PA Forum Monitor Rules

[DaveKuzminski]

Astonwest brought up the fact that the monitors over on the PA forum have rules to follow for what's permitted on their board. In the interest of guiding those authors over on the PA forum who are unaware of PA's double-secret forum rules we have used our stealth web site spider to bring those into the light so that the PA authors will no longer be confused over what's permitted on the PA forums.

[DaveKuzminski]

Rule 1: Any mentions of literary watchdog sites or their operators' names is prohibited unless such individuals are being deliberately baited in order to assure the masses of PA authors that they are in the right place since they would not want to hang out in places where science fiction and fantasy authors are known to loiter.

[astonwest]

Just remember rules 1 and 23 were already given...

[astonwest]

Rule 1: Any mentions of literary watchdog sites...

Ah, I see you have the unabridged version...

[DaveKuzminski]

Rule 2: Proper postings should start off with glowing comments about PA. Any postings that start off with "I think PA should..." are to be considered suspicious immediately and read thoroughly. If the posting turns out to be a complaint or attempts to steer PA into operating like a real publisher, the posting is to be deleted immediately.

[robeiae]

Rule 2a: The posting does not have to be deleted if an available PA shill is able to post a refutation of the complaint, accompanied by a sound belittling of the original poster, within 15 minutes.

Rob :)

[PA Sock Puppit]

Yes, we have found belittling to be a very useful tool.

[DaveKuzminski]

Rule 3: If you post any responses in an attempt to put out author mutinies, always sign as Author Support Team. This adds to your mystique since authors will not recognize your name as someone knowledgeable in the industry. Otherwise, someone smart will do a web search and locate your background. Then they'll point out how little you actually know and that you're only repeating our claims of how it's supposed to work. Also, revealing your name could make you a defendant in a Maryland court because we'll then claim our actions were all your doing and point to where you posted as proof.

[Carole]

that's just too creepy

[Banned-Aide]

NEVER ask questions about:

1. Royalties
2. books being unavailable from sea to shining sea
3. unedited books
4. typos
5. pa providing promotional help
6. ridiculous high prices of books
7. real reason why bookstores won't order even if it came right from the manager's mouth
8. Mr. Meiner's yearly income made off the sweat of writers with a dream

[Banned-Aide]

Never mention the name of a banned member because that will put you in the same unsavory category. tsk, tsk, tsk

[astonwest]

You realize there are 177 (and a half) rules in this book, Dave...it might take a while to list them all...

[DaveKuzminski]

Our stealth web spider may be slow, but it is thorough.

[PA Sock Puppit]

You forgot the rule that says InfoCenter can be rude and demeaning. We purposely hire people with anger management issues for this job.


Another rule is that "Thank you, PA" should be included whenever possible in posts.

[robeiae]

My book is full of errors...thank you PA.
My book is overpriced...thank you PA.
No bookstore will stock my book...thank you PA.
No one will review my book...thank you PA.
Et cetera, et cetera...

Like that?

Rob :)

[PA Sock Puppit]

:Hammer: :Hammer:

[astonwest]

Sorry, Rob, but for those to pass muster on the PAMB, you have to run them through a handy-dandy translation program...thankfully, for you, I pirat...er, acquired a copy a while back...

My book is full of errors...thank you PA.
(PA kept my original author voice, and didn't stylize my book...thank you PA)

My book is overpriced...thank you PA.
(The blood, sweat and tears I put into writing this book is so worth the cover price, and it's so much cheaper than putting gas in your car...thank you PA)

No bookstore will stock my book...thank you PA.
(PA is helping to save the environment by not printing a paper copy until someone orders it...thank you PA)

No one will review my book...thank you PA.
(All those snotty reviewers out there are jealous of me, and don't want me to be successful, since PA was willing to give me a chance...thank you PA)

Hope that helped...

[robeiae]

My book is full of errors...thank you PA.
(PA kept my original author voice, and didn't stylize my book...thank you PA)

My book is overpriced...thank you PA.
(The blood, sweat and tears I put into writing this book is so worth the cover price, and it's so much cheaper than putting gas in your car...thank you PA)

No bookstore will stock my book...thank you PA.
(PA is helping to save the environment by not printing a paper copy until someone orders it...thank you PA)

No one will review my book...thank you PA.
(All those snotty reviewers out there are jealous of me, and don't want me to be successful, since PA was willing to give me a chance...thank you PA)
You're better than the Pock Suppit...

Actually, I never made the mental connection between my complaints and the benefits PA announces preemptively. Maybe you should put this bit (and any other examples you can think of) in NEPAT. Not trying to give you work, just thought that seeing the pairing might be really helpful.

Rob :)

[astonwest]

You're better than the Pock Suppit...

I think I've just been around longer than ye old PASP...

They probably would have loved to have me work for them...
but then, I have a soul and a conscience.

(I think that's an instant disqualification question on the application)

[DaveKuzminski]

(I think that's an instant disqualification question on the application)

Oh, oh, we need to also get a copy of the PA employment application form posted in here! ;)

[PA Sock Puppit]

Rob... :wag: :guns: :poke: :rolleyes:

We here at PhlegmishAmerica like to hire liberal arts majors from Junior Colleges who are willing to sell their souls for a job. One big requirement that Mr. Crappers and Mr. Weeners insist on is "no conscience". In fact, there is a sign by the time clock that says " Leave your conscience at the door."

Other qualities we look for are skill in sending form letters and the ability to be snippy.