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View Full Version : need an opinion on an opning idea


bigredballoon
01-16-2006, 08:07 AM
heres the deal i read alot but i dont wright mutch because ma spelling and grammer is terrible but i had an idea a couple of nights ago and would like an unbyest opinion.

'They said he was mad when he went ripping down the highway in a beat up prison van shooting at cops..... And you know what the were right.'

Pushing sixty flying down a desert highway in the middle of the night the van rattling, shaking and thretning to fall apart with every bump and pothole it hit. The only audible noise over the roaring engines and gunshots was the clatter of empty beer cans and spent shell casings being thrown around under the seat.

'I aint goin back ye hear!'
'You pig mother ****ers can try but you aint taking me back!'
(Thats it play it crazy, fire of a couple of wild shots. These are just plain boys in blue they dont know difrent. Iv seen what they do to you in there your dead meat for shure if u go back. Better get off road soon, pray this old tub will hold out for a few more miles.)

knightrunnermatt
01-17-2006, 02:19 AM
It has potential, depending on where you are planning on taking it. I would try to avoid cliches and over used wording. You can get away with them occassionally, but otherwise it sounds childish and unoriginal.

Is this an idea for a comic? If so, I'd be interested in hearing the other elements that will accompany it.

matt