50 Pages

[WildScribe]

I have heard that agents will ask for the first 50 pages of your MS if they are interested. Since I am SO HAPPY to have accomplished 50 pages, I thought it might be fun to share what we have written.

What's the first sentance that appears of page 50 of your WIP?



“So, what have we done today, hrm?”

[Stacia Kane]

"The three of them trooped up the steps to the porch, where the men waited and did that peculiar looking-at-the-sky thing like strangers in line at the ATM while she unlocked her door."

[Allynegirl]

"He stared back at me."

This is my first novel and the first draft. I tried to have the reader ask a question from the first sentence -- who?

[Zolah]

John crouched over his little pile of rubbish and wood fragments, struggling to grip the stolen pieces of flint in shaking fingers.

#

[WildScribe]

Exciting, Zolah!

[aadams73]

The little twerp hadn't even broken the skin with his baby Reeboks.

[TwentyFour]

The squad car squealed around the corner of Cranks, Kentucky in pursuit of a 1940’s Black Ford delivering moonshine through the back hills and hollows.

[Shadow_Ferret]

Over the years the family had sold it off piece by piece until now the family was one of the richest in the state.


I see that sentence needs work.

[Maryn]

To James’ credit, his tone didn’t contain a trace of I-told-you-so.

Meh.

[Melanie Nilles]

Neat thread :cool: I'll have a go...

"Dragon!" Marjan hesitated, feeling odd about talking to such a beast, despite the intelligence it had displayed.

from Dragon Child (due out July 2009 from Mundania Press--Book 4 of 4).

Melanie

[PeeDee]

What a cool thread.

“Three fifty even, love,” said the woman, who wore a name tag saying How Can I help you? My Name Is: Opal. “Looks like it’ll be a good day for hot dogs, what with the storm coming in.”

[Zolah]

Exciting, Zolah!

Thanks! I really struggled with that scene - it's nice to know at least one person might read on.

[janetbellinger]

I put on more than a few pounds during that time, while Maggie became more svelte and sleek with each passing year.

That's the first line on page 50. I know, I know, I should be showing instead of telling, but I've already had the two of them hashing it all out in dialogue in the present, so didn't want to belabor it again in the past.

[nevada]

I'm working on two projects right now so here they are:

Project 1

The Office would probably abandon the apartment as well.

Project 2

He sighed and rolled onto his back. “Go then. If this is so terrible, you better go.”

[Carrie in PA]

She laughed. “Sounds great. What time should I be there and what can I bring?"


Fun thread!

[Prawn]

“But she might be an Israeli Arab. Her picture should be in the Post.”

[Diviner]

Before Jay could snarl or throw a punch, Dods raised his hands in mock surrender.

[J.S Greer]

White light flared from behind him, and illuminated the street ahead.

[Miss Java]

This is a first draft (very rough draft), so more than likely my page 50 will change...but here it is for now.


As she finished her last note, the crowd erupted in cheers. Nolan could see Kael whispering to his men, yet his eyes never left the girl.

[Miss Java]

This is a first draft (very rough draft), so more than likely my page 50 will change...but here it is for now.


As she finished her last note, the crowd erupted in cheers. Nolan could see Kael whispering to his men, yet his eyes never left the girl.

Wait...that was two...oops.

;)

[smiley10000]

Kalea avoided her father as much as possible for the rest of the week.

:)10000

[TwentyFour]

IM SUCH A BLONDE! I said the first sentence on page one...duh!

Page 50:

“Can’t get enough at home, you gotta come down here looking at the little girls?” Robbie said.

[Siddow]

"She's left those kids with strangers before."

[AnnieColleen]

This is a first draft (very rough draft), so more than likely my page 50 will change

Change 'likely' to 'definitely' for me, as I don't have it all in the same file yet. And the original file isn't in submission format yet.

As it stands, first line is:
Masud bit back words, surprised at his anger.

Reformatted (just for fun), it's:
There in the mid of night sweet Mary is seen... (a line from a song)

Hey, this is fun, playing with formatting to see what line comes up!

[Gillhoughly]

When I set the brake and cut the motor the dead man in the backseat of my car shifted, groaned, and straightened up to look around.

[WildScribe]

I don't think you're the only one, Southern. This is turning out to be fun, no?

[smiley10000]

When I set the brake and cut the motor the dead man in the backseat of my car shifted, groaned, and straightened up to look around.




now that's one I would love to read!
:Jaw:10000

[TrickyFiction]

"As I said to you before, I have no talent for destruction… I never have."

[Elodie-Caroline]

He made his way downstairs to see the front door open; his heart nearly jumped into his mouth and he panicked, thinking that maybe something had happened overnight; although, deep down inside he knew that nothing would have happened without his knowledge, as his men would have soon alerted him to any danger directed towards Samantha.

[icerose]

The wind moved her hair like a thousand little whips cracking against her cold chapped skin.

[Tienci]

First sentence of page 50- WIP #1:
Eddie took a sip of his champagne, his eyes trained on Nicholas, his silly grin returning with a vengeance.


First sentence of page 50- WIP #2: Alice had expected to lose sleep and therefore feel tired, and she had expected to be a little anxious and nervous about the overall responsibility of taking care of a child, but she had not expected it to take this toll on her.


Gah- forgive me; they are still untouched since I first "vomited" them out.

[Ken Schneider]

Agents don't always want 50 pages. Follow their guidelines to the letter.


Gwyneth held tight to the rail of the ship, as the cold sea water, white with foam, washed over the deck, threatening to draw her back into heaving waves of the North sea.

[Zonk]

'She had many smiles, but this one she gave to Jonas alone, pleased at the effect it always produced.'

:D:D:D

[ChunkyC]

Neat idea for a thread!

This from the ms I'm shopping....
“See? It's called chopping trees,” he said.

And from another I'm working on....
“Before the coming night is over,” Lord Gonad continued, “the two of us shall be inside Castle Glatz, feasting at the Queen's table ... with her lovely head as the centerpiece.”

[Becky Writes]

Pepper ran into the back yard behind her just in time to see her putting the finishing touches on her work.

Here's the next, just cause I want to.

He grabbed her by her long hair and slammed her to the concrete patio. "I'm going to kill you, bitch!"

[verbie]

Hi, everyone! This is a great thread. I'm a newbie and I've got two going right now:

1. Romantic Historical “My gun’s not large, to be sure,” she admitted, “but it shoots six rounds, and I’m sure a couple of hits would be enough to drop you.”

2. Y/A Historical “You have made an unwise decision, my friends.”

[allion]

Here's mine:

Eleni sat on the edge of a chair, the violin still perched on her shoulder.

(hey, it's only a first draft!)

Karen

[TrainofThought]

“Yes, but I really--” I respond, “Good. We will have the Calamari for starters.”

[imagoodgurl4]

I love this thread. Some of you guys have really interesting sentences. :)

Here's mine...it's only a first draft, so the sentence might need work:

"That thought was enough to make her vomit all over again."

[Gillhoughly]

now that's one I would love to read!
:Jaw:10000

Thanks-- I hope you soon will. Another 10-20K words to go.

[CrankItTo11]

Current WIP page 50:
As Anna ran, her bare feet quickly became cold in the damp grass.

I'm to about page 130, and I decided the other day to trash this one and start a new project. (Well... "trash" isn't literal. I never throw any writing away, no matter how craptacular.)

[BardSkye]

"Has he locked himself somewhere in his mind where he cannot get out?"

(Note: The character does have very formal speech patterns.)

[verbie]

Wow, these are great!

[MHanlon]

The man stood in front of the departure monitor, a laptop strapped over one shoulder and an airline ticket in his hand.

[Chasing the Horizon]

"I've been expecting you." She finally said.

(That won't actually be page fifty when I'm done re-writing and editing)

[IrishScribbler]

"'Yes, you should.'"

[SarahinOhio]

I almost expect that French lady--the one three rows up, with the fussy white dog whose eyes bulge and whose tongue pinkily protrudes--to be drinking her coffee from a cup wrapped in fur, instead of the stainless steel travel mug.

[Simon Woodhouse]

"I think I'm only an authority on the Chair by default. Very little is known about it, and most academics think it doesn't even exist. So I know very little about something there's very little to know about."

[Matt Lipp]

Page one:

“Okay, this place is totally not that bad, a little on the gay side, but still pretty decent,” I remark while sipping a Zima. The irony is lost on me.


On page fifty:

“I think it’s pretty self-explanatory why I need to be kept alive, but thanks for informing me of such an obvious... uh, obviousity.”

[maddythemad]

Marie scooted forward on Pepsi’s bed.

^ That has got to be the most boring sentence on this whole thread. :(

[farfromfearless]

Blood fell from the sky like ash to stain the ice-crusted earth in blooms if brightest scarlet.

[ChaosTitan]

From the just-finished ( :hooray: ) WIP:

He dumped the scotch into his bathroom sink, rinsed out the glass, and left it next to his toothbrush. The bottle of scotch went back into his place in his bottom desk drawer, behind a row of files.



From the nearly-complete WIP:

He kept his expression carefully neutral, but couldn't believe he just said what he did.

[gvm]

‘Then it’s impossible. I’ve met Mr. Sen personally and I know for sure he’ll hit the roof if he finds out I’ve helped his daughter do something like this.’

[Chasing the Horizon]

Blood fell from the sky like ash to stain the ice-crusted earth in blooms of brightest scarlet.
Well, I'm interested already. :D

[farfromfearless]

Well, I'm interested already. :D

I'll have my first draft completed by the middle of January; in the mean time I'll be posting excerpts on a couple different groups - mainly critters.org - I'm so close to completion it's exciting. Wow. My first shameless plug.

[J.S Greer]

From the just-finished ( :hooray: ) WIP:


Nice job!

[JasonChirevas]

I'm not up to page 50, so here's the first line on page 11 (and of Chapter Three)...

Anna Maria leafed through a catalog of bikinis she was fifteen pounds overqualified for.

-Jason

[Elodie-Caroline]

Oh, I don't know? I can conjure up a brilliant image of someone wanting to get to bed quickly... because someone sexy is waiting for them there! hehehe ;)

Ellie

Marie scooted forward on Pepsi’s bed.

^ That has got to be the most boring sentence on this whole thread. :(

[Monet]

Wow! What a neat thread!

[Namatu]

From my WIP, single spaced, page 50 starts with:
“But you knew anyway. Your research, if it was as thorough as it usually is, would have told you that much. Regardless, Tammu’s assault on my home and my possessions is very annoying.”

Heh. That scene really bothers me. But I won't go back to it now. Must. Go. Forward.

Manuscript formatting offers this:
“Shoot it,” she nodded.

[Pisarz]

I'm so lacking in confidence that I'm anticipating "tsk-tsks" galore given the use of--gasp!--adjectives and adverbs here, but:

Stefan’s face grew red and he felt unwell. Very unwell. His breaths became quick and shallow. Suddenly his stomach fell. Before he knew what was happening, he became violently ill on the spot. The two men heard him vomit and came running to see what happened.

[Judg]

"Somehow the tone was not hospitable, but Edgar was by this point so pleased to be talked to at all that he followed in a state that came close to resembling happiness."

Yurgh. I plead first draft status.

[Mark Lazer]

Finn, I say. Nathen Finn.
Spoke to Huckleberry lately?
Cute, I say. Why don’t you wear a tie?
That’s three lines, I know. But just the first one doesn’t make any sense.

[Tienci]

Anna Maria leafed through a catalog of bikinis she was fifteen pounds overqualified for.



That was funny.:D

[Lyxdeslic]

Actually, given the context that page fifty-one is being left out, shouldn't the question be "what's the first sentence of page fifty-one?"

"Sir, with all due respect, what about the hostages?" His tone was choppy and unnerved.

[Memnon624]

Page 50:

The pair described slow circles, whispering to one another in coarse Norman French, their blunt faces tilted heavenward as they tried in vain to calculate the wealth on display around them.

('The pair' are two knights sent as emissaries from the King of Jerusalem to the court of the Fatimid Caliph of Egypt -- they're in a rather well-appointed audience hall).

[Nakhlasmoke]

From my not-so-werewolf novel:

The feast room is still hung with the Weres' banners; a blue wolf on a silver ground.

[PastMidnight]

Not quite up to 50, so I guess I'll have to redouble my efforts to get there! :)

[Kay_XX]

“Ok. Thanks for letting me stay with you,” her voice cracked and she left before her best friend could see her cry for the first time in fifteen years.

Still a WIP.

[thedrafthorse]

From my 58K WIP:

Just which part of it was weird, Achille? The cow with strange markings, the apocalyptic, mutilated horse hide, or the Minister of Police giving you carte blanche to get to the bottom of a threat to the Emperor’s brother-in-law?

Heh heh. Turns out that's pretty much a summary of the story up to page 50.

[Devil Ledbetter]

Clive said, “You’re like a boiler voyeur. Let's scoot before he sees us.”

[ccarver30]

It cuts off a sentence:

hinting at what lusciousness lie beneath. White lace trimmed the hem and puffed sleeves of the newly crafted dress.

[arkady]

What's the first sentence that appears of page 50 of your WIP?

Hmmm... Page 50 of the formatted manuscript, as submitted to agents? Or page 50 of the raw Word file?

This is from the raw file:

"Fanned by such imaginings, Florraine’s anger grew hot within him. Filthy degenerate aristocrats think that their money and their old families allow them to get away with—"


This is from page 50 of the formatted manuscript:

""I have our passage," he announced, holding the tokens for her to see."

[CaroGirl]

These responses are interesting. I like it.

Novel #1:
Elise stiffened, summoning a withering and ancient maturity in the face of such crude childishness.

Novel #2:
Jerome said his own Daddy hadn’t been much of a father to him; his mother and father drank and fought and ignored him and his little brother, unless they made trouble.

[Cindyh2k]

Mine also cuts off a sentence:

"member of their family, or even close friends. Or it could just be some vigilante who thinks he's doing the world a favor."

[scribbler1382]

Same here:

"them and Talbot's assigned to a warehouse in El Segundo. His shift started ten minutes ago."

[ChaosTitan]

From the latest:

I remembered Renee perfectly. We had been good friends, stuck together like peanut butter and jelly, my dad used to say.


From the WIP:

"Need a lift?" He jerked his head toward the interior of the van.

[Spiny Norman]

“You’ll have to be more specific,” I said. “Many things have happened in Paris. I believe the city has an entire history, in fact.”

[thedrafthorse]

“You’ll have to be more specific,” I said. “Many things have happened in Paris. I believe the city has an entire history, in fact.”

:ROFL: Love it!

[OverTheHills&FarAway]

“Just shut up and paddle,” I say. “If you burn enough calories we’ll see about lunch.”

[ccarver30]

Mine also cuts off a sentence:

"member of their family, or even close friends. Or it could just be some vigilante who thinks he's doing the world a favor."

OOooh, I like that...!

[maestrowork]

How did I miss this thread?

"Kai knew Aziz was right, but the thought of burying Tuang and pretending that nothing had happened offended him. And the fact that Aziz would even suggest that disturbed him immensely."

[Cevia's Angel]

Newbie droping by to join in the fun. Here's the first sentence of my very first WIP:

THE ARMADA OF LARGE BLACK SHIPS approached the small blue and green planet like locusts descending on a ripe field.

[Tymolee]

Hi Everyone-

New here, but this looked like fun so I thought I'd post.

"And in the dreams she did not remember, there was a deep green sea, flat and lifeless, and an airless sky."

-Leesa

[David McAfee]

"Good. Very good. Thank you, Gordion. You may go."

Actually, that's 4, but it's dialogue and I didn't want to just put "Good." :)

[Klazart]

'I'd like to report a crime,' he said.

[PastMidnight]

Ok, this thread spurred me on to write enough tonight to reach (and exceed) that 50 page mark.

'Now that the figurative doors are open, why aren’t more women rushing to gain entrance? Instead they are settling down, saying, "Who wants to win the Nobel Prize like Marie Curie? It will be much more satisfying and life-affirming to learn how to dress a roast chicken." '

[Shady Lane]

Mine is:

Another headshake. “I don’t like heights.”

It's the MC's brother. MC's trying to get him on the Ferris Wheel.
Not so exciting.

[sunna]

"Well, if the only way to test it is to be run through with an old baling hook, I'd just as soon…wait. Why unwise? What's going on?" Kyali sat up further, indignation at being shielded from bad tidings like a child turning to alarm as Cially rose and strode to the steaming tea kettle in an obvious effort to avoid the question.

So I'm feeling a bit over-wordy after reading everyone else's - any markets for the long-winded? :-)

[Shady Lane]

^Hate to nitpick, but do you mean "indignant?"

[sunna]

nitpick away, please!....all my betas read it like it was something they picked up at the bookstore, instead of tearing it to shreds with their teeth like I asked them to. (this is what I get for asking people I regularly hang out with, I guess. although I never thought I was terribly fearsome.)

Not sure though - "indignation" turns to "alarm" - can "indignant" turn to "alarm"? Maybe I should reword?

[Shady Lane]

Aha, I see now. I had issues reading that sentence. I thought "indignation" was supposed to be an adjective.

My apologies ;)

[Provrb1810meggy]

“I understand, Jackie. Stop being a pawn in your brother’s evil schemes. Get him on the phone right now.”

[ClaudiaGray]

Mine goes:

I didn't know the singer; the lyrics weren't in English.

[Shady Lane]

“I understand, Jackie. Stop being a pawn in your brother’s evil schemes. Get him on the phone right now.”


I really love this.

[MMWyrm]

He wolfed down two slices of cold pizza from the fridge, downed a bottle of beer in one long swallow, and threw himself across his unmade bed.

Page 50 , line 1, 1st novel, 5th draft.