Author Intrusion

[BlueTexas]

I'm trying to understand the finer points of author intrusion. Is it in this passage? I think it is, but I'm just not sure.


“No. It’s fine,” she said. Damn that gray dress, she thought. What is it, all about Lauren now? All about what she wants? Who cares about Lauren. She smiled, and said “Mom’s washer works fine. I didn’t pack anything that has to be dry-cleaned.”

[PattiTheWicked]

I see that passage as more like the character's inner monologue. When I hear "author intrusion" I think:

"Gentle reader, I married him."

[reenkam]

Yeah, I'd call that internal monologue. Unless the main character is Lauren.

[Toothpaste]

Author intrusion also doesn't just come from first person. Most often in the third person, there is no sense of the personality behind the narrator, but sometimes you'll get a story where the narrator has opinions on the action happening, without being a character directly involved in the plot:

"I don't like bananas!" yelled Carrie down the stairs. Personally I could completely agree with this sort of passion. Bananas really make me uneasy. But Carrie's mother got furious at the outburst.
"Everyone likes bananas!" she replied.

[RLB]

I didn't read that as author intrusion, just as interior monologue, as others have said. I agree with Toothpaste and Patti's examples of author intrusion. I also think it's intrusive when the author breaks the narrative to give unnecessary info (like a mini history or geography lesson) that the POV character would not be thinking about.

[BlueTexas]

Gotcha. I was thinking "Who cares about Lauren?" might have been close to the edge of it, but I guess not.

Thanks guys!

[JamieFord]

Just close/deep 3rd-person. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[Toothpaste]

Also I just wanted agree with Jamie that author intrusion isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's a stylistic choice, and one that does not appeal to every taste. But even though the word "intrusion" sounds negative, it is merely meant to be descriptive.

Um . . . and when you guys read my book (I guess more like "if") you'll kind of understand why I come to its defense.

[grommet]

Here's more props for author intrusion;) It was my favorite part of The Crimson Petal and the White and Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Of course, it's got to be a deliberate device, not just an oops in the author's writing.

grommet (http://www.kathrynmillerhaines.com)

[maestrowork]

That's just inner monologue. And there's nothing wrong with close 3rd person.

Author intrusion is different. You will know, because it will send the readers going "Wait, who is talking here?" You will know it's NOT the narrator, and it's not the character. It takes the readers out of the story completely.

“No. It’s fine,” Julie said. Damn that gray dress, she thought. I happen to agree with Julie: Lauren is a tramp. Julie smiled, and said “Mom’s washer works fine. I didn’t pack anything that has to be dry-cleaned.”

[Nakhlasmoke]

Something I've noticed is that author intrusion is often used for comedic effect.

It doesn't always work, and like grommet said, it has to be a deliberate device, not a mistake. I also think it's quite difficult to pull off well, I've tried it once, and thought it sounded forced.

[BlueTexas]

[quote=maestrowork;1459887]That's just inner monologue. And there's nothing wrong with close 3rd person.

Author intrusion is different. You will know, because it will send the readers going "Wait, who is talking here?" You will know it's NOT the narrator, and it's not the character. It takes the readers out of the story completely.

[quote]

I think that's why I was confused - the 'who cares' sentence yanked me out on a re-read. Also, I didn't realize it was as obvious as I now see that it is.

Or maybe I'm just looking for excuses not to write mid-book and go back and edit the first half!

Thanks!

[BlueTexas]

Here's more props for author intrusion;) It was my favorite part of The Crimson Petal and the White and Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Of course, it's got to be a deliberate device, not just an oops in the author's writing.

grommet (http://www.kathrynmillerhaines.com)

I didn't notice it in Norrell, but that's the book that made me realize I needed bifocals, so perhaps that's why. And of course I've lent it out, so now I can't go back and look :(

[BlueTexas]

Also I just wanted agree with Jamie that author intrusion isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's a stylistic choice, and one that does not appeal to every taste. But even though the word "intrusion" sounds negative, it is merely meant to be descriptive.

Um . . . and when you guys read my book (I guess more like "if") you'll kind of understand why I come to its defense.


Gotcha, Toothpaste. I didn't really think it was a bad thing, just something I wanted to avoid. Trying to stay away from fancy and just finish the darn thing!

[Soccer Mom]

Louis Sachar also used it effectively in Holes. I see it used more in MG books than adult.

[Dawnstorm]

Well, the words "she thought" are not interior monologue; they interrupt it and draw attention to the narrator-who-quotes. Put the intererior monologue into the past tense, and remove the "she thought", and the narrator is paraphrasing rather than quoting, drawing less attention to herself (like a sneaky editor).