Support from spouses, lovers etc.

[Azura Skye]

I'm just curious how many writers here can share their love of writing with their spouse or partner. Are they supportive? Are they even interested? I know how hard it can be when you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't share interests or goals with you.

I wasn't sure where to put this post so feel free to move it to where it belongs if it doesn't belong here.

[Stephenie Hovland]

My husband wants me to be happy, but he really has no interest in even reading through most of my stuff. Sometimes he humors me, skims the piece and tells me it looks good.

[SRHowen]

My husband has no interest in reading what I write--most of it is not his cup of tea. But he does support my writing even if he doesn't want to read it.

Shawn

[novelator]

My husband was so threatened by my characters, by the whole idea that I could dream of a career, he finally told me and my daughter to get the "F" out. So we did. Drove from Texas to Montana in a twenty year old car to a town where we didn't know a soul. That was over a year ago.

Mari

[vstrauss]

My husband doesn't want to read what I write either, which for a long time puzzled and hurt me, though I've pretty much come to terms with it. Oddly enough, though, he loves brainstorming with me about plot and characters. Whenever I get stuck on something, we go for a walk and have a plot consult. He's given me lots of good ideas, including the ending for my WIP. My characters are almost as real for him as they are for me.

In other ways too, he's incredibly supportive--he has never fussed about the fact that we could have a much higher standard of living if I had a regular job. Just as important, he's completely non-threatened by my sometimes extreme absorption in all this writing stuff. I've talked with writers whose spouses are dismissive, obstructive, or downright hostile, so I really appreciate how lucky I am.

- Victoria

[novelator]

You are all very lucky, or blessed, to have a supportive spouse. I yearn to find a man someday like my friend's husband, who remodeled their house to give her an office, bought her a new computer, and said, "Write me a Pulitzer."

Mari

[Pellegrina Leoni]

My husband is unfailingly supportive and encouraging. Not only does he read my work but he delights in hearing me read the final drafts aloud. When I get discouraged, he helps keep me going.

Yup, I'm a lucky gal. :D

[underthecity]

I think so far, we've only heard from the female spouses. Is a husband allowed to post?

If so, my wife and I are total opposites. I love to read and love to write. My wife does not like to read at all (except she did read and enjoy the Harry Potter books. Which was fine by me!). She also doesn't really care for history either.

However, she has been wonderfully supportive with my writing career, and although she likes and appreciates my two books (Cincinnati Subway and Cincinnati on the Go), she really doesn't read them. I only asked that she at least look through them, which she has.

She also worked full time while I was unemployed for nine months, attempting to start a freelance writing career. Although she and I both work full time jobs now, she still doesn't mind my writing on the side--as long as it doesn't totally consume all of my time.

She also doesn't mind because she knows it's a means to an end. I write articles on the side which generates money, and I'm going back to work on my next book. The publisher wants the next book, so I'm not just writing it on speculation.

underthecity

[XThe NavigatorX]

Under,

I think we have the same wife. I could've copy and pasted your response and put my book title (titles in August) in there instead.

[mr mistook]

My girlfriend is supportive of my quest to finish this first novel. She did a little beta reading a few months back, but I've been too busy revising and writing to let her see anything more, though I discuss the characters and plot with her from time to time.

She's also working on a story, and from what I've read it's fabulous. She's a born comedianne, and being a bit younger than me, she's working on a brilliant peice of satyrical fan-fiction right now. I hope to God she can publish it, but the genre and style is so candid and innovative, that it's sure to blow fuses throughout the cloth-wired industry.

Reguardless, I beleive in her as a writer, and I know she's only just beginning to test her talents. One day she'll hit the big time, and maybe i will too, God willing. Until then we have each other and our dreams.

[pepperlandgirl]

My husband does not like to read or write at all. He claims he doesn't have the patience. How a English major and a literature geek like me fell in love with him, I'll never know. (Joke, joke.)

That being said, he's extremely supportive. He understands when I don't get a summer job so I can work my books, he always helps me when I have writers block, he gives me ideas and encouragement, he lets me read my work aloud to him during the editing process, and he has so much faith in me that I'm a little scared of letting him down. There's no doubt in his mind at all that one day I'll be a successful writer.

[reph]

My husband is very supportive. He thinks I should write more.

[drgnlvrljh]

I spent much of my adult life in relationships that were very unsupportive, and figured that was the way things are supposed to be. For that matter, my parents were unsupportive. *shrugs*

Needless to say, I didn't get very far in my writing, and developed some bad habits (mainly not finishing what I've started). I told myself that it was just a hobby, anyway, and that I should only be doing it when I have the time to spare.

Interestingly enough, my -children- are very supportive.

Anyhow, for grins and giggles, I posted some of my writing on a website that caters to fantasy/sci-fi/dark fantasy art and stories, and when I started dating Sam, I cautiously gave him the link to look. The next night, I came home from work to find an email from him about those stories. He loved them! He knew they were rough, and in serious need of reworking, but he saw the talent there, and was very encouraging.

Needless to say, we've been together for almost 3 years now, and I'm finally working on breaking my bad habits, and breaking the nasty pattern of thought that kept me from -really- working at it. And he's behind me every step of the way.

It's amazing the difference in environment, and how it affects my writing. 3 years ago, I would never have had the courage to even join a forum like this, let alone let anyone see the WIP.

[Azura Skye]

>>Is a husband allowed to post?

Of course. I'd like to hear from both sides.

The reason I asked this question was because last night I was thinking about how different my bf and I are. We've been together for four and a half years and we seem to make it work but he doesn't take "artsy" people seriously. Although he's never made any negative comments about my writing I don't think he really understands my drive to do it. He's a very left brain kinda guy, ya know.

Oh well. I don't feel I need his support but if he began to make negative comments then I think it would be a different story.

[ChunkyC]

My wife is not a huge reader, though like someone mentioned above, she does read the Harry Potter books.

I read my stuff out loud to her. Not being a writer or frequent reader, she really doesn't have a lot to contribute on the technical side. However, she is quick to point out things that don't make sense. "I thought he had red hair ... and was a woman in the last chapter..." sort of thing.

The only thing she doesn't seem to be able to grasp is my need to not be interrupted when I'm on a roll, that to be pulled out of the world of the story is extraordinarily jarring. But she does try not to bug me.

[SRHowen]

The only thing she doesn't seem to be able to grasp is my need to not be interrupted when I'm on a roll, that to be pulled out of the world of the story is extraordinarily jarring.

That is my biggest peeve around here. Both hubby and children like to interupt. I have my headphones on people--what does that mean?????

I do wish my hubby would be willing to read my stuff. He says he would, but will not comment on it. Grrr, grumble.

Shawn

[arkady]

I find all these negative comments very peculiar. My wife is a good reader, and takes my writing as seriously as I do. Of course she's a painter herself, and understands how tough it is to make it in any "artsy" line.

When I switched from historical fiction to fantasy, she immediately became my biggest fan, which was what told me that fantasy was the genre where I worked best.

[Weren Cole]

If I may, I believe I will add the point of view of the young bachelor to the conversation.

I think every writer wants feedback, craves feedback and sometimes we may push our recent creations on those around us, who I have learned are usually only half interested in reading it in the first place, much less give support. I have no wife, no girl friend, just friends. In terms of support I rely on my mother, but here is a paradox. My mother loves me, wants me to succeed, so inherently she always tells me that what I am doing is good (more or less) and to keep plugging at it. I once had a girlfriend who read the first novel I wrote and said she loved it, though when I asked her for critique she couldn't find anything bad to say. This is where I find looking for support from our loved ones may not always be the best course of action. . . This may be one of the reasons that all of us come here for support, in this forum we have created a community of people who we don't really know (I'm not sure how well some of you know each other, but I don't know you) and we can get critique and feedback on a nonpartial basis if that is what we so desire.
I think that support is the best we can ask from our loved ones or friends, but if it is not there I don't take it too seriously. This is just my opinion, and it may not hit the base with a couple of you for I am a young bachelor and well. . . yeah.

Weren Cole

[drgnlvrljh]

@ Waren,

Good points. My fiance reads my stuff, and he does give crits, after a fashion. But the fact is, No matter what he says, I'm still going to think his opinion is biased.

But the fact that he's encouraging is the supportive part I appreciate the most. House a mess? Did I write that day? Then it's okay. If I didn't write that day, what did I waste the day on? :lol

[Weren Cole]

I got you dragon, and I like you quote btw. . .

I think there are two kinds of support. . . one where you have people around you who know you are writing and say something alongs the lines of "how's your stuff going, I wish you the best" and other's who you can run your stuff by and get their support. . . "it's good, keep going" type of stuff. I think writers need both, we crave feed back as a form of support but at the same time we need those around us to encourage our goals whether they have read our work or not. For most of us what we are attempting to create is not easy, discouragement comes with the job. . .

Weren

[ChunkyC]

I just have this deep fear that someday I'll be writing along and:

It was the best of times, it was the--

"Honey, can you take out the garbage?"

"Huh? What? The garbage? Can't it wait?"

"Fine, if you want the house to smell like a dump."

Grrrr ... "Fine! Just gimme a sec...." where was I? Best of something ... aw, screw it, it was probably a crappy line anyway.

[drgnlvrljh]

Amen to that, Waren!

Feedback, I get from different sources. Some are slightly suspect, since they're friends (or fiance), but they serve the purpose of being an encouraging environment, which helps with the process. And I know, if it's really bad, they'll call me on it.

But the feedback I get here is vastly different. You're not worried about losing a friendship, or sleeping on the couch if you give me less than glowing reviews (not that I'd do that to anyone). And that has it's use, as well, especially since I -want- to know where my weaknesses are.

But there is a payoff, of a sort, I believe, even when giving the feedback to a stranger. And that's you help get the aspiring writer to send off the best work possible, because to do any less would be a disservice to the industry, and it would make us all look bad.

Thanks about the quote, btw. Someone here (forget whom), knows the quotee. I don't. I just saw it, and it made perfect sense. ;)

[maestrowork]

Everyone in my life have been very supportive (although, in true parental fashion, my parents wanted me to keep my day job). Some didn't read my book but they were very encouraging and thought I was brave to go for what I wanted. Some read my book and loved it and offered me invaluable advice. Some didn't finish it but offered me some of the best compliments: "I didn't finish because I was intimidated."

[reph]

Shawn posted: Both hubby and children like to interupt. I have my headphones on people--what does that mean?????

It means they have to yell louder to get your attention.

[tjosban]

My husband isn't gung-ho supportive about what I do, per se, but he understands that there is something inside of me that drives me to do it.

Just as he has his passionate thing for ATVs and guns, I have my own passions.

I believe that these differences allow us to be closer. I know that he won't just walk away from what he loves, just as I won't from the things I love. When we need time apart, we go do our separate things. We also have plenty of things we enjoy doing together. It's what works for us.

[Writing Again]

I live alone and I intend to stay that way.

[Azura Skye]

My dog is supportive.:lol

[sqrrll]

Let me preface this by saying my wife is not a reader. We have lots in common, but books aren't one of them.
So, when I was writing my first book, she didn't care either way. What I did with my free time was up to me.
However, after writing my second book (which was much shorter) I decided to see if she wanted to read it. It was a little more up her alley. She read it and loved it. She read it in two days and couldn't put it down.
That's how I knew it was a good book. For someone who's not into books to love something I wrote tells me it was pretty darn good. Also, she had no interest in the first one either.
So, there is some synthetic support from a loved one. My wife didn't realize how much her opinion meant on the second book because of her lack of interest in reading in general.

[drgnlvrljh]

My dog is supportive.:lol

My two cats sure arent! Those varmints will ignore me, until I sit down to write, then they demand attention! :lol

[BradyH1861]

My wife is supportive of my writing. She even reads my stuff from time to time and comments on it. Since I write historical fiction...and she isnt really "into history" like I am, I find her insights to be pretty valuable.

I feel sorry for her sometimes. She is both a fireman's wife and a writer's wife. I would imagine both can be difficult at times.:D

[mr mistook]

How weird is it that most of the people who've posted to this thread live with somebody who barely cares about writing. Love is a funny thing.

[Stephenie Hovland]

It's mutual. My husband has an amateur radio hobby that I really don't get into. I support him (mostly) but just nod my head and say "Interesting. . ." when he uses sentences consisting mostly of technical vocabulary.

[absolutewrite]

Mr. Mistook, I was noticing the same thing! Didn't realize how many people were in my situation. My husband = tremendously supportive, tremendously proud, and never reads a darn thing I write. Sometimes he'll stand next to me and let me read him a passage I'm working on (he does offer good crit), but it makes him impatient. But he'll tell everyone he knows that I'm the best writer in the world.

Funny thing is that he loves poetry, understands the arts/creativity (he's a musician and a damn good songwriter)... but I think it's more my choice of topics that doesn't interest him. I write nonfiction almost exclusively.

[maestrowork]

Actually I think it's a good thing that your spouse is not a writer. You can compliment each other better without the competition/contention/jealousy, etc. I know too many people who have similar ambitions in the same field (actors, for example) whose relationships just fall apart because of competiton/jealousy, etc. especially if one spouse is doing better than the other.

It is better if your spouse understands your dreams (say, he/she is also creative) but in a completely different field (like in Jenna's case, she is a writer and he is a musician). Still, when one is becoming more successful, the other might feel weird. So a lot of give and take and mutual support is needed...

[HConn]

My wife is very supportive. She's also a painter, so she understands the daily grind and the constant struggle to make time.

We support each other.

[stormie267]

I'm surrounded by a husband, two sons, and a sister. All supportive to a degree. BUT when my husband or sons need something, whom do they turn to? Need I ask?? My sister is the most supportive; she reads everything I write (usually after it's published). My husband and sons usually don't care to read my writings, so I just tell them whenever there's good news. I even had an article about my husband--in a good light, no negative stuff--published. He didn't read the whole thing, but proudly showed it to anyone and everyone. Heck, even the back inside piece to my book mentions him. I think to this day he's only read the blurb on the back cover. But it's his emotional support that matters most.

[AncientEagle]

My wife has no artistic or creative interests for herself, but she is totally supportive of my writing. She loves to brag to others, if the subject arises, about my writing. I read my stuff aloud to her for her thoughts about it before submitting it, and rely on her reactions. Of course, she's a paraplegic and can't easily get away when I start reading aloud - come to think of it, maybe that's why she so often offers quick approval. hmmm

[James D Macdonald]

The best support from a spouse is a day job with a regular paycheck and family health insurance.

[pencilone]

I consider myself very lucky as I've got a great support from my husband. He just wishes I spend less time goofing on Internet boards and write more instead. And he is absolutely right.
We have different literary tastes, but sometimes we like the same things too. He offered to criticize my novel mercilessly, but I have not dared let him read it yet (I need to have it polished to perfection first;) ).

Pencilone

[drgnlvrljh]

Pencilone, are you sure we're not living with the same guy? :eek

[annied]

My husband isn't very supportive, but then again I don't write for his approval. Most times I get support and critiques from writing boards like this one and other beta readers. I made the mistake a while back of asking him to critique one of my stories, and he went through and made his own changes to it because he "thought I could use some correction."

'Nuff said.