Would this be too cliche/unrealistic?

[reenkam]

Sorry to be bombarding the forum with questions about this work...I'm getting to the end and that's when I start getting frantic and really really into it. And since this is the first time this had happened since I joined...well, let's just say my friends/family are getting a rest ;)

Onto my point: My story (YA dark urban fantasy) involves a kid trying to help his parents and younger brother who were kidnapped by two different groups. I'm at the end and he's finding his brother as I write this (okay, not really...but I'm like mid sentence in the ms., so in a way he is...). The problem is that I feel like his finding his parents is too happy, or something. It's too "fairy-tale ending" for me, even if there are things that could be explored deeper. (It's the first in a series)

My thought from a few seconds ago was to drop the whole "parents taken hostage" plot altogether, but then I'd need a reason for my MC and his brother to be home alone. Well, I have a reason (it's the mom's b-day = vacay time...or maybe 'business trip') but would that just scream set-up? I mean, it is a set-up...but would it be annoyingly obvious and terrible?

I'm pretty certain I want to go ahead with this massive plot change because it actually solves a couple continuity issues and weird questions in the plot. It brings up a dozen more, of course, but I'll handle that in edits and revisions. But I'm worried that having the parents leave would be stupid or turn off agents and/or readers...

So what's everyone think?

[jordijoy]

Are the parents doing a lot in your story? I'm guessing you've set it up so that the reader gets invested in the parents and the brother and want to follow your MC on his journey to save them. That being the case(if it is) wouldn't you have to make major changes to take the parents out of your story ? My thoughts are that you can have a predictable plot, but the way you spin it had better be anything but predictable. Meaning, you can have a heroine who gets tied to a railroad track and you can have the hero rescue her from sudden death, but you had better have him do so in away I've never seen before.

[katiemac]

If you want to go ahead with dropping the parents' storyline, do so, especially if you think it solves continuity issues.

As opposed to the setup, I'll admit to having seen parents away on vacation many times. But you may not know for sure what works if you don't write it. You could find you write it differently than someone's done before. Play around with a draft with this idea as it stands, fixing your plot holes, then come back and fix the setup if you dislike it.

Or, you could ask yourself -- do the kids really need to be left alone? If the brother gets kidnapped, does he need to be in the house at the time? Could the parents be away for something simple -- mom's at work and dad's going for groceries?

When you fix the continuity problems, you may find a better, easier setup. Or not.

[reenkam]

Thanks for the comments jordijoy and katiemac.

Truthfully, there's not much emotional investment in either the brother or the parents at the very start of the book. I'm hoping the reader continues to read because of the MC, though that's definitely something I'll address during revisions.

The kids do need to be alone, mostly because if they parents are brought into it there's no way the MC would be allowed to do anything. The parents would handle it. My one issue would be why, exactly, the MC wouldn't get in contact with his parents...but my brains working hard to figure that one out.

Thanks again, both of you :)

[janetbellinger]

How old is the MC?

[reenkam]

How old is the MC?

seventeen

[RLB]

I don't think it's coincidental if the bad guys specifically wait to attack until they know the parents are out of the picture for awhile... that'd just be intelligent on the part of the bad guys. Especially if confronting the parents would be a threat. So if the parents are on a cruise or whatever, maybe the MC decided it's too hard to reach them, he'll handle it on his own, etc.

That's always the challenge (I've found) of writing MG/YA. If the kids are in danger, why don't they go to their parents? I started my latest WIP with the MC's dad recently dying just so I didn't have to deal with this issue!

[reenkam]

That's a good point, RLB...if the antagonists were purposefully waiting for the parents to leave, that solves the issue of why they showed up with the parents gone...

you'd think I could have realized that myself, but nope :Shrug:

[Sunny7L]

Seventeen is practically grown so doesn't require supervision. His reasons for initially keeping the truth from his parents could stem from fear or his need to prove that he's responsible. How old is the younger brother?

Perhaps his parents thought he was also a hostage and or injured/dead, like the other child, which would explain why they're ridiculously happy to see him. And maybe even proud.

There's nothing wrong with fairy-tale endings. Just make sure to include some mystery and suspense.

[TheIT]

If you're still working on the first draft, then I'd leave the parents' storyline in for now. You can always pull the storyline out in revision if you decide you don't need it.

As for reasons the parents aren't there, is it usual for them to leave town? What business are they in? You can always establish that they leave town on a regular basis on business trips, therefore the bad guys plan to strike while they're not home. If them leaving is part of an established pattern, then I wouldn't consider it a setup, just smart bad guys (finally!).

Whether finding them vs. not finding them is too fairy tale, I'd say it depends on the rest of the story. Personally, I like happy endings, but I prefer satisfying endings. Does the ending you're envisioning fall naturally out of other events in the story? Are the loose ends accounted for? There are always ways to mitigate a "happy out of left field" type ending. Does he find them, but at some cost to him or them? Does he have to give something up or make some sort of sacrifice? Does he tell them what he went through to get them back?

Good luck!

[reenkam]

Well, his parents work for this special organization so I decided they could go away for "business" doing undercover work. Their involvement in this group is the reason they were kidnapped (in the first version, attempted kidnap in the proposed revision). So it's easy enough to explain why the MC can't just call them, as they're undercover, but I can't figure out why he wouldn't just contact someone else in the organization...It'd be like having your parents work for the FBI (doing the secret stuff people don't talk about) and then having some secret society anarchy group come after you but you don't call the regular FBI office for help. In the first ending the MC just kind of finds them in a warehouse and they take control of the situation by contacting the "FBI" and that's basically the end. But I feel like they're just conveniently there...which is why I want to take it out...

[JEMcGee]

Can you put some kind of dark suspicion on the parents that would make the kid not want to contact his parents' organization for fear of getting them in trouble? Maybe he's not going to rescue them, but he's going to spy on them and to find them on their case - if they really are on a case... when he finds them, instead of giving the happy ending, make him be grounded for a month or something darker where they really are bad and he has to turn them in to the organization...

In any case, I really like that you're thinking this through for a different type of reason than usually is done. As a parent I am always aware of the typical 'parents don't understand/believe me so I'm running away from home to do this on my own' premise to force a young protagonist a chance to grow up without an adult around.

[ljcblue]

As a parent of 2 boys, I could definitely understand a 17 yo not wanting to involve the parents, especially if he thinks it's something he can handle. Perhaps the younger brother has a history of going home with a friend after school and forgetting to call to tell his brother.

(This actually happened with my 11 yo son. When he'd still not come home or called a half hour after school was out, I started to panic. Called the school, called everyone I could think of. He went home with our neighbor's son and forgot to call me.)

If this happened in the past, and the 17 yo got flack for worrying the parents needlessly, he might want to initially just take care of it. then by the time he figures out he's in over his head, things are moving too quickly to get help.

Good luck!

[reenkam]

Can you put some kind of dark suspicion on the parents that would make the kid not want to contact his parents' organization for fear of getting them in trouble? Maybe he's not going to rescue them, but he's going to spy on them and to find them on their case - if they really are on a case... when he finds them, instead of giving the happy ending, make him be grounded for a month or something darker where they really are bad and he has to turn them in to the organization...

In any case, I really like that you're thinking this through for a different type of reason than usually is done. As a parent I am always aware of the typical 'parents don't understand/believe me so I'm running away from home to do this on my own' premise to force a young protagonist a chance to grow up without an adult around.

This is a good idea...I did have the parents in trouble for something in the first version. If I brought that back in then it'd definitely be a reason for the MC to want to handle it himself. He wouldn't want his parents to get in trouble.

As a parent of 2 boys, I could definitely understand a 17 yo not wanting to involve the parents, especially if he thinks it's something he can handle. Perhaps the younger brother has a history of going home with a friend after school and forgetting to call to tell his brother.

(This actually happened with my 11 yo son. When he'd still not come home or called a half hour after school was out, I started to panic. Called the school, called everyone I could think of. He went home with our neighbor's son and forgot to call me.)

If this happened in the past, and the 17 yo got flack for worrying the parents needlessly, he might want to initially just take care of it. then by the time he figures out he's in over his head, things are moving too quickly to get help.

Good luck!

This is a great idea, too. If I make the brother a year younger (I have him at 15 now, but I could move him to 14) then he would just be getting to his "i'm independent" phase, so he could get in trouble more...then the MC could get in trouble for not keeping his brother out of trouble. Which would explain why he doesn't rush to find his parents.

If I combine those two ideas then I think it could just work...and I could even have the parents get kidnapped, if I decide to...

THANK YOU BOTH!!! :)

[JEMcGee]

Awesome! Happy writing. :)