Favorite line???

[David McAfee]

I saw a post where someone was asking the members here what their opening lines are. So I thought I would ask what is your favorite line from your current WIP.

Mine is this one:

“Anna,” he said, giving the thing a name and a gender in two syllables, “Has all been explained to you?”


I dunno why, exactly. I just really like it. :)

[alaskamatt17]

Here's my favorite from my first book:

Just before he fell asleep he heard the distant flutter of a bird's wings, followed shortly by a predator's call.

From my second book:

"It felt strange to taste your blood. I have never allowed myself to wonder what the taste of human was. I am relieved to find it bitter."

[azbikergirl]

Said by my female lead: "Unlike yours, Cirang, my mouth and my arse have different functions."

[scribbler1382]

After my hero kicks down the door to my villain's lair:

It was the other stench that was making Frank wish he could bore into the door and get down with the roaches. Death.

[loquax]

After a compelling pep speech from my antag:

Then, instead of words, there came from his mouth a vibrant burst of crimson, for he had been shot in the back of the head.

[cattywampus]

Alaska, you've made leaps of improvement in the second one. And I love the "mouth and arse" one - talk about setting the tone for the story! That's really excellent, though the odd name stops the flow short.

I have several WsIP going, but my favorite opening line is from my fantasy for youth (principally girls), CHILD OF THE CLOVEN HOOF:

"It began the day Misty took her little brother out into the woods to get rid of him."

My favorite opening line from another's works is from an Ian Fleming "novel":

"The last camel died at noon."

What a wealth of information is packed into that line! The more meaning you can pack into a few words, the better. The book instantly gains depth that way.

[Akuma]

Zalman had always been a quiet boy.

Gripping, I know. ;)

[Carlene]

"It was that one perfect time to visit Minnesota - after the last snowfall, but before the first mosquito attack."

From my mystery, "One by One".

Carlene
www.crdater.com (http://www.crdater.com)

[BlueTexas]

I'm defining 'favorite' as 'hasn't been altered'. Not many of those in my WIP.

"The oars cut trails from the water into the wet sand, tracing more shifting permanence."

[maestrowork]

"Caffeine is good for the empty soul."

[triceretops]

Sorry, it's a dialogue passage:



“That’s a damn cheap shot coming from you, Ms. Dog faced boy, who can’t even count up the facts of what’s going on here. I suppose you’ll just swing those big tits of yours and we’ll all stand behind you for protection.”

Tri

[JAlpha]

If Jack listened to her—really listened—she wouldn’t feel the need to blather 15,000 more words per day then he does.

[Mistook]

My PI, to her client:

“Your life is very likely in danger... dumb-a$$!”



My evil villain to his newly hired bounty hunter:

“Consider it a deal. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind killing the dog on your way out?”

[alaskamatt17]

From a short story:

They would go to the crab farms: crabs do not care whether their food is alive or dead.

From the same story:

He remained hopeful that some sea beast would rise up and swallow him.

I don't know why, but I just like both of those.

[KimJo]

From my YA WIP, a force of light to a teenage guy:

"I'll stop calling you Zeke when you stop calling me Clyde."

[three seven]

Then, instead of words, there came from his mouth a vibrant burst of crimson, for he had been shot in the back of the head.This is quite possibly the finest sentence ever committed to paper.

[loquax]

Why thank you. Go Britain.

[Garpy]

'Crud that's harsh....every little creature deserves at least one anus.'

I should clarify, the character is discussing a genetically engineered household pet.....taken from my YA-scifi novel.

[NeuroFizz]

My one-sentence summary of a marriage:

"I'll learn to fold the towels in thirds when you learn to roll up the extension cord without any goddamn kinks."

[Mac H.]

"But now my memory is failing, and one day soon I'll forget for the last time. Then all of those friends who still live on in my memory will be lost"

[loquax]

These are our favourite lines from our WIPs. They're all in context. You've posted on the wrong thread - there's one for first lines, too.

[cattywampus]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you for the heads up. I am getting too old, it looks like.

[Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse]

From my my first (and last) short historical sci-fi time travel thriller/romance -

They had tried operations, hypnotism and even harsh tugging, but there was no denying it - his genetalia was indeed the spitting image of one Adolf Hitler.

[scfirenice]

"You taste as if your heart is breaking"

JC to AB

[cattywampus]

Nique, I hope you don't mind my saying a couple of things (yeah, SURE!) about your opening line.

You are definitely moving in the right direction. Good work! But even this opening line can be improved. First, the last part, "...there was no denying it - his genetalia was indeed the spitting image of one Adolf Hitler," is strong enough to stand by itself (say less, mean more). The other part, "They had tried operations, hypnotism and even harsh tugging, but..." is superfluous, irrelevant and only gets in the way, delays and depletes the impact of the last part. You don't want to bore the reader unnecessarily, do you? Consider this:

"Despite all their efforts, despite everything they tried, there was no denying it: his genitalia still resembled Adolph Hitler."

This still delays the impact, but not too long. 19 words. You used 26. So I saved you 7 words! Always write as though you were only allotted so many words. Why? Because the fewer words you use, the more impact your statement delivers.
Thanks for reading.

[Honey Nut Loop]

'And that’s when it hit me. No not some sudden realisation of genius; the truck you idiots.'

[David McAfee]

After a compelling pep speech from my antag:

Then, instead of words, there came from his mouth a vibrant burst of crimson, for he had been shot in the back of the head.

Wow! GREAT line!

[fedorable1]

Mine's from another work of mine, but not my WIP.

'Squeak?' The dead don't squeak!

Still cracks me up sometimes. :D

[clotje]

This is from my first MSS:

The swings had no seats and it looked like the sandbox was used solely by cats and dogs to answer nature’s call.

[PattiTheWicked]

My favorite opening line from another's works is from an Ian Fleming "novel":

"The last camel died at noon."


I think you're thinking of Ken Follett. The Key To Rebecca.

[PattiTheWicked]

Favorite lines from my WIP:

"There was also a thing with a goat, but hopefully that was an isolated incident."

"Hank lay on his back in the sun, gasping like a fish, a neat hole straight through his left kneecap, and it was all I could do not to put a bullet in the a$$hole's other leg."

[David McAfee]

Here's another one I like from my WIP...

Bandy was no powerless little whelp, but he and I both knew which of us would end up as a red smear on a dirty New York sidewalk if it ever came to blows.

[Perks]

I've always liked this one, although I don't know how it reads out of context.


The second hand of the timepiece faltered and stopped. I began the haunting of my Good Samaritan.

[AdamH]

This is from a short story I wrote earlier in the year:

Pop cans speckled a small strip of sand called Queensland Beach to its very end like a multitude of spotted colours upon a sandy tope canvas. It reminded him of a giant M&M cookie.

[aspiringwriter]

From Mario Puzo's THE GODFATHER... "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." One of the most powerful lines ever written (in my opinion of course)

[Danger Jane]

"The table was exceedingly stupid."

Pride and Prejudice. Left me laughing my head off for a very long time, especially considering that it was like 2 AM when I read it...

[DivaWriter]

Here's my favorite line. It's right after my protaganist is confronted by her friend and possible love interest she's been giving the cold shoulder.

“I’m not ignoring you! You wanted to be a smart @ss and you should know that I don’t entertain smart @sses,” I said with enough dryness to leave him thirsty!"

Something about the line personifies my characters brassiness.

[LightShadow]

From my work that is with an agent at this moment: Sara traversed life with two minds. One focused on what she must accomplish to survive. The other embedded itself into the deepest sorrow of her dreadful past.

From my last WIP: Luck only broils in one flavor, the unlucky kind. Salem Wiccar was an unlucky bastard.

From my current WIP: "Please hold for the President of the United States," said a female voice on the other end of the line. "Dammit," mumbled Jarrod. His muscles failed to relax. Vacation was over.

[David McAfee]

Here's another favorite:



The winning soldier in my battle against lethargy turned out to be my bladder.

[loquax]

The winning soldier in my battle against lethargy turned out to be my bladder. I like it. Because I can relate to it.

[Mike Martyn]

Here's one from my current ms, the juvenile M/C speaking to the coroner;

"I'm not dead anymore so can I go back to my room?"

[Sarita]

From my current WIP (short story): The lake surface looked like glass that the day I walked around it, feet caked with mud, mind full of you.

From my current WIP (novel): "Please refrain from calling me Dr. Wykoff. It makes me feel old and medicinal."

[PattiTheWicked]

One of my other favorites from a WIP:

"If Oakmere Hall wasn't a haunted house, it was missing one hell of an opportunity."

[cattywampus]

Those last three are truly spectacular. I would feel compelled to keep reading with any of them. Good work!

[alaskamatt17]

A new one from my WIP. Not as good as that "taste of human" bit I posted a while back, but I like it anyway. It seems like it just belongs in a fantasy book.

"... How many do you think there are?"

"Thousands," Dylasu answered. "More thousands than dwell in my home city. A match for my army and your city together."

"But are we a match for them?"

The general had no answer.

[maestrowork]

From my WIP:


Out in the desolate forest, it had always been the only place and time when his father and he would bond, over the reverberated sounds of gunshots, and the broken spine of a barking deer or the scattered skull of a wild boar.