Affectionate strangers...

[SpookyWriter]

I've returned home from my weekly wanderings and always ponder what I've learned for the time away. This week it's how to become a part of the crowd when you're a stranger. I sat next to two separate groups of people this week and injected myself into their conversations by purpose to learn (identify) the keys for becoming one of the crowd.

Some success and some failures. I had a group of (five or so) Brits come into a bar one night and start chatting up the place. So, I jumped in and mentioned my past life in the UK, etc. Some success with a few of them, but they were more interested in the woman sitting beside me. Hmmm...

Another group of strangers last night split evening on either side of me. I struck up a conversation with the closest person to my left and right. Hmmm...I did my best to solicit their occupations, interests, and learn from them with limited success.

So was it the affection of a stranger too casual or do people avoid initiating new contacts until they've had a chance to become more familiar with you?

Now for the guy walking into a public place and just chatting up would be believable if it were always true.

How about you folks? Do you just introduce yourselves into a conversation among strangers to find out how affectionate (friendly) they are?

Toodles

[MidnightMuse]

I suspect the answers will be different if one is a woman vs man. As a woman:

I usually give it a little time to get the feel of the people I'm sitting by, or people-watching, before offering up a word or putting myself in their conversation. I wait for signs, like making eye contact and a little "I hear ya, there" nod or smile. If someone says something that resonates with me, I'll laugh out loud or make a quiet comment, and if it's received positively, I might start talking.

Guess I'm more the "watching" than the "joining" type - but I do love to sit and watch people in a bar or other scenario and form opinions on them as I watch based on what I'm seeing.

I'll accept some stranger joining in on a conversation, so long as they're not throwing off that vibe my mother warned me about.

[PeeDee]

MY problem is, when people say something in passing to me, I don't just grunt or make a passive response. I never do that. I really should. I think about what they said, and I offer an intelligent answer in reply.

Invariably, this means I wind up in conversations with all sorts of people, usually when I have no time for conversations.

People remember me around town, and they wave, and I wave back, and I have no idea who they are. Sometimes, I worked with them, sometimes they're just nothing more than people I've chatted with.

I'm not sure that properly answers the question. If there was a group, and there was me, I probably wouldn't say anything, or feel any need to. I enjoy sitting quietly.

[SpookyWriter]

Think of the stranger in town. I was, am, a new person to the scene and attempted several conversations. Like any character in a novel, I too had to work the crowd to get a few tidbits of chat from them. It's an exercise for me to learn how my character behaves in real life. I don't want flat characters who can waltz into a room and become the life of the party because who'd believe it?

[Judg]

I'm always talking to strangers. Although I normally throw out some kind of humorous comment on whatever situation it is we're sharing (check-out line, bus stop, whatever) and let them determine if the conversation will live or die, so I'm not imposing myself. It's not hard to read if they want to continue or prefer to be left alone. Very occasionally a really good conversation will get started and I'll come home very happy. On my last vacation, I hit the jackpot twice in airplanes. One psychiatrist/sociology professor/committed Christian who was complex and fascinating and had several parallels in his life to mine, so we covered all kinds of territory, from psychopaths to free will to dealing with US immigration. And a gorgeous young woman over six feet tall, carrying a battered antique phonograph, the daughter of two stage actors who had been disowned by their very Establishment families and who was just returning home from an experience squatting in an apartment in Bonn. You just can't invent people like that. Tremendous fun. Both warm, intelligent, unconventional people.

[PeeDee]

Judg, this is exactly why I talk to people casually in public. They're mostly fascinating. I love talking to people.

(mostly; sometimes, I just like being silent)

[Maryn]

I talk to other women, strangers, frequently. It's rare that they don't respond with conversation--I set out pretty decent tidbits. I also respond when women I don't know strike up a conversation. (I keep them brief, no matter who begins it, unless the other person clearly wants to talk more.)

I feel very differently when a man strikes up an innocuous conversation, and I rarely make a quip to a man I don't know. It feels like exploring whether it's okay to hit on the other person, you know?

Remember that there are many people who have the confidence and charisma to make quick friends in any place full of strangers. It's fascinating to watch them do it, even though I've never figured out how.

Maryn, who really should get out more

[Shadow_Ferret]

I fear strangers.

[Saundra Julian]

I'm from the South. We talk to everyone!

[Appalachian Writer]

I've never had too many problems striking up conversations with strangers or otherwise. The hardest part is the injection...the first words you speak. I always look for a shared complaint since 75% of all human conversation tends toward complaining. "This place is too cold...how long do you think these peanuts have been laying in this bowl.." that kind of thing. Once members of the group find out you share the same complaint...BANG!..You're in!

[Siddow]

Another southerner here. I talk to everyone I can. But when I lived in LA, I was looked at like the crazy person. You just can't talk to the woman in line at Ralph's out there. People in bars were more friendly, but then again, I'm a girl.

I'd feel more comfortable approaching a single person than a group, though.

[Sohia Rose]

I talk to everyone. My husband doesn't call me chatterbox for nuthin'. :D

I get into conversations with people in a grocery store, on a transit train, and waiting for an elevator. You name it. However, in the past few years, I have limited my conversations with men because they end up trying to take me out to dinner or something. They'll say, "Hey, you wanna go out for dinner or lunch." I'll say, "Ugh, I don't think my husband would appreciate that too much." Puft.

[Carrie in PA]

I'll talk to darn near anybody. About darn near anything.

If it's a sit-down situation, I'll observe for a bit and wait for an opening. If it's a standing-in-line situation, I just start blabbing.

[WildScribe]

I'm very good at injecting myself into conversation. As a waitress, this often gets me into trouble, i.e. I am in a hurry and they suddenly have an intense desire to share their life stories with me.

I do occasionally jump into random groups, but not often since I don't go to bars or clubs where groups would hang out.

[SpookyWriter]

I'll talk to darn near anybody. About darn near anything.

If it's a sit-down situation, I'll observe for a bit and wait for an opening. If it's a standing-in-line situation, I just start blabbing.So you're always the lady behind me at the check out counter I want to punch. :D

[MidnightMuse]

No, she's the one ahead of you talking to the teller so you can't move forward in line!

[SpookyWriter]

No, she's the one ahead of you talking to the teller so you can't move forward in line!:roll: Ah, then's she the one I usually goose to get them moving straight.

[PeeDee]

I'm the one who's halfway through the line when he realizes he forgot something really useful, so he leaves his wife to hold up the line and talk to the Hatian cashier who can't understand her while he runs through the stoe to get what he forgot, and then comes back and sidles through the line, violating everyone's personal space.

:D

[Carrie in PA]

:roll: Ah, then's she the one I usually goose to get them moving straight.

That was YOU?! I didn't get your number!! :tongue

Noooo, I only talk to people who INVITE conversation by like, blinking and breathing and stuff.

[PeeDee]

"Hello! I see that you have gentle brownian motion in your molecules! Me too! Also, we are both conscious! Tell me about your life, heritage, and camels!"

[Elodie-Caroline]

Yes, when I'm out and about, I strike up conversations with anyone and everyone; I quite often butt into conversations that I overhear at cafes, queues etc, but I've made many-a-friend doing this. I suppose I'm just an outgoing kind of person in real life.

Ellie

[Sohia Rose]

I'm the one who's halfway through the line when he realizes he forgot something really useful, so he leaves his wife to hold up the line and talk to the Hatian cashier who can't understand her while he runs through the stoe to get what he forgot, and then comes back and sidles through the line, violating everyone's personal space.

:D

:guns:

[Kate Thornton]

I talk to people - back when I was in intelligence work, I did it just to keep in practice. Now I just have the habit & the interest. Most people love to interact with another person. I meet lots of interesting people this way. I also see how receptive people are to some genuine human interest. They unfold like flowers, smiling and talking in whatever garden they find themselves, even the weedpatch of the supermarket. And I like it too.

Very seldom does anyone back off. I am approachable and affable, I think.

[imagoodgurl4]

I'm from Boston...we're not friendly people, lol. Plus, I'm not really a people person, so I usually get annoyed when strangers start talking to me. I did spend two weeks in Ireland last year and was amazed how friendly the people are there. I met a bartender who was actually from Australia and was just traveling around Europe doing odd jobs. And then a bunch of my friends and I met a group of Irish guys and got to chatting with them. So I think it depends on the situation that I'm in (meaning I'm a VERY friendly drunk. ;) )