Credits, cars and music suggestions in a script?

[888seed888]

I think I know the answer to this already, but Ill try anyways.

Would it be acceptable to suggest certain things in the middle of a script?

Example:

INT. HAGGARD SPORTS CAR

ROLL BEGINNING CREDITS... ???

Yes, that means that the question marks would actually be there, indicating that it is more of a suggestion then a necessity.

Example 2:

INT. HAGGARD SPORTS CAR

An athletically built man sits behind the wheel of a black, ‘96 Mitsubishi Eclipse. The interior is worn, but clean, with minor scratches and tears here and there.

He bobs his head to a dark, bass driven rock tune. ("Helmet in the Bush?")

I'm pretty sure this would be looked at as completely amateurish and weak in the biz, but you guys would know better then I. What do you think?

And while im here, would it be acceptable to write a little scene specifically for the beginning credits in your script? Kind of like in Boondock Saints with the meat packing plant, or Men in Black, with the dragonfly. Or is that something better left to the director?

[Rainy Night]

I've seen it done, but I wouldn't do it.

[cynicallad]

Title sequences are for directors, not writers. They're generally figured out long after the selling draft of the screenplay is written. This is per William Goldman in ADVENTURES IN THE SCREEN TRADE.

Yes, suggestions look amateur and weak. Why the hell do I care that the Mitsubishi Eclipse has scratches on the interior, unless you're setting up the fact that the driver kidnaps young co-eds and beats them to death in the back seat?

Re: music, I'm hard pressed to think of a rock tune that isn't bass driven. Re: song choices - man up. If the character is rocking out to HELMET IN THE BUSH, say so - if it doesn't matter, leave it up to someone else.

Re: your scene, it's way overwritten. Why not:

INT. BLACK MITSUBISHI -- NIGHT
JACK drives a haggard Mitsubishi. He rocks out to the angry music on the stereo.

Otherwise, you're implying a specific, seperate camera shot on the interior of the car. If it's important, it should be it's own action line (signifying a distinct shot). If it's not, cut the line.

[dpaterso]

For a moment I thought Haggard must be the driver's name. But you mean haggard as in worn, scratched, beat-up? I lean torwards defining cars by the driver or owner, e.g.

INT. BOB'S SPORTS CAR - NIGHT

A worn but cared-for kick-ass black '96 Mitsubishi Eclipse.

...so when the car chase scene rolls around it's easy to tell who's who. :)

No I wouldn't put credits anywhere, director's choice.

Yes I would suggest a music title if it's important for mood or theme (e.g. Pretty Woman, Unchained Melody), but your description of the music already does the biz so why even bother with a title? "Bob headbangs to KoRn-style heavy rock" might work too.

The above is opinion, not gospel.

-Derek

[scripter1]

anything that is merly a suggestion in your script.

You want to write like you really know what you are doing, this is your story, and BY GOD you know what the hell should happen!

Every single line should be VITAL to the story and anything that isn't should be cut.

If a particular song really brings out something in a scene then use it in the script. HOWEVER, do not, I repeat DO NOT base the scene on the song. Meaning that if you don't get to use the song that scene won't work.

[NikeeGoddess]

your suggestions should be descriptive and not brand specific. describe the type of car not the name. significant vehicles for any scene are chosen via sponsorship like paid advertisements and the producer may be able to get a honda and not a mitsubishi - so there's no point in being so specific.
same the goes for the music like dpat suggested -- for copyright reasons.

[RainbowDragon]

Yes but if it says something important about the character that he/she drives an Explorer the size of Manhattan, write it in. They'll probably change it around later anyway, but you want to draw them into your story. Such details should be used sparingly, but they are appropriate when they serve the story. And as I said don't be too attached because they'll probably pick whatever they want to anyway, cut half the dialogue and skip important action sequences...and that's if you can get it produced! I'd leave out the ??'s as others have said.

[Plot Device]

I think you can do stuff like that with the treatment, but NOT the actual script.

And so now you might ask: Who the heck reads the treatment now adays??

Well, Robert Altman was always notorious for NEVER reading the script, and for only skimming the treatment, and then just walking onto the set and taking his director's chair and asking: "So what's going on in this scene again?"

[scripter1]

that must have been just lovely.

[Hillgate]

Maybe if you're pitching in person, but no-no in a script. Directors and even producers like to feel they're presented with a blank sheet of paper WITH your words on it ie there's something left for them to mould. Say it all in the script, and perhaps don't detail the type of car so specifically unless it's crucial to the plot.

Good luck with it!:)