Perils of Showing First Draft to Family

[popmuze]

My daughter is a big reader. She hasn't lived at home for a long time. And she's been begging me to show her the first draft of my WIP. So I took the bait.

It seems like it might be a mistake. But not for the usual reasons.

From our few conversations on the subject so far, I get the impression she thinks the main character is me, and therefore, she finds if psychologically impossible to find the fatal flaws I'm looking to discover in the main character.

I tried to explain to her that reading and critiquing a first draft is a lot different from reading (and critiquing) a published novel. I told her to be brutally honest, etc. And she said she was up to the task.

But this was a curve ball I wasn't expecting.

[Alexandra Little]

Never rely on family. I wrote a story where the MC had a fight with her mother, called her horrible names, and ran away. Guess what my mother thought about that?

[Hillary]

I'd never let my father or brother read anything I wrote and hope for a helpful response.

However, I listen, enraptured, whenever my mother says anything about writing. I have nothing to do but learn from her.

[TheIT]

Is the story in first person POV? Sometimes it's hard to convince people that "I" in the story doesn't mean "I, the author".

[donroc]

I NEVER show a first draft to anyone. After a second draft, I then ask my beta aka wife and muse to read.

[Ervin]

I have a whole list of people in my head who i would never bother to show a draft to, simply because I know they will praise my work no matter how horrible it is. It will give me a false sense of security. I will probably let my mom read a draft, she's good at being honest yet unhurtful, too bad she would never have the time.

[Will Lavender]

Along these lines, I got this question last night at my book signing from an aunt:

"So did you borrow any stories from your CRAZY FAMILY [cue anxious, bitten-down laughter] to use in the book?"

I answered, simply, "No."

You could feel the air go out of the room.

In a lot of ways you can see where these folks are coming from. I would be nervous if one of my relatives were a, say, filmmaker. I think it's only natural to feel like others around us are doing things that involve us; it's that whole me-centric thing we never really get past from childhood, I guess.

It's a tough thing for a writer or an artist of any kind. I just usually put everybody's minds at ease and say, "This stuff was dredged completely out of my whacky and disjointed subconscious. Enjoy."

[Mumut]

I was told never to let the family read the WIP because they would say nice things to please me, but I've found I'm really lucky. My wife has never had a problem with critising me. All we needed to do was defind 'constructive criticism' and we were fine.

My daughters are also good critics. I chose a female MC because the action is set in England in the Middle Ages and MC has to fight her way out of trouble. This is what the girls want to see. Both of them experianced sex discrimination at school, by the education system mainly, and I've enjoyed writing the story in a way that they, represented by the MC, get their own back.

[Chasing the Horizon]

I use my parents as beta readers. My Mom is an avid reader and my Dad had a couple of his poems and short stories published way back when, so I figure they're better than most of my brain-dead friends :D . I would never show a book to anyone until I finished editing it, though. Why make them slog through all my typos?

I trust my parents to be fairly objective (as objective as anyone, at least). When I was first starting out, my Mom told me the chapters I showed her 'needed work. A lot of work'. I know this is her way of saying 'you suck', lol. I figure if my own mother thinks it sucks, it must be true. Just the other day she came to me and said 'did you forget to edit this scene? It's really hard to read.'

The idea of my family thinking I was writing about them or about myself actually never occurred to me. One of my characters had a horribly abusive mother, and another had an alcoholic father, but my parents never thought those characters had anything to do with them. Maybe it's because I write fairly distant third limited, and have very little in common with my characters. Or maybe it's because I write fantasy. My characters do a lot of things I would never do, and I strongly disagree with them sometimes. If anyone said they thought one of my MCs was a novel version of me, I would probably laugh out loud and thank them for the compliment. I wish I was that fun, talented, smart, and interesting, lol.

[kzmiller]

I think most family, unless they're writers or some other sort of professional accustomed to getting critiques, will have a tough time giving an unbiased opinion. Spouses seem to have less issue because the power dynamic is more equal--that may be true for sibs though I haven't tested that theory personally. Parents and kids--that's tougher.

[lucky8]

My sister is pretty good at crit-ing but I'd still never show her, or anyone else, a first draft. I learned early on not to show my parents anything and expect constructive help, same goes for my friends although for different reasons.

[Horsetales]

My wife edits my WIP as I go along. She has a degree in English and is very critical. After a conversation with her this morning two of my major characters are going to be axed and about 20,000 words totally re written. I had been hanging on to these characters more out of sentimentality than benefit to the plot, she cut straight to the point and told me to be brutal.

Always useful when you are sleeping with your editor! ;)

[Queen of Swords]

I once asked my mother if she wanted to read my work, and she said she would read whatever I'd written after it was published and in a bookstore. She was never into fiction, though. She preferred biographies of the rich and famous, like Elvis Presley and Aristotle Onassis, so she probably wouldn't have enjoyed my fantasy novel whether it was published or not. And she's dead now, so it's moot.

I don't think anyone else in my family is even aware that I write. Asian families would be very proud of doctors and engineers, but unpublished writers are more of an embarassment.

[Stijn Hommes]

For some reason my mother was in my room yesterday and she found the first draft of a short story I was working on. She asked one question about something that wasn't clear to her (which I already planned on changing), but overall she was as encouraging about my writing as she has been since I told her I did it. I don't see any perils in showing writing/first drafts to family, but I don't think it has any advantages either.

[Prawn]

I always use my family as beta readers, but I give it to another group of people who won't spare my feelings. The family is more of a cheering section.

[Stew21]

My family has asked. I have avoided sending a copy of it to each of them all they way up until my mom came for a visit and asked for the 5th time (she's the only one that continued to pester me about it). I put her off for so long, and she just kept asking so I emailed it to her.
She emailed not long ago and said she was reading my book and enjoying it. She hasn't said another word about it since.

If all I end up with is "that's nice dear." I'll be ok with that. I wasn't expecting her to be my best beta, but part of me wishes she wasn't reading it. Some of the pieces in it, I have to wonder how she will react. Mostly though, if she did react she would keep it primarily to herself. She won't want to discourage me. *sigh* - she doesn't understand that I can take constructive criticism quite well and never take it out on the criticizer.
So I'll get a pat on the head and a "good job' and it'll be done.

[johnzakour]

I have a policy I never show any or my drafts to anybody who can't buy the manuscript or edit it.

[Storm Dream]

My mother's been pretty good with my short stories; she's very helpful as a line editor and catches little grammar bugs that I miss. And every now and then she has some good character observations.

With that said, I don't know if I'd entrust one of the novels to her. Most of my stuff is space opera or fantasy or weird supernatural, and she's just not into that kind of stuff, doesn't seem to understand it.

(I also remember from experience that she has no problem shredding my stuff when she feels necessary. Granted, this was back in middle school, but I don't want her shredding it. Let the hurt feelings come from non family members. :) )

[DeleyanLee]

I guess it depends on the family involved.

Personally, I don't bother sending anything unpublished of mine to my parents or siblings since they have never read anything I've handed them before.

OTOH, I used my MIPs as bedtime stories for my children when they were young and would occasionally discuss them the next day. Now that they are college-age, they enjoy seeing what I'm doing and my daughter is a top-notch line editor (takes after her father there) and continuity checker.

Personally, I like having cheerleaders read as I'm writing. It keeps my spirits high and gives me someone to babble at when I need to brainstorm without "ruining" the story for my crit buds--but I know the difference between the two.

[donroc]

Early in our marriage, my wife showed without my approval a first draft of mine to her uncle who had connections in Hollywood. In front of everyone, he handed it to me and loudly said, THIS IS A PIECE OF SHIT. My reaction need not be printed here. Later he asked me to write PR for his company for more money than I was earning at the time as if his comment never happened. I was delighted to reject the offer.

The novel was good enough to get me an agent but ultimately became dated.

[jenstrikesagain]

I am so so so jealous of y'all who have family members who are even passingly interested in anything you've written. Hell, I'm jealous that your family members are interested in you, period. I have one uncle (one! out of my crop of six! To say nothing of my gaggle of aunts and cousins!) who has ever even mentioned writing without adding, "That's something you do when you're unemployed, right?" or something equally cutting. The only thing that ever got even a raised eyebrow was when "Time" magazine published one of my letters. My mother doesn't even look at my rather innocuous blog. So, for those of you who do have interested family members, give them a big hug for me. And show them what you wrote--when you're good and ready.

I'm not bitter. Honest.

[DeleyanLee]

Don't worry, Jen. For every member of my family interested in my writing, I've got someone who gives me great quotes like "Real people don't get published. Give it up."

I'm looking forward to being able to inscribe a copy of my book (some day) "From your unreal daughter" just to see if they get it or if I get total denial once they've been proven wrong.

heh.

[donroc]

At my age the only downside of at last being published is that those of my parents' and grandparents' generations -- and some from mine--who wished me well, are not here to share my delight. And, of course, I cannot give the old flipproo to those negativos whom I have outlived.

[Mythica]

My mother has read my book and loved it, but it's my friends that usually harass me for more. I've been really lucky to avoid anyone saying something cruel to me like I've read here. That would seriously just suck. It's bad enough getting rejected by an agent you've never met, but to be put down by family? Yikes. That's not okay.

Now that I think of it! I did have an economics teacher back in high school ask me what I wanted to do after college and when I said writer, he says to me, "What? Wow! You are going to be poor!" All I kept thinking was, 'well at least I won't be obnoxious and miserable like you...' Sheesh, what a jerk.

[Alexandra Little]

I am actually looking forward to giving my mss to my friend and her younger sisters (they're 13 or 14, I forget which). They are all avid readers, and one of the sisters enjoys writing, so I trust their abilities to tell me what they didn't enjoy and what needs to be fixed.

My mom doesn't read fiction except once in a blue moon (DaVinci Code when the movie came out, for instance, and a Pride and Prejudice sequel even though she's never read the original, because she likes the movies). My dad, however, reads fantasy and sci-fi (Tolkien, Herbert, LeGuin) but very casually. He may be more open. However, neither of them are good with English (nurse and engineer, respectively), so I don't expect them to critique (and, in my mom's case, she'll make too much out of the MC's motive and think the character is me).

[Danger Jane]

My family's supportive of my writing, but none of them seem terribly interested in reading any of it. At least, not in pressing me to let them read it.

[Sassee]

My daughter is a big reader. She hasn't lived at home for a long time. And she's been begging me to show her the first draft of my WIP. So I took the bait.

It seems like it might be a mistake. But not for the usual reasons.

From our few conversations on the subject so far, I get the impression she thinks the main character is me, and therefore, she finds if psychologically impossible to find the fatal flaws I'm looking to discover in the main character.

I tried to explain to her that reading and critiquing a first draft is a lot different from reading (and critiquing) a published novel. I told her to be brutally honest, etc. And she said she was up to the task.

But this was a curve ball I wasn't expecting.

Yup, it happens, especially if it's the first novel she's ever read of yours.

My mom always pesters me to let her read my first draft. I keep telling her she can read it when I'm done revising. She's an avid reader, but I don't know that I trust her to give me honest feedback. She has issues giving and receiving criticism. I have a feeling that she would 1) think anything I wrote was good or lie to my face to make me feel better, and 2) would think the MC was me, especially since it's in first person.

I haven't let any of my family members read it. Tons of friends, but no family. I'm concerned that all of them would think it was me. (Why does everyone think first person is a duplicate of the author? /sigh) Plus there are some parts in it I'm not sure I EVER want my dad to read. I'll probably wait to see if it gets published and let him decide if he's going to pick it up off the shelf. I might try it out on my sister though... she'll give me honest feedback, or at least tell me if she didn't like it. I could probably get honest feedback from my two aunts as well. They have that sort of personality.

[Mumut]

I've just had another thought about this. I probably wouldn't give MSS to family to read if I wrote erotica.

[RJK]

I gave my brother a copy of draft 2 of my first novel. Two days later I asked him if he'd had time to look at it yet. He said he finished it (81,000 words). His comments: I couldn't put it down. I really wanted to know what happended next.
Later, I asked him for his honest opinion of the story, dialog, characters, etc. He told me that in one scene there was no way the heroine would have done what I wrote. He would have liked to know more about the bad guys. and more about how the protagonist (police detective) investigated.
He gave me ideas for adding scenes that will possibly add several thousand words to my short novel.
He also said he can't wait to read the next one.
He is the first person to read my first manuscript. I know he's on my side, but he is also honest enough to tell me to keep my day job if it were bad.

[HeronW]

Finished and printed stuff yes, WIP no way.

[Phaeal]

My pard is a novelist as well and betas all my fiction, so I'm lucky.

I would show work to other family members only if they seemed sincerely interested, but except for one nephew who's a published writer, I wouldn't expect much in the way of useful critiquing. So far no family members have ever shown any interest, but then again, I haven't asked them to.

Apart from my pard, my best beta reader is a novelist I met during last year's NaNoWriMo when I was trying to set up some exchanges. He just happened to read my excerpt and sent me a private message. I read his excerpt and liked it a lot. All the people I tried to set up exchanges with -- who had declared they absolutely wanted to exchange -- never returned my emails when the time came. So the only connection that worked out was the serendipitous one. All hail Serendipity, provider of all good things! :)

BTW, Jared, thanks for the great edits and the chance to read your novel before the hordes!

[donroc]

After you are published, you will be surprised at the number of relations (including cousins of various degrees) who will not buy your book. Their excuses would be good for another thread.

[Viral]

After you are published, you will be surprised at the number of relations (including cousins of various degrees) who will not buy your book. Their excuses would be good for another thread.

Make the thread! I really want to hear what they said :o

[Stew21]

My family has asked. I have avoided sending a copy of it to each of them all they way up until my mom came for a visit and asked for the 5th time (she's the only one that continued to pester me about it). I put her off for so long, and she just kept asking so I emailed it to her.
She emailed not long ago and said she was reading my book and enjoying it. She hasn't said another word about it since.

If all I end up with is "that's nice dear." I'll be ok with that. I wasn't expecting her to be my best beta, but part of me wishes she wasn't reading it. Some of the pieces in it, I have to wonder how she will react. Mostly though, if she did react she would keep it primarily to herself. She won't want to discourage me. *sigh* - she doesn't understand that I can take constructive criticism quite well and never take it out on the criticizer.
So I'll get a pat on the head and a "good job' and it'll be done.

Mom finished reading and said she loved it. (of course she would say that). I thanked her. I consider that I was not relying on her for an honest crit. I sent it to her for *her*, not for her to beta read for me. In that light, it did not hurt me in any way to send it to her to read. It's a throw-away beta. It made her happy.
I think the only real warning with it is that they can read it, but you can't use family to beta and expect honest feedback. if your expectation is that it doesn't count, it won't hurt for family to see it.

[Riley]

I never show my family my manuscripts at all. My stepfather always says, 'you should write me into this story.' My mom always says, 'cute'. I could be writing about a robotic transvestite prostitute murdering ducklings and my stepfather would want to be in the story and my mother would think it was cute.

Ah, family. What would we do without you?

[IceCreamEmpress]

I could be writing about a robotic transvestite prostitute murdering ducklings

I really really really really want to read this story now!

Except maybe without the ducklings. "TV pundits" perhaps, or "people who play their car stereos extraordinarily loudly."

[popmuze]

After you are published, you will be surprised at the number of relations (including cousins of various degrees) who will not buy your book. Their excuses would be good for another thread.


But they always expect you to provide them with a free copy and are insulted if you don't. Not that they'll ever read the free copy if you provide it.

[big_black_bird]

I flashed my mom the WIP of my 07 Screnzy project. There are torture bits, and sex bits, and sado-masochism bits.

I won't be showing her anything else.

[Daehota]

Never rely on family. I wrote a story where the MC had a fight with her mother, called her horrible names, and ran away. Guess what my mother thought about that?

Hah! Were we separated at birth?

Usually the things I write upset my mother. Often too weird for her, I think. She is 89, after all. Recently I showed my mother a ss and her first comment was "Sure is a lot of swearing in here." (Mild swearing, and she swears herself)

But she did say it was good.

Take all family comments with a grain of salt.

[Riley]

I really really really really want to read this story now!

Except maybe without the ducklings. "TV pundits" perhaps, or "people who play their car stereos extraordinarily loudly."

:D Someone should write that story. Not me because I'm not sure I could treat the subject with intelligence and sensitivity.

Maybe the robot can murder vanity poetry publishers? No, I don't have a vendetta against poetry.com. Maybe I should write it, and write my stepfather in it. He can replace the ducklings. I'm sure he'd love the story then.

[donroc]

I am reminded of the classic Momma segments on the Carol Burnett show, one of which is when the Roddy McDowell character is so famous as a writer he makes Time's cover, and the family is clueless.

[Zelenka]

I used to show some work to a relative but he just stopped being interested one day and hasn't wanted to read anything for five years. The rest of my family treat the writing thing as if it's some shameful disease and go very quiet if I mention it. They still think it's a phase I should grow out of. (Another member of my family once wanted to be an artist and composer, but ended up stealing loads of money and stuff from them, doing drugs and basically being a pig to everyone, so I reckon part of the problem is they're wary of people being 'creative' now.)

As for showing first drafts, I only show those to a friend sometimes, and she lets me read some of hers too. A lot of that is just for first impressions or for 'cheerleading' and it's fun.

[AncientEagle]

As can be seen from many previous posts on this thread, there's family and then there's family. In response to pleading, I gave the manuscript of what is now my trunk novel to my niece. "I'll be," she said, "your severest critic." That was 13 years ago. I haven't heard a comment from her yet. She passed it on to my older sister, who said, "It was good, but why did you let them make love, when they weren't married?" Then my 90 year-old mother got the manuscript, stayed up much of the first night reading it, finished it the next day, and proclaimed it excellent, including the mild sex scene. I'm old enough to take all those reactions with a grain of salt, although the one that was a total lack of comment frosted me a little.

[dpaterso]

Just wanted to say, it could be a lot worse. A family member could ask you to critique their writing. When that moment comes, the skies will darken and a chill wind will blow right through you. With good reason. Things will never be the same again.

-Derek

[inkkognito]

My early life taught me that writing should be a solitary endeavor where family is concerned. My father had passed away and my siblings had fled the household when I was just starting to submit. I made my first sale, slipped the tearsheet into a notebook, and proudly showed my mother (a woman whose parenting skills were learned from Joan Crawford). Her only comment: "Why did you get such a big notebook? You're never going to fill it."

I never discussed any phase of my writing with her again; she died a few years later but had no idea in the meantime that the notebook was getting rather full. Her words did me a backhanded favor by fueling a stubborn push to succeed, but it also made me more private about my writing where family was concerned. My friends all knew I was a writer, but family had no clue.

These days I will occasionally ask my husband for critiques, but the poor man is language-challenged so it's not particularly useful. I do much better with my writing group or writing friends.

[Shanster]

I love showing my writing to my family - my parents, little brothers && cousins. Occasionally, depending what it is, I might show my grandparents, too.

It's hard to get critique from them, though. My younger brothers think I'm amazing because they can't use proper grammar yet, and everyone else is too worried about hurting my feelings. They'll point out little things, but they won't go anywhere near the 'brutal honesty' that a writer requires to make her story flow well.

Basically, you should show it to your family for compliments to make you feel good then find an online beta who has nothing personally to do with you & therefore has no reason to treat you like glass.

[Constantine K]

I let my best friend read the first draft, that's all. I'm weak and needed some validation, okay? I needed to hear: "Yeah that part was sweet!"

He's also honest enough to tell me what doesn't work, and more of the time it's something I had already thought of, so it's nice to hear the same thing come from another's mouth.

As for family? No thanks.

[Ink_blot]

I have showed my mum some of my work and as some of you have said she is full of praise and I know she would do the same even if it was the biggest load of rubbish. In fact amazingly the funniest and best thing she thinks I have ever written is an email (!) I wrote while I was an undergraduate describing a shopping trip to Tesco! Go figure, bless her! Now I am not confident enough to show anyone anything.