A rather simple question... the art of Zen breathing

[Sunshine13]

So I'm curious. You know how your story sort of takes a life of its own and you write, not really realizing what it is you write until you go back and read. No? Maybe? Well, it happens to me.

Anyway, one of the things I wrote was my MC sucking in a breath through her nose. Would this work? Because I don't think inhaling is intense enough for the situation, and for the life of me I can't think of another word that might work, but I wonder if sucking is only considered to be done by mouth when breathing (I had to add that last part other wise that sentence would have just been BAD). :)

Thanks in advance!

EDIT: Ew, my bad for the typo in the subject. Drats!

[ishtar'sgate]

Exactly what is the phrase you used? I know what you mean but the phrase 'sucked in a breath through her nose' is a bit clumsy.
Linnea

[Mumut]

Does she absolutely have to suck it through the nose? It's about the best way to describe how a matronly school teacher would react to a child covered in mud entering the classroom in which case you wouldn't want to write anything else, but yes; it is hard to find a simple, exact word for it.

[dreamsofnever]

She drew in a breath threw her nose?

I agree that saying she sucked it in sounds a little awkward.

Or just, she breathed in through her nose.

[kiwiauthor]

... okay, depends on the genre. That said, I'm with ishtar ... the phrase sounds clumsy, which usually means try something else, CC. Is there another way you can create the desired image in the readers mind?

When I'm looking for details like this I often pick up a Gabaldon novel for inspiration. She is a master of the personal and interpersonal 'beat'.

Kiwi.

[seun]

Depends on the context. I'd write something like:

Keeping her mouth tightly shut in a furious line, she sucked in a breath through her nose.

[callalily61]

Brace yourselves. I'm about to use...an adverb!

I've done this myself. It's a pain reaction. My doctor dipped a Q-tip in liquid nitrogen and was pressing it on the tip of my finger to kill a wart. Red, screaming PAIN! But adults deal with it, so we don't scare any little kids within earshot. So:

I inhaled sharply through my nose. (several times, LOL)

It ain't perfect, but I once had a character do it (for a different reason) it's one of the few times I choose to employ an adverb.

[Sunshine13]

OK, it isn't so much from pain but great agitation. You know, when you're trying to hold something back, afraid you'll break someone in half if you don't? So maybe drew in a breath would work. I just wanted to use something new, but you know...guess not lol.

Lusa sucked in a slow breath through her nostrils, narrowed eyes peering in Vallas’ direction. That's the sentence. He just said something really insulting.

Though I like Seun's version.

I guess I could just deal and use: Lusa drew in a slow breath through her nostrils (or should I use nose?), peering in Vallas' direction.

Yes? No? I know, I'm worrying over something small, but hey, it's important to me lol :P

Oh, and thanks to whoever edited my subject line, I had a laugh this morning :D

[callalily61]

They both work for me. :)

[Stew21]

maybe her nostrils flared with the deep breath through her nose - (I'd add "like a huffer with a glue stick" but I don't figure many other people would - especially those who avoid similes).

;)

"When she breathed through her nose, her nostrils flared like a huffer's with a new glue stick." - I kinda like that.

[Eldritch]

Brace yourselves. I'm about to use...an adverb.

That's okay. You're allowed one a day.

[Danger Jane]

That's okay. You're allowed one a day.

I thought it was two adverbs per 14 pages, placed where you wish...?

The adverb is okay there--inhaled sharply. And I think nostrils is fine, too.

[dpaterso]

Lusa drew in a slow breath through her nostrils, peering in Vallas' direction.
Being superpicky, just for a change, I can't say I like the shift from past tense (drew) to present participle (peering) in the same sentence, it rocks the boat slightly. Maybe it's just me, shrug.

Yes, this focus on her breathing in through her nose does seem a little... excessive. :) If there was good reason for it, I'd understand, e.g. and just for evil fun's sake:

The gag bit painfully into Lusa's mouth. She sucked air through her nose, hating the stench of her own sweat laced with acrid fear. Vallas grinned at her. "Hey bitch, you soun' like you snort grade-A Columbian wit' a thousand-dollar bill. Wassup wit'choo?"

-Derek

[Sunshine13]

:ROFL:Leave it to you, Dpat, to brighten my day. :Hug2:

OK, OK...so I'm being obsessive. That's allowed too from time to time, right? ;)

[seun]

I guess I could just deal and use: Lusa drew in a slow breath through her nostrils (or should I use nose?), peering in Vallas' direction.


Interesting. I'd probably write:

Peering in Vallas' direction, Lusa drew in a slow breath through her nose.