Experimenting

[narselon]

I'm in the process of editing the first draft of my book. I'm doing most of the usual things, fixing grammar, adding scenes, tightening subplots, and etc. Many of the chapters towards the end experiment with nonlinear storytelling, which I am starting to question in this current draft.

One of the biggest changes is dedicating myself to a single viewpoint at a time. The narrative follows the protagonist most of the time, but I've hit a little snag on the way. The second most important character is the one who drives the story. He's the one who forces my protagonist along on their suicidal adventure. At key moments I find myself having to create line breaks so I can have an opportunity to jump into his head. One might say I should switch protagonists, but I'd rather stay focused on the everyman who isn't an *******. I am especially guilty of switching viewpoints towards the end when the protagonist goes insane under extreme circumstances.

Near the end I spend an entire chapter where I focus on the experiences of four minor characters at the time of a major event which had just happened in the previous chapter. I retell the same event from each of the four perspectives and end at a big cliffhanger. To complicate things further I back up to where I left off with the main storyline and explain what happened in that cliffhanger before it happened. I continue to jump forward and jump back until the end. While you can tell the order of the events, I wonder if it is a bit jarring for readers to experience something like this for the first time beyond the halfway mark.

I know this is getting to be a long post, but I have one more example I'm curious about. In several chapters I leave journal entries written by an unknown narrator to describe events completely out of their knowledge. Initially this was to establish a subplot that would become the big twist of the novel so people don't go thinking "where the f*** did that come from?" There are also a few examples of journal entries towards the end that describe a situation centuries ago. I'm not sure if these are a good idea or not.

I'm sure this post is completely incoherent, but if you can get through this. I'd like to know if I should get rid of the experimental nonsense and go with a straight narrative of a single point of view or should I keep them and tighten them up? Would a reader be annoyed or confused by something new?

[Sage]

There's nothing wrong w/ going at the novel with more than one POV (IMO), especially if you have big chunks of the novel that your MC isn't the logical one to look at it through. I would advise against changing the POV to someone new suddenly near the end of the novel. If the entire novel has been from the POV of one or two people, adding a couple more near the end, long after your reader has become used to whose POV you use, will be confusing.

The retelling of the same time period from four (preferrably established) POVs might work, but it depends on how different they all are. If four people are in the same room experiencing the same thing, the audience will probably get bored of reading the same things happening & redundant dialogue, even if each has a different take on it. You could maybe get away with two, & then it would have to be vital to the storyline how each reacts to the same things. If the four people are not experiencing the same thing (they're in different locations, or are so preoccupied with a specific thing they are doing that they aren't paying attention to everything else that's going on), I wouldn't worry about using the same time period. So for example if main character is a magic user who is in the process of doing an important spell that will either save or destroy the world, & everyone in the world can sense he's doing it, you might have a short jump to a few people who are experiencing that & share their fears & hopes about the event. Another example would be a battle, let's say four vs. four, where each person is somewhat aware of what else is going on, but more focused on whoever's attacking them at the moment.

The journal thing might work if done right. I don't think I have a really clear picture of it.

I think for the most part, though, you can assume that if you change styles late in the book, the reader will at least be confused & jarred out of the book, & possibly annoyed.

[narselon]

Most of the time if I switch point of views it goes to the character who drives the story. By around the seventh chapter, I introduce a new character who occasionally gets the spotlight. This character takes over near the final chapter to confront the protagonist after the other character is killed.

The four person chapter happens after an events that changes all of society. They each see it on television and are struggling to survive in the new world. These four characters were introduced earlier as friends and family(exwife, bartender informant, a foreign undergrounder, and priest), each with a different opinion of what the protagonist has done. The only repitition is when they see it happen on television. I'm going to see if I can trim that part.

Journal entries are by the third character I mentioned, but I don't want to make it too clear. They happen before he is introduced and explain why he has come into the protagonist's life. But if someone draws the connection of what he is describing it could make some realize prematurely the secret he is hiding. I made his entries purposely vague to hide the secret and justify it by his lack of understanding, unable to comprehend things like a normal human until later.

[LightShadow]

Whatever you do will work as long as you polish it. Agents and editors receive countless submissions and most of those are rejected because they are inappropriate or mistargeted. Others are rejected because they stink of amateur writing. Re-read, re-write, and then do it again. Send the best product possible. You will know by polishing it whether or not the POV changes work, especially if you are a voracious reader. Reading a lot gives you a better eye when it comes to your own work.

[zornhau]

If you're messing with conventional structure for the shear sake if it, then - given the genre you imply - I think you should rethink. Also, if you're using it to create artificial tension - an authorial striptease - you risk just irritating the reader.

However, if you have good reasons for doing what you do, then you should leave it as is.

[narselon]

At first I added the chapter where I take the four perspectives because I thought the story was going to be too short. The chapter ended up being 40 pages with about ten dedicated to each one. I also did this because they were interesting characters I couldn't explore in the main narrative. The protagonist's exwife was only seen for one chapter and she was depicted as a a total b**** because of the situation. The same happened with the priest who threw the protagonist to the dogs. Both of them were good people that deserved better. In the case of the other two, their storylines relating to the protagonist had not been tied up. Using this chapter I was able to give closure and a different view of the world they lived in. This makes it easier to see why the protagonist laments his decision because of the consequences that the chapter is focused on.

The first example of jumping around happens at the end of this chapter where one sees a giant shadow blocking the sky. I go back to the protagonist's point of view to explain what led to this. This continues until the two main characters split up. The secondary main character's story is told where he betrays the protagonist and come back to see that the protagonist has survived and has challenged him to do battle to decide who is right. In the next chapter I skip ahead to the middle of their battle and there is a shocking twist when one seemingly defeats the other. This is probably the most unnecessary as I thought it would be a cool cliffhanger to leave the reader with before explaining why this is the case. I go back to where they split up to tell what happened to the protagonist that made him change so much. This goes on until their second meeting where I switch back to the other main character's perspective. Once he dies, I start a new chapter with a scene revealing more of his backstory before the third main character takes over. Then the protagonist takes over until the end.

I think some of the shifting is inappropriate with fantasy like you presume, but I don't consider it a fantasy story in the traditional sense. It starts as fantasy with a mystery element until the big event that shifts it into more of the science fiction genre. After this divide is when I start experimenting. I believe that it is considered more suiting to do the jumping around in a science fiction story than a fantasy.

[Tirjasdyn]

Micheal Moorcock is a master at this. His later Elric novels, Hawkmoon, and some of his german ones (Count Brass and other in that vaine...there are many). Also his Jerry Cornelius Chroncles, which are extremely experimental even with Deus ex Machina at the end of them. You seem to be going a little more extreme but I would suggest studying these for some insight.