Mixed Emotions in ONE scene...

[ZannaPerry]

I haven't had complaints about this, but I am only curious as how it would come across to readers....

My question is, as you're writing one particular scene that deals with only two characters, and a lot of emotions involved...what is the easiest way to write it to not confuse the readers?

Say, I have this one scene that involve my two main characters and they are breaking up after a long relationship (young love, you know how that is)...well, the hero is trying to stay under control, mean, and cold toward the heroine. While the heroine doesn't know what to think of this sudden change. She's hurt, confused, demands answers, becomes aggressive, and then she's confused again and wonders innocently that he's not really breaking up with her, that this is all some kind of joke.

So....if written well.....that could that work, right?

[Susan Gable]

Of course it can work. :)

Human emotions are complex things. We don't often feel just one thing at a time. Often we encounter a confusing mixture of emotions at the same time.

For example, a heroine who's about to "get busy" with the hero for the first time -- she's likely feeling a mixture of things, ranging from lust (one would hope) to anxiety (do I look okay? Will he notice that stretch mark?) to tenderness to excitement (again, one would hope <G>), etc.

Emotions are messy business. :)

Susan G.

[blacbird]

Say, I have this one scene that involve my two main characters and they are breaking up after a long relationship (young love, you know how that is)...well, the hero is trying to stay under control, mean, and cold toward the heroine. While the heroine doesn't know what to think of this sudden change. She's hurt, confused, demands answers, becomes aggressive, and then she's confused again and wonders innocently that he's not really breaking up with her, that this is all some kind of joke.

So....if written well.....that could that work, right?

This is exactly the kind of scene where "showing" emotion, through dialogue, through character action and interaction, is not just desirable, but utterly necessary. If you do that, you can carry it off just fine. Think of it as a scene in a play, and how that would function.

If, on the other hand, you get involved in a lot of internal monologue and authorial intrustion, it probably won't work. It's all a matter of technique.

caw

[Stew21]

I agree with the previous two posters, and just want to add (and I hope I am on the right page with what you're saying here) a bit more.

Consider how so often actions betray the untruth of words. Use that in your narration of the events.
How a person communicates can tell a reader more than what that person is saying. Just basic communication is like this - and in writing you have the advantage of matching or, as the case may be, mismatching the words to the actions to drive your point home of multiple and even conflicting emotions.
Think of basic every day human interaction - you can imagine guilt while someone says "I didn't do it". You can imagine the definitive answer of "No" with a pleading, telling look of "yes" on the person's face. You can imagine someone saying angry words with apology all over the person's face right after they say it. That moment of instantly sorry, regret and wanting to take it back. You can imagine that confusion will show itself as frustration and anger. A person turning his back may look like a move to ignore or block out when really it is a move to conceal one's own emotions/expressions. Use the physical actions that show the emotions to contradict the words your characters say. (because when we are angy, upset, confused, hurt, we say things we don't mean - hide that vulnerable piece of us under a stronger show).
If you have a complex emotional scene - keep the dialogue true to what you want the characters to say, even if you know what you are having them say is not truly how the character feels, and put their "tells", doubts, and contradictions to those words into actions.

Just my 2 cents.

[Susan Gable]

As others have said here, the key to getting this complexity down is NOT in TELLING the reader what the character is feeling. Not in having the character NAME the emotion.

I have a workshop I do called Story Superglue: Make It Stick with Readers, and it has two parts that are interconnected -- character and emotion.

So I'm going to see if I can copy and paste a couple of examples here that I use in my workshop. See, this way I can SHOW you how to SHOW your readers.


Red – Physical reactions/responses/behaviors
Blue – Sensory details – visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile all here. But don’t add things just for the sake of adding them. Putting a TASTE in this scene would have been very silly, and yet, there’s the lasagna, which played a significant role in previous scene. In theory, could have had a sick taste in her mouth. <G> (okay, ick! <G>)
Green – strong verbs that relate to character’s mood here


She found herself outside the Emergency entrance. Squaring her shoulders, shejumpedwhen the automatic doors whooshed open, then strode through them.
About three steps inside, the scent of antiseptic and cleaning fluids attacked her nose. Her stomach lurched, threatening to return the lasagna. The harsh glare of the fluorescent lights made her blink rapidly.
The nurse at the reception desk scribbled information from a man cradling his towel-wrapped hand in his lap. Murmurs of low voices echoed through the hallway. Rachel swallowed hard and moved towards the waiting area.
Blue plastic chairs - hard-looking, not meant to be inviting. Small tables cluttered with magazines sporting tattered covers, and pamphlets about STDs and deadly diseases. In the corner of the room, a television blared CNN - more crime, more disease, more badnews.
Rachel scannedthe small, somber clusters of people, searchingfor James, but didn't see him.
The automatic doors whooshed open again, and a whirlwind swept into the ER. Several paramedics, voices tense, rushed a gurney down the hallway. "MVA" was one phrase Rachel caught as she pressed against the wall. "Severe head trauma" was another.
Severe head trauma.
The gurney and its cloud of people vanished around the corner. At the far end of the corridor, she saw the form she'd been looking for. James.
Severe head trauma.
Her ears shut off, replaced with a roaring sound that rose up from all sides of her. Words from memory replayed in the gap of sensory input. She could hear those same words from a doctor - severe head trauma. And later he'd said, "Brain dead."

Okay, let's take that apart. Do I TELL you how this character feels? No, I don't. But I choose specific details that this character IN THIS MOOD would notice. If you're in a happy mood you notice different things than you notice in a down mood. I use strong verbs that describe her physical reactions. I use limited backstory and internal dialogue.

Does that help at all?

Susan G.


PS - Sorry for the crummy formating. <sigh>

[Danger Jane]

Like other posters have said, you really, really need to SHOW the emotions in this scene. You have to feel what they're feeling and use their body language (primarily) to let the reader know that this character is feeling a crazy, tumultuous mix of emotions. "She was sad...she was angry...she was confused..." just won't cut it for most readers.

[ZannaPerry]

Yeah, I get it now! I will go over what you posted when I have more time, Susan. And thank you for helping out. To everyone who replied! Much thanks! :)

[shelboselby]

It could totally work...those are the exact emotions someone experiences in something like that anyway. My advice would be to try and write the scene as organically as possible. Don't worry so much about MAKING us understand these emotions...just let them be. Allow her actions and words take us on the journey. Suck us into her and her feelings. Just tell the story, the words she says, and don't try to make sure we get it. We'll probably feel it more if you just tell us without trying to make us see it.

[HeronW]

Careful that you don't have too many twitches and facial expressions going with the dialogue. They take the reader away from what the char is saying and doing to sidetrack with hairflips, riasing eyebrows, pursing lips, etc. Less is more.

[Danger Jane]

Careful that you don't have too many twitches and facial expressions going with the dialogue. They take the reader away from what the char is saying and doing to sidetrack with hairflips, riasing eyebrows, pursing lips, etc. Less is more.

Well, ideally, dialogue and narrative/description are equally important to getting the mood--so the character isn't twitching meaninglessly, nor is he spewing filler. Every word, whether dialogue or not, should support this conflicted mood.

Sometimes the best body language isn't a facial expression at all, I've found.

[maestrowork]

That kind of scenes is challenging to write well, but it's also very satisfying. When your characters' body languages and action and dialogue say one thing but their thoughts say another.

[Stew21]

agreed, you don't want meaningless, twitchy action, but the right, precise movements go a long way in a scene that is emotionally charged.
I had a scene where a very conflicted character is standing in the shadow cast by the light from a bathroom in a hotel room. As the characters talk, my MC moves deeper into the shadow. it is his internal struggle displayed as an outward metaphor.
Those work too (at least they do for me, and I try to exercise them where I can.)

Another good example of outward displays of inward challenge is Ernest Hemingway's short story "Big Two-hearted River". Nick Adams (when he is dark and brooding) only recognizes the dark things in his surroundings. When he tries to block things out, he focuses (Hemingway does this through very precise narration) on the mundane details of the camping/fishing trip - the details of making coffee, etc). When the character is doing better, his surroundings reflect it.
It is a great example of environment - what a character notices - that displays the characters mood and feelings.

[TyrantMikey]

This scene can definitely work out.

The key is to make sure that you focus on ONE character's point of view. Maintain that point of view, and it's EASY to convey the sense of confusion. After all, the POV character has no access whatsoever to what's going on inside the head of the other character: all she can see is what's playing out in his body language, facial expressions, and what's coming out of his mouth.

It might be very easy for her to think he's serious one minute, must be kidding the next, and then painfully realize that he's absolutely serious.

That's when it hits her. It sinks down into the pit of her stomach like hot, molten lead. And she knows. He means it.

She frowned at him. "You're not serious."
He sat the glass on the counter and turned to face her. His face was cool, dispassionate as he crossed his arms. His lidded eyes prevented her from being able to look directly at him like she normally would, as if he were refusing to look at her. He exhaled slowly. "I just can't do this anymore."
She took a step back, shocked. A word formed on her lips, but faltered. Her heart hammered in her chest.
Finally, he looked at her, a thin smirk forming on his lips.
She snarled at him. "You're joking," she accused. "You can't possibly be serious. I won't believe it."
He reached up with his hand and wiped the sweat from his jaw. He raised an eyebrow and smirked once more at her. "It's over. We could argue about it, but it won't change anything. You know it, I know it. So, let's just dispense with all that, shall we?"
Once again, she stepped back, but her leg struck a chair and she fell backwards into it. She landed roughly, and the wind was knocked out of her. She half expected him to come to her aid as she sat there panting. Instead, he reached for his keys, and made his way to the door.
"Don't bother calling, Dierdre. I won't answer." He opened the door, and was gone.
She watched him leave in wide-eyed shock. No, it was too sudden. Too fast. It had all gone so wrong. But how? And why? She felt the tears splashing rapidly down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook, and then, suddenly, she was torn with great wracking sobs as the weight of the sudden loss set upon her. He was gone.

He waited outside the door, knowing she wouldn't follow. He hated what he'd done, but it had been necessary. She'd never understand. But there were reasons. He wasn't even sure he could live with what he'd done. Well, that wasn't even entirely true. He'd get over it, but it would take a while.
He stood there, leaning against the door, listening to her cry, regretting the pain he'd caused her. Then, he silently turned and walked down the hallway towards the elevator.



Of course that's crude, cliche, and this isn't my genre, but I'm writing it in under 20 minutes while at work. (Shhh! don't tell anyone!) :D

Hope it works out for you!

[Feathers]

My question is, as you're writing one particular scene that deals with only two characters, and a lot of emotions involved...what is the easiest way to write it to not confuse the readers?

Say, I have this one scene that involve my two main characters and they are breaking up after a long relationship (young love, you know how that is)...well, the hero is trying to stay under control, mean, and cold toward the heroine. While the heroine doesn't know what to think of this sudden change. She's hurt, confused, demands answers, becomes aggressive, and then she's confused again and wonders innocently that he's not really breaking up with her, that this is all some kind of joke.

So....if written well.....that could that work, right?

Yes....it could work, but only if you kept melodrama out of it. I could just see a scene like this getting all histrionic (that's the word, right?) which would ruin it. Keep it simple. Sutble. Like, instead of this (dramatic):

"What?" She looked at him in bewilderment, and laughed, her eyes uncertian. "You can't be serious. You're breaking up with me? But I thought..."

He tightened his jaw. "Don't laugh."

Her face twisted. It was like she couldn't decide wether to be amused or outraged. Again, she repeated, "You can't be serious."

Do this (simple):

"What?" she said. She waited for him to contradict her. To tell her it was a joke.

His lips compressed.

She laughed heartlessly. "You can't be serious. You can't..."

It was a joke. It had to be a joke.

Okay, so those examples were crap, but I hope they clarify what I meant.

-Feathers

[KarlaErikaCal]

That can definitely work. People experience an assortment of feelings in one scene. That's what makes us human. We're people of emotion, and it can change within a short period of time.