Opening the closet door... [Archive] - Absolute Write Water Cooler

Madison

11-20-2007, 02:15 AM

III

11-20-2007, 02:18 AM

Congratulations Madison!

KTC

11-20-2007, 02:20 AM

This weekend, I told every single one of my friends that I am a writer, that the whole wanna-be doctor thing was a front, that I'm going to major in creative writing in college - I unloaded the whole truth. And it was so RELIEVING!

I read a post a while ago asking who on AW was still 'in the closet,' (aka were 'secret' writers) and it seemed like a lot of people were. I was. But from the other side, having people know I write is freeing! I feel like I've escaped from some sort of underground prison, or ended a covert mission that I couldn't tell anyone about. They know, which means they know me better.

So here's a challenge: tell someone, someone close to you or maybe just an acquaintance, that you write. Yeah, it's awkward. I had to tell my eight best friends in the world that I had written three books and not told them. But when it's all over, trust me, it's way worth it.

That's wonderful!!!! I'm so thrilled for you, you don't know. I waited until I was in my mid-thirties to do it. I was actually forced back into the closet at a young age...so I think it's great that you did it. I hope others take you up on your challenge. I'm out and happy. It's a terrible thing to hide your desire to write. It burns inside and out. Congratulations!

Stew21

11-20-2007, 02:22 AM

I hid mine for a long time too. Now I have no trouble telling anyone who's curious.

Damn right I write!

It hasn't really sunk in with my parents yet I don't think. They don't ask and I don't tell. They know I do it, it's a "we'll believe you're serious about it when we see results." They'll get over it. :)

Good for you, Madison!

Serena Casey

11-20-2007, 02:24 AM

Way to go, Madison! I've told those closest to me, but most of my friends don't know I write, either. They already think I'm weird enough. :)

a_sharp

11-20-2007, 07:15 AM

"I'm a writer."

"I write novels."

I love telling people that, love hearing myself say it. The more you say those words, the more they define who you are in your own mind.

Storyteller5

11-20-2007, 07:35 AM

Good for you, Madison! How was the reaction?

When I started telling people I write, I think a lot of them weren't sure how to react. I didn't get a "can I read something you've written" from many people and not from my family at all. I suspect maybe they didn't know what to say so they didn't say anything.

ishtar'sgate

11-20-2007, 08:30 AM

Nice going! I don't know why it should be so hard to tell people. It's not like you're admitting to being a serial killer or anything but it takes some doing to get up the courage to say it. Maybe we need a Writers Anonymous. 'Hi, my name is Linnea and I'm a writer!!'
Now that it's old news, the most embarrassing part for me is having people who know me introduce me to strangers and enthusiastically inform them I'm a writer. I find that real uncomfortable.
Linnea

Madison

11-20-2007, 09:11 AM

How was the reaction?

Really positive, actually. I was mainly worried because two of them are serious writers, too, but they haven't finished any books. I felt sort of like a one-upper, breezing in and saying I've written three. But everyone was supportive and declared themselves my editors, and were happy that I've found my profession.

Theognome

11-20-2007, 11:11 AM

Go, Madison!

Personally, I've got no problem telling other folks I write, it's convincing myself of that that is difficult. During the Gulf War (1990-1991), I wrote letters home that, to my horror, ended up being published in the local newspaper. I was stupified. Later, I started writing Christian theological articles, and some folks were actually reading them. I was asked to be a writer for a large blog because of this, which I of course politely declined.

Writers are educated about their craft. Informed. Learned in the ways of construction with the tools of English. I'm a high-school dropout. I've got no clout, experience or education in how to do any of this. I tell people I write, but it's mostly a farce. I've got raw talent, I'll admit, but not the discipline to make it worthy of publication.

At this point, I consider myself to be a guy in middle-age crisis who wanted to be a writer but didn't do it, and so is trying to shore up the missing holes in his life. Telling folks I write is more of a way to justify my own failures than it is to produce something meaningful in print. Yes, I'd like to say that I'm working to change that, but I also can't say that I mean that with the fullness of heart.

My hope is that, through associating with folks like y'all who have done the thing I only wished I could do, I may muster the canoles to actually do the thing that, deep in the bowels of my soul, I always wanted to do.

Theognome

Stew21

11-20-2007, 02:54 PM

Last night I was talking to my stepmom on the phone. After this thread, I figured "WTH" and I said, "oh you know that novel I was working on. I finished it."
"Good for you, Trish. I'm so proud of you."
So we talked for a bit. She wanted to know what it was about. She was still thinking it was the first one I wrote, so it was fun to tell her this was a new one - another one.
So we discussed. She asked if she had to wait until it is published to read it. I laughed (people really don't know what that takes, do they?)
I told her she could read it, cautioned her on the language (she doesn't like too much of that, but my characters really do.) :)
I told her I'd send it over. :shrug:

Thanks for reminding me to give them another chance to accept it.

WittyandorIronic

11-20-2007, 03:44 PM

Congrats Madison!!
Though I only saw your post this morning, I finally let my husband read something I wrote, for the first time, last night.
It felt freeing, but only made me more neurotic.

Wraith

11-20-2007, 05:04 PM

Awesome, Madison! I'm glad it felt so freeing. And that they reacted nicely :)

I'm more of a closet writer myself (apart from a couple of close friends and family), but that might change when I finally finish something I'm proud of. I keep trying :D

I'll keep your challenge in mind, though. Secret lives are weird. :D

:hooray:

KTC

11-20-2007, 05:11 PM

Writers are educated about their craft. Informed. Learned in the ways of construction with the tools of English.

This is not true of all writers. I'm in about the same boat as you. Part of giving myself permission was getting over that boundary that I could do it even without having studied it. I didn't study writing. What I know, I taught myself...and I'm not a very good student. I have an attention span of a...insert something here that has a zero attention span...one of the reasons I disallowed myself to write was the belief that I had to have taken university level courses to have a comprehension level capable of writing. One day I just said F*** it. I have to write. My body needs for me to write. I am not learned. I write because I always wanted to. Your life sounds pretty much on par with mine. I'm not calling mine a mid-life crisis, though. Mine is a mid-life awakening.

truelyana

11-20-2007, 05:15 PM

I'm so happy for you Madison. :D It must feel great to let other's know, a big part of who you are. YEY :)

For me, I've never had to tell anyone as my family have always pretty much known. My mum said she realised that I was a writer, when I was one and I was scrunching a piece of paper. She brought me a giant writing pad, and I would scribble page by page, and indicate that my writing was done. lol. A few years later, I would write short stories in Portuguese, and give them to my parents as a gift. I continued to do this through my teenage years, and got really involved in creative writing, poetry, songwriting, novels amongst other things throughout the years, in my first language Portuguese and second language English. :D

Simple Living

11-20-2007, 07:42 PM

Devil Ledbetter

11-20-2007, 08:06 PM

I have a sincere, nonjudgmental question. People really hide that they're writers from others? It never occurred to me to do this. Why? Is there a public stigma that I'm unaware of? This really intrigues me now!I wondered about that too. Everyone I know IRL considers me a writer, even though I hadn't done a novel. When I mention I'm writing one, the responses are "well, of course," "I always thought you should" and "I can't wait to read it."

Is there some stigma to being a not-yet-published novelist?

Shadow_Ferret

11-20-2007, 08:11 PM

So here's a challenge: tell someone, someone close to you or maybe just an acquaintance, that you write. Yeah, it's awkward. I had to tell my eight best friends in the world that I had written three books and not told them. But when it's all over, trust me, it's way worth it.
You do what works for you. I'll do what works for me.

Besides, until I've published my novel, I don't consider myself a writer, so there's nothing to tell.
Writers are educated about their craft. Informed. Learned in the ways of construction with the tools of English.
Well, that certainly explains why I'm not a writer.

Stew21

11-20-2007, 08:25 PM

For me it was just never considered a serious avenue to pursue and an odd hobby to have.
They never really discouraged it, it was more of a "that's nice, dear".

and with acquaintances, sometimes people just look at you funny.
I was met with a "what makes you think you can do that?"

But when I decided to get serious about it, I didn't have that problem as much. Turns out people are about half amazed that "just anyone" would set out and write novels.

I don't know why it took me so long to tell family "hey, I'm really doing this." I still get the "that's nice dear" from some of them. Some of them don't really ask questions or want to know any more on the topic. Turns out though, some of them do. I still think most of them will believe it when they see it. I'll be sending out the "see it" email to my stepmom later today.

Prawn

11-20-2007, 09:11 PM

Good luck coming out of the closet!!!!

"I'm a writer."

"I write novels."

I love telling people that, love hearing myself say it. The more you say those words, the more they define who you are in your own mind.

I tell people I am an "aspiring novelist" as in I aspire to sell something. I could write all day long, but for me, I want to write something that will sell.

Simple Living

11-20-2007, 09:30 PM

I wasn't allowed to explore my creativity as it was believed it contributed to a particular malady of mine. Turns out not exploring my creativity contributed to it. And, to be fair...I can't say 'not allowed', but strongly discouraged (in my childhood and teens). You carry the baggage with you when you leave the nest whether you want to or not. I was told not to write. not to paint. not to draw. not to everything else creative. It was a sickening stigma...grossly frowned upon. I still did it always...but secretively...shamefully...until I learned how powerful I was at rebellion. Then it was paint the walls, the stairs, the windows, the dishes. But I still held that constant struggle within me. Writing bad. art bad. creativity bad. It was equated with illness...ugliness...shame. Then, like I said...one day I just said F*** it. My body said no more fighting the constant struggle against it.

We all have different reasons, I am sure. And it probably seems odd to those of you who have always been supported to learn that some do worse than not support you.

Well, I'm glad you overcame all of that to be able to be yourself. I can't imagine locking up the creative part of who you are. Bravo to you!

KTC

11-20-2007, 09:34 PM

Well, I'm glad you overcame all of that to be able to be yourself. I can't imagine locking up the creative part of who you are. Bravo to you!

Twas nothin'. I just brought myself to the brink of death and then closed my eyes and jumped off the cliff.

Shadow_Ferret

11-20-2007, 09:39 PM

The more you say those words, the more they define who you are in your own mind.
But "writer" isn't what defines me any more than any other job I've done has ever defined me.

I am who I am, and defy all definitions. I can't be summed up in one word.

KTC

11-20-2007, 09:55 PM

But "writer" isn't what defines me any more than any other job I've done has ever defined me.

I am who I am, and defy all definitions. I can't be summed up in one word.

How about disagreeable. (-;

Shadow_Ferret

11-20-2007, 10:00 PM

I'll agree with that. :tongue

CaroGirl

11-20-2007, 10:02 PM

How about disagreeable. (-;
Can I second that?
;)

KTC

11-20-2007, 10:04 PM

Can I second that?
;)

No.

CaroGirl

11-20-2007, 10:05 PM

No.
Ouch.

Shadow_Ferret

11-20-2007, 10:06 PM

Ouch.
Ha ha.

KTC

11-20-2007, 10:06 PM

Ouch.

I just wanted to try out the disagreeable thing. Didn't feel quite natural. Carry on.

AllieB

11-20-2007, 10:09 PM

I have a sincere, nonjudgmental question. People really hide that they're writers from others? It never occurred to me to do this. Why? Is there a public stigma that I'm unaware of? This really intrigues me now!

Well, I'm different from a lot of people here (I think) because I was a lit major in college and grad school, and I teach English/literature/writing to high school students every day. For me to say I'm a writer somehow equates to being on the same playing field as the greats that I studied. And I'm not. So for me, I feel like a big fraud, most of the time :Shrug:

I still do it, but I don't tell too many people at my day job.

Shadow_Ferret

11-20-2007, 10:18 PM

I have a sincere, nonjudgmental question. People really hide that they're writers from others? It never occurred to me to do this. Why? Is there a public stigma that I'm unaware of? This really intrigues me now!

Well, I dont' do it because I'm embarrassed or shy or anything.

I do it because it's not anyone's business. Do I run around going, "I love Black Sabbath! Look at me!" Or "I collect beer steins! Look at me!" Or "I eat at McDonald's! Look at me!" So why would I run around going, "I'm a writer! Look at me!"

What annoys me are the inevitable questions associated with telling people you're a writer.

"Oh, have I heard of you?" or "Have I read anything by you?"
"Have you finished your novel yet?" or "Have you been published yet?"
"Hey, could I get you to look at my writing?"
"Hey, I'm a writer, too. I finished a poem once."
"You're the writer, you pick up the tab."

SilverPhoenix

11-20-2007, 11:46 PM

I prefer not to tell people about my writing because I've only ever got negative responses i.e. 'a waste of your time', 'stupid', 'why the hell would you want to do something dead boring like that?' etc.

My parents always did their best to stop me. If they suspected I was writing on my computer, suddenly the power to it would go. I ever go near writing, they come up with a chore/job for me to do instead...and then there are the "talks".

The "talks" consist mostly of them reminding me how it makes a ruin of my life, because I'm a clever girl and I should have all my focus only on schoolwork and achieving the highest marks, and getting the perfect family, house and job. For them, schoolwork > everything.

I got the highest grades in my school. I've already picked out a university. I'm going to do computer programming, for god's sake. But that's not enough. Apparently, writing is an unsuitable hobby and messes up my life and priorities. I tried to stop writing, so hard so hard, but I couldn't.
They can't stop me when they don't know I'm doing it ;) (I just have to sneak.) (and now every discouragement == reverse psychology)

I wish I could shout out to the world that I'm a writer, but my town is a worsening shithole,
and it's a dumbass thing to be around here. I have great respect to the fearless people who open those doors!

When I was young, I was never afraid.

Devil Ledbetter

11-21-2007, 01:55 AM

Well, I dont' do it because I'm embarrassed or shy or anything.

I do it because it's not anyone's business. Do I run around going, "I love Black Sabbath! Look at me!" Or "I collect beer steins! Look at me!" Or "I eat at McDonald's! Look at me!" So why would I run around going, "I'm a writer! Look at me!"

What annoys me are the inevitable questions associated with telling people you're a writer.

"Oh, have I heard of you?" or "Have I read anything by you?"
"Have you finished your novel yet?" or "Have you been published yet?"
"Hey, could I get you to look at my writing?"
"Hey, I'm a writer, too. I finished a poem once."
"You're the writer, you pick up the tab."Why would you assume those of us who admit we're writers are "running around" shouting "look at me"? I know what my friends do for a living, I know their aspirations, I know their hobbies, frustrations and musical preferences. I see no need to keep mine a big dark secret, or refuse mention writing because it's so utterly unremarkable that it doesn't bear mentioning (like eating at McDonald's).

I've been asked a few of the questions you mentioned, but it doesn't bother me. There's a huge thread here somewhere of stupid questions people ask writers. So far as I know, none of us have died from being asked if we've been published yet. And I don't have any friends who'd demand I pick up the tab, though I might do it voluntarily.

If you want to keep it a secret, that doesn't bother me. But please don't assume those who are open about it are braggarts or gluttons for punishment.

Shadow_Ferret

11-21-2007, 01:59 AM

Why would you assume those of us who admit we're writers are "running around" shouting "look at me"?

...

If you want to keep it a secret, that doesn't bother me. But please don't assume those who are open about it are braggarts or gluttons for punishment.
I made no assumption about you. I was answering the question "do I not do it because I'm embarrassed by it?" And I gave MY reasoning behind it.

My reasons, last time I checked, are no reflection upon anyone but myself.

Devil Ledbetter

11-21-2007, 02:11 AM

I made no assumption about you. I was answering the question "do I not do it because I'm embarrassed by it?" And I gave MY reasoning behind it.

My reasons, last time I checked, are no reflection upon anyone but myself.Fair enough, SF. Likewise, I don't run around going "Nobody look at me! You can't know what I do with my time! I'm mysterious and secretive! It's none of your business! Don't you dare ask me to pick up the tab!" So why wouldn't I be open about my writing?

Those are just my reasons, and no reflection on anyone but myself.

arodriguez

11-21-2007, 02:18 AM

writers are cool

ishtar'sgate

11-21-2007, 02:33 AM

The truth shall set you free! Good job! Nothing like feeling free to be who you are!

I have a sincere, nonjudgmental question. People really hide that they're writers from others? It never occurred to me to do this. Why? Is there a public stigma that I'm unaware of? This really intrigues me now!
A couple of reasons. At first it was because I was unpublished and people seem to think being published is a breeze, so it was better just to keep quiet about my writing. Once I was published it had more to do with my personality. I'm pretty shy and don't much like attention being drawn to me. I hated being at dinner parties and having someone announce to everyone at the table that I was a writer. People look at you like you're some exotic creature that should be ready to entertain them on the spot. I'd rather be anonymous. Maybe some day I won't feel like that but right now I do.
Linnea

melaniehoo

11-21-2007, 02:37 AM

I just told the majority of my friends this weekend. All were surprised, especially when I told them I'd already finished a first draft. They were supportive - some more enthusiastic than others - but for some reason I chickened out with my last group of friends I saw. But it felt good to include them in the part of my life that takes up all of my time.

tearsofsirion

11-21-2007, 02:47 AM

The "talks" consist mostly of them reminding me how it makes a ruin of my life, because I'm a clever girl and I should have all my focus only on schoolwork and achieving the highest marks, and getting the perfect family, house and job. For them, schoolwork > everything.

Yeah...I remember those talks. And went to college for Biopsychology instead of Creative Writing. My parents said there was no money in writing or music, and I guess in a lot of ways they were right. But, if I hadn't listened to them and gone to school for something I wasn't really interested in, I would probably be a teacher or something now, instead of a college drop out. Oh well. It still sucks because those little "talks" stay with you, and I am constantly telling myself how "worthless" I am for spending time on music or writing, when I could be doing so many more productive things, like cleaning and stuff :). Hurray for all who are trying to get past all this baggage that was foisted on you by your parent's ideals and plans. Maybe we should form a support group ;)

WittyandorIronic

11-21-2007, 02:47 AM

My reasons for not telling most people is two fold. One is a massive seizure of self hatred when I finish a piece and then convince myself that it is trash, I can't coherently string a thought together, and I shouldn't be allowed in public for fear of contaminating others with my stupidity...Neurotic, I know.
Second, I work in an industry that people work very hard to become good at and break into, where people take themselves way too seriously. I am younger than most my peers, professional, and quite good at what I do. To dramatize my life (lol) it would be similar to being Doogie Howzer, a young savant doctor, who "really wants to be a writer" when he grows up. I have encountered, and I worry about further encountering, disgruntled coworkers who feel that my success (as if it were a finite quality) is wasted because my passion is focused elsewhere. So I am quiet about my writing when I am on the job.

Esopha

11-21-2007, 02:50 AM

The closet door stays shut until I'm either published or out of high school. If I had my writing associated with the school in anyway, I'd probably want to smack myself over the head.

My writing isn't school-related. It's my profession. My job. It has nothing to do with the school, but you can bet your bottom that they'll twist it around into academic achievement.

Pooheads. All of them.

Provrb1810meggy

11-21-2007, 02:53 AM

I couldn't imagine people not knowing. I'm the writing girl at school. It's a big part of me. It's my passion. I've done it since I was in elementary school. Plus, you can't really get much work done on your WIP in your notebook during class while hiding the fact that you write, you know?

Anyway, congratulations Madison! Hope it was very freeing!

SilverPhoenix

11-21-2007, 03:05 AM

Maybe we should form a support group ;)

Writer's Army =D
Promoting coming out of the closet, complete with cookies, notebooks,
rainbow-coloured pens, and gay writer's pride parades.

Azure Skye

11-21-2007, 03:18 AM

Mom. Dad. *gulp* We need to talk.

:::wipes sweaty palms on jeans:::

I'm a...writer.

Perle_Rare

11-21-2007, 03:22 AM

I'm still deep inside that closet and don't anyone open the door!!!

Three years ago, I quit my job and told everyone I really wanted to write a book. I then went off and tried to figure out how to be a writer all by my lonesome. I didn't get very far and every time I met someone who knew I was "writing", I'd get asked how it was going. Well, it wasn't going at all so I gave it up and told everyone so they'd stop asking.

I've just recently decided to give it a try again. And I found AW to help me figure out what being a writer means. But there's no way I'm telling anyone (except my immediate family) that I'm writing anything at all. I'll tell the world when I'm ready to show them a polished product. But given that I'm still on Chapter 2, I've got a long way to go.

So I'm staying in my cosy closet!!!

Madison

11-21-2007, 03:23 AM

Mom. Dad. *gulp* We need to talk.

:::wipes sweaty palms on jeans:::

I'm a...writer.

Go for it! Take a deep breath and spill it. Yep it's hard, but it's worth it!

KTC

11-21-2007, 03:24 AM

Mom. Dad. *gulp* We need to talk.

:::wipes sweaty palms on jeans:::

I'm a...writer.

NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT NONSENSE RIGHT NOW!

Azure Skye

11-21-2007, 03:28 AM

NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT NONSENSE RIGHT NOW!

:e2cry::e2bummed:

KTC

11-21-2007, 03:29 AM

That was just a test run. I'm sure you'll be fine. Just preparing you.

hehe. Go to it.

KTC

11-21-2007, 03:29 AM

Why do people always do those smilies when quoting my words. I must be a nasty bastid.

(-;

Azure Skye

11-21-2007, 03:35 AM

That was just a test run. I'm sure you'll be fine. Just preparing you.

hehe. Go to it.

I'm trying.

This is me procrastinating writing my final chapter. You're helping me procrastinate. How does that make you feel?

Ooops. Sorry to hijack.

KTC

11-21-2007, 03:40 AM

I'm trying.

This is me procrastinating writing my final chapter. You're helping me procrastinate. How does that make you feel?

Ooops. Sorry to hijack.

I'm proud to help you procrastinate.

PS...I am old now. It doesn't matter what my parents think. But it's odd that they have no idea that I ever returned to writing. They have probably had magazines pass through their house in which my articles have appeared. If they noticed, I haven't heard. When I won the novel marathon this summer, my first thought was to tell everybody I knew. Then, my second was, "except them." At least now I have people to tell. And they are all super supportive of my writing. I think everybody needs that...not so much validation...but support. There is a difference.

Sean D. Schaffer

11-21-2007, 08:06 AM

This weekend, I told every single one of my friends that I am a writer, that the whole wanna-be doctor thing was a front, that I'm going to major in creative writing in college - I unloaded the whole truth. And it was so RELIEVING!

I read a post a while ago asking who on AW was still 'in the closet,' (aka were 'secret' writers) and it seemed like a lot of people were. I was. But from the other side, having people know I write is freeing! I feel like I've escaped from some sort of underground prison, or ended a covert mission that I couldn't tell anyone about. They know, which means they know me better.

So here's a challenge: tell someone, someone close to you or maybe just an acquaintance, that you write. Yeah, it's awkward. I had to tell my eight best friends in the world that I had written three books and not told them. But when it's all over, trust me, it's way worth it.

Right on, Madison! It's good you've decided to come clean with your friends about your writing. Now you shouldn't feel like you've got a dirty little secret to have to constantly keep watch over.

When I first decided to be a writer, I told quite a few people. Some laughed, others helped as best they could, but telling people what I wanted to do with my life was probably the best decision I made where my writing is concerned, because I have too many other things I've kept from people I know and care about for whatever reasons I may do so. Having one more skeleton in my closet just is not worth the effort ... or, if you think about it, the pain ... of keeping it secret.

oneblindmouse

11-21-2007, 02:05 PM

I wasn't allowed to explore my creativity .... It was a sickening stigma...grossly frowned upon. I still did it always...but secretively...shamefully... But I still held that constant struggle within me. Writing bad. art bad. creativity bad. It was equated with illness...ugliness...shame. ...And it probably seems odd to those of you who have always been supported to learn that some do worse than not support you.

I find it utterly amazing and horrendous that anyone could try to twart another's creativity!!! Bravo for having not only survived such attempted creative castration, but also to have made writing your life! Myself, I'd feel an imposter if I came out of 'the closet' right now, having only had one article published, but prefer to call myself an aspiring or budding writer!

Shadow_Ferret

11-21-2007, 09:15 PM

Fair enough, SF. Likewise, I don't run around going "Nobody look at me! You can't know what I do with my time! I'm mysterious and secretive! It's none of your business! Don't you dare ask me to pick up the tab!" So why wouldn't I be open about my writing?

Those are just my reasons, and no reflection on anyone but myself.
I believe not only did I misunderstand this whole thread, but I made myself misunderstood.

I assumed, and probably wrongly, that if you have friends and family that they would naturally know you're a writer, or struggling to be a writer. I'm not sure how something like that stays in the closet or why you'd be afraid to reveal that.

I was talking about people outside that intimate circle. People at work. People at church. People at my sons' school. None of them know and I still believe it's none of their business.

So, DL, you can remain mysterious and secretive. I don't really care.