Vertical Writing

[Kosh]

Should an unsold writer try vertical writing? Does it come off as trying too hard?

[Joe Calabrese]

In my opinion, everyone, both seasoned pros and newbies alike should write vertical. It is the trend that all screenplays are going.

For those who do not know what verticle writing is, here is a good article on the subject...


Screenwriting Craft: Making Screenplays Vertical
BY CHARLES DEEMER

Hollywood loves buzzwords, and one of the latest is "vertical," as in make your screenplays vertical. Like many buzzwords, this one is based on a fundamental truism: it is easier to read a manuscript that is "vertical" with lots of white space on the page than one that has great text density.
You know this yourself. Remember your college days when you were cramming for an exam? What was easier to read, the long dense paragraph that took most of a book's page -- or the airy open text written in short paragraphs? The latter. This is because the eye could race down the page, in a kind of vertical reading style, rather than plodding across the page horizontally. For quick reading, for skimming, the page that invites vertical eye movement is far more friendly to the harried reader.
Now who is going to read your screenplay the first time around? A harried reader, believe me. Readers are over-worked and under-paid. Trust me, I've been one. They also get paid by the script. Does this invite a slow, careful reading? Of course not. Their job is to fill out a form about the story -- called coverage -- and the more quickly they can read a script, the happier they are. Screenplays that invite vertical reading are loved by readers. In contrast, text-dense scripts requiring horizontal reading start out with one or two strikes against them.

Let me reinforce the point with an example. Here is a scene from one of my students: Derek is walking across campus. All over, there are students reading copies of the official campus newspaper and Derek's magazine. One girl, ANNA KABIS, is laughing hysterically. She is young and beautiful. Derek stops and stares at her. A friend of Anna's is reading over her shoulder, a look of shock on her face. This snippet has much to recommend it. The writing is clear and direct. But this is not vertical writing. Let's open up the text: Derek is walking across campus. All over, there are students reading copies of the official campus newspaper and Derek's magazine.

One girl, ANNA KABIS, is laughing hysterically. She is young and beautiful.

Derek stops and stares at her.

A friend of Anna's is reading over her shoulder, a look of shock on her face.
Notice how much easier this is to read quickly, to skim. Believe me, readers skim your script before anyone reads it carefully! This is, in contemporary jargon, a much more user-friendly version of the exact same language. This is vertical writing. And there is an additional advantage to this kind of writing. Notice how each short paragraph is its own image. The paragraphs suggest the way the scene should be shot. This is the writer getting to play director! That's right, by selecting short paragraphs that emphasize a visual unit, the screenwriter not only makes the script easier to read but invites the way the scene should be shot. This is the best of both worlds.

So, in the example above, we start with a shot of Derek. Then we see students reading his magazine. Then we focus on the girl who will become important, Anna. We get a reaction shot from Derek. Back to Anna, and a reaction to the magazine.

We in effect have directed the scene while at the same time opening it up vertically, adding white space, writing short paragraphs that are easily and quickly read.

Skilled screenwriters know that "white space" on the page is as important as correct format. In fact, a producer once showed me what he called "the white space test." He picked up a random unread script from his desk. He held it out at arm's length and flipped the pages. A dark cloud of heavy text density rushed by. "Too much writing," he said. "Not enough white space." He tossed the script, unread, into a box labeled "Return."

I once agreed to read a screenplay written by a novelist friend. The script's first paragraph took over one page! When I tried to explain the rhetorical realities of screenwriting to him, he called me names I'd rather not repeat, accusing me of selling out to the literary imbeciles of Hollywood. His mistake was thinking that a screenplay is a literary document. It isn't. It's the blueprint for a movie. Put that word in caps: BLUEPRINT.

Make sure your screenplay can be scanned and skimmed as easily as a blueprint. Open up your writing by using short paragraphs (I suggest five lines or less) and simple sentences, avoiding complex sentences and other wordy rhetorical devices. Keep it simple, stupid. Readers will love you for it -- and when they love you, they pay more attention to your story.
Make your screenplays vertical. There's no down side.

[scripter1]

this thread goes hand in hand with the one on fragging, the style of writing in fragmented sentences.

(I'm copywriting fragging by the way. It's MY word, I own it. I thought of it , it's MINE.)

In the article all the writer did really was put an extra line in.
Problem is, writing like that will eat up your page count.
Sure, you'll end up with a slightly more open script BUT you could find it very easy to go over the 120 page limit.

Here's what I would do with that same paragraph:

Derek is walking across campus. All over, there are students reading copies of the official campus newspaper and Derek's magazine. One girl, ANNA KABIS, is laughing hysterically. She is young and beautiful. Derek stops and stares at her. A friend of Anna's is reading over her shoulder, a look of shock on her face.

Derek walks across campus. All around him students read copies of the offical campus newspaper and Derek's magazine.

A girl, ANNA KABIS, laughs hysterically.
She is young, beautiful.

Derek stares.

A friend of Anna's reads over her shoulder, shocked by the content.

NOW, not only have I opened up the page a bit, BUT I've highlighted important bits and I've shortened it a smidgen.

Kosh, a screenwriter should play around with their scripts to see what works the best. Try several of the styles out and see which suites you.
Don't worry about looking like you're trying to hard.
You need to try hard and you need to look like you know what you're doing.

Read a bunch of scripts and then try out the styles until you settle in to your own voice and way.

[scripter1]

let me correct myself.

Writing vertical, and fragging won't SHORTEN your script. It will actually lengthen it by adding in a bunch of extra lines.

However, what I've done with my frags is opened up the script even more by not only making vertical space but horizontal as well. And I've taken out just a few of those pesky little extra words.

I'm writing for the reader who wants to read as few words as possible.
All they need to know is what happens next.

The way you cut down the page count is to stay tightly focused on the key actions and keep your description to a minimum. Just don't get wordy.
Short, sweet, and move on.

[zahra]

Thanks for that, Scripter1 (and Kosh for the qu.). I just went through my script while I was at work and did some editing. That was fragging useful as a guideline. (Oh, you knew that was coming!) Anyway, ta.

[Kosh]

Thanks guys. I'll have to work on using less words, though (I'm aiming for a 110 page script).

[dpaterso]

I've seen that crap sample quoted before, it's so bad (intentionally so) that any rewriting would have to be an improvement.

But my understanding of vertical writing is a little different:

The bullet SLAMS Eddie in the head.
He drops the gun and the Woman.
Blown backward on to a seat --
The Woman falls to the floor --
Her body constricts.
Shock.
Convulsions.
Coronary.

...from Walter Hill's THE KILLER (http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/killer.shtml) -- which anyone getting into writing action scenes ought to read right now. You know who you are.

-Derek

[Joe Calabrese]

Your example is much better Derek, but mine was the first thing I grabbed of the net.

Of course, any writer who spreads out their normally written lines will end up with a very long script and that is why I like vertical writing or Fragging (Scripter--- love that term - you rock!) It forces a writer to choose just the right words and action in the few pages they have to work with.

[RainbowDragon]

I think of it this way. Imagine you're an actor playing Joe (below). Would you rather play off this script:

JEFF RAVENS, a kid half Andrea's age, walks up to the water fountain. A BIRD lands in it and splashes around as if it's a birdbath. Arnold picks up the bird, kisses it. It lets him do it. Joe looks at Arnold, wide-eyed. Andrea arrives, hands on her hips.

or this one:

JEFF RAVENS, a kid half Andrea's age, walks up to the water fountain.

A BIRD lands in it and splashes around as if it's a birdbath.

Arnold picks up the bird, kisses it. It lets him do it.

Joe looks at Arnold, wide-eyed.

Andrea arrives, hands on her hips.

**

I think it's easier for each individual to find their part in the 2nd example, and it makes readers feel like they're skimming (faster reads feel more lively).

Yes this felt awkward at first as a novelist-turned-novelist/screenwriter, but you get used to it. . .

[dpaterso]

Joe, you've got a better example for when this exact same question comes up again six months from now. :D

Rainbow, I'm not allergic to either of those examples because you're writing clear, easy to understand sentences. If you'd made up a poor first example, maybe a huge breathless run-on sentence that obscures what's going on...

Your second example is closer to what I've seen in shooting scripts, you've broken the single paragraph into shots. But look how much space it takes up -- as Joe says, spreading lines like this will produce a long script.

So I guess a balance must be struck. Action sequences that benefit from snappy writing vs. non-action bird-bath sequences, perhaps?

Shrug, just thinking aloud. If everyone wrote the same way, the world would be a dull place indeed.

-Derek

[scripter1]

example that I think of when I think of vertical writing.

Though I've also heard and I myself call it stacking, or action stacking.
It's a style that works really really well because you start out with a simple beggining action in a longer sentence and then you draw the eye gradually to a simple BUT powerful action.

Scenes like that are easy to stack because they have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

[Hillgate]

this thread goes hand in hand with the one on fragging, the style of writing in fragmented sentences.

(Here's what I would do with that same paragraph:

Derek is walking across campus. All over, there are students reading copies of the official campus newspaper and Derek's magazine. One girl, ANNA KABIS, is laughing hysterically. She is young and beautiful. Derek stops and stares at her. A friend of Anna's is reading over her shoulder, a look of shock on her face.

Derek walks across campus. All around him students read copies of the offical campus newspaper and Derek's magazine.

A girl, ANNA KABIS, laughs hysterically.
She is young, beautiful.

Derek stares.

A friend of Anna's reads over her shoulder, shocked by the content.

NOW, not only have I opened up the page a bit, BUT I've highlighted y.

or try:

EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY

Students everywhere read the campus newspaper and Derek's magazine.

DEREK

Walks past them [reaction?].

Beautiful ANNA KABIS

[we know she's young if she's on a campus unless she's a tutor] Reads Derek's magazine and LAUGHS hysterically.

DEREK

Stares at Anna [mystified, happily, amazed, angrily? - reaction needed].

ANNA'S FRIEND [male/female?]

Peers over Anna's shoulder. S/he GASPS in horror.

[scripter1]

sorry Hillgate, doesn't work for me. Looks too choppy, eats up too many lines. I just can't hardly stand to have one word on a whole line.

UNLESS I'm action stacking and that word is the culmination of an event.

I agree that the SLUG takes care of the description of the campus. I'm half and half on the character's reactions. He should react to the reading of his work but I thought the reaction to Anna could safely be assumed.