My latest short film

[DoubleIT]

Hey guys,

Check out my latest short that I wrote and directed. It's only three minutes long. I was playing with subtext

http://www.nicholasjrobinson.com/?p=177

[DoubleIT]

Some people are having trouble hearing what the Italian guy says. I didn't have a boom mic so the audio was coming from the DVXs oncamera mic which is not the best situation in the world. So here is what they are saying, just in case;

Girl: What are you doing
Guy: I must be lost!
Girl: Did you take a turn a wrong turn into the water?... Where you headed?
Guy: Italy
Girl: Yah, that makes sense ... you pack light
Guy: Most of my life is in storage
Girl: I know a great guy in storage
Guy: So did my wife.
Girl: Oh, is she is storage too?
Guy: More or less
Girl: I'm not having sex with you.
Guy: What?.... Good talking to you.
Girl: I could have him killed... Mr. Storage... Whoever he is.
Guy: Who says I want anyone killed?
Girl: Your eyes
Guy: Thats the salt from the ocean
Girl: Just say it
Guy: Say what
Girl: Say what... Don't just throw away two years.
Guy: I'm sorry... I was wrong.
Girl: The next time you try to swim home, I'm going to let you
Guy: Now that I said sorry, will you do my laundry?
Girl: Yes, the joys of marrying a man in the self storage buisness
Guy: I hate you
Girl: I hate you too.

[scripter1]

invest in the boom, and something to hold it.

This would have been really good IF I could hear it.

I like the dialog, takes us some interesting places.
GREAT twists. A PERFECT example how how dialog should work.

[DoubleIT]

invest in the boom, and something to hold it.

This would have been really good IF I could hear it.

I like the dialog, takes us some interesting places.
GREAT twists. A PERFECT example how how dialog should work.

First pay check = boom mic.

I tried to ADR the diag but it sounded even worse (Since I was going it in my bed room, it just sounded weird). But the next one will be even better :)

Glad you liked it, despite its flaws.

[Celia Cyanide]

Well done. Thanks for posting the script. That helped. I couldn't hear it very well, but the acting was good, and you shots of the actors really captured the movement on their faces. Even though I couldn't hear the dialog very well, I could sense the dynamic between the two of them.

[Mike The Mover]

I think this illustrates the ratio of script length to film time. There is barley a page of dialog but it takes the actors three minutes to deliver it.

[scripter1]

just to put your post in perspective,
What Double posted was just dialog, not formated correctly and none of the actions.

For learning purposes it would be interesting to compare the ENTIRE script against the running time.

(action eats up screen time, dialog eats up lines, ie pages)

[DoubleIT]

Entire script is 3 pages long :)

[DoubleIT]

EXT. BEACH PARKING LOT - DAWN

A sports car skids to a halt.

A bare foot stomps to the ground.

A MAN gets out in black pants and a white dress shirt. He
whips off his sun glasses, tosses them into the car.



EXT. BEACH - MOMENTS LATER

The sun peaks up over the mountains, a Ferris wheel
stands motionless on the pier.

The man runs toward the ocean, past morning runners and
sea gulls.

He storms without hesitation into the water, allows the
waves to attack him.

He pops up out of the water, arches back and lets out a
scream from the depths of his soul.

A beautiful WOMAN stands in a sundress, watching. She
walks toward the water, catches the Mans eye as he makes
his way back toward shore.

She cups her hands and yells,

WOMAN
What are you doing?

He reaches shore, looks at the woman and smiles.

MAN
I must be lost.

WOMAN
Took a wrong turn into the water?

He shrugs.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
Where you headed?

MAN
Italy.

WOMAN
Italy. Ya that makes sense. You pack
lightly.

MAN
Most of my life is in storage.

WOMAN
I know a great storage guy.

MAN
So did my wife.

WOMAN
She in storage too?

MAN
More or less.

WOMAN
I'm not having sex with you.

MAN
What?

WOMAN
Thought you should know that.

MAN
I don't even have a pair of shoes, you
think ...

WOMAN
I know how you Italians work.

He turns around.

MAN
Good talking to you.

And walks away.

WOMAN
I can have him killed.

The man stops. Turns back to face her.

WOMAN (CONT'D)
Mr. Storage, whoever he is.

MAN
Who says I want anyone killed.

WOMAN
Your eyes.

He takes a few steps closer.

MAN
That's the salt from the ocean.

She playfully pushes him.

WOMAN
Just say it.

He looks her in the eyes, then sits.

MAN
Say what?

She kicks sand at him then sits.

WOMAN
(mockingly)
Say what?
(beat)
Don't throw away two years.

She puts her hand on his. He looks at her a long moment.

MAN
I'm sorry. I was wrong.

She is satisfied.

WOMAN
Next time you try to swim home, I'm going
to let you.

He gives her a playful push.

MAN
Since I apologized will you do
my laundry?

She laughs.

WOMAN
The joys of marrying a man in the self storage business.

MAN
I hate you.

WOMAN
I hate you too.

FADE OUT.

[golfaddict68]

Ahaahahahaha! Ah, the joys of shooting next to the ocean!

I edited a feature that had a scene on the beach like this... the beauty of that trial was that the film had already been cut once by another editor and it stunk up the room. So they hired me to re-cut it and I totally changed the beach scene to reflect the new edge to the film, by the way, the editor is the final writer LOL, but I didn't cut in the same takes and most of the lines were a little different from take to take. So I had mixed audio, some of it on location and the rest was from the ADR they did. It actually turned out ok, but what a pain in the a$$ the ocean is to shoot near..... lesson? always ADR ocean scenes! LOL.

addict

[DoubleIT]

ADRing in your bedroom with an on camera mic just sounds funny :) I tried and failed. Next film will actually have a budget so scenes like that will turn out correctly.

[golfaddict68]

Hey guys,

Check out my latest short that I wrote and directed. It's only three minutes long. I was playing with subtext

So, what was the experiment with subtext? I'm not sure I understand what you were trying to do... I'm assuming you're talking about subtext as a director to the actors? You wanted them to convey a certain subtext? What exactly was going on with that? Sounds like a weird question but I'm trying to understand what you were playing with. Or were you playing with subtext in the writing and seeing if you could execute that?

[kitt]

I really enjoyed the script, very well executed. I Love the quirky dialogue.