The Weekend Progress Report

[batyler65]

Hi, all,
The New Year's Goal thread was getting a bit cumbersome, so I decided to start a new one that more accurately reflected what we were keeping track of there. For those of you who have bypassed the New Year's thread, here's the scoop. A few of us started talking about our goals for the new year and have been keeping tabs on each other to help meet them. Anyone is welcome to sound off here and let us all know how the writing biz is going. I for one know that reporting in every week has certainly helped keep me focused.

So, without further ado...

Another Friday night on the writing front. How is everybody doing out there?

I knocked out a rewrite of chapter 3 and got a start on 4. I hope to knock out another 1000 words before the end of weekend.

Also decided I'm going to write a humor essay about shopping for lingerie after reading Ernie Witham's column "Happy Valentine's Day Dear" in this month's issue of American Magazine. So, I'll be putting on my thinking cap this weekend.

I have to write a column this coming week and I have two major deadlines, so I may allow myself some veg time.

How goes it with you guys?

Barb

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

Yep, we did need a new thread that reports "keeping track" of writing progress not our scores in other endeavors. It seems that one of humor hounds has yet to make it to first base:cry This reminds me of one of Dorothy Parker's sayings, "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.":p

On that note, Barb, I'm looking forward to reading the lingerie shopping essay in Family Circle.

The weekend is here, and I'm ready to write. Does research time count? My grandma had this aunt who ran off with the local doctor, who left behind a wife and a couple of kids. This happened after my grandmother's uncle lost his mind and passed away, under suspicious circumstances, in the state mental hospital. Moving on, she returned to MO and sued grandma's grandfather-a real piece of work- for her departed husband's share of his estate. According to grandma, it was the local trial of the decade with folks coming from all over. This was around 1913, when their was no radio. It didn't hurt that Aunt Hattie was a quiet a looker.

I think that there is a story here. I'm heading to the library to do some research this afternoon before the big ice storm hits tonight.

As for writing goals, I plan to honor mine. I even put in 3 or 4 good hours on Dr. King's day, a holiday from work for me.

Barb, sounds like you have made excellent progress this week. Yet with those deadlines, do take some renewal time to refuel.

I shall check in and report my progress throughout the weekend. Hope that the rest of your humor hounds do the same.

Annie :hat
:hat

[batyler65]

Okay, Annie,
I hope your endeavors are going well. I bogged down in vegetable land (and the ice storm really hasn't helped).

I may get that 1000 words in tonight after everyone else goes to bed. At least, that's my hope.

Your story sounds complex! I wish you the best while working to untangle it all. And yes, for the record, I think research time counts. Now, does watching bad movies count as research? If so, I've been researching my butt off. :lol

Happy Writing!
Barb:peace

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

Did manage to get in almost 30 minutes in while the boys were out.

Ice storm and bad movies have been on my agenda today too. Watched Casino for the upteenth time and am now starting on Blow with the boys and a couple of their friends.

Robert De Niro's garbs in Casino could easily inspire a fashion column. At on point, Aaron said, "notice how his clothes always match the room that he is in." He had a point.

Good luck in pounding out those 1000 words.

Annie:hat
:hat

[batyler65]

Well, my weekend didn't turn out as planned. My dog had an episode that required attention, keeping me away from the desk.

Guess I'll try to make up the difference later on this week.

Annie, looks like you did okay with your weekend goal. At least you got 30 minutes. You go girl!

Next weekend I'll do better. I promise.

Barb

[batyler65]

Hi, Annie,
I hope you are all set for a productive weekend. I'm going to be working on a couple of paying gigs (one computer software project and humorous greeting card deadline).

I only cranked out about 800 words in my Friday novel session, so I need to try to cram in some Saturday morning fiction time. Cross your fingers for me.

In the big news department: I got a call from my editor at FC today and she has fallen in love with another piece I wrote. So it was being passed on to the higher ups for approval. I've crossed my fingers, toes, legs and eyes for this one. I could use another sale. (heck, I could use two or three...;)

Sound off and let me know how you are doing out there.

BaRb:ack

[batyler65]

Hey, guys,
This isn't an exclusive club, you know. Anyone is welcome to throw in and share goals and motivation. Just knowing that I'm going to check in with somebody on the weekend and compare progress really helps to keep me motivated and on task. Especially with the big projects.

How about it? Anybody else want to play?

Barb

[reph]

I hear you, Barb. It's just that some of us look shabby by comparison--your humor in Family Circle and all.

All right, today I heard back from the acquisitions editor at Dell Magazines. All the material I sent last time was accepted. He explained the rationale for preferring some kinds of wordplay to other kinds in two types of puzzles they have that use silly puns. He wants four more of each kind of puzzle from me, and, he says, don't forget the hidden-word stories.

Also in today's puzzle-construction news, I mailed between 4 and 5 ounces of completed puzzle mss. (weight includes envelope) to Penny Press.

[batyler65]

Welcome, Reph!

Way to go on your puzzle progress! I do puzzles for kids, but have never tried the adult market (even though I'm a bit of a wordplay addict). I sent some stuff to Games magazine but never got a response. ugh. That's worse than a form rejection letter.

Be sure to let me know when your stuff runs so I'll have an excuse to go out and buy lots of puzzles to indulge my addiction!

As for FC, well, it only took me eight years to break in, so don't worry about shabby. I've been there. Done shabby. And I still get my share of rejects from them.

[reph]

Thanks.

Never mind Games magazine. It's owned by Kappa Publishing Group. Their new contract (1) calls every submission a work for hire without meeting the legal requirements for its being one and (2) contains a vicious indemnity clause. Believe me, you're better off not dealing with those folks.

My puzzles run in Penny Press variety magazines all the time, but they don't have bylines. If you see one called Stepping Stones, however, that was me.

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

Congratulations on the call from the editor at Family Circle. I'm crossing everything that I can think of for you.:clover Yet, I have faith that your piece will stand on it's own.

Yep, the weekend here. Have had from 3 to 5 boys (ages 14-15) here since Friday evening. Can't walk through the living room without stepping on a body part. I have been on automatic all weekend, loading/unloading the dishwasher, picking up empty pop cans/stiff pizza crust, and watching Comedy Central and MTV. :ack

In spite of the pending ice/snow storm and superbowl,:ack I will get my quota in so I can be right with you and humor hounds. Yet, it would be nice to see that young Carolina team whop up on those New Englanders.

Just wanted to write while the desktop is free. Could get out my laptop...........Will check back in.

Annie:hat

[batyler65]

Sounds like Games is Bad News! Thanks for the warning. Bummer, though, cause I really like the magazine. :(

Barb

[batyler65]

Annie,
Well, I think I want to whine...

I hate weekend rush projects -- Had to do a bunch of "real" work (meaning I had a rush writing gig that sucked up my weekend). Ugh.

I did manage to put in a couple of hours on the novel. Still wading through chapter 4. I'll get to look at it again sometime during the week (I hope).

I started 2 new (unrelated) humor essays (they are still in the "brain drain" mode and require lots of work -- also on the list for this week.)

And I have to write funny Halloween cards before deadline on Thursday.

RE: Crossing everything -- well, you just march in there and uncross those fingers, Missy! It's too hard to get any writing done that way. ;) But seriously, thanks for the good wishes.

And, Annie, why, oh why do you keep taking in all those stray teenagers? Are you nuts? But then, at least they are boys. Girls are worse. Much worse. Been there, done that. We have a no-more-than-one-friend-sleeping-over-at-a-time- because-we-can't-handle-all-the-giggling rule. Then again, boys will eat you out of house and home and then ask for second helpings. Right now I'm between teenage boys. My eldest turns twenty next week and the baby is eleven. Of course, the youngling is already showing signs of developing a growing appetite.

Best of luck.

Barb

[scorpioannie]

Reph,

I'm a Dell puzzle junkie, that is, the easy crossword ones. Love to do them non-stop, while parked in front of my beloved Law and Order re runs on Monday evenings.

Advise the humor hounds when yours are published, and I will spring for the $2.99 to try my hand. It's time to expand my puzzle pursuits. Will also try to Penny Press ones. Might even dig out that crossword puzzle dictionary. I love a challenge.

Annie:hat

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

I could join you in a good gripe session right now if my head didn't hurt so bad.

As for the debate of the genders. I have 3 boys and one girl. It's easier to raise boys than girls. Get a boy some tennis shoes, jeans, and a few shirts, and they are good to go.

Girls start in on that perfect prom dress right after Christmas. Remember, the prom dresses? They can cost the price of a good used car, but can be worn only once. Your son will opt for the car and will drive it part way (If not all of the way) through college.

One year, I suggested to my daughter that she and her friends get together and wear each other's last year prom dresses. She looked like I had asked her to sign a pact with the devil.

You say that girls giggle. Yes, but they also fight. Boys no doubt have their squabbles, but they settle them quickly. The best part is that you don't have hear about them unless one of them needs medical attention. Whereas girls can stretch out a minor slip of the lip for weeks and give the Hatfields and McCoys a run for their money. (Does anyone remember them? Or am I getting old?)

Halloween card deadline, what a good way to get back at the daughters.... Yet, I have to say that my daughter, now that's she is raised and has conceded that I'm not the direct cause of all of her misfortunes, remains close.

You say that your youngest is 11. Just wait, gone will be the one friend rule. Get ready to stock up on the grub. You will be too tired to object. My older kids frequently point out that they could never get away with....:ack

As for the boys, they have gone up the street to what I call the big house, i.e. where my ex husband/father of my children resides. I shall take an advil, turn on the music, and get those 30 minutes in. Catch you later.

Annie:hat

[reph]

Annie, thanks for your response, but I don't make crosswords. Easy nonthemed crosswords are likely to have been made by a computer.

I do a lot of Frameworks for Penny Press's variety magazines. Those are something like crosswords, but looser.

[Cary]

Barb, an all,congrats on all the published pieces!!! I have yet to graduate to 'payin gigs'.At this early point ,I would be happy to get a few mag copies!!! I write pretty much just for pleasure,but am shooting for that horror anthology entry...one day.Got everything crossed for ya!! ( do eyes count???) Ive found recently that It is impossible to write while at home.Everyone there is just too demanding!!! They just dont 'get It',that I cant concentrate with everyone yabbering on(mostly to themselves,by the way..),jumping around an the sound of munching an crunching of various foodstuffs breaks my train of thought....which is more of a rail cart at the moment.Ive found the only place I can get a piece of quiet time to write,is either in the bathroom with the door locked an shower running,at the library hidden back in the very back,or during my lunch hour.(Ive lost 3 lbs !!!).Any suggestions for finding a little more 'Zen' time??? Talk about aggravating.......signed, 'Hassled in Cincy'...:ack

[batyler65]

I don't know about Zen. Isn't that the sound of one hand clapping?

I've developed selective hearing. I can ignore almost anything. Then, add a nice little pair of headphones and some music to drown out the hosts of little beasties and we're off and running... er... writing.

I completely understand about noise and distraction. My office is in the dining room. Two desks, my reading chair, baskets and file cabinets, two computers and other assorted office equipment. Everything a writing gal could hope for, except a door. I've often dreamed of having my own door so I could shut it and people would come and bang on it and say: Whatya doin' in there? No, wait, that's the bathroom!:b

So, have you actually started writing the Horror anthology piece? Get busy!

Keep the faith,
Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Annie,
ohmigod! My daughter is in the middle of this year's prom quest and I can totally relate. I too suggested the "why don't you swap dresses from last year" route. She looked at me as if my head had just spun around three times and I was about to levitate and spew pea soup. And you are right about the fighting. Stupid stuff. It's a good thing we were never young girls, right? ;)

Already too tired to protest most things the youngest would like to do. Especially if they involve him leaving the house and pestering someone else for awhile:

SON: Mom, I'm going to go set Mr. Smith's house on fire with some of the guys. Then we're going to head over to Wal-Mart for some shoplifting, okay?

ME: (Waving vaguely without looking away from the computer screen) Sure, whatever. Be home for dinner.

Anyhow, I hope your 30 minutes was productive. Are you making progress? Sometimes I feel like even though I'm writing, I'm spinning my wheels. ugh.

Until next weekend,
Barb:ack

[Cary]

When does the 'Creative Ignoring' class start??? Can I still get In????Good to know I aint the only one!!! I would try the earphone route,but in pulling It off an on,Im afraid ear rash would be a real risk.One day I will have my own room(probably when they move out..)Then I wont even need a lock.Till then,Its lots of 'showers'.... They think every question is life threatening,like, 'Wheres the peanut butter?'When surly someone else could be questioned on this matter.Ive only just begun to write.Ive written 10 short stories in the last 6 months.( And one hunting story,which Ive already submitted,waiting for a reply.)Only now getting fluent enough, to perhaps have something to offer a publisher.I may have to fine tune a few years before I can write something worthy of being published.But hey,I got a goal!!!!:nerd Carybelle

[batyler65]

Start small, aim big.

It's good that you have goals. Try writing 30 minutes every weekend. Or every third day, or whatever works. Then aim a bit higher: Challenge yourself to submit to a horror anthology by, oh, say, July. We'll cheer you on!

And if you need a place to find said anthologies, go to
www.ralan.com (http://www.ralan.com) There are usually several listings there.

Barb

[Cary]

Appreciate the ref there.If you see any other interesting horror collections that come up in the next few months,lemme know!! I might get brave...Ha!!!:ack Carybelle

[batyler65]

Hello, Humor Hounds!
Are we geared up for another fabulous weekend? (Well, if rain counts as fabulous, that is.)

I am gearing up to celebrate! I'm at 8,024 words on my first novel and plan to break the 10,000 word barrier this weekend!
(Now all I have to do is repeat that feat nine more times... and voila! Novel. :\ )

Okay, I admit, it sounds like such a small thing when I sit here and type it out, and now I feel a little foolish, but darn it, the manuscript is starting to weigh something! And weighty manuscripts are good, right? :b

I've even started to take risks with my writing, moving beyond the standard: See Dick run. See Jane run. -- I've added more characters for one thing. And this week I even worked on sprinkling in some adjectives.:lol

Still no word on the latest FC sub. It's still in the channels.
But I'm going to work on a new sub today.

How are you guys doing? Sound off and report in! I'll be checking back in over the weekend. So, tell me, what's new?

Barb :ack

[Lori Basiewicz]

Barb, I'm at 9,228 on the very (to the infinite power) rough draft of my first novel and can't wait to break the 10,000-word mark.

I understand it is just a fraction of what I need to do to complete the thing, but it seems like. . . I don't know. . . such an accomplishment. I think maybe we should break out the chilled wine when we both break through that barrier.

[WordSoup]

Hi All!
Just read this thread and thought, "These are my kinda people" :grin

(This is my first post anywhere on the net - so please overlook any misspellings caused by nervousness.:rolleyes )

I've been married for 16 years and I have a 12 year old daughter, so I can relate to everyone's "whinings". I'm glad to know I'm not the only Mom being tracked down in the bathroom.:p You all give me hope that I can accomplish writing goals even while dirty laundry breeds in the hamper.

I have long term and short term goals. (Getting the guts of a novel written while waiting impatiently for word on 2 poems, 1 short story and an essay) but what's REALLY giving me an ulcer this week is wondering if I get the new job at my local library.
My family is suggesting I give the interviewer a call and see what's up. - I feel like that's begging - or nagging - but I'm a tad shy, and maybe just making excuses??:o

Well, have a productive weekend ;) Jen

[rtilryarms]

There are many opinions about this. From one who is a master Interviewee I offer the following:

*Each situation is different. I
*t's judgement call. If an opening is not offered to follow up, I wouldn't.
*If you are uncomfortable with calling, DON'T. You will project your uneasiness and turn them off. Uneasiness is amplified over the phone.
*If you plan a follow up call or letter, set it up at the interview. "May I send you some additional references?" - "Now that I see the specifics of the job please allow me to send a modified resume concetrating especially on your needs"

If this is a Manager position or above you have a better chance at the call being positive than if you are applying for hourly or Associate staffing.

As a businessman, personally, I hate cold follow up calls.

Just one persons opinion, I'd like to hear others.

Mike

[WordSoup]

Thanks for the reply, Mike!

I appreciate words of wisdom from a "Master Interviewee". :D
Your right about the "uneasiness".
There was no opening for follow up...more like...whether I'm selected or not they would still call me to let me know. (I'm antsy)
It's for Assistant Librarian. They did ask (at the interview) if I didn't get this position, would I be interested in summer work. (I tried not to read between the lines) :\

But...I'm still HOPEFUL :)

Jen

[batyler65]

Welcome to the weekend progress report!

Good luck on your library post. Hope you get it!

Barb:peace

[batyler65]

Okay, folks, it's official! My novel MS hit 10,010 words today!

Yippee! Woohoo! I am very excited. Also stumped for the moment as to how to start the next chapter... One sentence at a time, one sentence at a time.;)

I also finished the rewrite of a humorous fantasy story I'm submitting to Story House Coffee. www.storyhouse.com (http://www.storyhouse.com) I had one published by them last year and really enjoyed the look on my Dad's face when I gave him a can of coffee with my story on it for Christmas.
hee-hee.

Two new humor columns in progress. I'm writing May and August at the same time and both are nearly done.


Lori:
How's your novel coming along? Is it time to break out the Cyber Wine yet? You were closer to the mark than I was. And don't worry about your being a very rough draft. I've already told people "I'm writing a horrible novel this year." That's the way I describe what I do. Of course, I hope it isn't horrible when I'm completely finished, but for right now, I don't care how bad it is as long as it gets written. I can always fix it later. Or when I'm stumped -- which is what normally happens.


Annie:
Where are you, girl? Check in and let us know how your goal is going. Got those 30 minutes in yet? Tell us all about those rambunctious teenage boys.

Jen:
Let us know how your goals are going so we can cheer you on. Any word on your subs? And keep us posted on the job, too.




Well, that's it for me. I am going to celebrate by spending the weekend catching up on all the reading I've been missing out on. I've still got four novels that were Christmas gifts that I haven't even cracked the covers of yet.

Maybe reading someone else's work for awhile will spark that next sentence in my brain.

Happy writing, all!
Barb (who is in a shiny, happy mood):grin

edited to fix stupid mistakes -- ugh.

[Lori Basiewicz]

That's it. I've been querying potential markets all morning trying to get the paper monster on my desk under control, but heck with that! If you broke the 10,000-mark this weekend, so can I!

Let's see, where was Matthew when I last saw him and what has he gotten himself into now?

P.S. I'm not worried about it being bad. I'm just happy to get it out of my head and onto the screen. I'll fix it in the rewrites.

[Lori Basiewicz]

Thank you for the push, Barb.

I am now at 10,128 words. I'm mid-chapter, so when I open it up again, I'll know more or less what everyone is up to.

Can I offer you a glass of Merlot? It was a gift and I've just been waiting for a special moment to crack it open and share it. I think this qualifies.

[batyler65]

Good for you! Now we can celebrate together. Pass some of that wine over, I'm ready to kick back and just feel happy for awhile. :heart

Barb

[batyler65]

Hellooooooo out theeeerrrrreee!

It occurs to me that you haven't posted here this weekend either. :cry Where are you Carybelle? Working on that horror story yet? Don't make me get my whip! (Besides, I would probably have to clean the house to find it, and right now, I'm feeling way too good too do something as horrible as cleaning. So, please don't make me do it. Please?)

BaRb:ack

[Lori Basiewicz]

*Hands Barb a glass & fills it from the nearby bottle. Puts feet up on desk and looks across the virtual room to Barb."

I wonder if typing The End will feel this good?

[batyler65]

*accepting the wine graciously*

Oh, I'm thinking it's going to feel waaay better. Orgasmic, maybe. :rolleyes

Of course first we have to get there. I suspect we will go through many I-hate-this moments before we get there. Today while I was flogging my characters to get them to jump through hoops I was reminded of a line from one of my fave author's books (Author: Charles de Lint). He wrote about a character who was an author. Said author was frustrated with the story she was writing. At one point she decides it might be better to just write: "And then they all died. The end." Whenever I get truly frustrated I type that line in my MS. Usually makes me grin. Then I delete it and get on with the show.

Here's a toast: *raises cyber-stemware in a salute
May the next 10,000 words come easier!

Cheers!

BaRb

[LiamJackson]

Hiya folks. This is my first time visiting this forum/thread and I decided to bring a gift. This is just a little "sumptin" that decribes the relationship between members of the Heathen Horde." (My four brothers and me.) My dad gave us that tag years ago, and it sorta stuck, city-wide (State-wide?).

We're a relatively close-knit clan of mixed Scottish-Norwegian heritage and our mantra has forever been, "work hard, drink hard and play hard. You can put almost any other word in front of "hard" and that pretty much describes our attitudes about Life.

In our younger days, we were occasionally accused of pillaging and plundering our fair share of small midwestern communities. We were eventually acquitted. (Ever try to get a dragon ship up "Main Street, Small Town, USA?" It CAN be done!;) )

As with most clans, each member of ours has certain duties and responsibilities. For instance, as the eldest of the Heathen Horde, I'm required to carry enough bail money on me to cover at least two counts of "Drunk and Disorderly," at all times. I also serve as the Horde's "crisis management coordinator."

Two nights ago, in the wee hours of the morning, I receive a phone call from Paul, my youngest brother. The Baby Heathen was in a panic and it took some time to calm him to the point that I could understand his "problem." The following dialogue is a fair and accurate representation of that conversation.
***
Baby Heathen (BH): "Liam, this is Paul. Are you awake?"

Me: *yawn* "No. Go away."

BH: *nervous laughter* "Man, that's funny. I wish I had your wit."

Me: "Quit sucking up. You in jail?"

BH: "Not yet. That's the problem."

Me: "The problem is that you're NOT in jail???"

BH: "No! The problem is that I might be in jail by this time tomorrow!"

Me: "You punch somebody…again?"

BH: "No."

Me: "You smash up somebody's car…again?"

BH: "No!"

Me: "So what's the charge?"

BH: "Theft."

Me: "You gotta be kidding! If you stole something, you need to call a priest, because being arrested is the least of your problems. The only reason I'll bail you out is to beat you senseless as soon as we reach the parking lot."

BH: *Whining* Oh, man! It's all a mistake. I didn't mean to do it! I swear."

Me: "How do you NOT mean to steal something, and then steal it anyway?"

BH: "It just sort of happened. You know…an accident! Oh man, I'm going to jail, I just know it!"

Me: *sigh* "What did you "accidentally" steal?"

BH: "Uh…well, uh…I need to start at the beginning."

Me: "For you, that's a novel concept. Let's try it.


BH: "Liam, it ain't funny! It's all a mistake, I swear!"

Me: "Okay, okay…calm down and tell me the whole story."

BH: "Uh, yeah. Good idea. Well, you see…you know David McClure, right?"

Me: "Yeah."

BH: "Well, you know his Mom, the one that lives in Shreveport?"

Me: "As opposed his mother that lives in Dallas, or the one that lives in Tulsa?"

BH: "You're not funny."

Me: "Nothing's funny at 3 am. Go on with the story."

BH: "Well, David called me from Atlanta and told me that her brother died and that he was real old and that he didn't have any young friends and…"

Me: "STOP! Slow down!"

BH: "Oh, yeah, right. So…her brother died. And David was stuck in Atlanta and couldn't make it back for the funeral. He asked me to stand in for him as pallbearer."

Me: "You're doing well, grasshopper. Continue."

BH: "So here's what happened. I tell him sure, no problem. He gives me the date and the name of the funeral home, and I tell him not to sweat it, that I'd be happy to help out. So, two days ago, I show at 10 AM, at the funeral home and of course, I don't know anyone there. All I know is that I'm there for the Robert McClure funeral.

I walk inside and tell one of the funeral directors that I'm a pallbearer and he gives me the little flower thing that goes on my lapel. I'm wearing my pinstripe, and the flower really looks cool. I'm thinking about wearing them all the time with that suit, now. Something about the 'red' just brings out the colors in the navy blue and…."

Me: "Don't…make…me…kill…you."

BH: "Oh, yeah…right! So anyway, the director takes me to the place where the other pallbearers are and of course, I don't know any of them. The director asks us if we'd had ever 'worked' a funeral, and I started laughing. I mean, who ever calls it 'working a funeral'?"

Me: "A funeral director, maybe?""

BH: "I didn't think about that. So anyway, I'm the only guy that raises his hand, and the director says that I have to be the Head Pallbearer. Pretty cool, uh?"

Me: "Yeah, you've made us all proud. Ignoramus. Then what happened?"

BH: "Well, we all go over to where the pallbearers sit, right up front. Then, they start this music, and it's like this blues music or something. I'm tripping out, now! I hate the blues…except for when it's Toni Braxton singing. Man, she's hot! But I'm looking out over the auditorium and I see that most of the crowd are, uh, "people of color." Know what I'm saying? So I figure that Mr. McClure must have really liked blues music."

Me: "You're a living example of why some mothers SHOULD eat their young."

BH: "I'm like, looking around, and I still don't see anybody I know. And all the sudden, they open that little side door where the family sits. I'm looking but I don't see Mrs. McClure. And well, I'm thinking that it's funny that all of David's family are black, except him and his Mom.

Then, this funeral director walks up to me and says for us to follow him, that it's time for the pallbearers to view the body. So, we get in a line and walk by the casket, right? Man, that casket was huge! It looked like a Chevrolet pickup truck with handles on it. Only, it's not Mr. McClure in the casket. It's the biggest black lady I've ever seen in my life, and I'm pretty sure I've never seen her before. I start counting and see that we only have eight pallbearers and five them are on the skinny side. So, I go over to the funeral director and say that he should ask for volunteers because I don't think eight of us are enough to lift her."

Me: "Hmmm…Stop right there. Counting you, exactly how many other blonde haired, blue eyed Scandinavian-types were sitting in the audience?"

BH: "Counting me?"

Me: "Yep."

BH: "Well, let's see…uh…one."

Me: "Let me get this straight. You're the only white guy there, right? Including the family?"

BH: "Yeah. Strange, uh?"

Me: "Oh, ya' think?" Go on.

BH: "The funeral director says he thinks we can handle it, but that if we get stuck or something, he'll grab some volunteers. So we go back and sit down. By now, I'm thinking that I'm in the wrong place, and I'm trying to figure a way to slip out of the building. But, just as I stand up, this preacher walks up to the podium and starts the sermon.

"Man, I'm thinking that they're gonna kill me when they figure out I'm not supposed to be there, and I start laughing, like I do when I'm so nervous I'm about to pee in my pants."

Me: "Like now?"

BH: "Yeah." *nervous laughter* So, I cover my face with my hands, because I can't quit laughing. I'm not being disrespectful, you know. I just can't help it, 'cause I'm getting kinda scared and I laugh when I'm scared. Hey, don't tell Maria I said that, okay? She just thinks I laugh in the face of danger, sorta like James Bond of something. Hey, Thunderball was in TNT last night. That was a really good…

Me: Damn! I hear a dead man talking.

BH: Uh, oh, right. Anyway, this lady behind me stands up and leans over the back of my seat and starts hugging on me and kissing the top of my head. She says that I must have really loved Auntie Lucille because she thinks I'm crying instead of laughing. And then she says that maybe I should stand up and say a few words. And everybody is saying, "Yeah, stand up there home boy, and show Auntie Lucille some love!" Well, you know I couldn't do that! I mean, I MIGHT have loved Auntie Lucille if I had known her, and all. She did look like a nice person."

Me: *sigh* "How did you get out of it?"

BH: "Well, I…uh…*mutter, mumble*"

Me: "What?"

BH: "I, uh, said that *mumble, stutter*

Me: "What in the HELL are you saying?"

BH: "I said I fainted! Alright? I faked it, like, I just fell out in the floor!"

Me: *groan* "Why me, God?"

BH: "What?"

Me: "Nothing. So, then what?"

BH: "So, they help me outside to get some fresh air, and about fifty people walk up and hug my neck and all. Then…then this one lady walks up and asks me if I'm going over to the family home after the funeral, 'cause they're gonna have like this celebration thing. Well, all these people are clapping me on the back, saying that anybody that loved Auntie Lucille as much as I did, just had to come by the family home. So, like a fool, I say that yeah, I'm stopping by for a few minutes. So, this woman tells me to wait a second and she walks off.

In just a few seconds, she comes back, and hands me two large buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. She asked me to drop the chicken off at the family home when I stop by, because fried chicken was Auntie Lucille's favorite food in the whole world."

Me: "Why didn't you just tell them the truth…no, never mind. I almost forgot who I'm talking to. Go on."

BH: "Well, damn! You know I couldn't go by that house! So as soon as the crowd starts to thin out, I jumped in my car and took off. When I get home, I call David in Atlanta and asked him what the hell was going on. He says that he tried to call me to let me know that he had the date wrong, that Uncle Robert was being buried on the 15th instead of the 14th. And he starts begging me to still help out, so like a fool, I say yes."

Me: "You really went back?"

BH: "Yeah and that's the problem. When I got there, I walked into the funeral directors' office to let them know that I was one of the pallbearers. And I'll be damned, but the same guy who worked Auntie Lucille's funeral was working this one. He looks at me real funny when I first come in the door, then he asks me if I had ever been there before. I say, "Hell no! Never been here before in my life." So, he stares at me for a second and says, 'You sure you weren't here yesterday?' And I tell him that I'm from Houston, Texas, and just came into town today for this funeral."

Me: "What did he say to that?"

BH: "He gives me the evil eye and says that some guy who looks just like me, ran a scam at the funeral home the day before and that one lady filed charges for the theft of two giant-size buckets of chicken!"

Me: "Paul?"

BH: "Yeah?"

Me: "What did you do with the chicken?"

BH: "Well, this may sound weird, on the way home from the first funeral, I was kinda missing Auntie Lucille. Kinda like, that on some level, we were just starting to connect, you know? And since she loved her fried chicken, I stopped off at the deli on the way home."

Me: "The deli??? For what?"

BH: "Uh, potato salad. I figured Auntie Lucille would have wanted it that way."

Me: "Paul, where are you now?"

BH: "I'm at home. Why?"

Me: "Because, in about fifteen minutes, I'm going to knock on your door, and when you answer it, I'm gonna send you to be with Auntie Lucille."

BH: *click…bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

[Lori Basiewicz]

<!--EZCODE CENTER START--><div style="text-align:center">: rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin [/center]

Liam, that is too hilarious. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

[scorpioannie]

Jen,

Give those folks down at the library another call. If they have hired someone else, this will show them that you are interested in working there. They will keep you in mind for other positions like summer time reading, working with the genealogy folks, etc. If they haven't filled that position, that follow up call could be the deciding factor. :clover

Annie:hat

[scorpioannie]

Liam,

Loved your story. Don't be a stranger.

Annie:hat

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

Sorry that I haven't reported in. With the snow storm, Aaron, age 14, has relapsed to his Diablo II on line habit:ack

David, age 17, has been busy with the ladies. He only needs cash to pursue his interests. Yep, I told him, "I don't care how cheap your friends are, when you take a girl to a movie, you pay her way in, and spring for the cokes,popcorn, and Mike and Ike's." (I'm sure that our new humor hound, Liam will agree.) But, like my kids, David pockets his money and spends mine.:teeth

Told Aaron that I need to write today, period. He understands this, but his friends think that I'm sort of weird.

I did get an hour's worth of writing in last weekend. Will do the same today.

Congratulations to you on breaking the 10,000 mark! I'm sure that Lori will do likewise.

Need to go fix Aaron's buddy some waffles for breakfast. He has been patiently waiting while I've checking in with the humor hounds. Will catch you all later.

Annie:hat

[batyler65]

Welcome to the progress report!

So, tell us all about your writing goals. (In other words, what do you want to write today?)

Here on this thread, as I'm sure you've noticed, we'll cheer you on, listen to you whine, and try to keep you motivated. So let us know what you like to do when you aren't rescuing Baby Heathen!

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Annie:
Thanks for the congrats. I'm still a bit hung over from all the cyber wine yesterday. Don't plan to write on the novel today. Going to work on a different type of project instead. I'm developing some art-related puzzles for young children 7-10 and it requires me to draw pictures. Kind of a nice break from words.

Hope you get your time in today! I've got my fingers crossed that those boys know what's good for them and leave mom alone.

Barb :ack

[batyler65]

Hey gang!
I'm sharing my new goal for the coming weeks. This will probably require cheerleading from the stands, but we'll see how it goes. Ready?

My current gig (a contract that I work 9 months out of the year) is heading for its annual hiatus. This means six weeks without two deadlines a week. During hiatus, my goal is: *drumroll* to write 2,000 words a day, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Whew! I'm frightened just thinking about it.:eek
I realize that with other deadlines crossing my desk that some weeks will be easier than others, but that's my goal and I'm going to try to stick it to the best of my ability. If I'm successful, most of the first draft of this :teeth monster novel :teeth will be done. And now that I've posted it here, I'm obligated. Ooh, I love how that works for motivation!

How about the rest of you? Any updates to those goals? Any cheerleading required? I'm here for ya!

Barb:b

[WordSoup]

Liam - That story was a hoot! :p

Annie - I'm determined to call the Library on Monday. Nine days is long enough for polite inquiry.

OK - for my goal on the novel (once I post here, it will be written in stone, right?- that's kinda scary - but someone mentioned a whip - better dig it out :eek ) one chapter per week...and the first two ran about 2500 words (the bones of them) so I'm at the 5,000 mark starting the third chapter.

Meanwhile, I try to write a short piece (poem, essay, short or flash fiction, card verse) once a week also. I find myself spending way too many hours searching for places to submit these things, and I'm discovering part of my problem being lack of confidence with submittng Queries. I tend to lean toward the markets that say "send the whole thing in the body of the e-mail... and I'm severly limiting my chances that way. (And having no clue about "send as a PDF file etc. doesn't help either)

Congratulations for hitting the 10,000 word mark!! While you both are cyber-toasting your accomlishments this weekend, I'm envisioning at same goal about two weeks from now...y'all like Tequilla Rose, right? :smokin

Well, thanx everyone for making me feel comfy here in the mud! :D

Jen

"My cat is possessed by the spirit of Sam Kinneson"

[Lori Basiewicz]

Okay, badly written novel-wise, I figured if I do a little over 500-words daily, Monday thru Saturday, I can hit the 20,000-word mark by the end of February.

Keep in mind, I have other projects with actual deadlines, so my main goal is just to keep the novel moving forward between other writing projects.

[batyler65]

Lori:
Go for it! 500 words is 500 words. Besides, like someone wise once said: all novels get written one sentence at a time.
P.S. I know about those other deadlines. Gotta pay those bills.:(


Jen:
I'll be watching for you to hit that 10,000 mark. I'm sure we'll all be up for another cyber party!

Until next weekend, keep the faith.

Barb

[LiamJackson]

Hi, all!

Gald some of you enjoyed the tale of the Heathen Horde. Writing fluff like that is easy when you live in a "target-rich environment." My brothers give me a near-infinite amount of material.

Prehaps someday, I'll tell you all the story of the "Cold-Blooded He-Man's Hunting Club. (Not a single furry critter is killed or maimed in the telling of this tale.)
It's one of only two stories that I've ever sold and the buyer actually tracked me down over the course of a year to pay for it, even though it had been previously posted on a free-access web domain. How's that for integrity? (or lunacy?)

Anyway, to answer Barb's question, I'm working on the final revision of my novel. If things go well, I'll be submitting by the first of March.

Edited note: Anyone inerested in forming a critique/writing circle?

[sugarmuffin]

Ok, I'm whining. I'm finding it difficult to get any writing done. I am the full time mother of a darling and brilliant 19 month old, who doesn't nap much. Maybe I'm feeling particularly despairing because she's been kinda sick for almost a week (she's really needed me, poor thing), and I haven't been able to get out of the house, let alone write! I am about to put her in daycare a few mornings a week (8:30 -- 11:30), which could get me a little time, but I need to spend most of that time looking for paying work, and getting some housework done that I don't want to do with her in the house. Also, she wakes up a lot in the evening, so when I think she's finally asleep and I get a block of time (which is what I need for novel stuff), I'm often, but not always, wrong. My husband is less than helpful, and works 6 long days a week himself. So, it's taken me over an hour to write this in between nursing, etc. and the fact that she always wants me when I sit down at the computer... and I find myself then coloring in an Elmo book instead.

In about 2-3 weeks, I've written about 1000 words and as much in notes.

Interested from hearing from people *who have been there* and how they manage.

I really want to continue to be a good mother and be there for my child whenever she needs me, but I need to start having some time for myself again, and for my dreams too.

Lisa

[Cary]

No whipping required!! Did a short story over the weekend.Was real happy with It,untill hubby gave an alternate ending....that I liked better...So now,Its revise,revise,revise...geeezz.I dont have a computer over the weekend.I pilfer the boss's,during the weekdays.Is that sad ,or what??Ha!!! Waiting patiently(O.K.,not so patiently) for a reply from 'Boar-Hunter Magazine'...The waiting is a killer..:rolleyes .Several folks read a short story I wrote last week,and are suggesting Its good enough to submit.Anyone hip to any horror anthologies in the near future??? Im bitin..Boy!! Aint yall the prolific ones!!! If I 'do' on shortie a week,here I think Im doin somethin!!Ha!! Was thinking about submitting something here soon,to "Cemetary Dance'"Mag.Understand their not easy to get into,but in reading some of their back issues,I think some of my stuff could hold Its own against a few of the mediocre stories Ive read...Whaddaya think??? Carybelle

[batyler65]

Lisa,
Been there, done that. When I started freelancing full-time, my youngest son was 18 months old, hated his nap and was very NEEDY. Come to think of it, he's eleven now and still has the same problems. :b STEP ONE: Give yourself permission to be important. That means taking care of your needs too. Yes, I know you want to be a good mom, and I'm not suggesting that you abandon your darling to the wolves, but trust me, you'll be a better mom and less stressed if you are taking care of yourself too.

One thing that might help-- The key to writing with a small child in the house is FLEXIBILITY. Since your little one likes to color, try sitting at the kitchen table and write in a notebook while she colors. That might buy you 15 minute chunks of time. The big challenge is deciding how best to use them. Maybe you can plot a scene or write a piece of dialog. Next order of business -- the early morning write, or the after bedtime write. That means scheduling yourself an hour (or half-hour) before she gets up or an hour after she goes to bed at night where you can incorporate your notes into a larger body of work.

Another helpful item: I got a digital recorder for Christmas a couple of years back and I spend a fair amount of time "telling" myself stories that I just have to type up later. It has been a lifesaver as I can use it while I'm driving, or even while I'm taking a shower.

Hang in there and do what you can.

Barb

[batyler65]

Go, girl! Get that horror story rewritten, let it sit a few days, then reread it. If you still love it, send it out. You can do it!

And then, once you've mailed it, start writing the next one. It helps with the waiting. I find that the more I have out at one time, the less I focus on "when is that response gonna get here!".

Keep us posted.

Barb

[batyler65]

Wow, submitting the first of March? Great news! Hope your revision proceeds as planned.

Keep us posted on your efforts!

:clover
Barb

[Lori Basiewicz]

Lisa, I'm not a parent, so on one hand, I don't really feel qualified to to comment on your situation. On the other, I'm a single adult who has had to do it all: the writing gig, the housework, the errands, an outside job, and stuff around the yard (though fortunately I do have a landlord that does the mowing). On top of that, when my father died, I was my mother's primary form of entertainment and emotional support for over three years (then she got a man-friend -- made my life much easier).

I finally realized, I couldn't do it all and I had to prioritize. I realized I could do up to three things well. I chose what they were and that is where I concentrated most of my energy. As for the rest, well, if the dishes aren't done every day and if the toilet bowl isn't always sparkling clean, well then the dishes aren't done every day and the toilet bowl isn't always sparkling clean. I even let my landlord mow over my fledgling flower gardens that took so much of my labor to put in because I decided I did not have the time to maintain them.

[WordSoup]

Hi Lisa :D

Sorry to hear the little one is under the weather. I've been there-done that also..It can be rough raising a babe even when she is well.

Barb and Lori gave you good advice. Prioritize and Flexibility...I'd like to add one thing: Ingenuity. It seems I've had a tablet of paper and pencil on every flat surface in my house since my daughter was born (12 years ago) if I had an idea/character/thought/whatever I'd stop doing dishes/laundry/whatever long enough to get it down. It's all practice, whether it's coherent, or not.(I'm sure this is why I mostly stick to writing pieces I can complete in under 3,000 words)

Silly phrases that kept me going: My Mom's favorite: "And this too, shall pass." her next favorite: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

One last thought: The words you have written so far will wait patiently for you until you get back. No matter when that is.

Jen

[batyler65]

Okay, I'm becoming a juggler.

Why is it everytime I set clear goals and try to clean off my desk to achieve said goals, unexpected work comes in?

(mutters darkly) I'm not complaining... I'm not complaining...

I've just received the opportunity to do some work for another national glossy. (Not humor though). So on the one hand, I'm bouncing up and down because a new magazine called me and wants me to work. On the other, I'm grumbling because I want to get :teeth Monster Novel:teeth done.

A note from Barb's Muse: I swear, there's just no pleasing SOME people.

Ack,
Barb:ack

[sugarmuffin]

Dear Up and Down Jumper Person,

I enviest thou! As someone starting new writing endeavors after being a technical writer and manager of technical writers for a long time (and getting paid well for it) and now starting over from scratch trying to write and wondering if I'm ever going to get there where you are seems like heaven, or, at least advanced purgatory. I don't even care that I wrote a run on sentence. I'm not going to edit it.

Also, remember your advice to me...

Is there anything you are doing other than writing that you can delegate so you can keep up with your workload?

Lisa

[sugarmuffin]

Oh yeah, Barb, one more thing.

Can I rent your muse for a week or so?

Lisa

[batyler65]

Rent?? How much beer and naked women ya got?:smokin

(Barb yells from other room: Get away from that computer and put down that picket sign before you break the lamp! No! don't hit "add reply". I repeat, DO. NOT. HIT. ADD-- GACK!)

[aka eraser]

LOL...you two crack me up. :lol

[LiamJackson]

*With a sinister accent*
"Nekkid women? How much for yer nekkid women?"

(Sorry, visions of John Belushi pooped into my head when I read the "beer and naked women" reference. I can't be held responsible when Belushi visits me.)

[Cary]

Jen-How do you know your cat is possessed by Sam Kinneson???(just curious...)
Liam-I for one,would love to read something about your fam!! The'Cold Blooded He-Man Huntin Club',sounds right up my alley!!! I find 'family humor',to be some of the best!!
Lisa-Keep the candle burnin,babe!! Take at least an hour a day,just for you..not even just to write,to do....anything.The man can manage for an hour!! If not,my favorite word,'Babysiter',nuthin wrong with a good sitter!!! In fact Ive considered a few,my personal saviours...really!!! If the sitter thing doesnt settle well,theres grandparents,clueless relatives,friends,especially childless friends.They think kids are great,because they only have them a short while,and can share with them all their volumous and patient knowledge!!:lol Much more than we as mere parents could possibly provide....Ha!!!
Love an suckermarks, Carybelle

[LiamJackson]

A cat possessed by Kennison...now that'd be a hoot!

[rtilryarms]

pooped into my head

Suddenly the image of beer and naked women left me.

[LiamJackson]

Unfortunately, that wasn't a typo. We are, after all, speaking of Belushi.;)

[batyler65]

Okay, one word: Ick!
:rollin :rollin :rollin

I gotta get back to work and try to erase that image from my mind...

(Cracks whip) Okay, everybody, get busy! The weekend is coming!

BaRb
:ack

[WordSoup]

Cat runs sideways down the hall, fur bristled like he's been electrocuted, and does this RRr-OWW, R-o-w, thing (envision Kennison playing the teacher in "Back to School" - High-pitched, gravel OH! OH! OH!) for no apparent reason.

I yell to him, "Are you on DRUGS?"

He also stalks and steals my pencils.
Maybe he's not on drugs, maybe he's got lead poisoning :tongue

BTW Liam, your pic looks like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you prob. don't IRL but hey, I have bad eyes and a good imagination 8o

Jen-suffr'n with the flu

[Cary]

Jen-Yah...He obviously has something....What do you do to that cat???? Ignoring him in lieu of writing maybe?...He takes It out on your pencils!!! Thats too funny!!! :lol Carybelle

[WordSoup]

I don't ignore him. Every once in a while when he's being an idiot, I whack him with a rolled-up Writer's Digest. :eek (That's attention, right?) ;)


Approx 1500 more words to go on Chapter 3! Woo HOO! I'm feelin' perky today :grin

Jen

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

Today's a holiday, and I am excused from my counseling duties.

Yep, it's Abe's birthday. Will honor him by requoting one of his sayings.

"Whenever I met a man who didn't have any vices, he generally didn't have any virtues either. "

Abraham Lincoln

Just wanted to report in to say that I have written 3 hours today. Although I will be going out of town this weekend to help my daughter move, I will report back in with the humor hounds. I'll still owe you that 30 minutes, Barb.

Annie:hat

[Lori Basiewicz]

I was in a different state (No, not the State of Confusion -- okay, maybe I was there, too) all week. In the rush of arrival at the hotel and dinner and getting to know the group I was with before we had to present a unified front the next morning and trying to get online to check my e-mail using the hotel's high speed connection, I lost Monday. But, I more than made it up on Tuesday. But then I lost Wednesday to a jazz club and a martini bar and McDonald-themed jokes. I may have made Wednesday up today during the flight home, but I haven't typed in everything I wrote (it was a small plane and too much of a hassle to dig the laptop out from under the seat so I used pen & paper).

I will check in on Saturday afternoon and give the final verdict.

[scorpioannie]

Lisa,

Don't really have any advice, but as a mother of 4, I can relate to what you are going through. Have read the posts from Barb and the gang, and think that they have given you some good pointers.

Enjoy your little girl. The years will pass quickly. Remember take it one day at a time and celebrate those 15 to 30 minutes of writing.
Hang in there, Sugar Muffin.

Annie:hat

[rtilryarms]

But then I lost Wednesday to a jazz club and a martini bar and McDonald-themed jokes.

Classic!

You really got to hunker down and write that humor piece you have been talking about!

[batyler65]

okay,
I'm checking in to say I've had a setback.
In honor of the day, I got up this morning and partially sliced off the knuckle on the middle finger of my right hand. One nicked tendon and four stitches later, I'm wrestling the keyboard to type this. (lots of deleting going on here... the process is slow)

Fortunately no surgery, the tendon should heal on it's own, but the splint is a monster (I can't find a way to hold a pencil...yet, but I'm working on it) and darn it, the blasted thing hurts... (I, know, I know. If it felt good, everybody would want one.) :p

The good news is I can flip people off and pretend it's an accident. The bad news is, it is distracting me from what I'm supposed to be doing. ick. Plus I got that assignment for the new (to me) magazine and I'm supposed to scout and take pictures of a local establishment. Still trying to figure out how to accomplish that. :ack

Spent the past week doing a rewrite of most of what I wrote last weekend. Don't know how much wordage I gained because I also cut bunches. I'm going to spend the weekend trying to tie the two stories in the :teeth monster:teeth novel together. Quite a challenge. I was going to scribble scenes on index cards, and now it looks like I will really be scribbling :cry .

Enough pity party! Bah! Okay, guys, how goes it with you? Tell me your major accomplishments and boost my spirits!
I'll be checking back during the weekend to see what's going on. Humor Hounds Sound Off!!

Annie: Good to hear that you grabbed a big chunk of time during the holiday. You go girl!

Lori: Missy, you can just march yourself right back to that martini bar and find that lost Wednesday, do you hear? Do you think those things grow on trees?

Jen: Did you finish up chapter 3? Hope your flu is better.

Oh, and I'm now officially on hiatus, so come Monday, I'm gonna be plugging for that 2,000 words a day even if I have to type with my nose!

[sugarmuffin]

Ugh! Sounds rough.

Maybe use your digital recorder and then type it up when your hand improves?

I could lend you Mattie, though, my latest muse. She's unbelievable. She takes dictation if you ply her with chocolate cake and milk. Warning though: sometimes she gets completely hammered on these Bailey's and vodka concoctions that she makes, but you just get a bunch of typos - no biggie.

[Lori Basiewicz]

You really got to hunker down and write that humor piece you have been talking about!

I did submit the airline security piece to The Funny Times. As of yet, I have not heard from them. Now you have me thinking of this past Wednesday along the same lines. Hmmm. . . I'll work something out of it.

Missy, you can just march yourself right back to that martini bar and find that lost Wednesday, do you hear? Do you think those things grow on trees?

:rollin Oh, Barb. I do not think it is a good idea to return to the martini bar -- even if the bartender was kinda cute and good at flirting. Or maybe especially because he was kinda cute and good at flirting. They can just have my Wednesday. But, I'll be careful not to let it happen again. ;)

[Lori Basiewicz]

I still don't know where Wednesday is, but in order to stay on track and have 20,000 words completed in my badly written novel by the end of the month, I should have at least 13,248 words done by the end of the day. I'm currently at 13,300.

Barb, take care of that finger and whine all you want. Without our hands and our minds, we writers are at a serious disadvantage. Better to lose a few words this week then have to create a nine-fingered typing method.

[batyler65]

Well, I think I'm done whining. That's the nice thing about pain meds, they tend to take you beyond whine to snooze.

Okay, I'm confessing here -- forgive me my sins, I haven't looked at :teeth monster:teeth novel today. Instead, I wrote a flash story for the workshop I'm involved in and wrote a blue zillion critiques. Some of which I hope made sense, because, like I said above: Pain meds.

Been kinda dozy all day. I have to write another flash piece tomorrow and tackle the tax beastie (mine are done, daughter's are not). Hmm, I wonder if they make a med for that?

Still can't hold a pen and am reduced to six finger typing, but I'm getting faster (or maybe the meds just make me think I'm getting faster-- whatever, I'll take it).

Where the heck is everybody???

Lori: Hope you made your word count. If all goes well tomorrow, I'm going to do a count on :teeth monster and see where I stand. Then come Monday, I'm going to kick it into high gear. Here's crossing my fingers for your "Funny Times" humor. Hope you get good news.:clover

Cary: Whatever happened to your horror story? Did you polish it up and send it out yet? I know I won't hear from you until the work week, but I'm still rootin' for ya!;)

Annie: Oh, Annie, wherefore art thou, Annie? Hope you're getting your time in.

Liam: Hey fella, how's that revision going? Still plugging along out there?

Lisa: What's up in your world? BTW, thanks for the offer of Mattie, right now I'm still wrestling with Bud and his picket sign. I'm kicking him out on Monday and bringing in the scabs though. Maybe a nice nerdy type. Glasses, pocket protector, basic organizational skills to get me out of the corner I've written myself into...:nerd

Barb:ack

[LiamJackson]

Still pluggin'. Mr. Editor-dude was right as usual. (dontch' just hate when that happens??)

[sugarmuffin]

I've got a humorous article half-written (1st draft anyway) that I would like to finish whether I send it anywhere or not. I'd like to submit it, though, I'ev never submitted an article before. Will probably do this before below, so I can have somethig completed.

I have a better fleshed out idea for my novel, which shows that I have a bit of research to do. Also may be working on another one with partners!

This is a habit of mine -- taking on too much and then getting discouraged because things get overwelming! If I do the article first, I will get more motivation and energy for the other stuff.

Also, thanks everyone for your feedback and encouragement on my whining and despair about wanting to be supermom and superwriter at the same time.

Kiss (left cheek)
Kiss (right cheek),

Lisa

[Cary]

(sounds of splashing and treadin water...) Yup! Im still here!! Polished the story,(lil pledge..)..It looks good.Hunting down an obscure horror anthology to submit to..If anyone notices anything let me know.Was actually considering sending a queary to "Cemetary Dance" mag(they dont accept unsolicited pieces,ya know)....but I dont know If I want to be shot down by that popular of a rag,just yet....Ha!!:blackeye .Im goin to root through my Writers Reference book this weekend an see If there are any mags that could be possibles.Does 'Fangoria',do stories,or just articles??? Guess Ill have to cruize the bookstore,too!!! Im hangin in there!!!! Starting a new story,more of a thriller,about a kidnapped woman,and how the experience changes her perception of herself.(She eventually kills her abductor,in order to escape.) Ive got an outline an several bites of scenes an dialog, ready to go.More of a psychological thriller,but the idea is making It very easy to write for some reason....hummm. :nerd Back to work!!! Carybelle
Carybelle

[batyler65]

www.littlebehemoth.com/ (http://www.littlebehemoth.com/)
Here is another place to check for markets. Explore the site, quite a lot of good info.

Way to go on polishing that story up! Now, find it a home!;)

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Don't worry about that whole taking on too many projects. You aren't alone, I operate that way, too. think I suffer from ADD. :p

Finish up the humor piece then tackle whatever your muse wants to play with next. It all works out in the end. Trust me.

Happy Writing!
Barb

P.S. No problem about supermom advice and such. Like I said, been there, done that.

[batyler65]

Glad to hear that you are making progress. Are you able to pace yourself, or are you working under a deadline?

Sorry that Editor-Dude was right. They can be such know-it-alls. :p

While I'm being nosy, are you writing a genre novel? Just curious.

Curious Barb (not to be in any way confused with the monkey)
:ack

[batyler65]

Well, I didn't look at the novel all weekend. It's that ADD thing. I did write two flash stories (one of them was even humorous). so I kept my hand in. Plus I think I've thunk my way out of the corner I'd written myself into in the :teeth monster:teeth novel. So, progress was made.

Got a rejection from Flashquake today. So, I guess that piece is still homeless. Oh, well. It was a complicated sale from the get-go. Still... I had hopes...:cry

Tomorrow is the official start of my 2,000 words a day goal. I'm frightened. Oh, it's not the goal that scares me. It's the crashing. And the burning. We will have to see what happens.

This week's mantra: All first drafts are crap. They are supposed to be. That is what first drafts are for. (Repeat every ten minutes or as needed.)

Until next weekend: Rock on!

Barb:ack

[jchess]

Crap, crap, crap.

What? Isn't that the mantra?

But, seriously, back to the writing competition.

Until next time,

Jim Hess

[scorpioannie]

Barb and Lisa,

Ladies, I have taken the test, and I do have ADD. Many creative folks do. Perhaps, we should form a support group.

Annie:hat

P.S. I'm back from helping my daughter move and am going start of those 30 minutes. Tomorrow is a vacation day for me. Plan to get some more writing done. Hey, since tomorrow is President's Day. Can we call this a 3 day weekend?

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

This just means that there is a better place for your piece than with those nasty folks at Flashquake. :teeth

Annie

[LiamJackson]

Barb,
My editor calls the novel a "supernatural epic." I call it a horror/fantasy tale. Either way you look it at, it's a cross-genre piece and those are supposedly a hard-sell for first time novelists. Mr. Editor-Dude tells me he "believes" in the project, and that, along with my gut instinct, allows me to forge ahead, regardless of the odds.

The deadline is self-imposed, but aimed at trying to get the finished product in front of "interested parties," while the "interest" is still there.
Thanks for asking. :D

[rtilryarms]

Liam,

I suspected all along that you were a cross-genrer

[LiamJackson]

R, this is the second time you've made me spew coffee all over the keyboard

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

I have an idear.....Raise that right hand and show em the bandaged middle finger::smokin But like I said last night, it's their loss. ;) ;)

Sorry to hear about your injury. Anyhow, lady bug, get all of the mileage out of this that you can. No more cooking, dishes, picking up, etc. Above all, instruct the kids to tell Grandma that you are taking medicine for your injury.....Still remember your Family Circle article. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Annie:hat

[batyler65]

Thanks for the sympathy, Annie.

Medication is good. Daughter is cleaning house and such as I type. this is a good thing.

Now, where is my barricade?

Barb

[batyler65]

Liam,
supernatural epic. I like the sound of that. My :teeth Monster:teeth is just speculative fiction. None of that cross-genre stuff for me. At least I don't think so.

At least you have interested parties. That's a start.

Cheerio!
Barb

[WordSoup]

Hello All! :D

I received a short, but helpful rejection e-mail this a.m. for a flash horror/humor piece. :\ Continuing the quest for markets.

The library job is still up in the air. Seems the lady who makes the decisions has been ill for more than a week. Still hopeful. ;)

Chapter 3: re-written 3 times....hanging together by a thread. Trudging onward.

Life got me by the tail this week (yoink!) :ack I'm glad it's over :teeth I think I need a Bath, a Beer, and a Babysitter. :hat

How's everyone else's projects going? The badly-written novel, the :teeth Monster Novel :teeth the EPIC :eek

:peace Cyber- hugs to you all - just 'cause I'm in a huggy-kinda mood -- Jen :tongue

[Cary]

Hey! Thanks for the ref,Barb!!I will definatly check that site out.Am getting some queary formats down,and am going to send That lil horror piece out,I believe.Good news!! The editor from Boar-Hunter Magazine called me!(Thats right,called!) to inform me thay accepted my huntin story!!! Yee Ha!! My first'sale'.!!! It will run in this coming months issue or their next issue,he said.Comes out Bi-monthly.Carried at Boarders,Barnes an Noble,Books a Million,Walgreens,Bass Pro Shops an Gander Mountain!!! So look for me!!!!:nerd ."Cary Robers,esquire' Ha!(Ya dont have to buy the rag,but skim the story,has pix too!!!)No biggie,will be 'paid' in mag copies only,but hey,Im still happy!!!Ive got Field an Stream in my sights!!!:teeth Those boys are in trouble!!!!
Muffin-Your latest muse....sounds like me!!..ummm,'White Russians'....I think Ill have a couple of those to celebrate!!;)
Tip one for me,yall!!! Love an suckermarks, Carybelle

[batyler65]

Congratulations! Glad you got the call. See, we all told you!

Now get that horror pieceout in circulation. giddyap!

BaRb:ack

[batyler65]

T.G.I.F. hmm, in my case it probably stands for "This Goober Is F***ed."

Doomed, I tell you. I'm doomed.

Okay, enough writerly angst. I just can't take it anymore.

As you can probably guess, my week didn't exactly go as planned. Monday, kids out of school. Tuesday -- spent the day writing activities for the software company. Wednesday -- Deadline. Thursday -- Scouting expedition and interviewing for that new (to me) glossy magazine. Today -- Another deadline in the morning. Followed by... ta-da! work on the :teeth Monster:teeth novel. Needless to say, I haven't figured out how to write 10,000 words in one session. If I had, this book would be done. growl. grumble-grumble. Then top it all off with a stack of bills that are waiting to be paid and an invoice submitted on 1/27 that somehow never made it to accounts payable. More time wasted tracking that down.

Total word count on the :teeth monster:teeth as of today: 15,408. (So what if I only wrote about 5,000 of them this week?) If I can, I'm going to cram in another 2-4K before the weekend is over, as next week is likely to be just as bad as this one. (Stitches out Monday! Yay! Kids out of school Friday. Hiss.)

I did solve a major problem in :teeth monster's:teeth storyline so "huzzah!" for me there. Also spent the afternoon trying to get through a difficult scene (I'm a bit squeamish about some things, ya know!) and pounded my head on the desk a lot. Finally decided to sketch out the barest of the details and come back to it later. Can anyone say "chicken"? :ack


Jen: Thanks for the Cyber hugs. I needed that. Am also up for the 3Bs, although maybe Bed instead of Babysitter.

Don't sweat the rejection. Helpful rejections mean you are one step away from a sale.

Glad you are still trudging forward. Forward motion is good.


I'm also glad the library job is still up in the air, although I know the waiting must be killing you!


Peace,
Barb:ack

[rtilryarms]

Congratulations. I am so happy for you. I will buy one and read it, let me know when it comes out.

Poud of ya

mike

[rtilryarms]

but:
Am getting some queary formats down

I didn't know you were a San Fransiscan Cajun

[LiamJackson]

You know, if a film maker says "the story is in the can," it means its finished. Now, if a writer says "my project is in the can," does it mean:

A. My project is typed in appropriate ms. format and ready to hit the road via FedEx, UPS, Postal Service etc...

B. Said project is now in the restroom and considered appropriate "library material" for visiting dignitaries

C. My project is currently being edited by the Tidy Bowl Man

And just remember kiddies, "A thing is a dangerous mind." Or something like that.

[rtilryarms]

lol,

we got to get a job on a SitCom

[Lori Basiewicz]

Okay, Liam, you made me smile. This is a good thing.

[Lori Basiewicz]

I don't want to report in this week. Please don't make me. It hasn't gone well. I might still be able to pull my goals for the badly written novel out of the can (in this case, Liam, I mean it is doomed to failure), but before I do, I have to work on a city guide and finish two articles for newsletters and an article for a game review site. And someone wants an invitation designed? Yeah, right.

I am already planning to work all day on Sunday -- normally my day off -- to try to salvage this week. So far, I haven't missed any deadlines, which is the main thing.

[batyler65]

Sorry, Gal,
Gotta make you do it. But I completely understand about the deadlines and such. Maybe you can devote ten minutes to just jot down a bit of description or a snippet of dialog? Any forward motion is good. This is my mantra this weekend.
Well, that and "give me back my MS you stupid Tidy Bowl Man!" :p

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Okay, so now I can't help but wonder. Does the whole "in the can" thing mean that your project isn't going well, Liam?

How goes the edit?

Barb:ack

[Lori Basiewicz]

Okay, but before I sit down to write, can I just. . . . No? But I . . . OW! Barb, careful with that whip. I'm not going to do anything else but write this weekend, honest! I just wanted to grab my favorite pen and. . . OW!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in office in front of my computer all weekend doing nothin' but writing. I might take the occassional break to. . . OW! Barb, I can't help that I might have to go to the bathroom every once in a while, but other than that, I'll be BIC right in front of the laptop. I swear! Honest!

[LiamJackson]

Barb,

Reference, "in the can": The revision is complete and the ms. is on its merry way back to the dread Mr. Editor-Dude.
:x

[batyler65]

Congratulations!!

(Breaks out the cyber wine and raises her glass in a toast)
May your well of inspiration never run dry.

Wow. I bet it feels good to get it done and on its way. I can't wait until mine reaches that stage where I can get in and revise. (And believe me, there is much mending to be done.) Be sure to keep us posted on your progress.

Cheers!
Barb:grin

[batyler65]

LOL

Okay, I'm putting the whip away, but I'm expecting progress. Progress, you hear?

Barb:teeth

[batyler65]

It's 7:00. Do you know where your writing projects are?

I broke the 17,000 mark and may (if I'm vewy vewy industwious) break 20,000 words this weekend.

How's it going gang?
Annie?
Lisa?
Jen?
Cary?

Reph: Any news from the world of puzzles? Haven't heard much out of you.

Jim: Are you just rabble-rousin' or are you gonna start letting us know how your projects are going? Any new little stories floating around out there?

Frank: You're not foolin' anybody. I know you're lurking out there somewhere. How goes the book? Nosy busybodies want to know.:p


Barb:teeth
(Who is in a monstrous good mood tonight.)

[aka eraser]

FINE!

Sheesh. :)

Not a lot happening on the book front because I've been trying to flog my columns. (The non-responses are killing me.)

But I do have a bit of news. A chat software manufacturer (finally) wrote me back and gave me permission to use screen captures in the book. This was really important for the how-to section so I was hugely relieved. I had no idea how to get around it if he refused.

I drafted a query letter for agent-hunting and bounced it off the editor of my fishing book. (We've become buds.) He really liked it and as a bonus gave me the names of six agents he works with regularly. He also said I could use him as a reference in the letters and to give him a heads-up when I'm ready to send. He'll call them first to tell them to look for my query/proposal. No guarantee they'll bite of course but it's great of him to help me get a toe in the door.

Responses to my questionnaire are still coming in and I've been very impressed with the quality. I'd love to be able to jump right into the writing but must focus on trying to find gigs with a shorter-term payoff for now.

Final edits are done on a boating article for Cottage Life magazine (a national glossy up here in the Great White North) and it should be on the newstands in a month or so. But I already spent that money. :grin

So, most of my time lately has been on the marketing end; sending and waiting and sending and waiting.

I'm glad to see you're doing so well and am keeping tabs on your, Lori's, Liam's et al's progress.

I'll be sure to sound off again when I have some news.

(By the way, if anyone reading this has experience with the wild and wonderful world of online chat and would like to see my questionnaire; click on my nickname and drop me a note at the address you'll find there.)

[LiamJackson]

Excellent news about the assistance you're receiving from your editor, Eraser! I received the same kind offer of "agent assistance" from the dreaded *shudder* Mr. Editor-Dude.

Kidding aside, I greatly appreciate my editor (may he burn in hellish perpetuity for his scathing redline remarks, posted all over my manuscript.)

*salute*

[Lori Basiewicz]

I made progress today, Barb! Thanks for the push.

I completed two articles for a couple of newsletters and 1,197 words in The Badly Written Novel (TBWN). Currently, TBWN is at 15,185 words. It needs to be at 16,368 words before Monday if I'm to stay on target to hit the 20,000 word mark by the end of the month.

I will be back BIC tomorrow, but for now, it's 8:00 o'clock, the cat is clawing the back of my chair, and the oven is pre-heating so I can 'cook' a frozen dinner for my evening meal.

Now, Barb, speaking of progress, you realize that finger excuse is no longer valid and you must plan to make up the words it caused you to lose, don't you? :teeth

[reph]

The world of puzzles is rather boring this week, so instead I'll tell a topical joke. Gather round, kiddies.

On second thought, gather round without the kiddies. It's PG-13.

Yesterday a religious group picketed city hall in San Francisco to protest gay marriage. They carried signs saying homosexuality is a sin.

I have a win-win solution. Let gays get married! Then they'll stop having sex, like the rest of us!

[LiamJackson]

Reph: ROFL

[rtilryarms]

That's not the reph we know!

Thats funny. Your not so bad after all

lol

(I used your instead of you're on purpose just to make you angry)

[scorpioannie]

Barb,

I'm here. Just sitting down to get going. Had to go into work yesterday. But have made some nice progress during the week.

Congratulations on that 20,000 mark. Will get back with you.

Annie:hat

[batyler65]

Well, I hope you had a productive session. From what I've been seeing here, it looks like everybody had rough schedules this past week.

I didn't exactly break 20,000 words. Had to stop and spend time with that pesky family of mine. They act like Im SUPPOSED to feed them regularly. Sheesh.

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Glad to see you haven't dropped off the face of the earth and thatyou're still working on the book on the side. Let us know how things progress. (I know, I know, you'll post when you have news.)

Sounds like you've been keeping yourself busy. Bummer about the non-response problem. I've encountered that one myself. I'd rather them send me a nasty note than to say nothing at all.

Hang in there. Your time will come. BTW, enjoying the newsletter/column. I haven't figured out how to pull off a weekly thing yet. Maybe one day... No! Must finish the novel. :teeth

Don't be a stranger.

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

They say confession is good for the soul. I'm not sure I buy it, but here goes.

I don't know about everybody else, but I worked my butt off this weekend and still didn't make my quota on :teeth Monster Novel:teeth .

:(

I finished up my Sunday stint at 18,792 words, so progress, but not quite to the 20,000 mark like I hoped. If I'd stop deleting things it would probably go better.:p (Did I mention I have an overactive internal editor?) I'd give myself 40 lashes, but I think Lori hid my whip.

Lisa, oh Lisa, we missed you this weekend!

Liam: So what's the next project? Anything brewing?

Lori: Great progress! See I knew you could squeeze some time in there. Now, can I have my whip back? PLEASE? I need to use it on my muse. Yes, Bud is still hanging around striking for better working conditions: i.e. one of those can cozies to keep his beer cool and a fresh bowl of peanuts. He muttered something about leaving me to write scripts for Pamela Anderson but I pretended not to hear him. On second thought, keep the whip. Bud might like it and that would only encourage him to hang around.

Jen: Have we progressed to Chapter 4 yet?

Carybelle: Mailed that horror story out yet? nudge-nudge

Reph: Thanks for the grin earlier. Sorry the puzzle biz is slow. Anything else in the works?

Until we meet again, [and please, somebody bring donuts next time, okay?]
Barb:ack

(edited by Bud. Donuts. Don't forget. And watch my beer, will ya? I gotta go to the can.)

[sugarmuffin]

I've been hunkered down, working on my bio for something I hope to share with you all soon -- right now it's a secret.

nyah nyah ;)

Lisa

[LiamJackson]

Barb,

The "supernatural thingamabob" is out of the way, and I've started work on an old project involving a rather confused ex-marine/turned-Catholic priest. Conspiracy, political intrigue, a little romance, a full quota of gratuitous violence, and even a light sprinkle of "metaphysical voodoo-hoodoo."

This project may never make it past the hard-drive, but it's a helluva lot of fun to write it. :lol

[Cary]

Polishing the horror story over the weekend.Checked out the site you offered an through that one found a site sort of like a e-zine,that showcases new writers stuff.(www.horrorfind.com)They retain rights to It for the 90 days It stays posted,then reverts back to the writer.Good exposure?? Hard time finding an open horror anthology for short stories,at the moment...:teeth But Im still a lookin!!!! Did work on an outline an 'crib notz',for a story involving an old time carnival,an the undead....Im actually doin 'research'...now THATS scary!! Ha!! :nerd Carybelle

[WordSoup]

Chapter 4 - Page 1 .... Hummm....Ummmm......

Need more coffee...yeah that'll help (_)> :smokin

Anybody need a refill while I'm up?

Everybody raise your mugs.... here's to a productive week :grin

Cyber-hugs - Jen

P.S. Anybody know of magazines (for moms: raising family, etc. that don't need to see clips of other work....or would a family mag look at a clip from a horror newsletter, poetry or advertising that I've done? I don't have any clips from other comparable mags)

[aka eraser]

There are couple of ways around the no-clip, no-relevant-clip thing.

First check Writer's Market to see if any parenting mags out there don't require clips. You might also google "parent" "writer's guidelines" and see what pops up. Make sure you put quotation marks around them like I did. That way you'll only get hits on sites that feature both.

If your submission is humourous, you often don't need to query or send clips since humour is so subjective. Just send the piece with a short cover letter and an SASE (if snail mailing.)

If it's a "straight" piece they'll probably want you to query first. If your query shines and the idea is right they may ask to see the finished piece "on spec" (no commitment to purchase til they look it over). Your query could either make no mention of your publishing background or you could "vague up" the details of the non-relevant ones ie: "I have experience in business writing and my work has appeared in regional magazines, newspapers and online venues." Use whatever is true without specifically saying "horror" "poetry" and "ads."

I confess that I've occasionally (and sometimes successfully) broken into new territory by ignoring the rules and sending a finished (usually short) piece. Unless you "know" the piece is perfect for that particular pub tho, it's best to play by the book (with maybe a wee bit of fudging.)

Hopefully someone with lots of experience with parenting mags will come along and help you out with specific markets.

Good luck.

[WordSoup]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! :heart for the very helpful info!
Didn't know what "on-spec" meant til now, and "vague up" is priceless. I was getting upset that my searches were bringing up the same items over and over. I'll try google your way.

I'm learning so much hanging around here! ;) Jen

[reph]

batyler wrote: "Reph: Any news from the world of puzzles? Haven't heard much out of you."

Actually, I'm losing enthusiasm for the puzzle enterprise. I'm not so in love with puzzles that I'd create them if the magazines didn't use them. Pay for most features is shockingly low. I can work on something for 45 minutes and get $3.50 for it, payable on publication, which can easily be two years later. I've stopped doing many features because the monetary rewards are slim and the more emotional kinds of rewards that come with an in-house job, such as camaraderie, are missing.

My husband encourages me to write stories instead, but that would require **GASP** making up plots, and it wouldn't be a steady gig.

[qatz]

hey, what is this thing? and who said i couldn't join? 0]

[rtilryarms]

Plots for sale....
.....cheap

[rtilryarms]

I have a 1,500-word block. That’s how many words I get to before I lose interest in something. I have several works that I tippity type furiously over for an hour or so. I get sooooo in involved in it that I cannot wait until the next sentence. I even cheat and type thoughts down the page and write into it.

Then bing!
Yawn, that was fun, what’s next?

On the other hand, I checked all the short stories I wrote on this Board since Christmas. It is over 6,000 words!

So, now I know am not a writer. I am not a storyteller either….


I’m a harasser lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol olo

[reph]

Yarms, I believe I wouldn't do well trying to write a story around a storeboughten plot. The ones I've written are few and short (too short for most flash-fiction markets), just long enough, in each case, to carry an idea that came to me all at once.

This raises the question, what makes someone want to write a story?

[batyler65]

Nobody said you couldn't join. We do have certain rules of behavior that we strictly adhere to.

[Barb's muse, Bud, elbows her out of the way]
Yeah, like do ya got any beer and nekkid women? Or Donuts? donuts is good, too.

[Barb struggles to regain control of the keyboard]

As you can tell from reading these posts, we here on the humor board just started a thread where we can cheer each other on, whine when the going is crappy, and keep each other motivated. All you have to do is tell us what you're working on and keep us posted on how it's going.

[Bud shoulders his way in]
Or tickets to the Monster Truck Jam. I really thought there would be tickets to Monster-Rama. It's false advertisement I tell you. See, I came because Barb kept talking about this here :teeth Monster:teeth thing and I thought we was in for a rip-roarer. But ya know what? All she wants me to do is feed her lines for some lame-o story. And she's not even buyin' the beer. Oh, and you should hear the music she makes me listen to...

BUD!!! DOWN! BACK! SIT!!

Ahem. Like I was saying, feel free to chime in. Tell us what you're working on and what your goals are. I think I can get out my whip and nag one more writer, well, if Lori gives me my whip back. :p

Barb:ack

[Lori Basiewicz]

Shhh! Barb, I don't want the teamster muse of yours to find out, but I left your whip under your doormat. Use it with care. Before you slip outside and get it, just let me say . . . nevermind, the oven timer just went off. Later.

[batyler65]

Is it a paying market or just "exposure"? If it's non-paying, you get the speech:

Everybody has to make their own call on where to publish. I only submit to paying markets. Even if they only pay $2 that's still a paying market. The thing is, markets that don't pay can have a real uneven body of work. So, you gotta ask yourself, "how good is the exposure, if Joe-Schmo's wouldn't-know-a-good-story-if-it-bit-him-on-the-arse is posted alongside mine?"

Value your work. Always. And look into the trickle-down marketing approach. Start with the biggest, highest paying market you are comfortable with. If you sell there, great! If not, go to the next highest and so on until you run out of paying markets. Then look into nonpaying.

Just my opinion.

Barb:peace

[Lori Basiewicz]

This raises the question, what makes someone want to write a story?

For the fun of it. And the discovery. I'm always amazed when I write something and find myself saying, "So THAT'S why they did that!"

[rtilryarms]

rt's muse, Jasper, enters the dark Smokey Writers room, wearing mirrored sunglasses and slowly looks right then left without turning his head. He spies the subject of his interest and gradually inches his way to the ancient oaken bar. He rests his elbow on the sticky stale beer scented rotting wood and leans with a practiced nonchalance while staring at his target.
It was apparent that the shadowy figure sitting in the tattered wobbly stool was intentionally ignoring him so he cleared his throat, louder than required, and moved his face closer to the individual next to him.

“AHEM!”

The shadowed subject turned toward Jasper. Through the haze the face became discernable. It was Reph!

And Jasper spoke in his raspy quiet whisper, “Did you say Storeboughten?” he asked.

[reph]

"Hush," Reph said quietly. "That was I, but don't tell the others. They don't think I hang out in bars. How did you find me, anyway?"

[batyler65]

Jen,
Here's hoping Tuesday is more productive. Get some of that Chapter done, girl. I want to hear all about it come the weekend! :p

Cheers!
Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Sorry to hear about the puzzle venue. What a bummer.

Stories aren't so bad. I've read lots of them that didn't have any plots at all.;)

Have you given any thought to writing puzzle-type activities for the educational markets? The pay is probably better and it would seem to be a pretty big market. (Think of all those word game dittos that teachers hand out).

Cheers,
Barb

[batyler65]

uh-oh. voo-doo hoodoo? Sounds like another cross-genre work!;)

What's wrong with writing for the fun of it? If it's not fun then it's just <shudder> work.

Keep us posted on your progress -- both with the one out trying to find a home and the newbie.

BArb:ack

[batyler65]

I left your whip under your doormat

(sound of whip cracking)
Yeehaw!

Thanks, Lori!

[rtilryarms]

I'm going to research the demand for cross-genre puzzles

[batyler65]

Mike, you are too twisted. Does your wife know about this?

:ack

[LiamJackson]

oh, oh...Pick me, coach, pick me! A supernatural epic/fantasy horror crossword!

[rtilryarms]

Mike, you are too twisted. Does your wife know about this?

I don't know and I ain't taking the duct tape off ong enough for her to tell me neither!

:grr

[Cary]

Ohhh Yarmy!! I could make a scary story outta that!!! Dude!! Your pretty scary!!!!!:ack Lets see...duct taping..hummm..
Leave that wife of yours alone!!! Shes a saint ofva woman!!!:grin
Love an suckermarks, Carybelle

[rtilryarms]

Leave her alone? Heh! I'm married remember?
Like I have a choice!

[Cary]

Oh yeah,I forgot...an with those marital vows comes free reign to plunder at will,huh??? You beastly,beastly man!!!!:teeth Hey!!!...my fortune cookie just told me,'You are next in line for a promotion,at your firm'.Gee,think Ill ask for that raise...Do you belive in premonitions,fate,or just a plain ole,'Lucky Day'..??? Carybelle

[reph]

Batyler wrote: "Have you given any thought to writing puzzle-type activities for the educational markets? The pay is probably better and it would seem to be a pretty big market."

No, I haven't. I should think one would have to key the product to the curriculum, and I have no idea what schools are doing these days.

What I really like to write is humor, but I tend to turn out pieces in an unpredictable, undisciplined, one-shot, off-the-cuff way.

[batyler65]

Humor hounds, we are heading into another weekend! How goes the projects?

I've been a very bad girl this week and am grounding myself from the procrastination possibilities on the Internet. I will check back in on Sunday and post my progress. Today, though, I've got a 7 hour writing marathon planned (woohoo!).

Everybody sound off!

(cracks whip) Boy that feels good!

Let's get crackin'

Barb:ack

[rtilryarms]

Last night I cranked out a couple chapters of a fiction novel PLUS
I wrote 1200 words of my "Based on a true story"
PLUS
I knocked out 2700 words on a collaboration novel.

That was my best night in 2 years.

[Lori Basiewicz]

I wrote 5,160 words in a short story set in the same universe as TBWN and, uh, about 3 words in TBWN itself. Yes, I will be conducting a writing marathon myself this weekend.

I'll be back Sunday to tell you how well I recovered.

[reph]

Lori wrote: "I'll be back Sunday to tell you how well I recovered."

Lori, if that's not possible, please have your next of kin tell us instead.

[batyler65]

Okay, Troopers, how's it going?

:teeth monster:teeth novel is now officially 25,594 words long up from 18,792 words last weekend. Would be longer, but pesky character had a seizure yesterday and I'm still researching whether or not she's allowed to do that (it's complicated). ICK.:\

Last week I also wrote a killer essay which will become my next FC sub. This is a good thing because my editor sent me a "boo-hoo" email on Friday telling my the Ed-in-chief rejected my last one. :(

I've got a column due this week, plus am travelling with daughter Thursday and Friday with schedule unknown. So, I may be pecking away in the wee hours of the morning trying to keep the :teeth monster:teeth moving.

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!!


Reph: re: Humor writing -- Go for it. If it's what you really enjoy, dig in and do more of it. The market is huge and the pay is good.

Mike: WOW! Excellent progress. Can I borrow your muse? Sounds like you got the workaholic one. I got Slacker-in-a-Box. [Bud smacks Barb with picket sign and mutters darkly] Okay, okay! I stand corrected. I got Slacker-in-a-Recliner.

Lori: Well? How did it all turn out? Did you move TBWN forward? Three words is three words. Just ask Bud. That's about all he contributed this week. I believe the words were: "had a seizure". AARRGH!
And you wrote a new story? :star Excellent!:star

MIA
Annie, Lisa, Jen, Liam, Cary: O where, o where has my writing group gone? O where, o where can they be? [Please don't make me sing. It's bad. I never remember the words and then I have to make them up as I go along.] :tongue

Everybody fess up. What's doin'?

Barb:ack

[rtilryarms]

My "Based On A True Story" now takes a back seat to my Daughter's Social Studies fair. She has to do George Washington Crossing the Delaware. Of course this means I have to point out all of the errors of legend and tell her about the real story.

We are going to compromise and I told her I will write a couple of pages of my Ancestor writing a diary in the days prior to the second crossing. It should be good. Maybe 200 words a night.

Mike (dad)

[Lori Basiewicz]

My major goal for this month was to have TBWN hit the 20,000 word mark by the end of the month. I'm relieved to report that goal has been achieved. TBWN is currently at 20,982 words. This is an increase from 15,185 words at the beginning of the week.

My counts are made using Word's count feature, BTW - I've recently realized how many more words TBWN contains if I use other methods. I'm not too worried about those details at this point, though, since I'm just using the Word count right now to track progress.

The next major goal is to have TBWN hit 40,000 words by the end of March -- and to continue to resist the urge to begin rewriting it before I hit THE END for the first time.

Keep the whip cracking, Barb. Do you need me to send Bud some beer to keep him from interfering with :teeth The Monster :teeth ?


Edited to increase the goal for March.

[LiamJackson]

63,000 words into the new (old) project, Dominion.

I started this piece a couple of years ago, but shelved it in favor of Offspring. With Offspring out of the way, I dragged "Dominion" out from under the bed last week and re-read it. I started on some minor revisions and finished those tonight. Tomorrow, I'll "storyboard" out the second half of the novel and begin writing new material.

Also in the works is a novella entitled "The House on Barnett Hill", based on my short story, The Boy in the Barnett House and The Watchers, a techno thriller involving domestic terrorism and easily produced bio-toxins.

In my spare time, I'm overseeing two new projects for the people that sign my monthly paychecks. Damn that day job! ;)

[qatz]

okay, if you're sure i won't be trouble. a few notes on current topics . . .

Hey Bud, are you real like me?

Monsterama Dude, Yah!!! Naked women and beer!!! Okay!!

now, where was i? benign respectable? or wasthat being respecnatable? yah! whatever the @#%$ it was!

ah like you attistudes, duedeness! ka=wank

ahem. I Cannot Tell You What I've Been Working On, As Yet.
normally, that mean's i've been goofing off. not this time! what does it mean, then? i have no idea! i just pose the questions, i don't answer them.

Liam Does Not look like that cool undead guy from Buffy! I know from Buffy and Liam aint Spike! Liam is, however, Pretty Cool, I'll give him that. Wow! i expanded his picture and Liam is Pretty Scary! he looks like a harley davidson! strange! and who is that bleached blonde guy in the leather jacket standing next to him? woosh! talk about Under Cover!

Wordster, I have a message for you. no one else need Apply.

Rtly, you are, as usual, an incredible Hoot. or is that the Increddible Hunk? or was it just an improbable hulk? BTW Cary, rtly is not a beast, except in the loosest sense of the word. signed, The Tiger

okay, it was "just a joke." i would tell you the truth, but then i'd have to send liam after you!

this is of course Good News, because it means i will be Acting Respectable from here on, and not

ever seen a sentence logically end with no period?

speaking of the last time i felt True Love, check out the Official Fan Club for a certain person under the Announcements board! really! do it now! it's a joint project, of dawnie and me. want another joint, dawnie? we are having a contest . . . the one who lavishes most praise upon out Guest of Honor over there gets, umm, something.

or, then again, maybe not. heheheheh

There. Was that Funny? I sincerely tried to make it be, at least from my dog's point of view. He looked at me and said, "make it so," and the Mission Impossible theme played in the background. The tiger, meanwhile, is waking up. He has taken an interest in certain hindi snakes in the southern subcontinent, and may be coming active again. not being a Morning Person, it may take him long to quit stretching.

Of course, i was limited by my usual rule of not writing what I am talking about, or even keeping capitalization constant. it distracts the Weirdos. i sincerely hope that people do not continue to consider me a Troll Hiding under the Bridge, as I am clearly less strange than before, and even capitalize the personal pronoun at times! sigh.

well, at least it's progress.

well, it's been fun. sorry i couldn't say anything coherent! must be the Irish! maybe next times, i'll be better.

p.s. I don't know who wrote this, but it Wasn't Me. Q

[rtilryarms]

You guys sure crack out the whiskey early in the mid west!!!!!

[qatz]

hit her on the nail again, rts!

[WordSoup]

Qatz: So Liam doesn't look like Spike? I'll take your word for it :teeth BTW Nice to finally be razzed by you :) I've seen your other posts ---you scare me :lol


OH MY GOSH!!! Some of you have gotten so much accomplished in the past week!!!! I am ashamed to slink in here and hold up page one of chapter 4: 396 words....I have excuses, wanna hear 'em???? they are good ..... no really....

impromtu "How -To" book titles:
"How To Move your Mother-In-Law Cross-Country" :ack
(or: Lessons In Tongue-Biting) with an afterward from my shrink.

"How To Refinance Your Mobile Home" by Cannit B. Dunn
Edited by I. Rate

"How To Take Bad News" (or: You Didn't Get The Library Job)
by U. R. Polite Edited by Tru A. Tantrum

"How To Juggle Everything" (or: Toss Me That Chain Saw-I've Mastered the Bowling Pins) by Stub E. Fingers Edited by Mun E. Stight

Oh Geez - I'd better just stop now...

Jen - promising to write more soon..."Lord willin' & the creek don't rise"

[batyler65]

Mike,
well, I can understand that pesky parenting thing. I'm caught in the throes of my son's Science Fair. And this year, dammit, I refuse to be the experiment! :p

But still, writing is writing. So keep at it. Besides, I think you probably have a whole humor essay brewing in the Social Studies Fair experience. Take notes (not necessarily even funny ones). When it's all over, you might want to go back and revisit it.

Keep the faith,
Barb:ack

[batyler65]

[Barb tosses confetti and blows a horn]
Go, Lori! Go, Lori!

Great progress!

I can relate to your editing urges. I'm also struggling with that need to go back and fix things. Or should I say losing the battle? Although, I don't rewrite entire chapters. I'm more into the "Oops, I need to go back and fix that for consistency before I forget."

RE: Bud and beer.
Got any tranquilizer darts?

My character is still in limbo while I try to research myself out of a corner. Hate that. Loved where the story was headed, now I've got to play with the technical details. Whee!

The good news is, I got my next sub off to Family Circle and finished my column (also safely on its way via e-mail to my editor). So, the rest of this week will be devoted to getting the :teeth monster:teeth moving again. Cross your fingers for me, the siren call of online mahjong is strong...:o

Until the weekend,
Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Boy, you've got a lot of projects up in the air. Are you a juggler, too?

Okay, I'm assuming that at least part of that 63,000 words was written before last week. Otherwise, I'm gonna get a complex. I might even develop manuscript envy. ;)

Good luck with your storyboarding. Do you plot scenes on index cards or what?

Good luck this week.

Barb:ack

P.S. Just who do those people who sign the checks think they are? They are interfering with your art! :lol

[batyler65]

Eric,
Okay, so you can't tell us what you're working on. I'll assume it's a writing project instead of some psychotic plan to take over the world and remove capitalization from writing as we know it. :lol

And who said you were a troll under a bridge? [Bud elbows his way to the keyboard: Troll? I could do that. What's it pay? Can ya get me an interview? Anything but working with this chick, man. Anything!]

Ahem. Anyway, we will be watching you for signs of respectable behavior. What should we do if they show up?;)

Barb:ack

[rtilryarms]

LOL WordSoup

[batyler65]

There, there. It'll get better.

We won't beat you up too much. After all, you did write 396 words -- and some mighty funny self help book titles. So all is forgiven. ;)

If you think it'll help, Bud can come stay with you for a week. Beware though, he might dump a seizure or some other medical ailment on one of your characters. Right now, I'm trying to track down a neurologist willing to listen to me babble about a fictional character so I can find out if what I'm doing is even in the realm of possibilities. Sheesh.

Glad you're still with us.

Barb:ack

[Edited by Bud: Did you bring donuts? I'm not forgivin' nuttin' if there aren't donuts involved. hmmph!]

[WordSoup]

Dear Bud: I have an iron skillet with your name on it. (and the PMS to put some muscle behind it) :evil
Don't you dare come within 20 yards of my sweet lil "Laura Ingalls meets John-Boy/Grizzly Adams" muse. (Yeah, I hear ya makin' fun of me out there)

And besides, I just got my character out of the hospital with broken ribs and singed eye brows from trying to rescue her parents from a house fire.

No, they didn't make it.

Enter Maniacal Small Town Pastor.....

8o Jen aka WordSoup - Pickin' up where I left off

P.S. Thanks for the "There, There" Barb. I could almost feel you patting me on the back :D Good Luck tracking down your neurological answers :nerd

[qatz]

doan worry bud, yer always welcome here. i'll get the doughnuts, you bring the whiskey, and we'll go trollin' for babes. heheheh. ones widdout frying pans handy.

ps. ooo wordy, sounds like your character's been through a few. we're with you! of course, not within 20 yards.

[WordSoup]

My apologies :o

That last post was a TAD harsh. :\

I'm ALL better now *curtsey* :grin Tame again, even!

- Jen

[batyler65]

Oh, now, don't you worry none about hurtin' Bud's feelings. He don't got none above the waist. :eek

As for your post being harsh, didn't read that way at all to me. So, nothing to forgive. Now stop fretting and get back to work!;)

:peace

[WordSoup]

...No feelings above the waist...now I'm thinkin'...... oops

SMACK MY PATTIES :tongue

- Jen - Back to writin', not thinkin'

[qatz]

Bud n me come to smack your patties. will you open that door and let us in?

[WordSoup]

*shaking finger in Bud & Q's direction* My Laura Ingalls muse is scolding you

- Jen

[Betty W01]

Wow, stopped in to see what all the fuss was about. You people need some serious therapy! (I like that in a person...)

Jen, keep that frying pan handy, I have a feeling you may want to drag it back out again in the not too distant future, with this crew in here!

Betty
NSL Board Diva

[LiamJackson]

The 63,000 was written a couple of years ago. You know, it's alot of fun to dig something out of the trunk that was written so far back, then left for dead.

About half way through the reread, I started wondering who was responsible for that garbage. I couldn't remember writing half of it.

And yeah, I'm one of those multi-taskers. Gotta' have multiple frying pans on the stove or I start feeling guilty for slacking.

[sugarmuffin]

I have not faded from the earthly plane.

But my latest muse is a troll named Louie, so I've been doing a lot of writing under bridges, in caves, etc. and haven't ben near my computer. I'm amazed at how much trolls eat! Jeez, this is getting expensive. Big roasts every night, and during the day its drive thru, drive thru, drive thru.

Lisa

PS Liam, I have a meeting next week with a former Jesuit, now head of a school of psychology (now that's interesting) to talk about Catholic Church and its views on various topics.

[LiamJackson]

Hiya SM...wondered where you had gotten off to. Look forward to hearing of your meeting. Sounds very interesting!

[batyler65]

Hi, all,
Once again I will be pecking away all weekend to try to make some semblence of progress on the :teeth monster:teeth novel.

As you may recall, Bud, my ever popular muse, ran away with my storyline by suggesting a seizure. The character has now gotten a second opinion. It seems what Bud meant to say was FEVER. I know, but this IS Bud we're talking about.

Then I've spent several days trying to figure out how to abduct a psychic (not literally just in my fiction). I mean, really, how to you kidnap someone who knows you are coming to kidnap them? Whee. Happily, I think I've sorted that all out.

How is everyone doing?? I refuse to report my pitiful addition until Sunday as I'm hoping to make it better before then. If I don't start doing better, I'm going to have to reliquish the writing whip :eek .

SOUND OFF

I'm sure everyone has accomplished something -- although we all seem to be procrastinating quite a bit with the continuing saga of Sloopy. :lol

BaRb:ack

Question of the weekend (Be honest): Yes or No
In the interest of research, would you be willing to let someone (preferably someone you trust) lock you in the trunk of a car?

I'll let you know how it goes...(to be continued).

[Lori Basiewicz]

Barb, please don't relinquish the writing whip. It's at the point where I think, "OH NO! IT'S THURSDAY! BARB WILL BE CALLING FOR A PROGRESS REPORT ANYTIME NOW. I'D BETTER GET SOMETHING DONE!" My muse seems to be very frightened of you. Or maybe it's Bud he's afraid of? Anyway, thank you for your commitment to it.

This week, I'm happy to report I've written 3456 in TBWN. All of these words have been written since Wednesday night after I realized another progress report was coming due. With the writing I have scheduled for tomorrow, I will easily make this week's goal.

As for the locked in a car trunk question. Sure, why not? It would be an interesting experience I could use towards my own writing, would it not? However, I would want it to be not only someone I trusted, but also someone who I would be positive would open the trunk should I give some pre-arranged signal, and not think it funny to leave me locked in while I pounded hysterically on the trunk lid. I also would not want to just lay there, but also try to figure a way out in order to add to the experience.

P.S. I'm glad to hear that your character did not have a seizure, but is merely suffering from a fever. Will they recover?

[LiamJackson]

Barb, it's dangerous to admit such a thing in a group like this, but I HAVE been locked in the trunk... of several vehicles. (all in the spirit of "research," mind you.)

As much as I've enjoyed the continuing saga of Sloopy, I've also managed to accomplish a little "work" done. I won't bore ya' with the specifics, but I've reworked a short and will submit it to various publications, next week.

I've recovered sufficiently from the ankle surgery and will return to the 'day job' next Monday. Looking forward to it. I've got cabin fever in a bad way.

[reph]

This evening I wrote, and produced a (rough) illustration for, a logic/math problem featuring eight jars of jelly beans.

[RichMar]

Hi, new here. This is my maiden post. I'm somewhat flighty so I don't know how long I'll be here.

I've been doing little writing these past few months. I do Humor Essays and Humor fiction.

Had stuff in Reader's Digest, ASPCA Animal Watch, America West, Field & Stream, plus light verse in others.

To get me out of my rut I'm now trying monologues for stand up comics. Wrote 2 so far and sent them on there way.

[LiamJackson]

Hiya Rich and welcome. I'm also a relative newcomer.

[RichMar]

Ah, relative newcomer...some kind of nepotism going on here?

[qatz]

this was all just a juke. okay, i have hopes for minnie. she is tough, though. but it seemed only rtly caught on to the humor. maybe i'll keep it back until i find a nation of rtlys where i can publish in peace. which world did you say it might be a best seller in, dude?

[WordSoup]

Hi All!!!

I'm not going to toot my own horn ('cause I only have a Tonet) BUT - I cranked out another 1,000 words on Chapter 4 in one day. I must say, my personal best. I almost sent it to someone to critique, but I'm just not that masochistic. Thinking about posting chapter 1 in the Share forum, 'cause I may not be masochistic, but I am needy.

Liam: Didn't know you were injured, but I'm glad your recovering.

Qatz: Here's a Zoloft, man. :\ Should I light a candle, 'er somethin', for you?

Reph: Interesting you make up puzzles and such. I couldn't solve it, let alone make one up. (Not with math, anyaway)

Lord people, I just lit up a cig, and there sets another smoldering in the ash tray....must be getting tired.

BTW - got a Vet appt. for the cat on Monday- *snip* - no more Kinneson-like behavior....I hope.

Cyber-Hugs - Jen

[LiamJackson]

Indeed, Rich. Nepotism abounds in this forum. I'm surrounded by an extended family of comedy-minded siblings. Now, I only have to find the elusive wealthy aunt.:money :money :money
(and she doesnt have to be funny)

[Lori Basiewicz]

We have an aunt? And she's wealthy? Can I meet her?

[qatz]

this was also all a joke too. i am saving it for that special world full of rtlys, where they play "Taps" over the bleached bones of old love affairs, as the late winter sun crosses the hills toward a long horizon.

[rtilryarms]

Q:

OH YEAH?

Well I'm takin my words and going home TOO!

(Something tells me I missed something again....)

[qatz]

rtly. check out our latest haps in liam's new thread Q

[RichMar]

I'm mostly a humor essay guy. I've been doing to much hovering lately and switched to anything that smacks of humor. I was at the dentist's office this morning and leafed through Parenting Magazine. The last page consisted of haikus from a parent's pov--funny. When I got home I wrote ten haikus from a baby's point of view. I can't figure why It took so little time, but I won't dissect it.

Samples:

I see my potty

Maybe today I will...oops!

Maybe tomorrow.

......................................

From my finished milk

And the persistence of time

My wet diaper sags.


Oddly, just yesterday, I finished and sent in a monologue for Rodney Dangerfield to consider.

[batyler65]

Hi,
As promised, I'm here to make my progress report. Although this week, I think I'd call it my anti-progress report.

:teeth monster:teeth novel is now 29,710 words up from 25,594 last weekend. I had hoped to break 30,000 but just didn't happen. Bud was too busy watching old Bay Watch reruns, munching peanuts and spilling beer all over the recliner.

Also wrote a piece of flash fiction this week and hope to revise and submit next week.

I also said I'd update on the trunk of the car thing and here is how it goes so far: My daughter rolled her eyes when I asked. My son said, Mom, not in front of the neighbors. And I don't think my hubby will let me back out if I ask him. So I haven't made it past that barrier yet, although my son did let me sit inside his trunk with the lid open this weekend while he stood by looking mortified. He has a big 2000 Saturn and it has plenty of trunk space. It is the perfect car for an abduction (no inside release). I'm sure there is a humor essay in here somewhere just dying to get out, so I'll make notes in my journal because I know I'm gonna want to revisit this later.:p



Lori: Wow! You are doing great! I'm glad to know that this little progress report thingy is helping keep you motivated.

As for the fever/seizure character recovering... the doctors are still out. she's already in a coma and it doesn't look good.

Reph: Good to hear that you are still out there. Logic and math puzzles are good items for that educational market I mentioned awhile back. I know, I know you aren't familiar with the needs, but if you have a teacher's supply store where you live, I'd recommend going to check it out. They have all sorts of books with activities in them and somebody has to write them.

Liam: Glad to hear you are back in action (although I'm sorry it required surgery). I guess this means no work on the new/old novel, huh? And somehow, I'm not surprised at all to learn that you've been locked in the trunks of vehicles. It's the willingly and in the name of research parts that I have trouble swallowing. :grin

Rich-Mar: Welcome to the Looney Bin! You're in good company. Feel welcome to report writing progress of any kind here. We act as nags, cheerleaders, wailing walls, etc... to help each other stay motivated. Monologues sound like fun. But I bet trying to stay topical and timely keeps you on your toes. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Jen: You go right ahead and toot away, you deserve to! I hope to hear about similar progress next week. Are you keeping a running total yet?

Qatz: There, there. You've had a rough week. And not a tranquilizer dart in sight.:p No more excuses. Write garbage if that's all that comes out and don't worry about it. You can always fix it later. BTW: Sounds like Minnie will be good for you. ;) Get to work!!

Mike: what's up in your neck of the woods? How is Social Studies Land?

Lisa: How is that troll thing working out? Are you making any progress with your writing? Do tell!

ANNIE
WHERE ARE YOU??? I have abandonment issues, you know. If you don't show up soon, I'm going to have to send the posse out after you. Of course, I'll have to round up the posse first. I'm putting Liam in charge of that.

Hope all is well.



That's it for me guys. Until next weekend, take care and keep writing!

BaRb:ack

[RichMar]

I'm really not topical in any genre. Ninety-nine percent of what I've published can be read 50 years from now, (and I hope, enjoyed) which includes my new venture into monologues--and kiddy haukus.

[reph]

Barb, can you use this detail? I remember a news story about a woman kidnapped here a few years back, I think by two men. She couldn't do much inside the trunk, but she could do something. It was night. She unscrewed the taillights. A cop stopped the driver for driving without them.

[RichMar]

Would that open anything comedic, or is it something for her to ponder?

[Lori Basiewicz]

RichMar: With Barb, you never know.

[Lori Basiewicz]

Barb, I just found out I have some friends coming up next weekend (speaking of which, don't expect much progress in next week's report, if there is a report from me at all next week), but I'm certain I can convince them to lock me in the trunk of a car if you needed a second-set-of-eyes thing. And they probably wouldn't think it was all that strange. Or they would think it was strange which would mean it was perfectly normal in our little group. :\

What would you need me to report on? 8o

[RichMar]

Do you think that the lights in the trunk thing leads to a humor piece or does it open up a number of possibilities for writing? And in either case, would it be grist for one particular writer, or was it meant for the board to feed on?

[reph]

Rich, I don't know what Barb's working on. Humor or not? All I know is, it's got something to do with being in a trunk. She's welcome to use that bit if she can. So are you. What happened in the kidnapping became public knowledge. Anyone could have picked up the idea from the same news report.

Barb, that's the first I've heard of stores for teachers. I thought schools were supposed to provide classroom supplies (yeah, yeah, I know, old story). Thanks for the tip. The problem of motivation would remain, though, as I mentioned in an earlier post. I'm not so in love with puzzles that I'm just bursting with enthusiasm to get to the next one.

[batyler65]

Okay, some clarification--
Folks on this thread aren't necessarily all reporting progress on humorous projects. We just happen to be a group of happy-go-lucky souls who write humor amid other projects. I for one am a humor columnist for a local women's mag and I also write humor for Family Circle. I am currently working on a non-humorous novel where one of the protags happens to be locked in the trunk of the car. This is the infamous :teeth monster:teeth novel of reference. Reph was offering the info as possible help for me.

Now, humorously speaking, asking to be locked in a trunk by one's family members is funny. Particularly when you take into account the reactions it generates. I'm certain that this particular bit of research will lead to some funny writing on my part (although I doubt seriously that FC will want to see it). But some writing pub might. By posting this here, it might lead other writers to think -- Hey, I did something goofy like that once, maybe I could write about that. Grist? Sure!


:peace
BaRb

[batyler65]

Thanks for the input, Reph!

:ack

[batyler65]

You are such a trooper! (insane, but a trooper!)
:rollin :rollin :rollin

Thanks for the offer. Feel free to try it if you like. I'm going for the atmospherics (how dark, how cramped, what does it smell like?). Just let me know what make and model of car you used.


I can just hear the conversation at Lori's house now:
You want us to what?

No, you don't understand, my friend, Barb needs me to do this!
She has a whip and everything!

She needs you to be locked in the trunk of a car?

It's only research, honest!

Somebody, get the net!

:lol
BaRb

[batyler65]

Okay, Reph,
Jump on the humor bandwagon. Leave the puzzles behind! We are ready to help you on your way.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to come up with five humorous topics you could write an essay/monologue/anecdote/short story -- oh heck, anything but a puzzle -- about this week. You don't have to write them, just generate the ideas. We will be waiting for your report.

This message will self-destruct. Or quite possibly Bud will eat it. He's wiped out everything else in the house.

BaRb

[Bud says: Tell her to write one about beer. Or possibly beer and nekkid women. I would really like to see more writing on those topics.]

[batyler65]

Where are you Awana Hunkaman? I want to know what is going on with that horror story, and I want to know right now!

BaRb:ack

[Lori Basiewicz]

As I said, this group of friends wouldn't find it all that strange. The conversation would probably go more like this:

You want us to what?

Lock me in the trunk of the car. It's research. A friend is trying to kidnap a psychic in her novel and is trying to describe it.

Uh, okay. But we'll have to use your car. Or Geoff's. Our trunk is a little full right now. Games and luggage and stuff.

Oh, that's okay. It doesn't have to be now. Just sometime this weekend, before we all go our separate ways.

[Later that weekend, as we are saying our goodbyes.]

Oh, wait, didn't you want us to lock you in the trunk of a car?

Do we have time before you go?

Depends. Did you want us to stick around and let you out?

[Cary]

Hey! I found a small press publisher who has expressed an interest in my shortie!! Will be forwarding It sometime this week.He advidsed Me,'turn around time for reading,is about 90 days....Must have alot of stuff.Gave him a brief outline,by e-mail an he did state the story was in line with their needs for the next anthology.Lions Head Publishing out of Vermont??They do mostly short story collections.Seems promising..NAR,for one year after publishing,100$,an paperback copies. This is the norm??:nerd
Carybelle

[batyler65]

Sounds good but I don't know for sure, since I haven't had any direct experience with small presses. From everything I've heard, it sounds like the norm to me.

Anybody else know?

Way to go!!!
Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Your friends sound like my family. :lol

Oh, and BTW: You are NOT excused from making a progress report this week. It just means you have to get started before Thursday. :p So don't go all slacker on me, got it? It doesn't have to be 3,000 words of progress, but something. Move that BWN forward! :teeth

BaRb:ack

[RichMar]

If you want a good briefing on small presses, register at Poets & Writer's Speakeasy, and go to the Writing Conference. About 90 % of the denizens there are well published writers, including novelists and some small mag editors. I woudn't be surprised if some of them know for better or worse, that particular press. They also know more about the ins and outs of publishing. These people are pretty sharp--contracts, copyright law, etc. It's an easy going group, so no need to feel uneasy.

[loyal samuel]

Barb,

I have one experience with locking in the trunk. Long ago, in my stupider years, when a large group of us went to the drive-in, we locked someone in the trunk (he was willing) to avoid paying a ticket. Yeah, I know, dumb. Someone else was hidden under a blanket and another walked in through the exit. The things adolescents will do to save a few bucks. Note to self: always make sure my kids have cash when they venture out.


Anyway...he seemed okay when we let him out. And he was in there for a while because we had to wait in traffic to get in.

kathy

[Cary]

Thanx for the info there,Richmar an Barb,mucho appreciado!!!
Wish me luck!! I needs It!!!:nerd Luv,"Awana"

[RichMar]

You didn't say you'd query at the Speakeasy. I don't give advise lightly.

[ebapx]

let me advise you about something, Rich ...

[RichMar]

Saw my error when reading. Decided to wait till some good samaritan picked it up. One appeared looking for road kill--a meek fledgling, not knowing what's waiting for it. I'll hold off, for now.

[qatz]

i have to tell you, rich, he doesn't exist. his admonition was friendly, but it didn't have to do with spelling; it had to do with respecting other writers; they choose to acknowledge your input or not; it's a free country. he was, however, just a test screen; a fictional persona i created to take the place of another guy who didn't exist, the infamous qatz, another character of mine who has been out of control before and was gettin out of control again recently. minnie, you will remember minnie, took after me with a frying pan this morning--jeesh, what an arm that woman has!--and told me to be respectful and respectable, or be history. Zoloft and tranq darts don't phase me, but iron skillets do. so i tried to create apx as a responsible alternative to the infamous one, but in truth Jenna wouldn't let me, except for that one post. so now i am back as qatz, to say hello sweet world, and may the force be with you. let us not forget what we were, or whom we might become.

[RichMar]

So, let's discuss those distinctions. You chose to use a disquise to make your point. I'm new on this board and had no idea that puppets appeared to altar the flow of real people expressing themselves. (BTW, there are few, truly, friendly admonitions)

My advice was sound. If the approach offended you, so be it. Writing is not like nudging a child to eat his/her veggies. It's a process that goes beyond a precocious child's ability to put a few imaginative sentences together.

Now, if you have any more puppets up your sleeve, rid yourself of them. It's what's screwing up every board on the web.

[batyler65]

Okay guys, play nice or please take it to the "Take it Outside" forum. This thread is long enough without ongoing feuds.

:peace

[rtilryarms]

I think I must have missed something.

I thought everyone was joking.

Not?

[rtilryarms]

What the heck in going on here?

How many people are working on Car trunk stories?

I have seen 3 or 4 references in the last few weeks.

I have been on one since the beginning of January.

Are you guys plagiro....plaquri...plaigeri....Copying me?

[qatz]

rtly, i have no idea what these guys is talking about. i'm sure it all makes sense in some other universe. i for one, certainly dont bear anyone here ill will. life is too short for that. if i offended anyone on purpose, i take it back. if i offended anyone by accident, i take that back too. if i didn't offend anyone either on purpose or by accident when i should have, i take that back too.

mebbe it comes from not being able to talk about what i'm doing. it should all come clear before long, gang. dont worry barb, no psychotic anticapitalization campaigns. i really have turned over a new leaf, somewhere, even if no one whom i really care about believes it. in that last post, in fact, i was buryin the old Qatz. i came not to praise him, but to bury him. check out what i did to the posts before that. i guess no one notices the good stuff.

well, seems like i was kiddin around last i knew, in fairly fine fettle for bein bored on a saturday night, when minnie whacked me hard at least twice (i lost count after that) with one a them heavy pans. not one a the light ones, she had ta pick a heavy one. then i tried to be more respectable, i really tried, and ol' rich here up and boxes me on the ears and blames me, moi, yo mama for the demise of the internet, etc., for no discernable reason. and then you barb yourself comes in and shoes us both off to the flame boards. gaaah! no thanks! :ack

i'm too old for this. you young kids just dont get me. i need an old soul like rtly to talk to, or maybe the iron maiden. told you i'd just cause trouble, barb. maybe i'll go. kin i git thet tranquilizer dart gun on loan?

seems like you, mike, were the only one i entertained besides myself anyway. a small, but discerning, audience you was. but as far as car trunks, i did think you'd grok on this thread when you got around to it! heheheh. comic car trunks--dang! dont let on it was our idea to begin with, though. these guys aren't anywhere near where we're goin!

Q

[LiamJackson]

Lighten up, Eric. Sure, most notice the good stuff. Hell, I'm a fan. You ain't going anywhere. Fugedaboudit!

[qatz]

Madeja blink! Thanks, Liam.

[batyler65]

RT:
Copying you? Are you in a car trunk, too?
This sounds like the lead in to a bad joke: How many writers can you get in the trunk of a volkswagon?

[WordSoup]

Qatz - You'd better stick around - I just got here and I'm still trying to figure you out ;)
Rich - I haven't said 'Hello' to you yet *waving frantically* :grin You stick around, too. I want to know more about monlogues for stand-ups.
Cary - Congrats! on your "shortie"


Barb - you asked about my word count. The total at the end of Chaper 4 is::: 8,947. I don't know what to call it, except DONE at some point. It may be mainstream novella? I'm used to writing tight, under 2,000 words, so this is the longest piece of fiction that ever hung together and was coherent. :D

- signed, Tame Jen, different day

PS - Trunks - Falling out through the bottom of a rusted one.

(I was ill one time, so I sent hubby to the store with a grocery list. He drove "The Old Grey Mule", a teenage Dodge truck. Helpful hubby came back with everything I'd asked for, except a 3 pound block of cheese that had fallen through a hole in the floorboard) :|

[LiamJackson]

Quick note folks. I'm back on the "day job," so I'll be away from the forum for a short period. I'll still lurk as time permits. (I couldn't quit this place, cold turkey. You people make my day. )



Until laterz, safe journeys.

L

[batyler65]

Kathy,
Back in your stupider years? You mean you are supposed to outgrow those??:eek I think I know what I've been doing wrong!

*yells over shoulder*
Bud, get away from my mailbox! No, I will not let you have the Victoria's Secret catalog when I'm done! Let go of that! Down! Back! Sit!!

*Returns to desk*

Sorry about that. Pesky muse. Thanks for the input. Oh, BTW, making sure the kids have money doesn't necessarily make them smarter, just better dressed. ;)

Barb :ack

[rtilryarms]

*I tried riding in a Volkswagen car trunk once but the fan belt kept rubbing my nose.


*I sang in a Volkswagen once. I'm pretty good, but I'm far from Nugent.

snare, snare, bass, cymbol, foot peddle

[batyler65]

Tame Jen,
This reminded me of a joke (really bad joke):

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.


Okay, that is officially all the bad punning I'm allowed to do today.

I know what you mean about writing tight. I write Flash (stories under 1,000 words and usually under 500) trying to break out of that mold has been a challenge. I'm trying to willfully concentrate on letting the work get longer instead of trying to distill things down as I think of them. Good luck! Let us know when you hit the 10,000 word mark and Lori and I will throw you a cyber party.

Barb:ack

[batyler65]

Umm. Mike? I think it is past time for your meds.:rolleyes

:p

[batyler65]

Liam,
Hey, don't be a stranger. It wouldn't be quite so much fun without ya.

Check in with us when you can. I want to know how the new novel progresses. (Don't make me come after you with my whip, hear?)

:peace
Barb

[qatz]

Liam talked me into stayin . . . so my guess is, he aint goin nowhere.

Just checkin in . . . wrote 100,000,000 words last night. Plus a few extra.

Minnie, please put down thet fryin pan . . . yikes! . . . Whut did uh do this time, Min? . . . :ack (*ducking, heading out door*) . . . Minnie??? Open the door and let me in. . . open the door, Minnie . . . please open ... the ... door and let me in!

Whew, thanks Min! Oh no, not thet skillet again!

*Hiding in driveway behind rusted out old pickup*

Thet's it from here, folks! (Looney Tines motto) :hat

Q

[WordSoup]

Yarmy - The question is: do you look like Nugent in a loincloth, swinging from a rope? ;)

Barb - I know that joke!! (Told to me by the same guy that wore a shirt that said: "The Taming of Wild Animals...by Claude Person) I laughed so hard I got kicked out of Social Studies.

Liam - Go back to the day job, but do finish the story about the haunted house and the murders. Can I be the first one to read the lenghtened version? :grin

[qatz]

I forgot to say, "Hi, how are you? Thank you for your interest! And you know, gadzooks, I'm still trying to figure you out too! Much less myself, ahem, I'm a tough nut to crack--or would like to think so!"

Minnie, please put that pan down, I wasn't challenging you; I was just trying to be charming to a total stranger on the internet; I know you can crack my nut and clean my clock; you're a woman of many talents! Please Min, put the pan down! :ack *running down the block . . .*

[WordSoup]

:money I got my two bucks on Minnie :grin

Jen

[rtilryarms]

WordSoup
If I were up on a rope, the loose loincloth would give away the reason I am not a swinger……..

Liam, don’t do the other stories. FINISH THE PRIEST ASSASIN ONE DANGIT! Or do I need to morph in to the lead character and prod you a little?

Barb, another oldy before I get my meds:

How do you make a car top?
You tep on the brake, tupid!

Q:

What is your Minnie Muse doing with Peter Pan?

[WordSoup]

:rollin :rollin Yarmy THAT was too cute. I'll still be giggling about that two days from now.

AND - Don't you go persueding Liam - LIAM!!!!! Hey I got two more bucks....

[rtilryarms]

the yarmster teetered on the brink with that one...sorry :o

[qatz]

Yarms is God?

check out his drive-through thread! i know, muffsters, credit goes to you. don't it always?

btw youse guys, you seen how youse been acting on Liam's "new prompt"?

[sugarmuffin]

"What's the drive thru-thread?" she said, delirious from lack of sleep from taking care of a sick child.

[qatz]

check out second installment of the drive-through millogy, sweet thing. ps. rtly, what minnie does is on her own clock. the only one i saw acting like P. Pan around here is YOU. or was that Tarzan widda loose bandana? Anyway, glad you can keep her entertained, dudester! (ps. she's an imaginary creature--just so you know.)

[rtilryarms]

lol

[WordSoup]

At least the Yarmster didn't say "pendulous" :lol

[Cary]

Yarmy said,"It doesnt swing"..member??:lol That should have been a dead giveaway...But he sure can wrassle!!;)
Carybelle "Queen of the camel clutch"

[rtilryarms]

,"It doesnt swing"..member??

You are too much...lol

[Cary]

Oh...caught that one didja??? See,yall are rubbin off on me....:evil .....Ive been on the humor board...an I just cant stop!! Its like an addiction!!!;)
Carybelle...on the 12 step program...

[qatz]

you are friggin not doin no 12 steps to gettaway from us dollin . . . we love ya just the way you are and doan fugghedit :heart

[Cary]

Second step...Run like hell!!! Hard to do with these shackles on.....an yall aint got no key!!:ack Sure,sure....
Good to know I aint gotta have a degree to be appreciated around here!!!:heart (or maybe......Its because I dont....)
Are yall takin advantage of me!!!!! Crazybelle

[qatz]

as much as we wish. heheheh