I am a closet novelist

[Prawn]

(And let me beat PeeDee and ScarletPeaches to the punch and say no, I won't come out of the closet yet)

Few people in my life know that I write novels. I finished my first novel before I told anyone, even my wife. When I finished it, I asked a few people (some of them almost complete strangers like the librarian at my library) to beta it. After I had given my first novel to them for comments, I gave my mother a copy, like a first grader bringing home a pasted-together art project.

I don't talk about my writing much to even those few people who know about it. Even to my wife, I only mention milestones (e.g. just finished novel number two). I am currently editing my third novel, and aside from a very few people, no one knows I write. Not one of my friends knows, not one person at work. No one.

Why? I realize that finishing even one novel is an accomplishment, but if I write six or eight or ten novels and none get published, I may give up this time consuming enterprise, and I don't want to be known for the rest of my life as a failed novelist. I don't want people asking me for the next twenty years, "So, why aren't you published?" or "What ever happened to those novels you were working on?" I would rather try for a few years in secrecy, because if I fail, it will be my secret. If I do (ever, eventually, on of these days, maybe with novel number thirteen) get published, there will be plenty of time to tell everyone.

So, here's the question for those of you who are unpublished like me: Are you a closet novelist?

[nevada]

Nope, not me. I don't talk about it incessantly, but pretty well everyone knows I'm a writer. I learned in carpentry to own my failures and if I fail as a writer, oh well. Because you know what? Only a very few people can even complete one novel, let alone three. So you and I, we're already not failures. THe only novelists that I would even remotely consider close to failures are the ones that start, proclaiming loudly to all that they'll be published by the end of the year because they are writing the next best thing, and who fizzle out after two chapters and have excuses ready for not finishing the thing. Usually, those people do the same thing with everything else in their lives and that's what makes them failures.

Three novels? Are you kidding? That's something to be proud of. And heck, you've signed with one of them, so you are so past that failure line. Tell somebody else, anybody. Somebody at work. YOu don't have to come out of the closet, but maybe open the door just a crack.

[reenkam]

I guess I am, but not by choice.

People know I write novels, they just don't seem to know that I've finished them. I told people I was writing novels back in 8th grade and to this day (I'm a sophomore in college) they'll ask "Did you ever finish that novel?" or "Finish the book yet?" or "Did you want to write? Have you written anything?"

I mean, I finished that book years ago and have written a bunch more since then. I don't know where everyone's been. The people who know how much I write are my mom and one of my good friends, and even they don't really know how much I've written, I don't think.

It's okay, though. One day when I'm published I'll enjoy peoples' surprised faces when they find out that I "actually finished" something.

[seun]

I'm out and proud. Everyone knows I write books. They ask occasionally how it's going although I've noticed as time goes on, they ask less.

I've never really thought about what happens if/when I don't get published because I'll still write.

[cletus]

Never thought about being "in the closet", but I guess I am, too. Or at least I try to be.

I've only told my wife. My wife told my step-daughter, which was understandable. My wife let the cat out of the bag in front of her parents, which I really wish she hadn't.

I know of at least two of her freinds she has told, including our nextdoor neighbour. And I know at least one of those friends has told at least one of her adult sons because he brought up the subject to me at a party a couple of months ago.

Nobody I work with knows and, as far as I'm aware, nobody on my side of the family knows.

It reminds me of when I was 19 and working at Toys "R" Us. On the ride into work one day, me and a friend that I worked with started talking about getting away. One of us mentioned thinking about joining the Air Force and the other one said they had been thinking about doing the same thing.

By the end of the day I had half the people in the store coming up to me and saying "So, you're joining the Air Force?". No. I had only mentioned to somebody I was thinking about joining the Air Force. I did eventually sign up six months later, but I had to put up with "I thought you were joining the Air Force" for the next 6 months until I was ready to do it. And my friend who went around telling everybody we were joining never did enlist.

[Zelenka]

I'm sort of in the closet, I suppose. I have a few people who know that I write, family members and friends from when I lived down in London, when I was first starting to think about publishing. Most of the people who know about it don't want to talk about it though. My family get very uncomfortable around the whole subject for some reason. At work, I've told one person whom I know quite well (she also used to be my neighbour) but although I quite often scribble notes on the back of scripts or in my notebook while I'm waiting for the next cue, I've never mentioned it to anyone else. My boss, for instance, has a thing about people getting a job in her department solely so they can then move on into journalism and get on TV, so I avoid mentioning writing in case she thinks that's what I'm after too.

My friends down in London, when I go to meet up again, quite often ask how the writing is going, but they also do that 'oh, so you're not published, why not?' thing a lot, which kind of puts me off mentioning it.

[Shadow_Ferret]

So, here's the question for those of you who are unpublished like me: Are you a closet novelist?
When I was younger and full of hopes and dreams I told everyone who would listen that I was a writer. When I started my first few novels, I told everyone that I was writing a novel. I even had some people read the first few chapters.

But then all my novels stalled. I've said it before, they all stopped around Chapter 4 for whatever reason. I was stuck there for years.

And somewhere in that period I stopped telling people I was a writer, stopped telling them I was working on a novel. In fact, just a few weeks ago my own mother asked, "what ever happened to all those stories you used to write? Did you quit?"

So I keep it to myself. Only my wife knows I'm looking for an agent. And its' pretty much for the same reasons you listed. I don't want to be known as a failed writer.

Once I'm published and have something to show people, I'll come out of the closet, but until then, why does anyone need to know?

[willietheshakes]

As far as my hidden kinks go, my writing doesn't even register...

[Wraith]

Hah, never thought to call it ' closet writer', good one! :D In fact, that's one of the interesting things about this forum. The first thing you guys know about me is one of the last things I tell people.

Very few people know I write, some know I dream of writing and no one knows how serious I am about it (apart from the odd joke I make about my wip being the next bestseller, which I don't believe :D). A good friend of mine knows what the story's about, has read the first attempt at an opening, but now it's changed so much that she wouldn't think it's the same story.

It's not on purpose - I just like writing with my door closed for now, it always seems so strange when I try to talk about my story with someone else. It's also my first novel (don't want to remember the beyond-crappy things I wrote a while back), so I have no reason to talk too much about it. It's just a dream now, so the best I can do is stick to it, write on and have fun about it here on AW. :D That's quite enough right now - until the day I call all my long-forgotten relatives to my book release, heh. Hope to be still around by then, yeh AWers are my choice over relatives anytime. :tongue

[Bubastes]

Once I'm published and have something to show people, I'll come out of the closet, but until then, why does anyone need to know?

I don't even plan to tell people after I publish a novel (I write fiction under a pen name). I once had a "fan" who sent me a little gift every time he saw a new magazine piece from me, and the attention made me uncomfortable. I'd rather keep my writing life separate from the rest of my life.

[PastMidnight]

Yes, I am, for the same reasons that you mention, Prawn. I'm very good about enthusiastically starting projects, but not so good at finishing them, and I had no idea how productive I would be when I started writing. My parents, in-laws, sister, spouse and closest friend know that I write, but I think that is pretty much it. And even those people didn't know until I had been writing for about a year. I'm glad I didn't tell anyone, as my first novel attempt was trunked. I have finished one, which I am incredibly proud of, but I know I still have a ways to go before I can really say that I am done.

[Jack Nog]

I'll jump in and join you Prawn.

I've not told anyone. I'm not as far along as you, but I've written one, editing now, and I'm about half of the way through number two.

I haven't looked for betas yet, but I have two people in mind. One is my father-in-law who is overly critical of me anyway (so no danger in hearing "OH MY GOSH YOU WROTE A BOOK IT'S AWESOME) and is possibly the only other person that reads more that I do. The other is his good friends wife who runs a close second in the amount of reading she does and will absolutely not hesitate in telling me what she thinks.

But for now, I don't tell anyone. Certainly no one at work. I'd like them to find out the day I can quit and write full time (maybe never, thus the need for secrecy).

I haven't told my wife and for a different reason. She would hate the genre I've chosen (horror). She's not a fan of horror movies or books so I wouldn't put her through that. Best case scenario is that I'm able to sell a book and show her the results of an offer. I think after I spill the beans she'd be an excellent editor. She's a teacher and a grammar fiend and could only make my writing better. My son is no problem, he's twenty months old so I doubt I'll read my stories to him until he's older.

The subject matter worries me the worst. My mother is an avid reader of chicklit/romance and whatever is on the Oprah circuit, but I have a feeling if I were to publish a book she'd read it out of motherly pride. Then I might scare the crap out of her and she'll think she did something wrong in raising me. Since I'm the self proclaimed black sheep of the family, this amuses me greatly.

My friends would care for crap. Most of them don't read anything besides the sports page or websites. They'd probably make me buy a round of drinks or something and think I was rolling in money in my spare time.

[CaroGirl]

Sort of, I guess. The people who know I write also know I like to cook, ski, play tennis, ride horses and *gasp* watch reality TV shows. The acquaintances who I see frequently but who don't know I write also don't know those other things about me. It's not a secret, but it's also just not something I've shared with them yet. It's a "circle of trust" thing.

[scarletpeaches]

(And let me beat PeeDee and ScarletPeaches to the punch and say no, I won't come out of the closet yet)

Are you accusing me of taking cheap shots at other people for comedy value?! :Jaw:

[qdsb]

Yup, I suppose I am. A few close friends and family know I write...oh, and I guess the blogosphere (although I'm not completely "out") there. But I'm not totally open about it with others...lots of friends, acquaintances and coworkers don't know. Heck, I haven't even told my parents...

Until I get published, it's just so much easier not to have to deal with all the well-meaning questions.

[Shadow_Ferret]

I don't even plan to tell people after I publish a novel (I write fiction under a pen name). I once had a "fan" who sent me a little gift every time he saw a new magazine piece from me, and the attention made me uncomfortable. I'd rather keep my writing life separate from the rest of my life.
Actually, I have no problem with that and have considered using a pen-name myself. My urban fantasy has a religious viewpoint that might offend or anger some people at our church and the church school we send our kids to.

[joyce]

I guess there is a part of me that went back into the closet after my first novel bombed. I didn't say anything to anyone for years. Then I finally completed my first novel and told a few friends and family.........a mistake. Everyone assumed I would then become a published author......didn't happen. I'm now back in the closet writing away. Perhaps if that dream of getting published ever comes trues, I might speak about it again.

[wee]

Why? I realize that finishing even one novel is an accomplishment, but if I write six or eight or ten novels and none get published, I may give up this time consuming enterprise, and I don't want to be known for the rest of my life as a failed novelist. I don't want people asking me for the next twenty years, "So, why aren't you published?" or "What ever happened to those novels you were working on?" I would rather try for a few years in secrecy, because if I fail, it will be my secret. If I do (ever, eventually, on of these days, maybe with novel number thirteen) get published, there will be plenty of time to tell everyone.



You could count me in this group. My husband knows, but thinks of it as my little enterprise that keeps me entertained & from going quietly crazy as a stay-at-home mom. Every now & then when his job makes him nuts, he'll ask, "when you are you going to be multi-million-dollar novelist already so I can quit this d@mned job?" but it is jokingly.

And maybe that IS all it is, just something to occupy my mind and keep the synapses firing in between dishes and laundry, I don't know yet.

He told his mom and I freaked out. The last thing I need is one more thing for my in-laws to deride me about. I won't tell my family until I send them a copy of the hardback. Same for my in-laws. No one has commented or asked me about it directly, or asked him about it since.

On my second book I want my mother-in-law to be a beta, because she knows good fiction & she is an expert on history. But I wouldn't think of asking her before the first one is published -- otherwise she wouldn't take it (or me) seriously.

That's the biggest thing-- not wanting to be joked about behind your back, people making ugly comments. If you come from an extended family where one side thinks you are wasting your life because you are "just" a stay-at-home mom and the other side doesn't take you seriously because you weren't born to them so you are obviously WAY inferior to them ... then you tend to not say anything until you have something GREAT to say.



wee

[CaroGirl]

This is interesting.

Why are we so private about sharing our passion? What are we so afraid of? Bullies in the schoolyard?

[Enzo]

One foot in the closet, one foot out.

Of course my wife knows, because writing my novel - my first - is pretty much what I do all day. I also told my mother - who lives in another country - and an extremely limited number of friends and former colleagues.
Like many others, I'm a bit worried about getting questions of the type 'When is it getting published?' and 'When can I read it?'
So I won't be setting the second foot out of the closet until after I have signed a contract with a publisher, or until the book is actually in the shops somewhere.

I used the same quiet method when I wrote screenplays. In the end, I never managed to sell any of them, so staying quiet was a good policy.

[a_sharp]

I guess there is a part of me that went back into the closet after my first novel bombed. I didn't say anything to anyone for years. Then I finally completed my first novel and told a few friends and family.........a mistake. Everyone assumed I would then become a published author......didn't happen. I'm now back in the closet writing away. Perhaps if that dream of getting published ever comes trues, I might speak about it again.

What Joyce said, except that now I'm out again for one reason: those who know, ask how it's going, and that creates the motivation I sometimes need to get on with it. They don't nag, it's more like I've got to have something to tell them, maybe an estimated percentage of completion, and it ought to show progress. The writing and planning and the rest of the craft I keep private, so that part's in the closet.

[Prawn]

My writing is also mostly invisible to my family. I write on my lunch hour and after work, before I pick the kids up from school. On week-ends I get up an hour or two before everyone else and get my writing in for the day. Since my wife doesn't see it, she rarely asks about it.

Reading through these posts has made me realize that I am so involved in my novels, so passionate about the process, that I don't want to share it in a way that will diminish it, or make light of it.

[RickN]

All my friends and neighbors know I'm writing and they ask me about it all the time. One of my neighbors woke me up early on a Saturday morning when he stumbled across a short story of mine in a magazine. It was one of those "this is sooooo cool" moments.

My family rarely asks, but I also keep them updated on what I'm doing. My grandfather, in poor health, told me that he hoped he would live to see me published. I sent him copies of every magazine and he showed them to EVERYBODY before he passed away. I gotta stop writing this -- the guy at the next table in the coffee shop just asked if I was OK.

[qdsb]

This is interesting.

Why are we so private about sharing our passion? What are we so afraid of? Bullies in the schoolyard?

Fear of failure. Or the perception of failure.

Just speaking for myself.

[Shadow_Ferret]

This is interesting.

Why are we so private about sharing our passion? What are we so afraid of? Bullies in the schoolyard?
I don't share anything. I don't tell people that I collect beer steins, or that I collect old vinyl albums, or that I collect books on the occult, or whatever. I don't think its anyone's business. I guess I'm just a private person in general.

[CaroGirl]

I don't think its anyone's business. I guess I'm just a private person in general.
True.

I just hate the thought of people being embarrassed about who they are and how they choose to be creative. Ideally, individuals should be strong and proud. If you choose to be private, that's understandable, but being ashamed and afraid is kind of, well, sad.

[Toothpaste]

I think though coming out of the closet could be a great motivating factor. Sure it can get annoying having everyone asking you where you are in your book, but it also means everyone is asking about your book constantly reminding you to get at that book.

In the same way often trainers tell their clients to inform their friends that they are working out, so that their friends can act as motivators. Annoying motivators, but motivators none the less.

[ClaudiaGray]

Before I was published, a lot of my friends knew that I was writing -- the ones who were themselves writers or at any rate creative, and whom I knew I could get good feedback and support from. Luckily that's a high number. However, I didn't tell my family members or any friends that weren't in a position to really talk about the writing with me -- less b/c I feared their reaction and more b/c I didn't want to have them always asking me how it was going.

ETA: I did, however, tell my current employers that I was trying to sell fiction during my job interviews more than 3 years ago. I felt like it showed that I was a well-rounded person and, hopefully tactfully, made the point that I was not interested in the corporate fast-track, so that if that was what they were looking for, they needed to go in another direction. They hired me and have been wholly supportive of my efforts both pre- and post-publication; if I need to take a long lunch to meet with my agent (every once in a while, obviously), that's fine. So being "out" can be a very good thing.

[jannawrites]

Good question Prawn!

I agree with Wee when it comes to being a stay-at-home mom. Writing gives me that outlet I need; something to help me forget about Pull-ups, Dora, and hot dogs once in awhile.

But though being a SAHM is most important to me, and raising my two girls is proving to be my biggest achievement, I know there's more to me than being a mom. I also know I need to have something in my life I can turn to when my girls are both in school, so I'm not left sitting in my living room, staring at Barbies and wondering, "What next?"

For me that something is writing. It's been a love of mine for quite some time, but only recently have I begun to take my talents seriously. I want to give it my all. And I don't believe a person can make it successfully unless they have full confidence in themself. So I have begun to tell people about my writing and what my related goals are. For me, those inevitable questions about my progress serve to keep my accountable, and get me even more motivated to accomplish what I've promised myself.

I'm not saying I'm the greatest new writer or that I'll be the next Nicholas Sparks (no matter how many times I joke with my friends about it), but I'm not going to be able to sell myself and my work if I'm not fully confident in myself and my work.

[joyce]

Fear of failure. Or the perception of failure.

Just speaking for myself.

I think this is my biggest problem. I am my worse enemy when it comes to writing. Everyone who read my first novel thought it was great but when it got rejected I felt like a failure. The more I hang around here the more I realize that I'm not the only one out there getting rejected, so the skin is getting thicker. When people ask about my writing it is a good thing for the most part. It makes me take up the pen again and continue on. I know this is my dream and only I can make it happen.

[DVGuru]

I've told family and close friends that I write novels. It's funny because when I used to be into filmmaking, everyone always asked me how the movies were coming and what it was about. Now, nobody mentions writing to me. It seems nobody has any interest in it whatsoever. Not that it bothers me. I actually prefer it this way. I just find it funny that when I made movies everyone I knew had something to say. When I mention writing a novel...nothing.

[preyer]

given the opportunity (when i have a 'real' job, which i've an interview for later today), i'd rather write than shoot the breeze with co-workers more often than not, so it's not something i can hide even if i wanted to. when i worked at delphi, people would ask every now and then and it was just friendly conversation triggering my brain to shut down, a smile across my face, and into the rote conversation. i'd even encouraged a few people to write and offered my help.

i rarely offer the information merely because i don't think about doing so. i do a lot of things that i never think of mentioning, too, eventho i'm a pretty open person if the opportunity arises. i just don't go out of my way to talk about it as were i bragging. as i sit here in my cardigan-style sweater, ripped jeans, and when i have my glasses on, i don't think anyone would mistake me for much else anyway, lol.

i suppose my door is wide open, and anyone interested enough to peek inside will find me fast asleep.

i was once concerned about my parents reading my junk because no writing fraidy-cat am i. i can't say i've mellowed much in that regard. my step-sister read the book i self-pubbed and laughingly called me a psycho, lol. i didn't mind because i know she's more of a psycho than i'll ever be.

i don't worry about being failed, either, or anyone's opinions of my failure/s. such is life, and if anyone ever decided to make a point out of it i would have to point out their rotten kids as *real* failures. yeah, i'm a jerk like that, always taking it to the next level.

i've asked plenty of folk 'how's that hot rod coming along?' or 'how're you doing in stopping smoking?' same thing, just inquiring about their progress to be friendly because i know most people like to talk about themselves. so when someone asks me what i like to do, i'll say i like to write. enter rote conversation. it's not a secret nor anything i've got tattooed on my forehead.

[arkady]

I don't make a secret of it, but I don't advertise it, either. To me, though, there's a difference between being a writer and being a published writer. I won't start crowing about it until I'm published.

[preyer]

i do, however, mention that i enjoy writing in an application if it's got a place for hobbies/interests. make me sound smart on paper.

[Prawn]

i do, however, mention that i enjoy writing in an application if it's got a place for hobbies/interests. make me sound smart on paper.

Good luck in your job interview today!

[KTC]

I have several in my closet...literally. (man...I hate it when people say literally. I also hate ellipses.)

[RedScylla]

I'm as closeted as I can be for someone who spent three years getting a graduate degree in writing. That is, aside from my best friend and my husband, and my shadowy writers group, I don't talk about. Unfortunately, my husband seems to think it's okay to "out" me. He'll tell anyone that I'm a writer.

[JoNightshade]

I sorta had to come out of the closet when I quit my job to write full time. I mean, if I didn't say something, everyone would think I'm a COMPLETE LOSER. :) Well, to tell the truth, with acquaintances and strangers I usually just tell them about my part time job. They don't need to know HOW part time it is. But yeah, all my friends and relatives know now. However, at the same time, I make it clear to them that I don't want to discuss the novel itself. I'll yak all they want about the process-- drafts, submitting, etc-- but I do not want to talk about the plot or my characters at all. I tell them they can read it when it's published.

But I figured, if I really believe in myself, I should tell people. I mean, if I don't believe in me, why should I expect an agent or a publisher to do so?

[Shadow_Ferret]

If you choose to be private, that's understandable, but being ashamed and afraid is kind of, well, sad.
Yeah, so private I'm don't even post my accomplishments or rejections in those forums.

[Jack Nog]

This is interesting.

Why are we so private about sharing our passion? What are we so afraid of? Bullies in the schoolyard?

I don't think I have a fear of failure. I've failed a lot of times and that just makes the next time a little easier and hoping I don't make the same mistakes. I give myself a hard enough time at points in my story when I think "this will never sell", "this is the dumbest story ever". But then I remember some of the books I've read, and even the good ones have premises and stories that sound so out there they couldn't possibly succeed. But they did so why not.

I think I like to keep it under the sheets because it's my world. This creation is a very private passion that belongs to me and I produced totally on my own. Even if the book(s) never sell, I can say I accomplished one of my goals in my life and the most important thing in that equation is me.

On top of that, I'm not willing to share until I'm satisfied with my work and I believe I did a good job. I don't want anyone else telling me I'm not cut out for writing until I've got a satisfied conscious that believes I did the best I could.

I just reread this and I think I have issues. I should probably call a therapist *sigh*.

[Sassee]

as i sit here in my cardigan-style sweater, ripped jeans, and when i have my glasses on, i don't think anyone would mistake me for much else anyway, lol.

My mental image of you has been destroyed... not that I really had one, but that definitely wasn't what I would have pictured.

I'm sort of in the closet, but it's mostly because I'm a private person in real life (on the internet is a whole other story... as you've all probably realized). The subject never comes up unless my husband says something or someone asks what I do in my free time. The latter rarely happens, although my husband likes to blurt it to everyone he comes across. Half his department wants to read the first draft of my novel now.

My mom and my sister know I write because I called them up in excitement when I finished the first draft. My grandma found out indirectly because my sister said something. I don't believe anyone else in my family knows, though I could be mistaken. Most of them don't read the genre I write anyway.

Although... I did tell a bunch of my online gamer friends. I couldn't help it. Now they're my support system.

[Pamster]

I don't mind telling people I'm a writer or what my books are about I just mind the idea of being perceived as a failed novelist too. That is definitely a concern and with the big depression I had hit me in the past week, well I really felt like giving up and throwing in the towel. BUt these forums helped me to see that I am not alone and that there are other people here who understand and have been there too.

So what if I get looked upon as a failed writer until I get published? I can't help what people think, it's hard to hide you're into writing when you ask to use the writer's market at the library and the books you get are about writing and editing. I was in the closet at first but after finishing my first novel I was really excited and decided to share that excitement with friends and family. They understand that I am having a tough tie getting an agent and they know that that is the next step in the process. ;)

Good topic Prawn. :)

[MidnightMuse]

I'm about halfway inside the closet. It's warm in here, and there's stuff to look at, but I am afraid of those brown closet spiders!

My sister - the one I live with - knows exactly what I do and reads everything for me as a beta. Even when I was e-pubbing, I tried to tell my family and they looked on it much the way you humor a small child who's just finger painted you her version of the house and dog. They though it was "silly" "cute" and "a waste of time". Oh, they also thought I was "playing at" writing and would "never amount to anything, so why do it?"

I went back into that closet and slammed the door, and I don't plan to open it for anyone. Even now when things happen, I keep it to myself.

I haven't decided yet if I'll tell them when I get my name on the spine of a paperback at Barnes & Noble or not. Probably not.

[pepperlandgirl]

My husband and my sister get long and thorough updates of what I'm writing. This is because I put the fun in fixation, and they simply cannot have a conversation with me without me going off on tangents about books and characters and ideas and plot bunnies. My mother is aware that I write, of course, and she's always asking for copies of my books so she can read them or give them away or show them off or whatever the hell it is she does with them. My grandparents know I write, but I doubt very much they have any idea how much I've done--sometimes I don't even know how much I've done.

School is a different matter. I am extremely self-conscious at school, because i was rejected from the MFA program (I'm in the MA program now). I took that very personally, even though I know better. But...I write genre. I write romance. A few people on this message board are derisive and snide about genre writers--especially ones who sell to epublishers--how do you think a bunch of graduate students/professors would react? None of my professors know I have any published books, except one. And she knows of only one. I don't think I've told any of my classmates--I may have mentioned Chasing Silver to a few people, but again, I've never indicated the real numbers.

[ChaosTitan]

Why? I realize that finishing even one novel is an accomplishment, but if I write six or eight or ten novels and none get published, I may give up this time consuming enterprise, and I don't want to be known for the rest of my life as a failed novelist. I don't want people asking me for the next twenty years, "So, why aren't you published?"

Sunday night I finished writing Novel #7, and I think you've nutshelled one of my greatest fears. I hate thinking that I'll wake up in five years, have half a dozen more novels under my belt, a stack of rejections that I could paper the Great Wall with, and people asking me whatever happened with that writing thing. It terrifies me. Sometimes it makes me think I should have kept my writing to myself.

The only people I talk to about my writing now are my parents, my sister, and my best friend. A few people work know I write, but I don't talk about it there. If my extended family asks, all I can really say is, "Yep, still plugging away." Each year that passes, I dread Christmas get-togethers more and more, because it's another year that I have to say, "Yep, still plugging away. Still not published."

Urk. The day job calls. Gotta go do what pays the bills. :(

[RedScylla]

School is a different matter. I am extremely self-conscious at school, because i was rejected from the MFA program (I'm in the MA program now). I took that very personally, even though I know better. But...I write genre. I write romance. A few people on this message board are derisive and snide about genre writers--especially ones who sell to epublishers--how do you think a bunch of graduate students/professors would react?

Yikes. Having survived an MFA program as someone who writes borderline literary/commercial, I don't even like to think of the level of nastiness you would have received as a romance writer. If you're not trying to be the next Joan Didion or Thomas Pynchon, so many academic types act like you're sacrificing small children in your spare time. Be glad they didn't accept you.

[OctoberRain]

I am a closet novelist, but only because nobody in my life seems to give a crap that I write. And nobody ever has. All my friends do other things, hardly anyone I know even reads for pleasure. My best friend asked me a couple of weeks ago if I could recommend a good book for her beach vacation. She hadn't read a single thing since her last beach vacation two years ago.

If I could, I would talk about writing it all the time. I would welcome suggestions and support and encouragement. But when I bring it up, people's eyes start to glaze over. So I don't talk about it. And nobody asks. :-(

[funidream]

I was closeted to all but my husband, my kids and my writing group for years. There was a bit of self-protection in case of failure, but I think it was more about having something special and private of my own.

The funny thing is that now that I am going to be published, I tell friends, co-workers and neighbors about the book and they look at me kind of funny, like I'm making it up.

For years my husband and I had a running joke - whenever we wished for something beyond our budget. He would say "Will you hurry up and finish writing the great American novel?" After I finished it, he switched to "Will you hurry up and get an agent?" I got an agent and he switched to "Tell your agent to sell that book." Book sold, and now he's back to "Will you hurry up and write more books?"

When the first advance check arrived a few weeks ago, we really celebrated!

[NicoleMD]

When I did my first Nano novel, I told almost everyone I knew a) to recruit friends, and b) to have some accountability. I don't know if that was such a great idea, but I did it and now they know. I had that project bound up when I was done and had about 15 people or so read it, including my boss, parents, etc. Some of them even gave it to their spouses or significant others to read, so that felt great. One book looked like it had been slept on, eaten on, and bathed on by the time I got it back.

I don't know if I would ever consider myself a failed novelist, even if I never make the big time. I'm having fun doing it, and if my readership is small but entertained, I'd still call it a success.

Nicole

[c.e.lawson]

Fascinating thread. When I started learning to write, I began testing my abilities through fan fiction, where I learned a ton about writing mechanics. Of course THAT was something I kept very secret. I always thought things would change when I began doing original fiction. That I'd tell lots of people. But it didn't, really. This is a complex issue. We all have varied reasons, but also somewhat of a common thread running through them.

One aspect for me is also that phenomenon of when/if I tell people too much about my WIP, for some reason some of the excitement about writing it leaves me. It's almost as if I've already told the story now, so the burning need I had to finish it is lessened somehow. That's a danger for me, so I try to keep it limited to myself and a few close writing friends who can give me helpful input if I need it.

[Chameleon]

My writing has always been a private thing. Like my journal, for example. Or the poetry I wrote when I was younger (I've only showed to one of my sisters and a cousin, who both said it was good.) So now that I've picked up the pen, so to speak, I still feel like it's a private process. Until I have a polished novel or two that I'm proud of, I don't want to be harassed about what I'm writing everytime at my computer. Furthermore, they really ought to know by now since I have writing books strewn all over my working table. It should be very obvious.

[melaniehoo]

I tried staying in the closet but forces beyond my control outted me. My mom and husband know, plus a cousin & aunt who write (my aunt runs another popular writing forum so it'd be silly not to tell her). Then I told a couple friends. But each person I told I clearly said I haven't told many people and I don't want others to know. They all think they're my only friend who knows. :) Then my aunt told my grandmother so the whole family knows. My husband loves telling people so his whole family knows.

My main reason for not wanting to tell people is to avoid the pressure of "have you finished the book?" Fortunately everyone has been supportive in the ways I want (encouraging). I'm pretty hard on myself and don't need much outside motivation.

I'd love to surprise a lot of people by getting published so I'm trying to keep it within my inner circle.

[Pisarz]

To tell or not to tell? I wrestled with this question just a few weeks ago. I'm a new hire at b5 and now write a sports humor blog (see below), and all b5 bloggers have to write their own profile. My biggest stumbling block was whether or not to mention the novel. On the one hand, I thought it would make sense from a visibility standpoint to do so. On the other hand, I was afraid--and this already happened--that the many friends and family to whom I sent the blog link would check out the profile and see that I'd penned a novel. (A very limited number of people knew until then).

Even as of this post, I am debating whether or not to remove that from my profile. I'm probably the longest-querying person to ever be on AW, and despite having fulls and partials out, I have this overwhelming sense of impending failure because I can't land an agent, never mind get published.

I think I've just talked myself into removing the novel reference in my b5 profile. :poke:

[JoniBGoode]

When I started writing seriously, some 23 years after I was first published, I immediately told my sister. Her first response,"You'll never write well enough to make a living at it." That's the day I became a closet novelist. (BTW, I've been making a living writing non-fiction for 3 years so far.)

This is interesting.

Why are we so private about sharing our passion? What are we so afraid of? Bullies in the schoolyard?

To be honest, I don't think that writers get the respect that they deserve in our culture. People who paint as a hobby, without ever selling a picture or having their work hung in a museum, garner respect. They are creative, well-rounded, talented individuals or a "Renaissance Man".

People who write without ever selling their work or winning an award are objects of derision. They are scribblers and failures -- much more so than if they'd never written anything at all. The implication is that they've wasted their whole life on a delusion. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

And, yes, it does hurt to have people close to you say nasty things about you or your work. So I think it makes sense to stay in the closet.

[melaniehoo]

As soon as I posted my last comment I received an email from my best friend asking how the writing was coming. But she's on the safe list.

[J. R. Tomlin]

I'm out and proud. Everyone knows I write books. They ask occasionally how it's going although I've noticed as time goes on, they ask less.

I've never really thought about what happens if/when I don't get published because I'll still write.People expect your novel to be published two weeks after you send out your first query. Everyone knows I write, but they don't understand the business side at all. Most have stopped asking after my 5th half-hour lecture on how the publishing business works. (Not that I know but I'm learning the hard way.)

[DamaNegra]

So, here's the question for those of you who are unpublished like me: Are you a closet novelist?

People know I want to be a novelist. I never say I AM, just that I want to be and am trying to be. I think that there's the difference. People expect me to fail or succeed, but I haven't yet said I'll succeed. Maybe it's the mindset you present yourself with.

[Alia]

My immediate family knows, but only one of my friends does, and her finding out was not planned. Don't get me wrong - I'd love for everyone to know. I have the whole 'Oh yeah, I'm a writer...' speech thing all written in my head, but it's just never been verbalized. It's not fun for my friends to not know - two of them are writers, too. Plus, we're at the 'where are you going to college and what are you going to do with your life' stage, and I'm getting tired of saying doctor or journalist. But...I keep blowing my chances when it comes up. I write nothing bad (aka embarrassing to admit) and I'm proud of my style and finished novels. It's just...I have no idea.
Perhaps someday...

[CTaft]

I used to keep a toe propped in the closet door by only telling the important people in my life about the novel. The one that I confidently predicted to myself would take a year and has taken 6!

Now that I'm finally in the homestretch (should be finished by the end of the month, fingers crossed), I tell everybody, even have complete strangers reading it. For me, the closet was a very bad thing; it let me imagine not finishing the beast.

My amazing wife has as much invested here as I do: she runs interference, keeps the spirits up, makes it possible financially for me to just work part-time and devote the time this book needs from me. She's also a brilliant editor. She was the one who finally convinced me that I am a writer, everything else is just what I'm doing until I can afford to do it full time.

[Judg]

I don't say I am a writer, because most people understand that to mean a published writer. I do say I'm an aspiring writer, or that I'm working on my first novel if it's appropriate in the conversation. I never make a big deal about it and so far I've had no hassle at all. Some people are warmly supportive, others benignly indifferent, which is fine with me. I guess I am fortunate, because nobody has put me down or said anything stupid or offensive to me about it. On the other hand, I don't bring it up too much. I figure till I've actually finished it and am shopping it around, there isn't that much to say anyway. Anything I need to say gets said here...

[arkady]

People expect your novel to be published two weeks after you send out your first query. Everyone knows I write, but they don't understand the business side at all. Most have stopped asking after my 5th half-hour lecture on how the publishing business works. (Not that I know but I'm learning the hard way.)

Not one in a hundred people who haven't tried it have even the vaguest idea how very difficult it is to get published. The general perception is that anyone at all can sit down at a keyboard and bang out a novel, then send it directly to a publisher and -- if it's even remotely coherent -- it'll be published a month later. That's why so many of them assume that if you haven't been published, it's because your writing is no damn good at all.

One of the most annoying comments I hear is "Oh yeah, I'd be writing too -- if I had the time." The implication being that (A) anyone can do it, and (B) you're obviously a dreamy layabout with too much time on your hands.

Those of us who are actually hard at work trying to get published often forget just how little other people understand of the process. And the PublishAmerica-type vanity-press operations confuse them even more. "Oh, hey, did you know the guy who owns the Dairy Queen had a book published last week?" Then you look it up and discover the reality, but the person who gave you the news still doesn't understand, and still figures that you obviously can't write worth a damn because your name isn't on the shelves at Barnes & Noble.

Rejection slips are irritating and depressing enough without having to put up with that kind of crap on top of it all. That's why, although I certainly make no secret of my writing, I don't flaunt it, either.

[Doodlebug]

Oh, wow, this is such a relief to me!! I'm not the only closet writer!

I just sold a novel and now I'm worried about how to tell people. Although my husband and kids know, the rest of my friends and family do not. The weird part is that I really don't have any compelling reasons not to tell anyone (the book isn't lurid and doesn't give away any dark, family secrets). My youngest daughter proudly told her 3rd grade teacher about it and the teacher congratulated me, but now I do my best to avoid this teacher just so she won't ask me about it any more!

I think that all of the reasons people have mentioned for being closet writers are spot on! People do expect the book to come out a month after you've begun queries. My husband, too, jokingly asks when we can sell the house and move into a mansion (yeah, right!!)

Kudos to all of you non-closet writers. You guys are the brave ones. I hope I can be like you when I grow up ;)

[Prawn]

I just sold a novel and now I'm worried about how to tell people.

Ooo baby, you are out of the closet now! I think I would tell people when the book was released, so they would tell people so that everyone would buy the book.

[qdsb]

Ooo baby, you are out of the closet now! I think I would tell people when the book was released, so they would tell people so that everyone would buy the book.

Oh, yeah, I totally agree with Prawn. In fact, I think you should arrange for a local book signing and send out invites to all your friends/family/coworkers/anyone you've ever met. Congrats!!:D

[Doodlebug]

Oh, yeah, I totally agree with Prawn. In fact, I think you should arrange for a local book signing and send out invites to all your friends/family/coworkers/anyone you've ever met. Congrats!!:D

Thanks! :D

I know I'll have to spill the beans eventually. I'd promised to do it when the ink was dry on the contract, but now that deadline's come and gone. Maybe when I get my copies delivered....