Do people take you seriously?

[seun]

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life :D ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

[Christine N.]

My husband used to bug me all the time "you're on the computer AGAIN?"

Until copies of my first book arrived...now he leaves me alone. My family doesn't really pry into it, but they're almost all readers, so they don't bother me either.

[seun]

I imagine it would be easier if I was published but as that's not the case, some people see it as I'm just doing this as a hobby. I have to bite my tongue sometimes when friends tell me I can answer the phone, for example, while I'm writing. I don't want to come off as a beard-stroking, deep in thought tortured writer.

On the other hand, I'm a genius :hooray: They should leave me alone.

[expatbrat]

If you are not taking your writing seriously, you can’t expect others too.

If you are being professional about how you organize your time, your work, and your life, then it has been my experience people will take you about as seriously as you take yourself.

(I really need to get off this website and back to taking MY book seriously!!!)

[zornhau]

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life :D ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Sell something. Anything.
Flaunt some market research
Join a good writers workshop, which at least will give you a monthly deadline.

[citymouse]

Seun, most writers will tell you that writing is a rather lonely occupation. Certainly it's a solitary one. The first person I came out to as a writer asked first if I was published, and if my book was on Amazon.com (apparently the gold standard for legitimacy). Lastly, I was asked what my story was about. A third of the way through the plot description I was asked how my mother was!

With two books on the beloved Amazon.com I'm now asked for signed copies of my book, not so that they may be read, but so that if I become famous (and rich) my friends, can say they knew me when.

The best reassurance (I assume that's what your asking about) comes unbidden from fans. An email or letter from a stranger who owes you nothing, yet takes the time to express appreciation for your work, is better than sales.

At the risk of seeming immodest, here is part of an email I got the other day. "Thanks for your wonderful talent and sharing that with me."

Seun, when you start getting these kinds of letters, you won't even notice those who appear to ignore you.

Good luck.

[bsolah]

Yep, I get it all the time. It's a hassle -- but I'm having trouble finding a job, they think it's me not wanting a job and think my writing (and activism) is getting in the way. I'm trying to avoid these conversations and situations with them until I'm published and can gloat all I want.

[Uncarved]

I get this from the wife of my hubbys best buddy at least every two weeks... "You are soooo lucky you don't work" or "You're lucky you don't have a real job and have to work all day". I just want to poke her in the eye when she does that.

[Gillhoughly]

Get used to it. Friends, family, perfect strangers are going to be short on any sort of understanding until you sell something--and even THEN...!

If your family dynamic is such that you can talk to them as a group, let them know that this IS a serious thing for you. If they can't offer support then at least ignore it and let you have your space. Staring at the ceiling means you're working and not available take out the garbage. Hang a sign on your doorknob to let them know you're busy. (Take it down when you're not.) Have regular bouts of "free time" so you participate in family things. An hour of TV watching or being at the dinner table should do it. They just want the reassurance of what they view as "normal" behavior from you. Then you can go back to your cave for head work.

If your family dynamic is such that they actively try to prevent you from working (I had that which is why I live 1200 miles from them now) you can write when they're "not looking." I spent my teen years at the library, which ain't a bad place to work. I snuck it in during study hall, at friends' houses or after everyone was asleep.

Strangers don't matter, friends, you can just change the subject. Joining a writing group will help, since you get regular doses of commiserating therapy--which helps.

All writers get this, just part of the game.

Focus on your craft and produce. ;)

[Laurie]

seun,

Feel the pain baby. But I think expatbrat is exactly right. When I didn't allow myself to take my writing seriously, because how can I be a 'real' writer if I haven't sold anything, then others didn't take me seriously either.
Probably the hardest is where the rubber hits the road. My writing is all right as long as I get all the household chores done and doesn't interfer with my husband's life. Otherwise he compares my need to concentrate and not wanting to be interrupted while fine-tuning a particularily difficult sentence to his need to concentrate while playing spider solitare. It's all a hobby that should be put aside at a moment's notice to convenience others unless you make money.

Hence... I am serioulsy considering giving up. I know, wrong answer. I need to do as said above. Organize myself, conduct myself as a professional. But it's hard when my 'office' is the communial dining room in a household of six with a computer we all share and no prolonged periods of quiet needed to put thoughts together.

Guess it all comes down to the question - do you want it bad enough. If you do you'll do what you need to do and be a duck and let the comments roll. There will always be those who won't take you seriously.

[Gillhoughly]

Hence... I am seriously considering giving up.


Don't you dare! :eek:

Not knowing the dynamic, I may be putting my foot into it, but perhaps a family meeting is called for here. Get them all down at the table at the same time (tasty snacks as a bribe works) and let them know how you feel. Offer to respect their personal space if they (it's only fair) respect yours.

That's the nice way to do it. I took the Bette Davis route. Anyone who gets between you and your work is your enemy.

That worked for me because my family would be perfectly at home on Jerry Springer, but I don't recommend it! :D

A friend of mine who couldn't get either to fly for her carved out her own private space in the house with a door lock, got her own puter, and threatened death to any interrupting her unless blood was actually pulsing from the wound. They got the point.

Heck, if S. King could hack out books in the closet of a trailer...well, eventually that worked out for him!

;)

[seun]

No quitting allowed, Laurie. Shouting, screaming and swearing are all OK, but no quitting.

I hope nobody's getting the wrong idea of me. I'm not after reassurance (although it's nice in a way to know people are in the same boat) and I take what I do very seriously. I think part of it comes down to my own insecurities over writing. As Laurie said, if I haven't sold anything, how can I be a real writer? But then, a writer isn't made by sales and I'm obviously not writing for money. I write because I have to.

[Jamesaritchie]

seun,



Hence... I am serioulsy considering giving up. I know, wrong answer. I need to do as said above. Organize myself, conduct myself as a professional. But it's hard when my 'office' is the communial dining room in a household of six with a computer we all share and no prolonged periods of quiet needed to put thoughts together.

.

Don't give up. Beg, buy, borrow, or steal a computer of your own. Preferably a laptop so you'll have freedom of movement. Then find a place to use it in private, whether it's the corner of a bedroom, the basement, or the public library.

I once rented the cheapest, dingiest, apartment I could find because where we lived at the time had no room or privacy for writing. You can imagine what a $150 a month apartment looks like. But it worked out well. It was the privacy that mattered, not the decor.

I also had my office in a wet basement for about six months. Every rain put about a foot of water in the baement, but again, it worked.

[Laurie]

Thanks guys, and I'm the screaming type too. A sit down session would be a change. But I've lost confidence in my abilty or presumed ability. So, I can't take myself seriously and if I don't no one will either. I've got some figuring out to do.
Seun, if you know you HAVE to write, then don't let anyone else get to you. You ARE a writer. Afterall, what do you have when you're done? A painting? Nope, a written work of art that you wrote. Hence you are a writer.

Most people don't live in passion so they can't understand yours.

[L.Jones]

Whether others take you seriously or not is totally irrelevant. Its whether you are serious about writing that matters.

Very few writers are taken seriously - if you publish one book they ask, when is the next? If you hit X list they ask, why not Y list or why number 12 and not number 1? And why can't I buy your book at X store, etc. No matter what you write somebody will say to you "I'll read your work when you write a real book." (Their def of real will vary, of course but basically it means when you write the kind of book they read or become famous enough other people are talking about you or you win an award they have heard of)

The best remedy is not to talk writing to anyone-ANYONE- who isn't a writer. I don't talk about it with my family - my own hubby is often surprised when I have a book out.

Better to just focus on your writing and let what others think roll off your back.


annie jones (Next out The Sisterhood of the Queen Mamas <and do you think people take that title, not my chosing, seriously??)
Luanne Jones (Heathen Girls, MIRA)

[maestrowork]

Unfortunately, people won't take you seriously unless you have something to show for, and that is open to interpretation. Is it getting published (I am published, but my friends still don't take me "profession" seriously)? Is it selling millions of books? Is it getting on a best selling list? Is it getting some kind of literary award? Who knows?

If you don't take yourself seriously, you have no reason to ask anyone else to do the same. If you do take yourself seriously, you need to not worry about what other people think. I know, it's easier said than done -- I still get bothered when my friends and family don't take me seriously... it's like, "What does it take? What more do you ask of me?" But that's just life.

But you need to take yourself seriously, and by that I mean you can't just say "Well, I don't write for money because I just love to write. It'd be nice if I get published, but it's not the most important thing." That, technically speaking, makes writing a hobby (at least according to IRS). If you want to take this seriously, then you need to treat it as a career, a business, a profession, and not just something you do. Getting published should be VERY top on your list -- right up there with "getting the words on paper." Whether it happens or not is another matter, but if you don't even try (very hard) to accomplish that, it's hard for others to take you seriously.

Yes, the question really is "Do you want it bad enough" to do anything you can to get to your goals? I hear this all the time in the acting circle -- it's the same thing. Everyone wants to be an "actor" but not a lot of people wants it bad enough to do their best and everything they can for the trade. There is always something else that is more important -- doing chores, going to friend's birthday party, etc. They think it's easy -- how hard is it to remember a few lines, and emote in front of a camera? The thing is, if they don't even think this is a serious business, no one will take them seriously.

[veinglory]

I get taken about as seriously as I deserve, more so when publishers checks come in, less so when I don't make time for rmy friends and family and understand what is important to them as well.

[Summonere]

When it comes to writing, people will respect you in direct proportion to how much money you make. (And then they'll compain about how bad your writing is.)

If you want it to be a job, you must treat it as a job.

Most people have no earthly idea what writing entails, yet have, somewhere inside of them, the conviction that it’s easy. You sit on your bum and put one word after another. How hard can it be? Almost no one who hasn’t tried to do it understands this. Many who try, and fail, also suspect that there’s some secret or trick that will, once they find it, magically unlock the doors to success (once again symptomatic of a Failure To Understand).

On giving up (paraphrasing Dan Simmons and Harlan Ellison): If you hear the music, if you seriously have the tunes in your head, it’s your duty to write it down. The world is short on talented success. (Note that I said “talented.” Talent and success need not happily join hands and go skipping off under the rainbow. Each can exist without the other.)

Remember that Scott Turow wrote Presumed Innocent while riding the subway to and from work, inking it longhand on legal pads. Probably not the most convenient way to work.

Remember, too, that Stephen King has said that art supports life, life does not support art.

Addendum:

Among other things, Ellison comments about why writers “don’t get no respect” over at Writer’s Digest:

http://www.writersdigest.com/articles/ellison.asp

Carry on.

[cuteshoes]

My parent's certainly don't take me seriously. Everyday they ask me, "What are you doing today?" and I say, "Writing." and they always answer "Oh."

[seun]

Very interesting article. Cheers.

[C.bronco]

I can only write when my son is asleep. I guess we find a way to do what we need to do.

[Branwyn]

It's difficult with family and friends. No one's asked to read what I've written so I assume they don't take it too seriously, and my friend that did ask me to email her the story has yet to start reading it. She's had it a while now.

I have to learn to budget my time more and feel it's okay not to answer the phone when I'm writing. I take myself seriously, whether anyone else does...I don't really care.

[PeeDee]

For a long time, when I was younger, the only person on the planet who considered writing to be a useful and relevant thing for me to be doing was my mum. For the rest of the world, I got the hideous grin and "Hah, ya write pretty stories, keep tossin' pizzas, don't quitcher day job!"

There were people online who read my stuff, but having no one physical who looked at me as a writer eventually began to wear me down. There was a six month period in there where I was ashamed of writing, ashamed of what I'd written, and very close to quitting.

As with most things like this with me, it doesn't turn into a quit, it turns into sheer bloody-minded stubbornness and a "Piss off," sort of attitude after a little while. I kept writing. Thank god that I did.

These days, I still get mocked by people who find out I'm a writer, in passing. I smile, I keep quiet, and I mentally reassign them from "probably a good person" (which is my default category for most people) to "idiot; fool; not worth attention." and then I move on.

I do not, for the life of me, understand how people can go through their lives without having something to be passionate about, like writing, for example. How can someone just work a day job, day in, day out, and watch television the rest of the time until they grow old and die? The very thought of that terrifies me.

I don't understand people. I don't think I ever really shall.

[Jamesaritchie]

I'm afraid all writers receive their fair share of disresepct. If you aren't publiched, if you can't wave a check for all to see, almost no one takes you seriously.

Even if you get published and hit number one on the bestseller list, some readers, and even some writers, blast you for writing crap just for the money.

From my perspective, you need an agent who will take you seriously, you need an editor who will take you seriously, and you need a group of loyal readers who will take your published books seriously. Everyone else can, uh, go fly a kite. Most of those who don't take you seriously probably haven't done squat themselves.

As for family and friends, I never worried for a moment whether or not any of them took me seriously because it didn't matter in the least. I don't write to please family or friends. But I found that when I took myself seriously, completely so, those around me had little choice but to do the same because I was going to be writing no matter what.

The Russians have a saying, "The dogs bark, but the caravan keeps rolling."
Good thing to keep in mind.

[MidnightMuse]

People don't take me seriously, and it has little to do with writing. I'm used to my family thinking little of anything I do - doesn't bother me anymore. No one really knows I write, except one sister I live with and a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

I don't need their approval to validate my work - I just need an agent and publisher to. I could write the next Great American Novel, achieve fame and fortune up the wazzu, and my family would still not understand, or take me seriously. That's just the way it is.

[Tilly]

I'm lucky. My S.O. humours me over the writing thing as long as I humour him over the art thing.

My family are supportive, but that can go a little too far. They have very unrealistic expectations about the publishing industry. Both my sister and I have tried to disabuse them of these, and it makes not a dent in their firm convictions. But I do appreciate the fact that they are supportive.

I'm not bothered whether those around me take my writing seriously, as long as they respect that it's important to me. And I'm lucky, 'cause everyone who matters to me does exactly that.

[Shadow_Ferret]

No one takes my writing seriously.

It's probably the clown nose.


Fact is, even my wife thinks my time on the computer is spent chatting with my on-line friends.

[maestrowork]

From my perspective, you need an agent who will take you seriously, you need an editor who will take you seriously, and you need a group of loyal readers who will take your published books seriously. Everyone else can, uh, go fly a kite. Most of those who don't take you seriously probably haven't done squat themselves.

Well said. I am lucky that I have a publisher who takes me very seriously, who believes in me. I am lucky to have some readers who seem to truly enjoy my book, and book sellers who seem to truly appreciate my efforts. Sure, there are many others who wouldn't give a damn about what I do or think I write crap, but I don't really have time to cater to them. To each his own.

Granted, there are times when I wish everyone would just love me and my work. It's human nature. But most of the time I'd rather focus on what I do, and if one more person likes what I do, that's really good for me.

[Jaycinth]

Nope.

Ammendment: Three (meatspace)friends are Beta readers. One reads without qualifying stuff and tells me how he feels about it. One reads occasionally, but doesn't have a real attention span. She encourages me on the horror and tell me what she thinks will scare people and doesn't understand why I want to write fantasy and Sc fi too. The third only likes sexy-spy thrillers and skips over anything that she thinks is scary. ( Hint she thinks Frodo is scary.) She is good at spotting continuity and spelling errors. She is good at pointing out things that just don't fit, but she doesn't understand why I don't want to write a spy thriller set in Washington DC, and .....

Everyone else, family included,(except my children) thinks I am wasting my time and I should be out meeting people and enjoying myself, and if I must spend time writing, why don't I take a class or something, maybe get my Master's, and then I can write political biographies you know..." things that are important and that people will actually read."

When I mention Stephen King,...
"Oh, didn't he write 'Carrie'?"
"Yes. He made a lot of money from that and it was made into a movie."
"Yes...but, what has he done since then????"

And people wonder why I hang out here.

I love you folks!

[Ken Schneider]

I don't know if my family takes my writing seriously or not, nor do I care.

I take my writing seriously.

And, I do know that when the door to my writing room is shut, no one comes in.

[HConn]

My wife takes my writing seriously, but we wouldn't be married if she didn't.

There will always be people who don't take you seriously as a writer. Look at the posters on these very boards who insult successful pros.

Don't worry about it.

[Laurie]

I do not, for the life of me, understand how people can go through their lives without having something to be passionate about, like writing, for example. How can someone just work a day job, day in, day out, and watch television the rest of the time until they grow old and die? The very thought of that terrifies me.

Been there. But lately, banging my head against the wall for decades while marching to the tune of a different drummer has exhausted me and I wonder.... Maybe they've got it right and I've got it wrong. We've all got it wrong. Save me I'm drowning in conformity! I'm afraid middle-age, the age of 'settlement' is sucking me down, down, into a life of marking time until I die...

Sorry, drifting off-topic...

But let it be a lesson. Don't let this happen to you. ;) Keep your flame of art alive no matter what anyone else thinks.

[Bamponang]

My mother and I don't discuss my writing at all. Not the non-fiction, which is how I earn my living, or the fiction, even though two of my readers were prescribed reading in our province and she was a school principal. I think its because the lack of regular income scares her - she wanted something more steady and secure for me, and had a hard time coming to terms with my career choice.

The rest of family and friends take my writing seriously. To them, I am a writer, even when I go throug rough patches when I'm not publishing much.

Once when I was thinking of quitting writing, a friend of mine who is an investment anayst got angry and said:"I wish you'd stop playing around with career choices that clearly don't suit you. You are a writer. So PLEASE JUST WRITE!"

I thought she would understand my quitting to get a "real job. " Turned out she respected the passion I had and wished she had some for her own job

[Andre_Laurent]

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life :D ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?
My friends take my writing more seriously than my family. They (family) nod and smile, and tell me I'll never be published. I nod and smile, and say, "Watch me." Their crapping on my efforts only makes me work harder.

[Jamesaritchie]

Granted, there are times when I wish everyone would just love me and my work. It's human nature. .

Ain't that the truth! It's amazing how few sneers it takes to wipe out a boatload of bravos.

[PeeDee]

Been there. But lately, banging my head against the wall for decades while marching to the tune of a different drummer has exhausted me and I wonder.... Maybe they've got it right and I've got it wrong. We've all got it wrong. Save me I'm drowning in conformity! I'm afraid middle-age, the age of 'settlement' is sucking me down, down, into a life of marking time until I die...
Sorry, drifting off-topic...
But let it be a lesson. Don't let this happen to you. ;) Keep your flame of art alive no matter what anyone else thinks.

It's true, though. I'll have days where, dusty and sore, I sit down on the edge of a box for a minute at my job and look at my hands, filthy and cut. I sit there, and I think, I have been in the working world since I was fourteen. I'm still in the working world. God knows, I will be here until I'm infirmed, and then I shall die, and I shall go to my grave forever saying, "But I'm a writer. I write. Look in my drawers, look at my writing, I'm a writer. I just had a job to get by..."

It terrifies me.

[MidnightMuse]

I work with a guy who originally took the job as something to pay a few bills while he pursued his musical career. He had no intention of staying here and working for The Man, he's a muscian.

He's put out CD's. He plays gigs all the time. He has long(ish) hair and a sucessful musical career.

He's also been here now for 23 years and has become a Supervisor. But he still plays his music, every weekend and twice on Sunday.

[Jamesaritchie]

Been there. But lately, banging my head against the wall for decades while marching to the tune of a different drummer has exhausted me and I wonder.... Maybe they've got it right and I've got it wrong. We've all got it wrong. Save me I'm drowning in conformity! I'm afraid middle-age, the age of 'settlement' is sucking me down, down, into a life of marking time until I die...

Sorry, drifting off-topic...

But let it be a lesson. Don't let this happen to you. ;) Keep your flame of art alive no matter what anyone else thinks.

I will say this. I have no way of knowing whether it's the case with you, but sometimes we do spend years following the wrong drummer. There are a lot of different drummers out there, and each has a different beat. I've tried following one or two drummers other than the one who beats out a writing march. I couldn't keep in step with those other drummers.

Having many drummers out there is a good thing, and it's never too late, you're never too old, to find a different drummer who beats a different march.

[blacbird]

Ain't that the truth! It's amazing how few sneers it takes to wipe out a boatload of bravos.

Bravos? People get bravos?

caw.

[stormie]

Way back six years ago, people did expect me to answer the phone, answer the door, join them for dinner.... I even had one former friend (note the word "former") laugh when I said I had to write or told her about work I had just sold to a magazine.

Now I am taken seriously. You have to take what you do seriously. (a) If you don't have a door you can close when you're working, put up a sign over your computer "DO NOT DISTURB," (b) let the phone ring (get an answering machine or voice mail, (c) don't answer the door.

And surround yourself with like-minded people, like AWers. :D

[PeeDee]

Agreed. I wonder where I'd be right now, if I'd found AW when I had first started writing, ten years ago.

(Well, for one thing, my post count would be through the roof....)

[AncientEagle]

Fact is, even my wife thinks my time on the computer is spent chatting with my on-line friends.

My wife is very supportive of my writing, although she kids me that I must be looking at pornography since I spend so much time locked away on the computer.

Oops!...sorry. Just got interrupted when a screen full of naked women popped back up. Be back as soon as I finish looking at this...

[PeeDee]

My wife is very supportive of my writing, although she kids me that I must be looking at pornography since I spend so much time locked away on the computer.

Oops!...sorry. Just got interrupted when a screen full of naked women popped back up. Be back as soon as I finish looking at this...

Any old schmuck can look at pornography (if we say that enough, we'll quadruple the hits that AW gets on search engines) but you, my friend, you're doing research.

*nods very sagely*

(don't tell your wife it was me who said that)

[maestrowork]

Yeah, I do a lot of research.

:eyeroll:

[KTC]

I used to have this problem, and still do with my fiction writing. Nobody takes my novel writing attempts seriously, but as far as my writing goes...I just tell them how much money I make doing it and they shut up right away.

[maestrowork]

Most of my friends don't take my writing seriously. They either don't read or they don't read the kind of books I wrote. They would ask me to give them free books because they figure it's really not worth $15 and they should be getting it for free anyway since I am their friend. They don't see it as "real" -- that I write/sell books for a living (or would like to)... then they saw my books in Barnes and Noble and suddenly it dawned on them: yeah, it's real. Now they ask: "So how is it selling?" They still won't read it, though. *sigh*

My parents are quite supportive, although they really don't understand the business. To them, being a lawyer or a doctor or a computer specialist is a job. Writing is not a job. They enjoy seeing my book in print, and they even sold one for me (to a friend of theirs). They encourage me to continue writing novels and they read my column once in a while. Still, "don't quit your day job" is their advice to me.

[Laurie]

They don't see it as "real" -- that I write/sell books for a living (or would like to)... then they saw my books in Barnes and Noble and suddenly it dawned on them: yeah, it's real. Now they ask: "So how is it selling?" They still won't read it, though. *sigh*



Is it difficult to call someone 'friend' who doesn't want to read your book. But then my definition of friend is pretty intense.

[maestrowork]

Well... I don't go to my doctor friend for a check up, or my lawyer friend for a consultation, or my web designer friend for an overhaul of my website... so I can't really expect them to buy/read my book.

[MidnightMuse]

I don't expect my friends (yes, I have one) to read OR like my writing. I'd hate for them to feel obligated, or put on the spot, just as much as I'd hate to feel pressured to like their kids or something.

[Laurie]

I will say this. I have no way of knowing whether it's the case with you, but sometimes we do spend years following the wrong drummer. There are a lot of different drummers out there, and each has a different beat. I've tried following one or two drummers other than the one who beats out a writing march. I couldn't keep in step with those other drummers.

Having many drummers out there is a good thing, and it's never too late, you're never too old, to find a different drummer who beats a different march.

Yeah, that's what I have to figure out. I swiched drummers at 38 when I left behind music and began writing and now 6 years later I'm still playing catch-up.

Life has been a culmination of a lot of crap that has me buried. So, I've got to dig through it all and determine if writing is the way to go or if it has been an interesting adventure from which I've learned a great deal and will make a wonderful hobby. I've got to figure out if I'm going to take myself seriously and do what I need to do to be a published author.

[drevil915]

No one takes my writing adventure seriously either. I've actually gotten to the point where I don't even tell people that are close to me.

No one can understand your dream expect for you. Writers have always been the underdog.

[blacbird]

No.

caw

[ViatMortege]

Yup, that's the truth. No one on the face of this planet takes me, my writing, or anything else I do or ever have done seriously.
Maybe we all ought to just face it, we're weirdos, always doomed to be that shadowy figure in one corner, a faraway look in the eyes, and a notebook in one hand.
[Just a metaphor guys, don't take it seriously,]
But hey, a cat's got to show his true colors.

[blacbird]

But hey, a cat's got to show his true colors.

"At night, all cats are grey."

-- Mao Tse-Tung

caw.

[arrowqueen]

Except the black ones, which are invisible.

[Lee_OC]

My friends and loved ones do. I've got a pretty solid support system.

I don't know if acquaintances and others take me seriously, and I really don't care.

[cattywampus]

This is forever a problem. People buy books, read them, trade them, fill their houses with them, but ask who wrote it, and they'll say, "Huh?" The artist gets no respect.

People are constantly asking me what I do (since I'm seldom seen doing much of anything), and depending on who it is, I answer:

1. What color underwear do you have on?
2. I'm in publishing (truth)
3. I teach creative writing (also true)
4. I write. Let me tell you the plot of the novel I'm working on. (That usually brings up some appointment they'd forgotten, but it gets rid of them).

[Thomma Lyn]

I'm lucky. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who believes in me even when I go through rough patches of not believing in myself. I also have a dear friend who looks forward to every book I write.

Most folks in my family - on my side and hubby's - are interested and/or supportive, particularly my mother-in-law who read the manuscript of my last novel and passed it on to several of her friends. She also reads my blog every day. :)

[Nyna]

You know, reading this thread made me really think about it for the first time, and now that I think about it I never 'came out' as a writer to my family, but even though I'm still unpublished they all seem to have figured it out. And they're all supportive, in their own strange ways.

Of course, none of them know the first thing about what the writing business entails. The funniest conversation I ever had with my father was when he wanted to send me to France so that I could hang out in cafes and wear a lot of black. He was firmly convinced that this would help me out with with the whole being a writer thing. On the one hand, that was a free trip to France, but on the other he didn't have the money and I didn't have the time, so I don't really regret staying home. :)

On the other hand, every conversation I had with my mother while in high school (and after dropping out) about my future, she spent most of her time trying to convince *me* to try writing. This actually kept me from writing for several years, in a half-hearted attempt at teenage rebellion. She kept telling me I'd love it, and probably be pretty good, and she knew it was what I wanted to do. I kept saying things like, 'you don't know that! You don't know me! You don't understand me at all!' and then pointedly not writing anything even though I always did want to. This is why I never bothered to tell her when I changed my mind, because the told-you-so's might be unbearable. I think she figured it out anyway.

So support isn't really an issue for me. My friend are good with it, my siblings think I'm crazy, but are always half-anticipating that I'll someday be famous, and I never bothered to tell anyone close to me that I was a writer -- they all just figured it out. At this point, my biggest fear is disappointing, because everyone who loves me is convinced that I'm brilliant.

Guess I'm pretty lucky.

[Siddow]

It took a year for my close folks to take me seriously. I can be scattered, but if I work everyday for a year on a goal, they'll get behind me. I did watercolors for two weeks. Nobody ever asks me how my painting is going. I started a house cleaning business that I gave up on in two months. Nobody ever asks about that, either. They ask me about my writing. I try to keep it brief, so they'll keep asking. Oh, and when I answer the phone and my friends ask, "Hey, what 'cha doin'?" I always answer, "Working on a book." 'Cause it's true.

[Jamesaritchie]

I used to have this problem, and still do with my fiction writing. Nobody takes my novel writing attempts seriously, but as far as my writing goes...I just tell them how much money I make doing it and they shut up right away.

The only lack of support I've ever really had came from some of my wife's family. "He wants to be a writer! You have to put a tsop to that." And "Whaddaya mean, he quit his job!"

The only thing that finally shut them up was a photocopy on a rather sizable check hung in a picture frame where no one who came over could miss it. Guess money really does talk.

[Joanna_S]

I feel incredibly fortunate. My mother is the world's most supportive parent and believes in me unconditionally. My older brother prominantly displays my books on his mantle. And recently, after having dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in years, she sent me a brand new computer out of the blue because she "wanted to support your writing in any way I can." Although my little eMac works fine, she sent a Dell PC, so it's nice to be able to learn a new operating system. Her generosity and the sentiment of wanting to support my writing still makes me emotional when I think about it. She also included 2 new copies of Word, one for the Mac and one for the PC (she was an executive at Microsoft, so she didn't have to pay retail).

People weren't always this supportive, but the truth is that when I got very serious about making a living as a writer, the doubters fell away. You are perceived as the image you project.

-- Joanna

[janetbellinger]

I think they are taking it more seriously but they do not like it if I neglect household and family duties.

[Jamesaritchie]

I think they are taking it more seriously but they do not like it if I neglect household and family duties.

I'm reminded of quotation by Mario Buatta. "Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture."

[Vomaxx]

Because I teach, I am fortunate to associate with people who think that writing a book is a praiseworthy thing to do, and who certainly are supportive and wish me good luck. But I have a policy of never mentioning my WIP unless someone asks about it--I want to avoid the risk of becoming a bore.

(Of course, if I ever get a book contract, I will let them know.)

[Outonalimb]

I have told only 5 people I wrote a novel. I submitted it to Mundania Press and of course was rejected. But I received no advice from them either. I am rather torn as I let two people read it and they both loved it, I mean they really got into the characters. Thrilling is not adequate as to how it was received. I have no idea who to submit to next - my synopsis may be weak as I have submitted it to perhaps 5 other publishers. Advice on what to do next? I have read so much advice I now don't know who to pursue. I am new new new to this, although I have been researching for a year now.

[bsolah]

I have told only 5 people I wrote a novel. I submitted it to Mundania Press and of course was rejected. But I received no advice from them either. I am rather torn as I let two people read it and they both loved it, I mean they really got into the characters. Thrilling is not adequate as to how it was received. I have no idea who to submit to next - my synopsis may be weak as I have submitted it to perhaps 5 other publishers. Advice on what to do next? I have read so much advice I now don't know who to pursue. I am new new new to this, although I have been researching for a year now.
Outonalimb, it might be better to ask this question in a new topic. It'll get drowned in the main topic, and you won't get the response you deserve.

[UrsulaV]

On the other hand, every conversation I had with my mother while in high school (and after dropping out) about my future, she spent most of her time trying to convince *me* to try writing. This actually kept me from writing for several years, in a half-hearted attempt at teenage rebellion. She kept telling me I'd love it, and probably be pretty good, and she knew it was what I wanted to do. I kept saying things like, 'you don't know that! You don't know me! You don't understand me at all!' and then pointedly not writing anything even though I always did want to.

Oh, Jesus! I did that exact thing, only with art.

Mom was an artist, and thus art had no mystique whatsoever for me--I thought it was a grim, serious business spent in abject poverty. I rebelled. Mom was always after me to take an art class in college, while I entertained delusions of being a scientist. And then, one day, on the phone:

"You could be a good artist!"
"Mom, you have to say that, you're my mother."
"That's not true!"
"You have to be supportive. It's in the contract."
"Look, have I ever once told you you could sing?"

She had me there.

I took an art class. Now I paint for a living. I finally had to eat crow and tell her I was going into art, which was not as painful as I expected, although she did gloat like crazy.

Which I suppose just goes to prove that even if your family is supportive as hell, you don't really appreciate it until years later.

[FloVoyager]

Those who have read my work take me, and it, seriously; those who haven't look on me and what I do with... tolerance.

[Zecragon]

I have the feeling that the only one who took me seriously was my best friend Chris up until I turned from the computer, looked at my parents and said, "I've finished my first draft of the novel." Then, it was just me laughing inside. Bwahahahahahahahahah

Yeah, I'm still doing revisions before I send it to my editor....

[maestrowork]

I think writers (or artists) in general are the people who care so much if someone takes their profession seriously. My parents never complained about people not taking their jobs seriously -- it just didn't mattered. What mattered was that their jobs were fulfilling to them, and that they helped providing for the family. Sure, people want to know that what they do matters to others, but how many of us takes what others do seriously anyway? If your job is to help others, like being a doctor or a firefighter, you might get a little more respect than saying working at McDonald's or a factory. But still, as long as you do something with dignity and integrity and you are doing what you love, I really don't think it doesn't matter if others don't understand what is it that you do exactly...

[cwfgal]

I guess I've either been fortunate or I've taken my writing seriously enough myself that no one else has dared think otherwise, but I've not had a problem with being taken seriously as a writer. It's not the only hat I wear and I'm not antisocial, nor do I use writing time to avoid other things. I don't shy away from answering the phone or the door (years of freelancing, where answering both were a necessity, broke me of that very quickly), nor do I shy away from other activities. I prioritize my time, and writing falls below family, exercise, health, and a few other things, but I still get plenty of writing done and I've managed to sell a few novels this way.

Beth

[DamaNegra]

No one used to take my writing seriously until I completed my novel in 2 weeks for the contest. That's when they understood I was serious about my writing. Now, they respect my writing time a little more, but the problem is that with all my homework I rarely have writing time, and I also need to help around the house, which can be an issue.

My friends didn't take me seriously, either, until I showed them bits and pieces of my work. That's when they realized I really could do it. Also, the contest novel.

[bsolah]

Shock horror!

When I suggested that I might write early in the morning, instead of late at night, my mum got excited.

[three seven]

I think there's one thing everyone would do well to remember: In here, everyone takes you seriously.*





*At least until you give them a reason not to.

[CaroGirl]

Rightly or wrongly, I've always been pretty private about my writing. I have a p/t job and two little kids, so I don't just hole up in my basement office all the time. I write on my days off when the kids are in school. If a friend invites me for lunch, I go. I'm an introvert by nature, so the time I spend writing also lets me recharge my batteries before or after social events.

I told friends and family when I won second place in a short story contest, and discovered that almost all of them were supportive. My SIL was surprisingly supportive (since I don't really get along with her; she even wanted to come to my reading!). I have one friend who I thought would be supportive. I sent her a copy of my winning story (she asked for it) over a month ago. She hasn't read it. Everyone else I sent it to read right away, and complimented me effusively on the quality of the writing and the story.

I have a critique group that is very understaning because they're all writers too.

Your confidence as a writer can only come from within, not from without. Don't rely on others to take you seriously and pat you on the back for your successes. Pat yourself on the back. Daily, if possible.

[Celia Cyanide]

I must be one of the lucky few who does not have this problem, or one of the unlucky few who has the opposite problem.

Most people I know say things like, "You're so motivated with acting that I know you'll do well with writing, too," or "I'll be surprised if you never get published." My mom thinks it's unlikely that I will ever get a book published, because it's so competetive, but she is thrilled that I am trying. She encourages me to keep writing as long as I like to tell my stories. When I was in junior high, one of my teachers told a classmate of mine that she liked to save my assignments for last and sit on her couch and read them the way she would read a novel. Another teacher wrote, "I look forward to your first best seller" on one of my papers.

The opposite problem, of course, is that I worry that I will let all these people down. What if I get bored, and give up? I guess you just have to keep doing what is right for you, no matter what that is.

[JonMoeller]

No one ever took me seriously...until it was too late to stop me! :e2point:

[Inkdaub]

I don't really know but I assume they don't.

[TrainofThought]

I joined this forum to share my wants and interests. Writing is personal, and we can't help taking disregard personally. My family rarely asks about the progress of my novel, only, “What I’m doing?” with the same response, “Editing”. They get aggravated then ask, “When will we get to read it, hopefully before the cataracts set in?” My aunt actually laughed at the idea. After the laughter subsided, I told her not to look for her name in the acknowledgments - and then there was silence. Chuck it up as; it's your passion, not theirs. No one is responsible in making you content, but you.

[Sailor Kenshin]

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life :D ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

I don't take myself at all seriously (I'm a fun person to play with), but I do take my work seriously.

Non-writers are simply not going to understand most of the time. I shrug it off. You know someone's a non-writer when you tell them you've written 350 pages since the end of April and they say, "Oh, that's nice," instead of "Holy #&$% (#&@$%)! Where's the oxygen tent?"

;)

[pickman]

I get the impression that no writer is taken seriously unless they have sold millions and have become household names. Or at least earn a living from writing alone.

I am reluctant to tell non-writers that I am a writer nowadays, because I usually get two kinds of response. The first type of person smiles at you indulgently, as if you are a kid who has just told an adult that they are going to be an astronaut when they grow up. And then say something like "Oh, I bet you'll be the next J.K. Rowling/Stephen Spielberg/Stephen King, etc", and then change the subject.

The second type usually start by saying "Wow, that's so cool, I wish I had the motivation to do something creative." They then ask what kind of stuff I write, and I tell them. They ask if they can read some of my work, and I agree to, because I am always looking for feedback. So, I lend them a story, or the first chapter of a novel. A month passes, and I ask them if they have read it. The response I get is "Oh, I didn't have the time....":rant:

[stormie]

I get the impression that no writer is taken seriously unless they have sold millions and have become household names. Or at least earn a living from writing alone.

I am reluctant to tell non-writers that I am a writer nowadays, because I usually get two kinds of response. The first type of person smiles at you indulgently, as if you are a kid who has just told an adult that they are going to be an astronaut when they grow up. And then say something like "Oh, I bet you'll be the next J.K. Rowling/Stephen Spielberg/Stephen King, etc", and then change the subject.

I dislike, hate, abhor, when people react that way. That's when my user name shows my true temperament. It's when I take good ol' J.K.'s latest 2 ton book and raise it high over the head of that person and.... Well, not really, but let's just say I get very angry.:D

[SeanDSchaffer]

Most people in the building I live in, don't take me seriously at all. They hear me typing away on a manuscript, and they think it's okay to knock on my door....even if I have a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it. I mean, after all, I'm only writing....

But like others have pointed out already, they won't take you seriously until you take yourself seriously. More people take my writing seriously now than they used to, because I take my chosen profession very seriously. They see this, and many of them realize that this is not a hobby for me. I really am trying to make a career out of it.

Still, there are people who look at me with condescending eyes, and say, "Oh, you're a writer? When are you going to get a real job?"

But then again, these are the same people who, not knowing the first thing about the business, try to tell me how to write a book or get it published. I guess the point is, that you have to consider the source. It's like the person who calls a model railroad a train set. They don't see it as anything more than a handsome train that runs around a layout. They don't see the work you put into it to get it operating like a real railroad.

The same is true for writers. People don't really understand how much work goes into writing. They see it as 'Sit down at a typewriter, pound out a few words, and it's publishable because Mom tells me it's the best thing since sliced bread'.

What they don't see, is the physical pain that writers suffer because they spend too much time at the keyboard, or the tremendous expense that goes into writing a single manuscript--both monetarily and in material. They don't see the practice and the many, many drafts that writers have a tendency to make to get the story just right. And most importantly, they don't see the amount of work that goes into trying to shop the manuscript around when it is finished.

So like I said, consider the source. If they don't know the troubles a writer has to go through to get one manuscript out there, then they're not qualified to tell you whether or not you're working.

And take your writing seriously. That will show a lot of people that you are not just playing.

[Tracy]

My parents were thrilled skinny when I got published (they didn't know about the writing before that) but I soon realised it was all about the kudos which would accrue to them as parents of a published novelist, not about my work at all! The novels themselves they have no interest in.
My DH has been hugely supportive - emotionally, practically and financially, but has never read any of my work! He says it 'cos there aren't enough laser guns or nuclear submarines in there! (I write gritty romances, so it's true that they're thin on laser guns, submarines, beautiful leather-clad Russian spies, etc!) I don't mind though, because I know he's genuinely thrilled for me, and as I say he couldn't possibly be more supportive of me.
My sister is the business - she's my beta reader and always comes up with the most intelligent comments, but somehow manages to point out the shortfalls in the book while still making me feel it's great. Good skill!
People I meet are often very in awe because I'm a published novelist. I find taht quite difficult actually because I'm still just ordinary ol' me, and I don't like being put on a pedestal. (Still, it's nice to be in the position of inspiring awe, even if I don't like the awe itself. if you see what I mean!)

[Lydia Manx]

Mixed on the 'taking me serious' part. I am dreadfully serious with what my paying job is (work in accounting and when you play with Other Peoples Money that is critical) and my writing tends to be lighthearted yet a thread of dark running through it. I have more problems with folks who do read my online stuff asking me to write fluffy bunnies and butterfly stories because I hit cords with my style. I laugh and say sure I will right before the world spins off the axis.

Yes, taken seriously.

No, they want my style to be less serious.

God it's early. Did that make any sense?

[johnnysannie]

Ditto on the oft expressed thought that you must take yourself seriously as a writer if you want those around you to do the same.

One aspect of this that few seem to consider is this: once you are established within your familly circle, among your friends, and in your commujnity as a professional, working writer, you'll find that the oohs and ahhs begin to fade. Sure, your folks will cheer when a big sale or major accomplishment occurs but after all became accustomed to the idea that you are a writer and that you can write it becomes old hat, standard, and everyday. It's the same response that happens when someone becomes an attorney or a doctor or a teacher or an elected official or any other sought after occupation. Once the new wears off, you're still yourself and any perceived glamour fades in everyday interactions.

[JimmyB27]

I haven't 'come out' as a writer yet, except to a couple of my closest friends. I've not told any of my family, though it's possible they suspect as I keep leaving my books on writing lying about all over the place.
I suspect if I did tell them, my parents would be interested, but wouldn't consider it a career. It's just easier for me at the moment to not have to deal with how they might react until I can drop a copy of my first published novel in their laps and prove myself right away.

Have a look at this article that might help if you're finding people putting you down about your writing - http://www.hollylisle.com/fm/Articles/ed-yours6.html

[Sassenach]

People I meet are often very in awe because I'm a published novelist. I find taht quite difficult actually because I'm still just ordinary ol' me, and I don't like being put on a pedestal. (Still, it's nice to be in the position of inspiring awe, even if I don't like the awe itself. if you see what I mean!)

Are you sure you're not taking yourself a bit seriously?

"Inspiring awe"?

[Rivana]

Oh I get that all of the time. My father thinks anything that doesn't involve me getting a degree in physics or the like is a waste of time. Mom's more -that's amazing you really should try and get it published. Others generally either look at me a bit funny or think it's amazing how good I am etc. Still, I knew from the start that it's hard to make it in the world of culture and art, but you've got to follow your heart. The rest will come together somehow, besides, I've never been very social anyway. Always kept a notebook in my bag and wrote down stuff whenever I happened to be inspired and would reather stay at home reading/writing than going out and getting drunk on the weekends. I think it's worse for those who really need to be like others and accepted, but then again maybe you don't choose to be a writer if that's the case...I don't know.

[Sailor Kenshin]

I haven't 'come out' as a writer yet, except to a couple of my closest friends. I've not told any of my family, though it's possible they suspect as I keep leaving my books on writing lying about all over the place.
I suspect if I did tell them, my parents would be interested, but wouldn't consider it a career. It's just easier for me at the moment to not have to deal with how they might react until I can drop a copy of my first published novel in their laps and prove myself right away.

Have a look at this article that might help if you're finding people putting you down about your writing - http://www.hollylisle.com/fm/Articles/ed-yours6.html

I love her web site. Kewl stuff.

[SeanDSchaffer]

Are you sure you're not taking yourself a bit seriously?

"Inspiring awe"?


I inspire awe just about any time someone hears I've been "Published". I have to explain very hard that my book was "Published" by a scam. Even after that, though, people are like, "Wow! You've been published? Cool!"

It's not all that exciting when the awe-inspiring accomplishment isn't such an accomplishment, but it nonetheless inspires awe in some people.

Go figure. :Shrug:

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[Elizabeth Slick]

I can relate here. The people that do know in my family, are the ones that are supportive. I continue to share the writing experience with them. However, the other side of the family ( and I won't mention names) I think they roll their eyes at the idea, so they know nothing about it now. I doubt they even know I wrote a book. Maybe they forgot. It is sort of funny if you think about it.

[MonkMojo]

My mother and brother have encouraged me to write. I have no idea how far down this road I’ll go. I’ll likely share pieces of the journey with them and my wife, and happily let everyone else continue to believe that I am watching cartoons and adjusting my fantasy baseball and football rosters.


My first step in exploring writing was to find a good writers forum.

So far so good.

[seun]

More or less everyone I know is aware of what I do. People are generally OK with accepting my time is taken up with sitting in front of a computer but a few members of my family often act surprised or offended if I pass on a social occasion (especially if they give me literally no notice). I know how precious it sound but it's still true: if they let me know I'm needed somewhere in time enough for me to plan ahead, then I'm OK with it. If they just come round and expect me to be doing nothing, they don't stay long ;)

[spacejock2]

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life :D ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

I used to. Then I got published and they had to come to my book launch and buy a copy ;-)

Important fact: you only need to write 500 words a day to complete 182,500 words per annum, and 500 words shouldn't take more than 20-25 minutes. So, you can have a social life after all, but when someone's talking about a ditzy TV show you can still be thinking about what you're going to write the next day.