Shweta
07-06-2006, 06:54 AM
drevil915:
I was going over a part on my manuscript in which the main character (A) and the other main character (B) go to a military base. A needs to get to his girlfriend, so he signs up with the Army because this particular unit is going to the city in which A's girlfriend is to suppress rioting and civil unrest. A and B have thus far been traveling together, and they have a very complicated relationship. A struggles with conflicting feelings between his girlfriend and B. But he still signs up for the sole purpose of getting to his girlfriend. However, he can't just leave B behind, so he finds a refugee convoy that will escort B to safety, so A sets that up for her.
A hundred and fifty pages later, B finds A and they ride off into the sunset. (It's not as corny as it sounds.) B used the refugee convoy and just went to the city that A was traveling to and she waited for him.
However, that's a major plot hole because why didn't A just go with B on the convoy and skip over the military scenes. I need help with this, and I can't cut out the Army portion as this is a huge role in the story.
Does anyone know how I can realistically get B to the city where A is going? I really need help with this, I'm stumped.
I hope this makes sense.
-Jason
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MadScientiestMatt:
Give A other good reasons for enlisting in the Army besides trying to find his girlfriend. A severe hatred for the rioters (or their cause), a belief in orderly society and militarism, etc.
I think the way A actually gets the assignment he wants might be a plot hole, though... :)
Also, why would B's convoy be going to the city if there is rioting and civil unrest there? How about having the convoy going to another city, but B has other reasons for going to the city and escapes the convoy? Give the convoy a safer destination and B a reason to leave the convoy. Maybe there's a certain refugee in it that becomes B's mortal enemy.
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Nangleator:
Perhaps the only way B can get to the city is via A's military service: A lies and says B is his wife, so please ship her to the local barracks.
Will that work?
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Gary:
Sorry, but what you are expecting from the Army is just not going to happen in any way. You will need to find another method of getting there, or be prepared for lots of laughs from military readers.
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RedMolly:
Could A go to the unruly city with a Red Cross-type organization instead? Then B could go, too...
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HConn:
Here's the best solution, based on what you've described.
Throw out all the stuff where A joins the military.
If I wanted to meet up with my girlfriend in Homburg, I sure as hell wouldn't sign up for bootcamp and hope I was deployed there. There are much, much smarter, simpler ways to do it.
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smalleststar:
Where and when is the story set? A bit more context might help supply ideas.
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PeeDee:
Boil down exactly what is important about the stuff that needs to happen to A while in the army. Figure out what it is...and then find another way to say it. There's always another way.
You might even like it better.
Joining the army as a way of reliably getting to a destination, though, is...a bit tough to imagine.
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Nangleator:
Joining the army as a way of reliably getting to a destination, though, is...a bit tough to imagine.
Yes, they tried it in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and had only a 50% success rate.
__________________________________________________ _____
pconsidine:
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about a wonderful product available from the AW Company Store:
AW's Amazing 5-in-1 Plot Spackle!
It fills in plot holes in one simple application and dries to a smooth lustrous finish in less than five minutes! Use it once and you'll be singing its praises in no time.
Available in 1- or 5-gallon buckets.
(Also available in convenient 25-gallon drums for mystery and science fiction writers.)
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
(Also available in convenient 25-gallon drums for mystery and science fiction writers.)
I will kill you to death, sir. To death.
*stomps off grumbling*
__________________________________________________ _____
pconsidine:
Buck up, little camper. There are volumes discounts. ;)
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Dan Brown and Nora Roberts must buy it by the truckload. :D
*feels better*
__________________________________________________ _____
MidnightMuse:
I know just where to hide the body . . .
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Midnight, if you say "in a plot hole," I'm going to roll my eyes at you.
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MidnightMuse:
:roll:
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pconsidine:
I just hope there's a real answer somewhere in this thread before it got derailed otherwise I'll feel a little bad.
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
There can't be much more than opinions and vague suggestions, really. Not without reading the entirety of the work.
I wouldn't mind a bit more detail on the story, and the setting, though. That might help.
__________________________________________________ _____
GabeWhite:
I was going over a part on my manuscript in which the main character (A) and the other main character (B) go to a military base. A needs to get to his girlfriend, so he signs up with the Army because this particular unit is going to the city in which A's girlfriend is to suppress rioting and civil unrest. A and B have thus far been traveling together, and they have a very complicated relationship. A struggles with conflicting feelings between his girlfriend and B. But he still signs up for the sole purpose of getting to his girlfriend. However, he can't just leave B behind, so he finds a refugee convoy that will escort B to safety, so A sets that up for her.
A hundred and fifty pages later, B finds A and they ride off into the sunset. (It's not as corny as it sounds.) B used the refugee convoy and just went to the city that A was traveling to and she waited for him.
However, that's a major plot hole because why didn't A just go with B on the convoy and skip over the military scenes. I need help with this, and I can't cut out the Army portion as this is a huge role in the story.
Does anyone know how I can realistically get B to the city where A is going? I really need help with this, I'm stumped.
I hope this makes sense.
-Jason
Okay, first we need to know where and when this takes place. What kind of an army? If it's more of a disorganized militia type force, and traveling alone is too dangerous, joining the army to get to a certain city may be plausible.
As to why A can't join the convoy--is B a female? If so, maybe the convoys are set up to transport "women and children" (again, depending on the setting), and A can't join the convoy. Or maybe the convoy is originally intending to go somewhere else, but after the army quells the uprising, it is redirected to the city where A is?
-Gabe
__________________________________________________ _____
drevil915:
Alright, let me clear it up a bit. I realize that this would be unrealistic to military readers but what happens is that A joins a volunteer military unit that goes to this city to put down the unrest. It's essentially a very hastily put together militia force and it recieves a hasty 1 week's worth of training. They're not going to actually fight the war, they're going on a sort of public relations thing.
If at all possible I'd like to keep the military part because this volunteer unit is targeted by other forces and then the volunteers have to fight to survive.
Maybe I could have B get transported across the country border and then she returns to find him. (The city this is at is only a 100 or so miles across the border.)
If this is still too confusing, let me know.
-Jason
__________________________________________________ _____
Gary:
I'd have to know a lot more about your plot, but a volunteer military unit is illegal and if they took up arms against civilians, the regular Army would shoot them as quickly as they would the rioters.
Also keep in mind that it's against federal law for the Army to get involved in local situations unless martial law is declared. The first responders would be local and state police, then the National Guard of the state where the problem exists.
You might consider a state police posse formed by the governor of the state. While pretty much unrealistic, at least it would be a slim possibility.
__________________________________________________ _____
Billytwice:
Perhaps 'A' could be recast as a millitary journalsit or photographer who could then pick the destination?
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Perhaps this isn't current Earth at all, and there's no Federal army that would shoot a civilian militia. I got the sense that this was a bit post-apocalyptic. If it isn't, then there's major problems here.
__________________________________________________ _____
drevil915:
got the sense that this was a bit post-apocalyptic.
It is. The rules of war/Geneva Convention don't apply in this particular...incident. Carry on.
__________________________________________________ _____
I was going over a part on my manuscript in which the main character (A) and the other main character (B) go to a military base. A needs to get to his girlfriend, so he signs up with the Army because this particular unit is going to the city in which A's girlfriend is to suppress rioting and civil unrest. A and B have thus far been traveling together, and they have a very complicated relationship. A struggles with conflicting feelings between his girlfriend and B. But he still signs up for the sole purpose of getting to his girlfriend. However, he can't just leave B behind, so he finds a refugee convoy that will escort B to safety, so A sets that up for her.
A hundred and fifty pages later, B finds A and they ride off into the sunset. (It's not as corny as it sounds.) B used the refugee convoy and just went to the city that A was traveling to and she waited for him.
However, that's a major plot hole because why didn't A just go with B on the convoy and skip over the military scenes. I need help with this, and I can't cut out the Army portion as this is a huge role in the story.
Does anyone know how I can realistically get B to the city where A is going? I really need help with this, I'm stumped.
I hope this makes sense.
-Jason
__________________________________________________ _____
MadScientiestMatt:
Give A other good reasons for enlisting in the Army besides trying to find his girlfriend. A severe hatred for the rioters (or their cause), a belief in orderly society and militarism, etc.
I think the way A actually gets the assignment he wants might be a plot hole, though... :)
Also, why would B's convoy be going to the city if there is rioting and civil unrest there? How about having the convoy going to another city, but B has other reasons for going to the city and escapes the convoy? Give the convoy a safer destination and B a reason to leave the convoy. Maybe there's a certain refugee in it that becomes B's mortal enemy.
__________________________________________________ _____
Nangleator:
Perhaps the only way B can get to the city is via A's military service: A lies and says B is his wife, so please ship her to the local barracks.
Will that work?
__________________________________________________ _____
Gary:
Sorry, but what you are expecting from the Army is just not going to happen in any way. You will need to find another method of getting there, or be prepared for lots of laughs from military readers.
__________________________________________________ _____
RedMolly:
Could A go to the unruly city with a Red Cross-type organization instead? Then B could go, too...
__________________________________________________ _____
HConn:
Here's the best solution, based on what you've described.
Throw out all the stuff where A joins the military.
If I wanted to meet up with my girlfriend in Homburg, I sure as hell wouldn't sign up for bootcamp and hope I was deployed there. There are much, much smarter, simpler ways to do it.
__________________________________________________ _____
smalleststar:
Where and when is the story set? A bit more context might help supply ideas.
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Boil down exactly what is important about the stuff that needs to happen to A while in the army. Figure out what it is...and then find another way to say it. There's always another way.
You might even like it better.
Joining the army as a way of reliably getting to a destination, though, is...a bit tough to imagine.
__________________________________________________ _____
Nangleator:
Joining the army as a way of reliably getting to a destination, though, is...a bit tough to imagine.
Yes, they tried it in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and had only a 50% success rate.
__________________________________________________ _____
pconsidine:
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about a wonderful product available from the AW Company Store:
AW's Amazing 5-in-1 Plot Spackle!
It fills in plot holes in one simple application and dries to a smooth lustrous finish in less than five minutes! Use it once and you'll be singing its praises in no time.
Available in 1- or 5-gallon buckets.
(Also available in convenient 25-gallon drums for mystery and science fiction writers.)
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
(Also available in convenient 25-gallon drums for mystery and science fiction writers.)
I will kill you to death, sir. To death.
*stomps off grumbling*
__________________________________________________ _____
pconsidine:
Buck up, little camper. There are volumes discounts. ;)
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Dan Brown and Nora Roberts must buy it by the truckload. :D
*feels better*
__________________________________________________ _____
MidnightMuse:
I know just where to hide the body . . .
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Midnight, if you say "in a plot hole," I'm going to roll my eyes at you.
__________________________________________________ _____
MidnightMuse:
:roll:
__________________________________________________ _____
pconsidine:
I just hope there's a real answer somewhere in this thread before it got derailed otherwise I'll feel a little bad.
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
There can't be much more than opinions and vague suggestions, really. Not without reading the entirety of the work.
I wouldn't mind a bit more detail on the story, and the setting, though. That might help.
__________________________________________________ _____
GabeWhite:
I was going over a part on my manuscript in which the main character (A) and the other main character (B) go to a military base. A needs to get to his girlfriend, so he signs up with the Army because this particular unit is going to the city in which A's girlfriend is to suppress rioting and civil unrest. A and B have thus far been traveling together, and they have a very complicated relationship. A struggles with conflicting feelings between his girlfriend and B. But he still signs up for the sole purpose of getting to his girlfriend. However, he can't just leave B behind, so he finds a refugee convoy that will escort B to safety, so A sets that up for her.
A hundred and fifty pages later, B finds A and they ride off into the sunset. (It's not as corny as it sounds.) B used the refugee convoy and just went to the city that A was traveling to and she waited for him.
However, that's a major plot hole because why didn't A just go with B on the convoy and skip over the military scenes. I need help with this, and I can't cut out the Army portion as this is a huge role in the story.
Does anyone know how I can realistically get B to the city where A is going? I really need help with this, I'm stumped.
I hope this makes sense.
-Jason
Okay, first we need to know where and when this takes place. What kind of an army? If it's more of a disorganized militia type force, and traveling alone is too dangerous, joining the army to get to a certain city may be plausible.
As to why A can't join the convoy--is B a female? If so, maybe the convoys are set up to transport "women and children" (again, depending on the setting), and A can't join the convoy. Or maybe the convoy is originally intending to go somewhere else, but after the army quells the uprising, it is redirected to the city where A is?
-Gabe
__________________________________________________ _____
drevil915:
Alright, let me clear it up a bit. I realize that this would be unrealistic to military readers but what happens is that A joins a volunteer military unit that goes to this city to put down the unrest. It's essentially a very hastily put together militia force and it recieves a hasty 1 week's worth of training. They're not going to actually fight the war, they're going on a sort of public relations thing.
If at all possible I'd like to keep the military part because this volunteer unit is targeted by other forces and then the volunteers have to fight to survive.
Maybe I could have B get transported across the country border and then she returns to find him. (The city this is at is only a 100 or so miles across the border.)
If this is still too confusing, let me know.
-Jason
__________________________________________________ _____
Gary:
I'd have to know a lot more about your plot, but a volunteer military unit is illegal and if they took up arms against civilians, the regular Army would shoot them as quickly as they would the rioters.
Also keep in mind that it's against federal law for the Army to get involved in local situations unless martial law is declared. The first responders would be local and state police, then the National Guard of the state where the problem exists.
You might consider a state police posse formed by the governor of the state. While pretty much unrealistic, at least it would be a slim possibility.
__________________________________________________ _____
Billytwice:
Perhaps 'A' could be recast as a millitary journalsit or photographer who could then pick the destination?
__________________________________________________ _____
PeeDee:
Perhaps this isn't current Earth at all, and there's no Federal army that would shoot a civilian militia. I got the sense that this was a bit post-apocalyptic. If it isn't, then there's major problems here.
__________________________________________________ _____
drevil915:
got the sense that this was a bit post-apocalyptic.
It is. The rules of war/Geneva Convention don't apply in this particular...incident. Carry on.
__________________________________________________ _____