training my MC

[KarlaErikaCal]

Ok, so in my novel, my main character undegoes training for the Galactic Union. The Galactic Union fights crime throughout the Universe, just so you know. :)

My problem is that when I describe the instructor teaching her how to do it, I tell rather than show.

Example:


He showed her a ray gun and taught her the correct way to hold it, to load it, to fire it, and to use two at once.

“A gun is the handiest weapon. Other than your strategic mind, guns can really help you out when you need it. The ray guns of the past three centuries are similar to the guns in the past that used bullets. The only difference is that, yes they do look cooler, but also that our bullet is a capsule of plasma material. Cool right?” asked Mr. Newman

“Yeah, I’d have to agree,” said Kaliope.

After he taught her the fundamentals, he put her into a simulator where students need to shoot the moving targets. The room he put her in was dark, with only a lighted walkway as a guide. Kaliope walked along the path, shooting down the flashing targets.

She passed it.

They moved on to lesson two: explosives. He took her into another room and had her put on protective padding. They were in a room filled with mines underneath artificial turf and Mr. Newman needed to time her on how fast she can move to the far end of the room forty-five yards away while dodging the exploding mines. Valigents [Galactic Union agents] learn this in order to have experience with mines before they do field work in enemy territory.



When she does training for other things I won't go into as much detail, since it'll just bog down the story with too many irrelevant details. I don't even know if I should include what I wrote above other than showing an introduction of what training is like.

Any suggestions?

[Sarpedon]

“A gun is the handiest weapon. Other than your strategic mind, guns can really help you out when you need it. The ray guns of the past three centuries are similar to the guns in the past that used bullets. The only difference is that, yes they do look cooler, but also that our bullet is a capsule of plasma material. Cool right?”

What the hell? "Other than your strategic mind, guns can really help you out when you need it" ?

Aside from that, you might do some research on how long it takes to graduate from a police academy.

You might also think about what tasks she needs to learn; Maybe she could get her syllabus on the first day that lists the courses, and you only include stories about the most interesting ones. Kind of like Harry Potter. We know that Hermione is taking Arithmancy, because its on her syllabus, and she talks about it sometimes, but we never sit in with her in class.

Space police syllabus, for example:

Proper paperwork procedures.
Raygun use and safety.
Law.
Flying a spaceship.
Advanced spaceship flying for law enforcement officers.
spaceship safety, i.e. make sure the airlock is tight.
Stellar topography- learning the beat.
How to subdue various aliens.
People skills and comportment.
etc.

You might skip the paperwork classes, just mention in passing that she's been attending them, and focus on the more interesting lessons.

There really isn't a problem with 'tell.' Tell about the unimportant things: "Kaliope had just spent three hours in her Space Traffic Safety and Regulation lecture and workshop. Next she was heading into her first weapon's workshop. Her heart tingled with anticipation." And show the more important things: "Mr Newman tossed her a triple synchronized thrust pulse cannon. Kaliope staggered when she caught it, bruising her forearm on its hard edges. 'Heavy, huh," Newman said, "Well you'd better get used to it; two weeks from now, it will be your best friend."

[ishtar'sgate]

Personally, I think you've moved through this too fast. Assume that the reader doesn't know anything about this particular ray gun. He showed her the ray gun. What did it look like? Taught her the correct way to hold it, load and fire it and use two at once. This is a perfect place to show her actually handling the weapon. Is it heavy? Light? Is it cold and hard to the touch or does it have some kind of soft yielding material that lets you grip it more easily? You don't need a lot of room to help the reader see the weapon. You could do something along these lines -
Mr. Newman held out the ray gun. "A gun is the handiest weapon." he said.
Kliope took the gun and hefted it in her hand. It was heavy and cold but curved in exactly the right way for her finger to easily rest on the firing mechanism.
This is obviously rough and off the top of my head but you get the idea. Just one line for each bit of the instruction allows the reader to see the weapon so that when she uses it, they'll remember the lesson and instantly get a mental image of her handling and shooting it. Hope that helps.
Linnea

[Sonneillon]

I would just like to point out that no matter how advanced the gun is, unless it has a tracking mechanism and absolutely no recoil, using two guns at the same time requires an advanced level of marksmanship. Two hands to steady and aim a weapon generally improve accuracy. The other thing you may want to consider is that most military organizations (and I'm presuming your Galactic Union is at least semi-military) favor the use of rifles over the use of handguns.

[Phaeal]

I'll second Sarpedon about looking into the training schedules of actual police/military academies. This will help you develop a credible training program for your officers.

The training itself could fill a whole novel. But if it's secondary to your story, you might just start the novel on your character's graduation day or beyond.

Oh, and if you can find a gun fan or a member of the military, he or she could be a huge help. I used to work with a former Special Forces officer who taught me how firearms work, how future firearms might work, and how to knife fight. We called him Gurney Halleck, only cuter.

[Gillhoughly]

Whoa-whoa-whoa!

You can't pick that kind of training up in an hour or so. This is combat training, not laser tag.

Your character has to go to GU boot camp. The MC is being trained to fight and kill bad guys. She may not have the right temper to do that. Not every cop who shoots straight is able to get onto the SWAT team! There are plenty of psychological tests that go with the action.

I STRONGLY suggest you find a local military recruiting office, go in, explain you're writing military science fiction. If they're not busy, they will be glad to help you out. Trust me, you'll find a lot who are BIG fans of the genre! Talk to vets.

Ask about boot camp. How long does it take? What do they learn (in general)? You don't need details on weaponry, but training time and how people are tested. Who washes out and why?

Read non-fiction accounts of people in the military. You'll extrapolate their experience to make your fiction more truthful. (I don't mean copy, but imagine how people with their training might react to problems on another planet or in space.)

I knew of a woman who went into the Marine Corp band--she still had to do boot camp. In one memorable training session (not a sheet of music in sight) she was in full fighting gear with a gas mask and had to spend time in a building full of tear gas. After their time was up the grunts were allowed to escape and every single one of them ran outside, ripped off their masks, and hurled their guts out. After that it was the obstacle course through a swampy field full of copperheads and cotton mouths.

In 100-degree summer heat and humidity.

Now THAT kind of scene has got to be more interesting to write than a dry, "here's a ray gun, point this end at the bad guys and don't shoot your buddies".

Read some Lois McMaster Bujold, a Hugo winner--especially WARRIOR'S APPRENTICE which recounts the adventures of a hero who washed out of the academy. Follow it up with THE VOR GAME, oh, heck, just read ALL her books.

Start browsing the titles at www.baen.com (http://www.baen.com) as Jim Baen was a master at publishing military s.f. works. You'll find FREE books to download and lengthy excerpts to read. See how the other writers do it so you're not reinventing the wheel. People like John Ringo, Harry Turtledove, and David Webber can only help you be a better writer.

One of Baen's other star writers is Hugo winner Elizabeth Moon--a former marine!

One of my pals sold a Stargate SG1 novel to a Brit house. Her father was in the Air Force his whole life, so she had a background to work with. She still ran her book past a retired army major who designed war games to train troops. He found over a hundred details she had to fix. As a nit-picker he's the perfect beta reader, but we can't watch any war movies with him; he's always pointing out what they got wrong.

Better believe it he's in your target audience!

Good luck!

[Komnena]

Would the instructor really toss a gun around?

[josephwise]

Does the _story_ advance while she's in training? If not, then this is exactly the speed at which you want to move through those scenes, in my opinion. Preface it with something like "Over the next few months, she learned a great deal." Then, brush right through. Keep it short. Tell don't show.

If, on the other hand, the story DOES advance while she's in training, you would indeed be well advised to show these scenes, rather than tell us about them.

On another note, I would also recommend that you treat the readers as if they already know about plasma bullets and the need to navigate minefields in enemy territory. Talk about your newfangled technology in a matter-of-fact way, since, for most of the characters, I'm sure it is already somewhat familiar. The reader will catch on just fine and actually pay more attention to what you've written.

[HeronW]

Try some emotion and reactions with the training: frustration at missing the target, cussing when the sim lazers zapped her ass, eyes bleery from sleepless days of practice, blisters from pulling the trigger, stiff muscles from holding still for hours so the simbots don't find her, etc.

[Axelle]

I basically agree with everything that's been said. Even if the training is unimportant for the plot itself, it's obviously an important part of Kaliope's life, so you might want to take at least a few pages to explain how it works, what she learns, if she makes friends, if it's rough, if she's good at what she does, if she gets in trouble... you don't need to dwell on it forever if it's irrelevant to the rest of the story, but I got the feeling that in the excerpt you showed us, you just wanted to be done with it and move on to the interesting stuff. It's a little frustrating for the reader. Training is usually fun to read about, so as the reader I'd want a little more details, even if that makes just for a filler chapter.

[Constantine K]

I came across the problem, and just alluded to most of the training when I had to. I had maybe two or three scenes of learning, but in those I made sure to throw in lots of tension and conflict.

There were no "okay and this is how you do this, and this" scenes. Everyone above has had good points, but did you think about throwing Kaliope into a semi-real situation? Maybe something where she has had minimal training but must figure some things out on her own (while failing a bit). I always found that more interesting than when I read about an instructor force-feeding information to the reader.

[KarlaErikaCal]

I decided to do some research on CIA training, police training, and military training. The Galactic Union agents learn a bit of all three, but the training leans more toward CIA-based. Thanks for the suggestions, I'll try them out.

[Wolvel]

You could say that your mc has finished basic and then highlight the more advanced training to clear out some of the slower training your trying to avoid.

[Wolvel]

Maybe say the basic was similar to modern day CIA training then move to the ray guns etc.

[David I]

Dramatize. You don't need to dramatize the whole thing, but for a training sequence there really ought to be a chance of failure and an intense scene.

It's an opportunity!