Am I doing this right? I'm giving pos. points but insulting the authors.

[JennaGlatzer]

Perfect. :)

[eldragon]

And the one that says simply, "It Stings! It Stings! It Stings!" :)

That was from me .......simply because that line was priceless.

[stormie]

I used to go to the humor board for my daily fix of humor. Never thought I'd get a laugh from visiting the poetry board. :Clap:

[rich]

The time consuming part of this contest is going to the reps and insulting all you people...time consuming, but fun.

[reph]

Rich, I haven't received my insult from you yet. I'm insulted!

[rich]

Then you haven't looked. I sent it an hour ago or so.

[stormie]

Hey, Rich--I loved (hated) your insult. Took that four block walk eastward and went for a swim. ;)
Anyway, here's a link about bad poetry:

http://www.newhouse.com/archive/sefton080305.html

[rich]

Forgot to mention, stormie, you were suppose to wear the lead speedo I sent you.

[reph]

Another bad-poem contest, the Wergle Flomp, spun off from attempts to get rejected by poetry.com:

http://www.winningwriters.com/wergleflomp/2005/winners.htm


Then you haven't looked. I sent it an hour ago or so.
Ha! You call that an insult? I must say, I've seen worse. Stormie got a more insulting insult than I did. I'm insulted!

[rich]

Grab onto your ego, little girl, I'm just warming up.

[rtilryarms]

She’ll be coming round the mountains when she comes

THAT'S IT it can't get anyworse that that!

[scfirenice]

I agree, hands down. Unique that was aweful. Wow. The only thing is it is actually pretty good from a humor stand point, but again, WOW.

[Paint]

I think somebody better check on Unique...that was pretty bad! But what a great entry!!!!

[Alphabet]

At the end of the competition, when it comes time to vote, all of the contenders will have a smallish problem in that you can't give more than one rep point to the same post.

The solution will be to go to the user profile of the person you wish to vote for, pull up 'other posts by .........' and then go to one of their other posts and give the reputation point that way. (Or you might even find they have a post in this crit-eek thread)

On the topic of whether you can vote for yourself, I'd say if one does all do and that really just means all the contestants votes cancel eachother out (And anyway, you can't give a reputation point to yourself).

I suspect if I said 'vote for a different entry or just don't vote', likelihood might be that none of the entrants would vote.

I think, therefore, that I'd like to belatedly stipulate that all contestants must vote, and it must be for an entry other than their own, and as this still allows for 'tactical voting' I hope nobody will object to this late addition to the rules.

[scfirenice]

We need Vote Bot.

[robeiae]

No. We don't.

Rob :)

[Paint]

Yes...we do...it's time for McBunny to get out the tee shirt!

Vote_Bot!
Vote_Bot!

[rtilryarms]

Mysteryhost asked me to move this post to here.

I get hungry antejentacular
.......As if an anteloquy of food bygone
...............Butt (sic) for the borborygmus
......................Gementing so stodgily
....................................Ischaemia evidencing that
................................................Th e ising ever iterant
.................................................. ...........Reminds me why I am so querimonious
In response to the numerous requests, read threats, I am posting the interpretation of my Gawdawful poem on the previous age. If this makes my submission even worse, well, all the better!

The Ballad of the Midnight Snack (The title was the clue)

I get hungry before breakfast;
As if a preface of food bygone;
But for the rumbling noise in the intestines; 1
Gementing so stodgily; 2
lack of blood in a part of the body due to an obstruction evidencing that;
The meat sausage ever repeating, echoing;
Reminds me why I am so full of complaints.
Footnotes:

1 butt added as a soft pun
2 I made up gementing. If you google it, you get 2 hits; one directs you here

[Ilsensine]

Eldragon's entry has to be the most hideous thing I've read since the last stock denial email I received from PA. It is truly a wretched, wretched thing. I do have to point out that it could be even more obscene if it was a little messier, or gave more of an impression of outright idiocy. But... I have to concede that the vile italic and centre spacing combo are truly magnificent, in all the worst senses.

Boo! Hiss! Jeer! (ie Bravo! :p)

PS = I am, of course, shocked and appalled at the other entries also. Even the test-teen that we simulated being kicked in the head forty two times by a donkey under laboratory conditions was unable to reproduce such heinous victories of poetic malpractice. I salute you all. Huzzah!

[Alphabet]

Check it out... Check it out...
There has been a new prize added!!!!!!!!

[reph]

Alphabet, something's wrong with the link in your post just above. It goes to an ad for Search Machine, not to the contest.

[Alphabet]

Don't know what happened.. it might have got corrupted in some way.. it used to work then was just now not working, thanks for the heads-up. Anyway, I think it works again.

[susanabra]

Their's a big problem with mos, if not all, of the entrys in this comtest. The entrants can spell and make no effert to hide the fakt. Or am i just seeng what i think i shoud see?

[reph]

Soosan, wrong speling aint recquird. Thers moor then 1 way of writting badd.

Rpeh

[Unique]

reff

wut u say is so troo. Tek thet ther terlit poeem, fr'instence. Man. talk aboot uppin' da compatishun. Hows we'uns sposed to beet thet? Da theem alone is too much

[msQTpi]

Judging by your spelling alone, I think I may have critted for the three of you recently...Glad to see the improvement.:Trophy:

[Yeshanu]

Those who have already received rep points from me as my entry fee: I apologize. I entered before reading this thread and finding out that I'm supposed to insult you in the comment part of the rep points. Don't feel left out. I'll get to it, believe me. Some of those poems were pretty bad...

[susanabra]

Bad speling mite not be rekwired, but it sure helps!

[Yeshanu]

I hope that I've now repped everyone who didn't deserve it, and as I said, insults will follow (except for Unique, who being Unique, got hers already) when my brain stops hurting.

As for bad spelling, last week I was with Ally at a music institute and one of her teachers told her that a famous cellist had said, "A good cellist practices until she gets it right. A great cellist practices until she can't get it wrong."

I must be a great writer, because writing using poor spelling is very hard for me. I actually had to go back and edit the first verse of my poem in order to mess up the spelling. So for those of you who do it with no effort...

Wait. Was I just about to praise people who can't spell? :Headbang:

Anyhow. About the bad spelling. For some of us it's harder than it looks.

[JAlpha]

Well I have to admit it, there is some pretty tough "bad" competition to date in this contest. But anybody can be bad once.

Who else in this contest can post the worst ratio of replys to hits (0-59) for a poem posted by a registered AW member? Now that's BAD!

:Trophy:

[Unique]

It's very difficult to critique these poems - that would mean I'd have to read them more than once.:scared: My eyesight is poor as it is - I don't want to go blind!

[Nateskate]

If I knew these insult threads existed, I'd have jumped in long before.

An opportunity for dullness, to not shine, has to be met with enthusiasm.

Isn't the loser actually the winner? Of course, bad is in the eye of the beholder. But there is a good bad, bad bad, and a really stinks bad.

Shouldn't someone who doesn't understand the question, who actually posts a good poem, win? Because that would be the worst attempt at bad poetry, which is really bad. Then there is the completely lacking in art bad, as in,

Milkduds
ambling woods
still unrequited
dustballs.
Words without meaning
meaning without words
Ents
of course

I think they call this free association, which can be a sign of mental illness, and it is so bad it makes no sense at all, which by these standards is good. Oh, can't they just give us a clue which bad they prefer instead of letting us be indescriminately bad?

[Unique]

Nate,

I think the poem that causes the most people to vomit on their shoes is the one that wins. (Although I'm not absolutely sure about that....) And to all of you who were wearing suede shoes while reading my poem - I'm sorry about the stains. A wire brush and a little cornstarch might help.

[susanabra]

Hah! Already convinced you're the winner, are you, Unique?? Of course, if that is the criteria...

[maestrowork]

If you don't vomit upon reading licking crusty fungi-covered toes... then I think this contest is rigged!!

[JAlpha]

If you don't vomit upon reading licking crusty fungi-covered toes... then I think this contest is rigged!!


That's gross http://www.cyclespot.com/forums/images/smilies/puke.gif

[Alphabet]

Well, that is the interesting thing about the competition.. and one I hadn't foreseen.. which type of bad is the worst? I'd wanted technically bad, but some have been logically bad, others emotively bad, others topically bad, and indeed many many other bads - far too many to mention.

I can't answer which 'bad' is going to win, because it is a democratic judging process, not a dictatorial one. I think it will be fun though to have a 'justify your vote' thread where we might begin to find out.

Till then, good luck guessing your audience, and infact, good practice, after all, isn't that what good poetry has to do all the time.. why should bad poetry be different.

Whatever happens, do remember.. and I THINK this should be easier than usual... if your poem is rejected it is just the poem that has been rejected, not you. :ROFL:

[ricahardo]

Personally, I am an individual

Egocentric, full circle I have come,

Self-serving, I look after myself,

Self-sufficient, I look to no one.

I am one.

Id.

[Unique]

Hah! Already convinced you're the winner, are you, Unique?? Of course, if that is the criteria...

Well, no...I don't think that. I think there are quite a few worse than mine. (At least I hope so - that's a dubious honor, to say the least.) I've never been too good at laughing and crying at the same time - it makes my face hurt.

[Paint]

It seems that people want 'rules' about this contest. (Or as artists do we want no rules? That would be a rule right there...) Just some ideas:

Corny or puns
Sickenly sweet
Makes you want to vomit on your shoes
Makes you want to click to another thread
Nobody gets it
Everybody gets it
Poor spelling
Terrible rhyme
No meter or meter too forced
Horrible imitation

What else?

[Unique]

subject matter.

(I've read some bad poetry, but toe fungus and toilets - they're in a class of their own.)

[susanabra]

Write an old thing in an old way.
Write a new thing in a new way, which renders the poem completely incomprehensible.

[reph]

When I submitted, it didn't occur to me to wreck the spelling. Famous bad poets whose work is online, like the Tay Bridge Disaster guy and the Bad Cheese Poet, spelled correctly but did other things wrong.

I construed this as a humor contest.

[rich]

I've been critiquing the comments in my rep points. Some are good, but many are dissappointing. So many of them just let out a blub, like, "I'm repping you because that's what I'm suppose to do."

No, no no! That's not what you're suppose to do. You're suppose to be insulting. I've wrestled with this for a while now. At first I thought that maybe they're trying to reach the ultimate in insults: indifference. But no, I've decided that they're lazy bastards, (bitches too) who don't understand the tribulations that go with awful poems, and their egos are just consentrating on their particular insipid poem.

But no, I think it's much more than that. I think they don't know how to be deliberately insulting.

Pity.

[rich]

Reph! You two bit apricot peeling no-account!

I've never blanked you on reps. (Did I ever give you a rep?)

Anyways, coming from you, that's beyond insulting.

[elisadasilva]

gosh, i can't believe i have to come on here and beg someone to insult me. All my angst has gone unoticed and unappreciated. boo hoo

[reph]

Fer Chrissake, Rich! As if I had nothing better to do than sit around devising clever ways of saying "Your stupid poem sucks" just so you could feel bad! If you want a down day, go read your stupid, sucky poem out loud before a mirror. Do this on a weekday. You'll need a glass company to come out and replace the mirror afterward.

Hugs and kisses,
Reph (who writes worse than you)

[Pthom]

I rites wurce thun ennybuddy.

So thiere.

[susanabra]

For all those I haven't repped yet: I'm truly sorry. I have done a lot of critiquing, and sometimes there's nothing to do, other than pass over the offering in merciful silence. I will do better. For all those I have repped: Hey, I haven't even gotten my submission in there yet, and I'm repping you anyway. Get a life!!

[rich]

Much, much better, Reph.

[KTC]

Sorry JDKiggins, but I must publicly applaud your totally Zen duck-fish poetics! I was only going to do it by reputation, but then I thought, "No...it's too good!" I'm sorry if this causes you to loose the competition. I just liked it. Forgive me!

[jdkiggins]

:ROFL: KTC. That's okay. I thought this was the most horrible poem I've ever written, but I'm finding out from the rep points that it wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Hmmm. Maybe I should post one I thought was good. Bet I'd get lots of "bad poem" comments then. LOL

Note: For those who have not received reps from me, I'll get them out as soon as the board administrator tells me I haven't overloaded the rep system. :)

[Paint]

JD- I think your poem is good as well. Sorry. Keep trying...

[jdkiggins]

Thanks, Paint. If this were a "bad story" contest, I'd have loads of those to enter. LOL

I'd try to dig out a really bad one, but we're only allowed one entry. Guess I'm a loser. Bwahahahaha!!

[reph]

I just noticed that some people have posted twice in the contest thread, including me; I posted to answer a question. (I'll delete my post.) When giving rep points, be careful to give them only for poems unless, of course, you want to give the person a point for some other reason.

[Nateskate]

I hope that I've now repped everyone who didn't deserve it, and as I said, insults will follow (except for Unique, who being Unique, got hers already) when my brain stops hurting.

As for bad spelling, last week I was with Ally at a music institute and one of her teachers told her that a famous cellist had said, "A good cellist practices until she gets it right. A great cellist practices until she can't get it wrong."

I must be a great writer, because writing using poor spelling is very hard for me. I actually had to go back and edit the first verse of my poem in order to mess up the spelling. So for those of you who do it with no effort...

Wait. Was I just about to praise people who can't spell? :Headbang:

Anyhow. About the bad spelling. For some of us it's harder than it looks.

I'll give you lesssens. I'm goodd at badd speeling. It coms naterly tome e.

[skyblue]

This is not a Crit-eek... But just wanted to say how much I'm really enjoying this contest. Finally! Something I am good at! Bad Poetry.
I'm really enjoying the comments on my poem. They are an art form in themselves. So bad, Yeah!
If one has to be bad before getting good, I'm off to a great start!

On another note, I don't know for what reason, this contest inspired me to write a short story for a submission about Amazing Cat Tales. I finally did a first draft -- 2500 words. I'm amazed at myself, I actually wrote something.
Yes, it needs editing, and it's probably awful, but I wrote something! I'm starting to think you guys are magic around here.

Many Thanks,
Sky

[jdkiggins]

I'm enjoying reading the poems and the comments in my rep file.
I got a good laugh from the one who told me to "Watch out for Frank!"
You guys are great. The comments have brightened my day. :)

[reph]

The contest is closed, and neither Wm. Haskins nor firehorse entered. I'm disappointed. I expected them to show up and knock all our socks off – or, since this is a reverse contest, put all our socks on.

[Nateskate]

The contest is closed, and neither Wm. Haskins nor firehorse entered. I'm disappointed. I expected them to show up and knock all our socks off – or, since this is a reverse contest, put all our socks on.

Couldn't William have been here under a pseudonym?

[Paint]

I had thought that maybe William entered under another name too. I know Firehorse left a message that she will be offline for a while. I looked over the entries for possibilities in style and dark humor like William's. (That's not to say he wouldn't change that too.) I found two I thought could be. Mysteryhost or Kaquinn. But after looking over profiles I decided no. William is taking a break is my thought. I hope you vote though, William.

[Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse]

I am gutted that the comp is over - I had plans for an epic about the belt of love and the buckle of hate. alas, i will await the next one with badness growing deep inside of me....

[inexperiencedinker]

thanks for hte great rep comments guys...woohoo! they are fu-uh-uh-unny!

rotten poems all around!

[Nateskate]

reff

wut u say is so troo. Tek thet ther terlit poeem, fr'instence. Man. talk aboot uppin' da compatishun. Hows we'uns sposed to beet thet? Da theem alone is too much

Eye tink pur aps yers a jean yus? Yups! Dats a whad a tink! Eye neber seens uch gratebig wurds fer now.

[Nateskate]

I had thought that maybe William entered under another name too. I know Firehorse left a message that she will be offline for a while. I looked over the entries for possibilities in style and dark humor like William's. (That's not to say he wouldn't change that too.) I found two I thought could be. Mysteryhost or Kaquinn. But after looking over profiles I decided no. William is taking a break is my thought. I hope you vote though, William.

I thought mystery host as well. It was such a dry-wit poem.

Et wers O-zmart own lee duh gyes frum de chez klub wud ged dit. It near fly over my head...Well, I didn't really get it till it came back down.

[skyblue]

Now, I'm not trying to sway the judging, but I thought I would share my inspiration for my entry poem "Wacky Zacky".

You can view it here:
My Inspiration (www.dogster.com/?51147)


I'm enjoying reading all the rep comments.:popcorn:

Sky

[Unique]

I did my best to rep everyone. If I missed you, let me know. It wasn't because I don't like you - although it might be because your poem was so awful I could only look at it with one eye open....yeah. It might be that.

[Nateskate]

I did my best to rep everyone. If I missed you, let me know. It wasn't because I don't like you - although it might be because your poem was so awful I could only look at it with one eye open....yeah. It might be that.

What she said!

[KTC]

I totally lost track of repping. I think I got everyone, but I could have very well missed a few. It was too daunting a task to remember who I repped last, if you can believe that feeble excuse.

[rhymegirl]

Well, for you people who can't remember if you repped or not, this is what I did. I went back to each poem, clicked the scales on the bottom. There is a pop-up box that says something like "You cannot give reputation points to this post again"--something like that, if you have already repped the post. So if I saw that, I moved to the next one, etc.. etc. Anybody I had missed, I got the regular box, so I repped that person.

So there! :wag:

[KTC]

Well crap. Thanks for clarifying that when it's too late rhymo! Now we can't rep or we will be essentially saying that we voted for that poem. ARGH! You're so brilliant. I love your mind. And I wish I would have thought of that. Kay Sir, Ah!

[rhymegirl]

You can still give rep points now. It's the entry fee. Alphabet said when it's time to vote, you are supposed to find another post by the person you want to vote for and rep that post as your rep vote. And then we also send a PM to Wordsoup to vote for someone.

[KTC]

See...you are the clarifier! Thanking you for your help, oh mighty rhyming one. I shall do that now. (-:

[rhymegirl]

You're welcome.

Whew! Now can I have some coffee?

[KTC]

I'll get you a vat of it or an i.v. Take your pick. You rock!

[jdkiggins]

I voted! :D

[KTC]

Now go to the JUSTIFY YOUR VOTE thread, girlie!

[jdkiggins]

Oh, crap! Didn't know there was one. :D

[Yeshanu]

I voted! (And not for me, either.)

[KTC]

What is wrong with you people! MY POEM SUCKED!

[rhymegirl]

What is wrong with you people! MY POEM SUCKED!

Don't worry. I'm sure someone will recognize that and vote for you.

[Nateskate]

What is wrong with you people! MY POEM SUCKED!

I'm beginning to wonder if mine didn't suck enough???? There's still time to diss me, er...I mean vote!

[skyblue]

I thought the winner was to be announced on the 12th..???

Inquiring minds want to know!

Sky

[Alphabet]

WordSoup informed all that the 12th would be assuming no real-life crises and as we must all know there has been a major one and WordSoup's internet connection is not constant at present. She will be letting us know the score as soon as she is able - I also do not know the result.

Let's wait a while - isn't the suspense wonderful? or... maybe even awful!!!!!

[skyblue]

How utterly thoughtless of me. Apologies.

Katrina certainly qualifies as a real-life crisis.
Inquiring minds can wait!

Sky

[Paint]

Let me be the first (on this link) to congratulate the winners!!

:Clap: :Clap: :Clap:
(Now if I could just get these smileys to clap in unison!) (later...hey! it worked!)
It was a fun contest. Thanks to all and thank you for all those rep points!
Paint

[Alphabet]

To make it easier on the eye I am splitting the promised contest analysis.
First, the worst of the worst...

The worst at being worst fall into the category of 'Accidentally brilliant'

robeiae (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=294852&postcount=30)
Ba-ooh!!!
This ought to be the theme to a cartoon or comic character. Underdog!

rich (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=295473&postcount=31)
This is flash-fiction with end-rhyme. Nice.

Yeshanu (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=302373&postcount=39)
You should send this to writing magazines - as many as possible
especially those accepting humourous submissions on writing life.
It is a winner, but not of the Absolutely Awful Poetry Contest.

[Alphabet]

Special mentions

Nateskate (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=289883&postcount=3)
Unbelievable brain-dumping which should have been bad but the contents of the brain were so fascinating it lost some badness-points. Good accidental plagiarism of ideas and phrasing going on there too. And of course the quasi-prose verse structures.

JoeEkaitis (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=289897&postcount=5)
I thought more would do the dragged out line (that's why I allowed 60 lines maximum) but in the end I think Joe was the only one - that ought to be badness-points but the problem was it was artistically/aesthetically purposefull... in other words.. this is a good poem!!!

mdmkay (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=289908&postcount=6)
lovely direct-voiced angst going on there and a true-blue bad-poet theme too. But in the read of things it just wasn't memorably bad.

JAlpha (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=290541&postcount=11)
It is true this is apalling on so many levels but I suppose the most apparent level is that of being mostly composed of other people's lyrics or wildly close adjustments of same - true this is a major poetic badness and I understand it was intended to highlight that but it nevertheless became a decider between this and some of the pure invention entries.

Elial Takavian (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=291992&postcount=17)
This was a truly terrible poem and I was going to add it to my list of 'deciding between' so I went to remind myself of the title and that was where the badness fell apart - it is such a good title and it drags some kind of quality out of it all - badness-points scattering to the wind.. if only the title had been as bad as the poem.

Pthom (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=292194&postcount=18)
I love this poem. The title makes me smile just by itself. There is a real mix of bad and good in it but I like the silly line breaks towards the end. It probably would not have been my top pick because it has this adorable inner poem - Stir, cook. / Whir! / Look. but as well as that it makes me hungry just reading it, and that, my friend, means it actually works on some level - so, not nearly bad enough.

Stormie (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=292724&postcount=22)
This was medium-bad although the varied repetition is a poetic technique, so the key feature of the poem is a badness-points loser. But what took it completely out of the running is this.. did you notice how the justification makes the whole piece look like tear drops drip drip dripping down the page? That's far too clever (even if accidental) to be truly truly bad.

kaquinn (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=293519&postcount=25)
this is a bad poem! it relies on pointless repetition in a supposed attempt to emphasise the meaning/emotion - truly a bad technique.. but this is the only bad feature present.

Cabria (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=295592&postcount=32)
This could have won it... if only the title were worse and the endline was not there at all. I thought a title like 'I look' would have clinched the deal but there you go making sense out of the whole thing and throwing away the badness-points... nice try!

NiqueZoolio (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=305353&postcount=45)
The thing is that it is pretty bad indeed, line breaks, angst, lack of metaphor, whining, juvenile, you think it is going to maybe win and then you get to the very last line.. and they are running out of breath.. they are maybe having a suicide-pact, perhaps even one where only one side is actually wanting to die.. its suddenly very grim and very profound analysis of psychotic love - all the bad parts suddenly work and seem meant to be.. I guess when you wrote this for your old flame you didn't maybe intend that and so yes that does make it bad, very bad.. but I can't allow explanation that shouldn't have been there to influence the decision.. so no... last line looses all the badness-points for you.

ricardo (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=305217&postcount=42) and jdkiggins (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=305243&postcount=43)
(you have identical reasons for losing so I've grouped you to save typing.. and then I do more typing to explain it.. ahh well)

I know you think this is a bad poem, and it could have been... but bad poems are not profound... yours is, therefore it is not a bad poem...well, at least, it is not absolutely awful.

Evan (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=305170&postcount=41)
Although yours is not exactly profound it could be interpretted to be a cutting attack on bad poets and as such has meaning and so is not truly absolutely awful.

elisadasilva (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=301669&postcount=38)
This reached my 'deciding between' list but as I tried to work out how to whittle the 10 in that list down to one I realised that in fact there is only one reason why the poem was 'bad' and that is the astonishingly awful line 'my tears fall like my mom's souffle' - the rest of the poem is absolutely fine, I'm not saying it is a good poem because the general subject is not exactly enlightening but it really isn't awful either. but souffle tears, eh? not bad at all (I mean, very bad). good try.

[Alphabet]

The 'Deciding Betweens' were the ones that couldn't be separated for the level of badness appreciated while reading them. They were:

Cassie88 (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=289918&postcount=7)
I love love love love love the interminable-badness of this one.

JennaGlatzer (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=290032&postcount=9)
What terrible metaphors and similes!! It is bad. It is bad, do you hear?
The only thing is I can imagine it going down a storm at a humourous poetry stand-up session. Could it have travelled so hilariously into the bad that it became good?

mysteryhost (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=292606&postcount=20)
it isn't so much what on earth can you say about this as opposed to what on earth can you understand about this poem? something tells me that if there was a book of these I'd want to buy it though!! just the masochist in me.

reph (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=292727&postcount=23)
cantos
damn it

Munchkin (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=293800&postcount=27)
what
a
trulybadpoemthisis!

unique (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=297476&postcount=34)
This is 'fool of yourself' awful (well, since we all know you write far better than that normally) and has similarities with JAlpha's piece in that it hijacks tunes but you've really swapped a lot of the words and (fittingly) it is far worse than the original and actually quite inane.
It has that wonderful 'oh my gosh, she actually thinks this XXXX is good' feel to it because it is so confidently done - and that gives it an extra level of awfulness. Thanks unique's mom for making her do it.

ilsensine (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=299411&postcount=35)
Oh Fred! It has silly metre and silly rhyme, txt msg wording, sounds immature and shallow. But I didn't like the line about the carrot - even though this wasn't what I thought of as the awful part of the poem I didn't want to give a vote or seem to give for icky subject. So, I guess it slipped into the 'inappropriate' category for my vote but a lot of people are voting for that type of awfulness so it could do well.

donkeyz12212 (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=300992&postcount=37)
This gets badness-points mostly for the subject matter and the depth of treatment of it. Other people went for icky themes but with more of a 'shock value' attempt and I thought that was too easy - i.e. not in itself impressive but you've really 'dug deep' on this icky theme and it made it incredulously awful in a lingering way that the brief forays with ickdom elsewhere in the contest didn't achieve.

inexperiencedinker (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=311579&postcount=53)
This is the only poem that made me think 'oh my god this is awful' as I was reading it. admittedly with much laughter too.. but awful.. .yeah

[Alphabet]

I had to get inventive with how to start distinguishing between them!!!

So.. I removed the ones that just were not memorable enough. That left:
Cassie
Reph
Munchkin
InexperiencedInker
Unique
Donkeyz

Then I separated the ones I logically knew were bad leaving the ones that actually elicited a full reaction,
Cassie
Reph
Munchkin
InexperiencedInker

Cassie and Munchkin had a similar type of awfulness and of the two I thought cassies was pathetic in the composition as well as the verbal ability so it won out against Munchkin's entry

Reph's poem I had to admit was just too clever. It really is awful, but I enjoyed it so much that I have difficulty in accepting it is totally awful. (I was enjoying the terribleness of it but there was too much skill showing through to be enjoyed too)

That left Cassie (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=289918&postcount=7) and inexperiencedinker (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=311579&postcount=53) in a head to head eliminator.

And the winner for my vote was......

INEXPERIENCEDINKER
(You Wi-i-i-in)

Because: Cassie's poem had a comparison between the sky and her love which not exactly original but nevertheless poetic to a point.


So, that's how I did it... apologies to those whose poem didn't get a mention. It probably means the poem just wasn't bad enough - that's a good thing, isn't it?

[reph]

Reph's poem I had to admit was just too clever.
Some people are so hard to displease.

[maestrowork]

I notice I wasn't on any list... what does that mean?

[robeiae]

...that you're listless...

Rob :)

[JAlpha]

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/images/smilies/Funny_post.gif

[stormie]

Special mentions

Stormie (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=292724&postcount=22)
This was medium-bad although the varied repetition is a poetic technique, so the key feature of the poem is a badness-points loser. But what took it completely out of the running is this.. did you notice how the justification makes the whole piece look like tear drops drip drip dripping down the page? That's far too clever (even if accidental) to be truly truly bad.

Yay!! I made "special mentions!" Next time I'll try to do my worst. Is there a next time?? Huh?? I promise to stay calm while waiting....

[inexperiencedinker]

I just want to say....
well. I don't know. As excited as I am that I won, it wasn't THAT horrible, lol! Okay, so it was.
I think it was the meter that really makes it unfortunate, which was my point. I despise when a poet follows 8-8-8-8 for three stanzas and then BOOM! 8-7-8-8.
Come on! Your a poet! figure it out! I don't waaaaant to drag out the syllable.
Maybe it was also that i tried to rhyme the word penis, that does add a certain awfulness.
I also just want to point out that although it was a tie, Cassie88 is lucky! LoL! I had already decided that in the event of a "poem - off" I would post some of my poems from 10th Grade English. Just so you know what you were up against, I will tell you that the 45 line poem mentioned sticks and stones, and flying fish. The most awful part about it is that it was not a joke poem, but real, from the depths of my soul! :eek:
Flying fish, what the heck was I thinking?

Everyone did SUCH an awesomely bad job that I was amazed. My family and office mates thank you for the endless hours of laughing. Some of your poems are now permanent jokes with people snickering in meetings.

[Nateskate]

I think it was the meter that really makes it unfortunate, which was my point. I despise when a poet follows 8-8-8-8 for three stanzas and then BOOM! 8-7-8-8.


Maybe that was my problem. I didn't understand a thing you just said. For all I know the meter of my poem was someone's phone number?