Query Question

[Sunshine13]

I asked this in my query/synopsis in SYW but I think it got overlooked. Seeing as I have no real previous experience writing (and getting paid to), in my query, should I just have the title, logline, and brief synopsis? Followed by my name and contact info? Thanks in advance lovelies. :D

[clockwork]

If it's a query to an agent, I'd go with...


Dear NameofAgent,

My name is My Name and I'm an (adjective - your age, location etc) screenwriter seeking representation for my screenplay Name Of Screenplay.

Name Of Screenplay is the story of....
no more than four or five lines here.

A brief ending paragraph. For example, any qualifications that make you appropriate for this kind of work. Any competitions or awards you have won. Alternatively, your feelings as to why this is a good script for them to read or why you think it would make a superb movie. Just a quick, short something to wrap it up.

Thank you for your time and kind consideration,

Your Name.



It's up to you whether or not to include a one/half page synopsis. I see no harm in it. If the agent is intrigued by the logline in your query, they may read it to get a better sense of the story. If they're not interested, they won't read it. No harm done. Just make sure your synopsis is damn good. It would be awful for an agent to be intrigued by your logline only to be put off by the synopsis.

This is the basic format that I used to get an agent.

[Sunshine13]

Hm...so where exactly would I throw in the logline? Maybe wher eyou have "Screenplay Title is the story of" Could I just put it there? I'll eventually post what I have in SYW but wanted to get everyone elses opinion. The book I have, and the places I've been going to for research on writing this damn thing, all give examples of ending with the experience, when I honestly have no paid or professional experience. And for "Alternatively, your feelings as to why this is a good script for them to read or why you think it would make a superb movie. " Isn't that cocky? I mean, no offense lol, I'm assuming you probably had some sort of experience, contests won (which I am submitting mine into some contests, so maybe by the time I'm ready to send this thing out to agents and/or prodcos I can put that there...) but I'd bet most agents know all us screenwriters feel our work is great, superb, and must be read.

So that still leaves me in the dark on how I should end it. Can't I just end it with "Enclosed you will find a self-addressed stamped envelope for your reply. I look forward to hearing from you soon."

[clockwork]

Well, you must do what you're comfortable with and what you feel is right. If you don't have any experience, you can't put any so don't worry about that. I had no experience or contest wins when I queried so the only recommendation about my work that I had was my own.

It's not for everyone but I don't think it's cocky to be excited about your work or why you think it's a worthwhile story. You shouldn't sound arrogant but I don't see the harm in saying something like, "In the vain of Home Alone and Monsters, Inc I think (myscript) is a fun story that kids will really respond to." An utterly lame example but you get the gist.

Again, do what you're comfortable with.

ETA - I missed out the stuff about self addressed envelopes which should come just as you say, at the end, with your thanks.

[Sunshine13]

Ah, I like your idea of throwing in examples of other works. But honestly, I have NO idea what my script would compare to in the likes of that (Like the whole "Jaws in space." thing for Aliens). I think I've chosen the hardest script when it comes to loglines, query's, and the like lol. It's a sci-fi, which makes things even harder, I hear. Anyhoo...

I'll mess around with some ideas. More opinions are welcomed.

[nmstevens]

Ah, I like your idea of throwing in examples of other works. But honestly, I have NO idea what my script would compare to in the likes of that (Like the whole "Jaws in space." thing for Aliens). I think I've chosen the hardest script when it comes to loglines, query's, and the like lol. It's a sci-fi, which makes things even harder, I hear. Anyhoo...

I'll mess around with some ideas. More opinions are welcomed.


Don't do the whole "X meets Y" thing. Oddly enough, while agents and producers do this all the time, it's rather frowned upon when a writer refers to his own work in this way. I suppose the feeling is that a writer should think of his own material in a more elevated fashion than "Jaws meets Die Hard in a Beauty Salon."

What you really want to do is keep things very simple and sound professional. If you have any kind of meaningful educational experience -- a BFA or an MFA in *film* from some major University, you could mention that. If not, then don't bother.

You say you're writing science fiction. If, by some bizarre twist of fate, you happen to be a scientist, you could mention that. If you're not, then don't bother talking about whatever you are.

It's a delicate line to walk. You definitely don't want to over-hype yourself and certainly don't want to over-hype your logline or your script. On the other hand, you don't want to come across as modest.

Basically, you've got exactly one thing to sell. That's the "idea" of your script which will be embodied in your logline. I strongly advise against writing or including an outline -- stories are rarely conveyed *worse* than in outline form and unless you have a lot of experience at writing them it's very difficult to write an outline or a premise page that effectively sells your work.

Stick to the logline and do your very best to emphasize your story's Unique Selling Point. What's the movie about in a line or two. And specifically, that "what" should be the thing that ought to be different, special and the thing that should make people want to go to see it.

NMS

[NikeeGoddess]

you don't really need a logline in a query letter. this is where you short, 1 paragraph or 1/2 page synopsis can take the place of a logline.

there's no real proven formula for the query letter. you have to focus on what will get the read: the story, the market value, your experience placing in contests, published or produced work, etc...
you can also mention why you chose them (as oppose to just any producer) to query. ie - they're looking for what you have to offer or they're the best sci fi producers out there who could handle what you have, etc.. this also shows you have a specific goal and that you didn't mass email to 100 production companies.

close it with a line that says, "let me know when your ready to ______ (read this incredible story or take on this wacky adventure or whatever it is you have to offer). and don't forget your contact information.

[Sunshine13]

Thanks, as always, Nikee.

I posted my first draft of the query, if anyone is interested in critting it. I'll have to keep in mind what you said and add to it, Nikee.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75805

[similan]

what's the password to get in that forum?

thanks

[dpaterso]

Share Your Work password = vista It's visible on the AW Water Cooler main page. The password stops webcrawlers from seeing threads in SYW.

-Derek

[valen_sinclair]

I have the same sort of problem, I don't know how to approach an editor.
I have no experience....zippo, none whatsoever.
I love my ideas, and I do believe some of them could be massive, especially some of the plots I have for movies.
I never went to school to get the proper degrees etc, and do it from my passion for movies and television.
So knowing that, how do I approch....
I find letter writing the hardest thing to do, and I must be honest it scares the hell out of me, because that is your chance, you golden op. And when they ask me to write about myself it is damn embarrasing.
I worked as a waiter all my life, with a passion for movies hardly sounds inspiring does it.

[icerose]

This is how I tend to do query letters and I've had a lot of requests for reads because of it so I suppose it's working for me.

Dear so-and-so

Logline. Hi, my name is so-and-so, I'd like to submit X for your consideration.

Synopsis about 2-3 paragraphs

Credits and other information I haven't mentioned yet.

Thank you for your time,

X
Contact information.

[Sunshine13]

So icerose, when you put your logline, do you just put it, or do you put "Logline: ...." and then put it? I've always been confused, because I see it done several different ways. Thanks.

And FYI, I've revised my query, and started a new thread: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76012

For anyone that feels the need to crit. ;)

[icerose]

No, let me clarify with an example of one of my query letters:

Dear Agent/producer,

Caught up with a group of blood thirsty treasure hunters, Alan Carson fights to rescue his family and overcome his newfound fear of the ocean. Hi, my name is X, I would like to submit The Ocean Deep for your consideration.

Spending most of their lives in the Ocean, the Carson family thought they had experienced everything. But when a shark attack causes Alan to fear the water, he presses his fear onto his two young children, keeping them in the alcoves far away from the danger and all the fun. An odd opening in the alcove wall draws the children into an unexpected discovery, a sunken ship brimming with trouble.

The Carson family soon find out there are sharks that live outside of the water as a group of cutthroat treasure hunters take the family hostage in exchange for the treasure. Fearing for their safety, Alan strikes out with the help of his lifelong friend Jake on a daring rescue plan that takes them into shark infested waters and Alan is forced to face his fear before his wound has even healed.

With a fake coast guard captain watching their backs, the Carson family find them pinned between the perils above and below the surface, as they struggle for their lives. The calvary coming none too soon at the rear, they fight to reclaim their freedom from men who hold little regard for other's lives.

The Ocean Deep is a 93 page action adventure screenplay. I have optioned three other screenplays, one of which placed top ten in a screenplay competition. I have also published several short stories as well as a serial story in an e-zine.

Thank you for your time,

X

Contact Information.

If they ask specifically for a logline and synopsis, then I'll list the logline first and the synopsis second, but I always keep in mind that this is my pitch.

[Sunshine13]

Thanks!

One more question I thought of. I'm originally planning not to have a "me" paragraph, seeing as I have nothing published, optioned, won in a contest (yet) etc. However, I do have other screenplays written. Should I just not mention it and wait for them to ask? Or should I mention it in the query? My first thought is no, don't mention it. But I just want to ask to make sure. Thanks again for all those helping with my questions. You all rock! :D

[icerose]

If you don't have any credits, just leave it out, let the pitch speak for itself.

[zeprosnepsid]

They always assume you have more screenplays, don't mention it.

[nmstevens]

Thanks, as always, Nikee.

I posted my first draft of the query, if anyone is interested in critting it. I'll have to keep in mind what you said and add to it, Nikee.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75805


Okay, I took a look at it and I hope you'll forgive me if I'm very tough on it.

As you've written it, it sounds extremely generic and very expensive. Part of my fear, in reading it, is that much of what sounds generic in its description may be equally generic in its execution.

When one talks about an "idyllic planet" -- I'm reminded of a classic put down of bad science fiction. Someone, I forget who, once started a story with, "It was raining on Earth that day."

Well, of course, it doesn't "rain" on the entire planet of Earth -- but somehow or other, when people write SF, the tendency is to make other whole planets into all one thing.

A rain planet. A desert planet. A jungle planet. An Ice Planet (remember Hoth -- that was an "Ice" planet). Or do you remember Alderan from Star Wars. It was a "peaceful" planet. Yup. The whole freaking world of Alderan. It was all peaceful. The whole place -- until they blasted it.

And would I be right to presume that this is another one of those alien planets occupied by beings who are, in all respects, identical to human beings? Well, if this is a human colony, or was one, maybe that's not a problem.

No -- I'll tell what the real problem is. You've buried your unique selling point. In fact, it doesn't appear in your log line at all, which you've managed to make completely generic.

Here's the deal -- Star Wars has been made, and it has recently been remade -- three times -- and it has totally filled the niche for all "movies like Star Wars." Anything that you start out selling as "star wars lite" -- and that's how the log line sounds, you're dead.

But hiding in your sort of convoluted description of the action, there is actually something interesting.

Aliens from another world go back into Earth's past -- to the Middle Ages -- to alter history so that they will win a future war. But they're actually the good guys.

That's the log line. That's the pitch. Because that's intriguing.

And please, before you send anything out -- get rid of those pseudo-Lord of the Rings fantasy-ish names. Change them in your script and change them in the pitch paragraph, if you decide to still keep it.

Truly, nobody wants to read about the beautiful planet Melliflua being attacked by the evil general Snidely Backstabber -- or any version thereof. You have got to take a big giant step beyond that kind of stuff in terms of your naming of names.

Hope you take this in the spirit it's given. I really want you to have the best shot that you can.

NMS

[Sunshine13]

NMS, thanks a lot for your advice. And as for the loglines, I'm not sure if you were looking at my old one, or the list of 5 that I threw out there in the screenplay forum? I have realized it is way too generic. Feel free to give me your opinions on the newer ones, if you want, I'd appreciate them.

As for the names, I had no idea they sounded Lord of the Ringish :( I've had a lot of readers compliment them. They started as different names in the beginning of course, but I've edited them to what they are now, and those were what my "readers" have gotten to like. (and when I say readers, I'm not talking about friends or family, because I know a lot of people's opinions on that...) For now, I think I'm going to keep them but if my screenplay struggles, and the names are mentioned as a problem again, I may consider otherwise. :)

Thank you so much for your time, and actually going to read my query. It's very much appreciated. :D

[similan]

Share Your Work password = vista It's visible on the AW Water Cooler main page. The password stops webcrawlers from seeing threads in SYW.

-Derek

Thanks, dpaterso.

cheers

[similan]

Hi, ChristaCarol13

I agree with nmstevens regarding the names. They made me think of one of those fantasy books. I don't think they belong on the big screens.

I'm new at writing so take it with a grain of coke. Heck, I'm still working on my grammar... lol