Chain of Events After My Story Makes Top 10

[bjewel77]

Just for fun. Let your imagination go, tell what happens to your writing career and your life soon after your story makes the top ten at AbsoluteWrite Idol. Here’s my first take:



Early Chain of Events After My Story is Picked for the Top 10:


After my story “Cooking for Betty” is picked for top 10 in Absolute Write Idol Contest, I get bombarded with offers to publish it in all the topwomen’s magazines. My phone rings off the wall, I have to hire someone to keep the answering machine from filling up, and my fax machine died from the overload of offers coming in. I set up a new web site to allow publishing offers to be submitted to me online.

Betty Crocker is so pleased with the story, she really does want a partnership to create that down-home cookbook. She has moved a mobile office in, right beside my house. I told her I really needed my space again when she tried moving into the house. I think she has tapped my phone. I changed my passwords on my computer and cell phone, so she wouldn’t be getting any info there. Betty has even trying to bribe Lucille. She has been stuffing her with goodies, and lets her sleep in the mobile office with her. Lucille looks like she could drop a litter of pups any minute, and she’s not even pregnant. Lucille has been snubbing me, and she thinks Betty Crocker is her new owner.

Sports Illustrated called and they want to feature me on the centerfold in their swimsuit edition. They imagine me sitting provocatively on a beach towel at the beach, surrounded by my home-cooking and several adoring young men with their mouths watering. They want me to change the story so that I’ve brought all my home cooking to the beach, and they discover me. The story and cookbook title would be “Beach Mama’s Home Cooking For Guys.” I told them I’d think about it.



I have a crew outside installing a security fence around my house. Things had really got out of hand. Yesterday, Sara Lee showed up unannounced, and offered me a bundle to trash the story and write one centered around her food line. A Better Homes and Gardens rep was already sitting in my living room with house plans and floor samples for the new house they would give me as a bonus for writing a cookbook for them. Again, I would have to trash the story “Cooking for Betty.” Just when I was at my whit’s end, Don Tyson showed up in a chicken bus loaded with freezers full of chicken breasts and hot wings. The bus would be mine to keep, all I had to do was call in each time a freezer got low, and a Tyson’s rep would bring me my next free selection from a prepared order form. All Don wanted, of course, was for me to change the story title to “Cooking for Don” and in the story he would come to my house through the woods on his motorcycle instead of crawling, because he didn’t even want to think about crawling in poison ivy. Betty comes barging in and starts a big argument with Sara Lee and Don Tyson. I tell them to take it outside, and before long, Betty has Don Tyson and Sara Lee down in a mud puddle, bending their limbs backwards, and she’s screaming “Do ya give, do ya give? I told you that’s MY story!”

Enough is enough. I ran over to the three mud wrestlers, yelling ”Actually, the story is MINE!” I gave them about 2 minutes to get off my property. If I had owned a loyal guard dog instead of that disloyal blimp-shaped lazy blue tick named Lucille, I would have set them moving even faster. As they are breaking up and wiping the mud from their eyes, I interrupt when they start trying to bargain with me again. “I’m going to take the best offer I get. I will take those offers in writing, and expect those offers to be mailed to me within the next 2 days. No calls, no more meetings. Just give me your best offer, and I’ll make a decision within 10 days. If either of you do it anything differently, you will lose your chance with my story, and with my help on a cookbook.”

As Betty Crocker, Sara Lee, and Don Tyson drove out of site. Lucille raised her head and let out a mournful howl, then sulked away slowly to lie under a shade tree.



Bjewel77

[William Haskins]

hmmm.. .

unfortunately, all my fantasies about winning end with me being viciously beaten by 307 disgruntled writers, some armed with pointy sticks.

[mommie4a]

Do the pointy sticks resemble pens and pencils?

[SueB]

Do the pointy sticks resemble pens and pencils?

Cute guys. :roll:

As for me, I would just like an edge to meet with some 'interested' publisher. I have had several really good responses to my manuscript, but they're always the wrong house for my work. Keep trying, they tell me, your story is beautiful and needs to be told. I can't seem to find the right house--Is it possible they would 'find me', if I placed honorably in this contest? :Headbang:

[bjewel77]

Don't know what anyone thinks of this thread, but here is another paragraph I thought of. I would insert it before the paragraph where I'm getting the security fence.

I thought I’d seen it all when Elvis showed up with a band of angels, driving a chartreuse micro-bus. He wanted me to forget about writing, and offered me a seven-figure salary to travel with him and cook his meals. I told him I wasn’t quiet ready for his type of traveling yet, but to console him, I gave him some hot biscuits and gravy to share with the band. He sang Blue Suede Shoes and Lucille seemed to like him for doing that. Then he started singing “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog” and Lucille took a chunk from his behind. I guess he stepped over the line with her. He loaded up his band quick and left in a cloud of dust


Here's two pictures of Lucille if anyone's trying to picture her.
(I think this is the right link)

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/bjewel77/album?.dir=/mail

Bjewel77

[firehorse]

I do have a tendency to go off on Walter Mitty-esque fantasies, but in this situation, my goal is straightforward: I would like to increase the probability that editors at certain magazines will consider my queries and - gasp - maybe even test me out. Should I make the top three http://www.coolsmilies.net/gestures/whaa1.gif, that goal becomes significantly more attainable. Of course, I have no idea whether I'm even in consideration for the top ten. Apparently neither do the judges :roll: :roll: :roll:

I'm guessing there are about 307 other people here with similar goals :D Am I right?

Is it just me, or do I sound waaaaaaay too earnest? "If crowned Miss Writing America, I promise to eradicate world hunger and teach every school-aged child the value of a properly-placed semi-colon..."

[firehorse]

He sang Blue Suede Shoes and Lucille seemed to like him for doing that. I read this out of context, and for some reason, I was picturing BB King's guitar, Lucille :hat: :Guitar: .

Then he started singing “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog” and Lucille took a chunk from his behind. That sentence pretty much cured me of the guitar delusion :ROFL:

[bjewel77]

Lucille liked "Blue Suede Shoes" because she imagined they would go well with her blue tick hair.

She took "You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog" a bit too personal.


Bjewel77

[wurdwise]

Bev, if you make the cut, you could enter this in the humor week! I have been LMAO at everything you've said in this thread, you are a hoot!:Guitar:

[vig]

if i win i'm giving my prize to shemp. i think anyone named shemp should be given the prizes. what happens if shep entered the contest post mordum and he wins?

TITLE: A PEN FROM THE GRAVE
by
SHEMP

[wurdwise]

If I win, I'm sending vig a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People":banana:

[Alphabeter]

WHEN I win (;)) Jenna will hook me up with an agent who will be so dazzled by my work they will sign me on the instant message. The first two publishers will create such a bidding war my advance will be in the six digits (plus the decimal point). Two instant best-sellers will created in 20 months. I send a fake-signed fourth edition to a townhouse in Maryland. I sign over my eighteenth royalty check to the AW fund which results in the messageboard being able to stay up for forty years until the video chat becomes affordable at which time I return to AW to announce Jenna will be co-authoring my autobiography (would that make it a biography?).

I think that makes sense.

But then I thought clear Pepsi would catch on.

[mudflat_marshawk]

After my story makes the top ten, and my manuscript reaches the right hands,
i'll be signed to a series contract by st martin's minotaur for my new cozy series.
this may bring 15 minutes of fame, but, i'll not lose my head, even when it becomes a best seller. (rofl!) seriously, can any of you think of ANY cozy with maybe the exception of an agatha christi novel, that EVER made best seller?

This wil pave the way for even more contracts and more series. Eventually,
I'll buy my own island with the proceeds --rent it out to Mark Burnett for his latest Survivor --- which will probably illuminate an aging rich hatch -- as always in the buff -- pushed across an obstacle course in a wheel chair by his island buddy rudy. they'll fight tooth and nail with survivor mobsters rob and amber,for survivor couple of the year ---geez, how did i get sidetracked? back to books --- my cozy series will be optioned out in a bidding war between a&e and the hallmark channel. i'll retire and live in a log cabin atop a mountain in montana in the shadow of glacier national park, where i'll continue
to churn out novels.


lmfao! i'm getting the giggles just writing all this down.
realistically, i dont think i'll make the top ten -- due to some ridiculous formatting issues. :Hammer:

however --- it is my goal to be published --- and i would be ecstatic to make it to a midlist novelist.

cheers to everybody --- the audtions were fabulous. i eagerly await the judges final picks, along with the rest of you. :Clap: :Coffee: :Cake:

--mudflat

[KTC]

(First off, my negativity refuses to believe I have a chance in hell!)



If I make Top 10 I will finally believe that I can string a sentence together! I will miraculously build the confidence I need to actually send out some of the manuscripts I am hoarding. And I will write my A off to stay in the running for more than one week!

[Robert Walton]

Not to be a downer . . . but, we all have a 3.23% chance of being in the Top 10. Heck, it's better than lotto.

[bjewel77]

Hey, laughing's better than crying. I have to laugh at myself. That's why I wrote the story about the chain of events after my story made Top 10 - I'd be very surprised if mine made Top 10. Very surprised, but very thrilled! This did get me to writing again! Hope it lasts!
bjewel77 :snoopy:

[sacha_kimber]

I know exactly how you feel.
When I told my husband I entered this contest, but I didn't think I had a chance, he asked my why I entered. I told him that I just keep writing and keep entering contests with the sincere hope that some day I will win or be published!

[jdkiggins]

Not to be a downer . . . but, we all have a 3.23% chance of being in the Top 10. Heck, it's better than lotto.

That's like saying we all have a snowball's chance in 94 degree Florida weather.

hehe. Y'all thought I was going to say something else, huh?

[astonwest]

But then I thought clear Pepsi would catch on.

Using Van Halen as the theme music, you would have thought so...
Myself, I can't understand why they haven't made the jump to chocolate Pepsi...

[Kevin Yarbrough]

When they say that "The Eighth Day" won the Idol contest I suddenly find myself mystified, shocked, and down right confused. I ask them again if they got the right one, but they insist that they do. Happy, I start screaming and shouting. I run down the street telling everyone that I won, but I forgot something. I checked the board after I got out of the shower, I'm still naked. I'm picked up for lewd behavior and indecent exposure. I'm thrown in jail. My cell mates are the owners of PublishAmerica. Meiners tries to kick my a s s, but I take him (he is a bit scared since I'm still naked). Larry hides under the bench. Miranda gives me her phone number.

After seeing the judge I tell her the story, she is happy and lets me go. She also gives me her phone number, she liked my full frontal mug shot. I autograph it for her and go home. I find I made the front page of the paper with my exposure. My answering machine is full, mostly women but a few men. I shake my head and laugh. I get online. I see Jenna is giving me the name of an agent that wants to sign me. I call her, she seen my mug shot too. I'm signed on the spot, or I should say a few hours later in a hotel room. I make six figures for my first book, it debuts at number one on all the major review lists. I get a huge following and my book is made itno a movie. It reaches number one and is the most grossing movie of all time. I buy a mansion, a yacht, an island, two six- packs (one to drink and the other to make my stomach look better).

I write book two, it takes off like the first one. Jenna and Joy ask me to marry them. They fight, I get out the popcorn and a nice bottle of Chianti. No one wins, the cops come. I sign more autographs. Bail the two lovely women out of jail. Pick up a copy of the National Enquirer because I see my name on the front page. Roseane Barr says she had my love child, but the kid has horns and a tail. Nope, not mine. Kid had blue eyes, couldn't be. I put up a fence around my mansion because I am getting stalkers. Buy attack dogs, but get poodles with a mohawk and bad teeth. They bite my ankles and pee on my Italian leather shoes. Good dogs, attack. I have death threats on my answering machines. Laugh it off, and get drunk. Write another book that makes it to number one. Can't remember writing that one, to drunk I guess. Kick back at my new island where new cabana girl looks like Jenna, she proposes. I say I can't, give her severance pay and sent her back home. Another death threat. From PA this time. Meiners is mad because of our time in the jail cell, says he can't get image out of his mind. I burn letter and wash hands over and over. Was that something sticky on there? Fly home on new jet. Pam Anderson is new pilot and is wearing tight shirt. Good times, good times.

At home I find intruder. I fight but get shot. I bleed out. Attacker steals next book and leaves. I die. It is Good Friday.

But am resurrected on Easter. Write next book. Book bombs. I loose all my fans and groupies. I cry. End up working at Wendy's for minimum wage. Smash computer to hell, curse, scream, run down road naked. Thrown in jail. Same roomies as before. They laugh at me, tell me last book sucked. See judge, same one. She hated last book, didn't like my new mug shot. To much drinking has made my six- pack go away. Thrown in jail for 30 days. Meet interesting fellow named One-eyed Chief. Tells me his story, I write it. Gets published. Back on top.

And the circle keeps going.

[wurdwise]

Cool story.


"I find I made the front page of the paper with my exposure."

Which exposure?:hooray:

[bjewel77]

Yeah, and I wanna know what paper???

[akaa1a]

"unfortunately, all my fantasies about winning end with me being viciously beaten by 307 disgruntled writers, some armed with pointy sticks."

And the possiblility of being invited to the first "AW Brownie Buffet" with arsenic- laced delectibles! :Coffee:
What a heavenly way to go!

[Kevin Yarbrough]

Yeah, and I wanna know what paper???
bjewel, why? You want a copy?

wurdwise, the exposure you are probably thinking off.

[mommie4a]

If I win, I'm sending vig a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People":banana:

If I win, I will leave my husband for Vig.

[bjewel77]

I'm thrown in jail. My cell mates are the owners of PublishAmerica.

Loved this line, along with the whole story. Great!

Yeah, Lucille wants a copy.

[BlakeOvard]

What's all this about IF I make the top ten?!! :banana: You mean that there is actually a doubt? I can't wait to see who makes the finals. :popcorn:

[trumancoyote]

If I win, I will leave my husband for Vig.

Teehee. Your chances aren't so dire as to undergo such a thing, Mommie.

[mkcbunny]

Myself, I can't understand why they haven't made the jump to chocolate Pepsi...

Mmmmmm. Chocolate Pepsi.

I recall teen summers, sitting by a window in the sticky heat, re-reading books I'd read several times already, drinking diet mint-chocolate soda on ice. Lots of ice. In a big glass mug. That mug broke one year, just as school started, and I stopped drinking my sodas with lots of ice after that.

Chocolate-Mint Pepsi. Mmmmm.

[wurdwise]

Does anybody remember drinking hot Dr. Pepper with lemon? Boy, are ya'll shaking the old memory tree tonight! :hat:

[firehorse]

Chocolate-Mint Pepsi. Mmmmm. Hmm... Diet Pepsi is my addiction (regular's too syrupy for me), and chocolate mint is my favorite flavor, but I just don't see them together. Kinda like Lisa Marie and MJ. Except I never liked either of them. And chocolate mint isn't a certifiable nut case.

I remember a semester abroad, when there was no Tab, or any diet drink, in France (yeah, I'm dating myself here). We went on a one-day field trip to Spain and wiped out an entire supermarket's supply of Tab.

Perhaps the fact I'm telling anecdotes like the above means I should go to sleep now :roll:

-skc

[trumancoyote]

This is going to sound a lot more awful than it's intended, but uh... I envy your age -- all of ya'. :scared:

[aquarianstar]

This is going to sound a lot more awful than it's intended, but uh... I envy your age -- all of ya'. :scared:

i aGREE!

**STUPID CAPS LOCK BUTTON!!!**:Smack:

As you can see, my computer skills alone will ensure me a place in the top ten.... ok I joke!

But seriously, I'm dying here!!!! c'mon results! Need......... to........... know!!!

NOW!!!:Headbang:

_________________________HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE_________ ____________

[wurdwise]

I'm very excited myself.:thankyou: And honestly, I don't expect to make the cut, I am excited to see who did! And don't ya'll think it should be anytime now? Sara and Three were in another forum chatting, which makes me think they are finished! OoOh, the anticipation is delicious.:Cake:

[sgtsdaughter]

If I win, I will leave my husband for Vig.

now that was funny . . . i'm at work and all are looking at me like i just lost my mind.

but . . . what will i do if i win?

(see the "i promise to" thread) and the first one on there will be put to bed, and then i'll be doing the hoochie momma dance in the street because well--i can. and those two are not mutually exclusive of one another.

[bjewel77]

Lucille must have a sixth sense of the results to come. I just caught her trying to sneak down the road with a bandana tied to her tail. Inside the bandana was her food bowl and a list of successful writer's name and addresses. What a vote of confidence in me.
:Shrug:
bjewel77

[wurdwise]

Bev, that absolutely cracked me up! :D

[vig]

and it comes around full circle, mommia, will not have to leave her husband, she will not have to do anything remotely resembling that, because she's not going to get into the top ten.

it's like rearranging the chairs on the titanic, it ain't gonna make a difference.

vig

[bjewel77]

No matter what happens, this has been great. I've not laughed this much in a long time. I mean rrreeaally laugh! :roll: This has really been good for me.

Bjewel77

[hdrusa]

I agree with you, Bjewel. I'm new, obviously. But it's been great fun reading everyone's posts.


Thanks!

[bjewel77]

Hdrusa,

I'm new too. At least to posting here. I came on and read some of the writing info before, but had never made it into the coffee break area until the contest started. Now I'm hooked. :thankyou: