Is this a beaten to death plot?

[aceinc1]

Hi all,

I have completed a movie for 2000 INR (roughly US$ 50) in India.

The plot is “A wannabe screenwriter pursuing his MBA ends up with a comedy movie with shoot at incidents rather than at least following the outline.”

Is this a beaten to death plot for indie flicks in the US?

I am asking this because I am targeting to cater this movie to the Hindi speaking audience in the US and Europe and am having tough time selling it.

Regards,
Aceinc1

[NikeeGoddess]

assuming that your idea has been done to death should be the least of your worries. your plot makes no sense (even if you disregard the grammar mistakes), there is no conflict whatsoever, and your main character is not relatable or interesting. and then there's your market!!!

[Mac H.]

You may want to look up what 'Mary Sue (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue)' means. (Especially since you've mentioned that you wish to be a screenwriter, and are pursuing your MBA!)

As Nikee pointed out - your summary makes no sense. Is the movie in English or Hindi? If it is in Hindi for Hindi audiences, then it may not matter if it is a 'done to death' story in English - it might still be fresh and original to the intended makers & audience.

If you want to market this film using English, then you need to improve your English as your first priority.

Good luck,

Mac
(PS: Apologies - I originally thought you had a script - I've re-read it now and realise that you have a completed film.
Since it is an amateur movie made for $50 .. it is possible that it doesn't have the production values that make it a marketable film. Have all the people who have seen it thought that it was 'amazing considering it had a low budget' or 'amazing' ? )

[scripter1]

about the American/English speaking market and focus on what you know.

Write within your own culture.
You are there, the stories are there, the film industry is there, and the language is there.

Make a name for yourself in Bollywood and THEN try to work your way in to Hollywood.

[dpaterso]

Spec screenwriters are advised against writing about screenwriters or any aspect of the filmmaking industry. So it's maybe not a beaten to death plot, but it's certainly something to avoid.

What does "shoot at incidents" mean?

Maybe $50 stretches a lot further in India than in the USA or Europe, alas it gives an impression of "cheap and nasty" so I'd be careful who you mention this to.

-Derek

[clockwork]

Maybe $50 stretches a lot further in India than in the USA or Europe, alas it gives an impression of "cheap and nasty" so I'd be careful who you mention this to.

I concur. Better to just say, "low budget."

[javili]

Sounds a bit like "Bullworth".

Actually, having produced a film for some wildly low price is an attention grabber and people tend to look at them. That was a lot of the early buzz on "El Mariachi" and "Blair Witch Project".

[pansy]

Tough time selling because either the film doesn't make any sense, or just your explanation of it. If you are using similar verbage to sell it to an English speaking market, It's only going to get worse. I suggest you sit down with someone who speaks English as a first language, then let them give you some ideas on how to sell it. Hey, programmers rarely write 'how to' books the general public understands.

Stories about screenwriters rarely work, and are more often seen as a frustrated attempt at cynicism.

Also, what may be entertaining to one culture or language may or may not be entertaining to another. I like Chinese film, but have yet to grasp films from Bollywood. French film is almost always good, but German film has yet to impress the world at large (IMHO). British film is hit and miss.

Know your audience.

p

www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com (http://www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com)

[similan]

Swiming with Sharks (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114594/)

[aceinc1]

Guys,

I took a test on the net about my English. The site had 6 ratings,


beginners basic1
beginners basic2
intermediary1
intermediary2
TOEFL (Teaching of English as a Foreign Language)mastery
TOEFL
I was asked to take intermediary 2 American English course based on my test performance.

I agree I can’t score high on TOEFL (TOEFL is a test that is must for people with English as second language to write GRE/GMAT and get admission into American Institutes to learn MBA/MS.

My English can’t be that bad as you guys are trying to make it sound like.

Yeah, I get over-enthusiastic at times and make spelling mistakes but it can’t be that bad.

Regards,
Aceinc1

[NikeeGoddess]

aside from all that -- do you understand what people are saying about your logline and short movie? that's the real test. when you truly understand, comprehend, utilize, etc what's been said.

[zahra]

Guys,

I took a test on the net about my English. The site had 6 ratings,


beginners basic1
beginners basic2
intermediary1
intermediary2
TOEFL (Teaching of English as a Foreign Language)mastery
TOEFL
I was asked to take intermediary 2 American English course based on my test performance.

I agree I can’t score high on TOEFL (TOEFL is a test that is must for people with English as second language to write GRE/GMAT and get admission into American Institutes to learn MBA/MS.

My English can’t be that bad as you guys are trying to make it sound like.

Yeah, I get over-enthusiastic at times and make spelling mistakes but it can’t be that bad.

Regards,
Aceinc1
Congrats on getting the movie done. But what everyone here is trying to say is that the log-line does not make sense, and I think the worry is that the script might suffer from the same problem. While the English you demonstrate above is somewhat clumsy, but not horrendous, the log-line is a serious worry - I can't get any sense from it whatsoever.

I remember, though, you were looking for a proof-reader here some months ago. Could you not ask the person you chose to have a look at the log-line, explain to you why it doesn't work, and translate it into shape?

Best wishes.

[pansy]

Mastering a language is not just about the mechanics, and knowing a verb phrase from a dangling modifier. It is also about the rhythm, and knowing how to find the right word to express what you mean. Bad spelling can be tolerated. A complete blank is disaster.

You can do this ...

The sunset was all orange in color, with blotches of some red too. (mediocre English)

or this ...

The sky was soaked blood-orange. (pithy)

or this ...

Up there orange was seen. Red was there. (what??)



I can't make heads or tails of your logline. Excited or not, if you cant get your point across, your enthuisasm may not be enough to win the day.

Try again. We're here to help!

p

www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com (http://www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com)

[scripter1]

(Main character) has a goal and (antag) prevents the goal by doing (something) and (this is the worst that could happen.)

SO, let's play with YOUR logline.

Wannabe screenwriter, Mark My Words finally gets his shot at Hollywood but his arch rival in the production dept sabatoges his outline, messing up the daily shoots. Mark must win over the studio and save his story from development hell.


Okay, WAY too long but it gives us something clear, and understandable to work with.

[Chumplet]

Is it a full-length movie? Is it film festival material? Maybe you can try that route. I've seen the premise before, but I don't think it's overdone considering how many movies out there that rehash the same old thing and actually get released.

[aceinc1]

if logline is the problem then let's work at it.

a wannabe screenwriter pursuing his MBA types an outline to shoot a movie but circumstances get created that he has to toss it up and shoot the movie by keeping only the concept in mind and let editing take care of things.

lengthy, very lengthy.

regards,
Aceinc1

[dpaterso]

That's what everyone's telling you, the logline is a problem, no one gets it.

Is your protag a wannabe screenwriter, a wannabe filmmaker, a wannabe film editor, or all three? Why not call him a film student instead.

Is your movie feature length, or a short? It's hard to tell but your logline suggests it may be a short, since not enough appears to happen to justify a feature length movie.

This is just playing with words -- I have no idea what happens in your story so I'm making wild guesses and hoping a word or two might fit:

When a film student's shooting script is stolen by a jealous rival, he takes to the city streets to make a slice of life documentary, and meets people who will change his secluded life forever.

Close? Clipped the target? Totally missed the target? Doesn't matter. Tell us what happens in your story.

-Derek

[aceinc1]

a wannabe filmmaker pursuing his MBA completes his outline but to his surprise his colleagues are not on good terms after the internship which is not congenial for him to finish the movie. he decides to shoot the incidents in the documentary style and hope that things will fit in the editing.

this is exactly what happened and what I did and what has been done by me.

I've used only 55 shot to complete 110 minute movie.

regards,
Aceinc1

[NikeeGoddess]

oftentimes what happens in real life has absolutely NO CINEMATIC VALUE. this is one of those times.

now if that wannabe indian filmmaker went to school and was told by a sexy student in the acting department that he needed to "get it" american style if, and only if he wanted to make it in hollyweird and she was the one to teach him - then you might have something

[dpaterso]

a wannabe filmmaker pursuing his MBA completes his outline but to his surprise his colleagues are not on good terms after the internship which is not congenial for him to finish the movie. he decides to shoot the incidents in the documentary style and hope that things will fit in the editing.

this is exactly what happened and what I did and what has been done by me.
Right now I'm asking myself, "Why would I want to watch this film?"

It evidently means something to you -- it's about your personal experiences. I get that.

But, what's going to attract an audience? Are you revealing stuff about your MBA course gone bad? Are you exposing your colleagues, showing them in a bad light? Is there something juicy going on? Don't get me wrong, I hope things weren't too unpleasant for you, but could you maybe explain what happens in the film that would interest me?

I've used only 55 shot to complete 110 minute movie.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? How would I know? It makes me think you have 55 two-minute static scenes.

-Derek

[WarrenP]

a wannabe filmmaker pursuing his MBA completes his outline but to his surprise his colleagues are not on good terms after the internship which is not congenial for him to finish the movie. he decides to shoot the incidents in the documentary style and hope that things will fit in the editing.

this is exactly what happened and what I did and what has been done by me.

I've used only 55 shot to complete 110 minute movie.

regards,
Aceinc1

What you have doesn't sound like a fictional movie, but it sounds like you could make it into a documentary. If so, you still need to make it sound interesting enough for me to want to watch it. Every day life for most folks isn't movie worthy.

From your description, your movie is about making a movie, not about the "internal" movie's plot itself. The internal movie could be about trout swimming upstream for all we know.

How about this:
A renegade film student launches out to make his own movie, leaving his once close fellow students behind.

[pansy]

This person is looking for Hindi screenplays ...

vivek@saafa.org

They are part of a big Yahoo group out of Bollywood.

manansinghkatohora@yahoogroups.com is the group. Network with them.

P


www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com

[pansy]

... article on Hollywood and filming in India. Seems like now is a good time to get into this kind of film.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/08/movies/08boll.html?ex=1344225600&en=ae1ea9e58e73b6df&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

p


www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com (http://www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com)

[similan]

How about:

A disgruntled movie goer/over-the-hill wannabe rapper decides to go back to college to pursue an MBA in film making ...add the rest...

I'm terrible at writing logline, btw. Yikes.

[javili]

Almost there.

Wimpy film school student blunders into trouble is saved by intervention of gangbanger cum rapper, who wants out of the hood into glory. Blown away by the action and cool of his new companion, the student hooks him into collaborating on a script.
Which leaks out and pisses off the ghetto toughs, who come cruising for them, while infuriating his competition in the film school, who watch him preening himself with newly-acquired black attitudes and accessories.

Of course, there is also romance brewing between the rapper and a filmie they run into...and between the writer and the banger's cute, sensitive sister.

Meanwhile, there's this big screenplay contest....

So, "Fresh Prince of Studio City"

[javili]

(I don't think it's believable that even a rapper would be stupid enough to go for a MASTERS in film-making)

[scripter1]

The Masters in screenwriting would have to be some kind of a set up or something.

The MC would have to think they had wasted all that time earning a masters, discovering that it is only REAL experience that matters in Hollywood and THEN something from the masters program would have to come out and finally tip the scales in the MC's favor.

BUT, the bottom line of this thread is; the OP doesn't know what the story is about. THEY don't have a clear idea what story they are writing and so cannot put it into ANY word form that we, the readers, can even take a guess at.

It isn't about English, it isn't about loglines, or MBA's.
It's about STORY!!!

[javili]

Uh, yeah, okay.

[aceinc1]

Hi all,

good news, a big time movie distributor has deicded to watch the film in a week and decide whether to get it release or not.

I've sent him a CD-rom. I'll wait for his reply.

regards,
Gururaj Kishan Dehspande

[jonpiper]

Hi all,

I have completed a movie for 2000 INR (roughly US$ 50) in India.

The plot is “A wannabe screenwriter pursuing his MBA ends up with a comedy movie with shoot at incidents rather than at least following the outline.”

Is this a beaten to death plot for indie flicks in the US?

I am asking this because I am targeting to cater this movie to the Hindi speaking audience in the US and Europe and am having tough time selling it.

Regards,
Aceinc1

Hi all,
good news, a big time movie distributor has deicded to watch the film in a week and decide whether to get it release or not.

I've sent him a CD-rom. I'll wait for his reply.

regards,
Gururaj Kishan Dehspande

A highly educated screenwriter with poor English skills accidently shoots a blockbuster comedy when he disregards his script.

[similan]

(I don't think it's believable that even a rapper would be stupid enough to go for a MASTERS in film-making)

Obviously it's a comedy, so anything can happen. :)

[aceinc1]

A highly educated screenwriter with poor English skills accidently shoots a blockbuster comedy when he disregards his script.

there was no script. I went in with an outline. that was it and I didn't follow it completely either.

regards,
Aceinc1

[javili]

Good luck with the producer.