Just when I thought I had this licked

[White]

Just when I think I am starting to get a handle on my erotica writing and building up my flow again, I suddenly drop back down.

I just feel stuck, like the only way I can write anything is to have a piece of work that inspires me next to me, to look at while I write and to help guide what I want to write and more importantly how I write it. Which just feels like it is not my own writing anymore.

Is this a bad idea or a good idea? I know it helps, but I cant help feeling I have lost my creativity and spark by having to do this and worry that I will have to keep doing this in order to write. What makes it more frustrating is I can write anything else without this kind of help so why is this different?

Really hoping to get some clarity and advice on this, cause i feel so confused at the moment.
White.

 

[mirandashell]

Ermm... please don't think I'm trying to take away from the seriousness of how you're feeling but I have to tell you.....

Your thread title just cracked me up!

Ok, this is the Self-Confidence Monster having a play with you, by the sound of it. Maybe you should forget trying to be perfect right now and just concentrate on writing your own thing. Just sit down and write.

And write knowing it won't be good. Give yourself permission to be crap for now. And once it's written, then you can work on being better.

Maybe that will help?

 

[White]

Ermm... please don't think I'm trying to take away from the seriousness of how you're feeling but I have to tell you.....

Your thread title just cracked me up!

Ok, this is the Self-Confidence Monster having a play with you, by the sound of it. Maybe you should forget trying to be perfect right now and just concentrate on writing your own thing. Just sit down and write.

And write knowing it won't be good. Give yourself permission to be crap for now. And once it's written, then you can work on being better.

Maybe that will help?

No, dont worry about that. I'm glad I could make somebody smile.

Yeah, thats part of it, I think. I do need to work on that. The rest of it comes when i see something written by someone and I have no idea how they wrote it, just seeing words written in ways I couldnt think of or reproduce. That's what bothers me, that I cant write as well as what I see others doing.

 

[mirandashell]

All writers feel that at some point. Neil Gaiman, for instance. His publisher knows when he is half way through a new book cos he phones her up and cries about crap it is.

And that's Neil Gaiman.

So is it any surprise that you feel that way?

Don't worry about it. Just write your story your way.

 

[Aggy B.]

Yeah. There's always a point where it feels like it's tripe on the page. No matter how much I write, I always have those moments.

And looking for inspiration is a good thing, but you might want to put the inspiration aside while you actually write to help develop your voice and word choice, etc. If you are relying on someone elses words to guide you as you write your own you will still make progress, but I'd wager it will be slower. You have to make your own mistakes and breakthroughs.

Between writing sessions, read what inspires you and take notes (mental or otherwise) and things you like. Then try and do that yourself. Even if you fail, you learn something. It is a learning process so keep at it. Just like anything else, you'll have plateaus and steep climbs where you seem like you're not making any progress, then sudden improvements.

It's unusual for me to make it through a whole week without having at least one point where I feel like 'OMG! That was amazing!' usually followed by several days of 'WTF? Now I suck.'

Aggy, stubborn enough to keep going

 

[White]

All writers feel that at some point. Neil Gaiman, for instance. His publisher knows when he is half way through a new book cos he phones her up and cries about crap it is.

And that's Neil Gaiman.

So is it any surprise that you feel that way?

Don't worry about it. Just write your story your way.

Well, that does help I guess. It makes me feel a little better, anyway.
I'll try that.

 

[White]

Yeah. There's always a point where it feels like it's tripe on the page. No matter how much I write, I always have those moments.

And looking for inspiration is a good thing, but you might want to put the inspiration aside while you actually write to help develop your voice and word choice, etc. If you are relying on someone elses words to guide you as you write your own you will still make progress, but I'd wager it will be slower. You have to make your own mistakes and breakthroughs.

Between writing sessions, read what inspires you and take notes (mental or otherwise) and things you like. Then try and do that yourself. Even if you fail, you learn something. It is a learning process so keep at it. Just like anything else, you'll have plateaus and steep climbs where you seem like you're not making any progress, then sudden improvements.

It's unusual for me to make it through a whole week without having at least one point where I feel like 'OMG! That was amazing!' usually followed by several days of 'WTF? Now I suck.'

Aggy, stubborn enough to keep going

Hmm, I guess that might be a point. On the other hand I have tried this once, and it taught me a lot about how to write character interaction.

I did try this once as well, but really had no idea what to take notes on. Surely a page of jumbled notes about everything in a story or scene is useless. Or at least very confusing. Do you break it down into sections or something?

I kinda get the opposite, days or weeks of writing pretty well, then thinking I suck after seeing something new. I'm pretty stubborn as well.

 

[mirandashell]

Definitely the Self-Confidence Monster eating your positive vibes.

 

[Aggy B.]

I did try this once as well, but really had no idea what to take notes on. Surely a page of jumbled notes about everything in a story or scene is useless. Or at least very confusing. Do you break it down into sections or something?

It depends. Certain things inspire me in different ways. There was a fellow over in SYW who wrote this crazy experimental fantasy and one thing I loved about it (even though I didn't feel like I understood much of it) was the way he described things. I asked him about it and he said he just tried to describe things without using any phrases he'd read before.

So I tried that too. First with descriptions. ('The sun was bleeding on the horizon.') Then with other things. ('Her heart kicked in her chest.') At first I tried the most wild things I could think of. Most of them sucked. But I started to see how to think about ordinary things, and things that we've "learned" how to write shortcuts for, in new ways.

But some books really strike me in the way they show characters, so I try and figure out why, then duplicate that. Or dialog. (Although film school taught me a lot about dialog so that's not usually an area I really struggle with.)

I don't usually try and take apart every aspect of a book at once, just because I, personally, do better with focusing on one thing at a time.

Your mileage, of course, may vary.

Aggy, experiments a lot

 

[Filigree]

White, you are not alone. AFAIK we all go through this.

I'm too new to the writing-for-publishing to know for sure how to deal with my insecurities. But I find that in art, the more I hate a project at midpoint, the more I love it when it's finished. That may be a function of me trying harder on the remainder, to redeem the damn thing.

 

[White]

It depends. Certain things inspire me in different ways. There was a fellow over in SYW who wrote this crazy experimental fantasy and one thing I loved about it (even though I didn't feel like I understood much of it) was the way he described things. I asked him about it and he said he just tried to describe things without using any phrases he'd read before.

So I tried that too. First with descriptions. ('The sun was bleeding on the horizon.') Then with other things. ('Her heart kicked in her chest.') At first I tried the most wild things I could think of. Most of them sucked. But I started to see how to think about ordinary things, and things that we've "learned" how to write shortcuts for, in new ways.

But some books really strike me in the way they show characters, so I try and figure out why, then duplicate that. Or dialog. (Although film school taught me a lot about dialog so that's not usually an area I really struggle with.)

I don't usually try and take apart every aspect of a book at once, just because I, personally, do better with focusing on one thing at a time.

Your mileage, of course, may vary.

Aggy, experiments a lot

Those sound like good tips to start with.
For me, its more about working on the eroticism of a scene, trying to get an idea of how to make descriptions of sex arousing and not boring, as well as trying to mix physical description with emotional content.

I definately think making these notes is a good idea. I've also found a author that suggests trying to learn from an authors voice by writing a scene using thier work as a guide. So bringing those ideas together should help.

 

[Jersey Chick]

I find (especially withe love/sex scenes, which I'm starting to hate writing) if I just write whatever comes to mind, knowing I can and will pretty it up in various edits, the words come. It doesn't matter how awful they seem at the time, chances are that I'll find some way to improve them because I've got the foundation already set.

Like others have said, let yourself write crap if necessary. You can polish it later.

 

[KimJo]

Just so you know who's talking... My 72nd (or is it 73rd) published thingie releases tomorrow. That includes everything from short stories to full-length novels, in romance, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult.

And EVERY SINGLE TIME I write something, it sucks. Complete dreck. I want to cry and quit because I'm such a shitty author. Every single time.

Then something miraculous happens. I finish the first draft and set it aside for a week or so before I revise, and when I open it again and start revising... it isn't as bad as I thought.

Sometimes, it's actually pretty damn good.

Thinking you suck while you're writing is normal. Other people have given the best advice: Give yourself PERMISSION to suck. If you get suckish words on the page, at least they're on the page where you can make them suck less. If you don't write until you're sure you don't suck, you'll never actually write.

 

[JulianneQJohnson]

I too get to that point in the book where everything is crap. The writing's crap, the plot's crap, I'm crap. It's a crapfest.

The big answer is keep writing anyway. You'll get through it.

The other thing I do sometimes is read bad books that have been published. Certainly I read awesome books that have the gorgeous writing I aspire to, but I mix that up with some bad books.

Then I think to myself, "This book is crap and it got published. My books are so much better than that!"

It's a cheap trick, I admit, but it helps. Not only does it improve confidence, one can learn a lot from a badly written book. "Oh, look at that plot hole there, I don't want to do that. Look how one dimensional that character is, I should look for that in my own stuff."

My best advice, don't only read the gorgeous books. Read some that aren't that pretty to keep a sense of balance.

Oh, and re-read some of your older stuff to see how far you have come!

 

[White]

I find (especially withe love/sex scenes, which I'm starting to hate writing) if I just write whatever comes to mind, knowing I can and will pretty it up in various edits, the words come. It doesn't matter how awful they seem at the time, chances are that I'll find some way to improve them because I've got the foundation already set.

Like others have said, let yourself write crap if necessary. You can polish it later.

Yeah, i'm starting to accept that as the way it has to be. And that maybe I'm not as good a writer as I thought I was. Which may have been part of my problem, since I used to be able to write sex scenes easily. I think this is a good thing, since I means I can learn to be better.

 

[White]

Just so you know who's talking... My 72nd (or is it 73rd) published thingie releases tomorrow. That includes everything from short stories to full-length novels, in romance, erotic romance, urban fantasy, and young adult.

And EVERY SINGLE TIME I write something, it sucks. Complete dreck. I want to cry and quit because I'm such a shitty author. Every single time.

Then something miraculous happens. I finish the first draft and set it aside for a week or so before I revise, and when I open it again and start revising... it isn't as bad as I thought.

Sometimes, it's actually pretty damn good.

Thinking you suck while you're writing is normal. Other people have given the best advice: Give yourself PERMISSION to suck. If you get suckish words on the page, at least they're on the page where you can make them suck less. If you don't write until you're sure you don't suck, you'll never actually write.

Really? Even after you published that many, you still have these issues? I wouldn't have called that. And, no offense, but maybe that's helpful. If someone so successful can get stuck and come through I guess I can too.

i feel that way quite a bit, that I'm completely worthless.
I'm going to have to give this a go religiously and slap down these negative thoughts when they jump up to bite me.

This really helps, actually. Thank you so much, Kim.

 

[White]

I too get to that point in the book where everything is crap. The writing's crap, the plot's crap, I'm crap. It's a crapfest.

The big answer is keep writing anyway. You'll get through it.

The other thing I do sometimes is read bad books that have been published. Certainly I read awesome books that have the gorgeous writing I aspire to, but I mix that up with some bad books.

Then I think to myself, "This book is crap and it got published. My books are so much better than that!"

It's a cheap trick, I admit, but it helps. Not only does it improve confidence, one can learn a lot from a badly written book. "Oh, look at that plot hole there, I don't want to do that. Look how one dimensional that character is, I should look for that in my own stuff."

My best advice, don't only read the gorgeous books. Read some that aren't that pretty to keep a sense of balance.

Oh, and re-read some of your older stuff to see how far you have come!

Hmm, I hadnt considered that. Read bad stuff, see what doesnt work. On the other hand, I do tend to get stuck into thinking everything is better than me. Time to shake that, i guess. This has helped a little, I think. I am starting to see a way forward.

 

[White]

So, I just want to send a big thank you to everyone who has posted advice and encouragement here. You have been a really big help, both with support and helping me see things differently. I think my mood is starting to lift a little bit, I'm certainly feeling more positive.

Thank you all so much,

White.

 

[Filigree]

Hugs, White. Just remember, you are not alone.

I have on my bookshelf three mass market SFF books published over the last 30 years. I will not name them or their authors. But each one has sunk the nadir of what I thought was too bad to be published commercially. And all three authors *are still publishing today*. These are the books that get my blood pressure sparking and set a low growl rising in my throat, and get me back to work when I'm feeling really sorry for myself.

On the same shelf I have three of the most perfect mass market SFF books (I think) published in the same time period. Those are the sugar after the bitter medicine of the first three.

 

[Beachgirl]

Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt that says "I Suck."

Then I get a little note from my editor that says "I love this" or "This character really grabbed me" and I think, huh... maybe I don't completely suck after all.

And then I start a new project and think I suck all over again.

 

[Elly_Green]

My suggestion (and, yes, I've been at this point more times than I'm willing to admit) is to forego writing in order. I just write whatever comes to me. If it's the end of the book, fine, the middle, fine, if it is just two lines of random dialogue, great. Write to write and the rest will come.

I try to write at least 50 words a day toward my next work. Even if those 50 words suck, I still jot them down. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow the little shoemaker's elves will have stopped by and spun them into gold!

OR

Listen to music.

 

[RackinRocky]

So I'm not the only one! I find myself envious of other peoples' writing often. And it does help to read books that aren't well written, as it does definitely boost your confidence in your own writing.

I bought a cheap little tape recorder, and boy, does that save both time and space. I no longer have stickies all over my desk! I would write stuff down every time I had an idea or a word I wanted to use. Now I just record it and play it back when I'm writing. No more stacks of stickies everywhere.

And it's true that you should just go ahead and write, whether it's good or not. I used to not write on days I didn't feel like it. But then discovered that if I just sit down and start writing, it'll sometimes just come together. I've written stuff that was just terrible, and went back the next day, or even later the same day, and realized I could improve it after all. I do LOTS of polishing. Sometimes I'll change a sentence or paragraph (or several) many times before I feel that it's good enough.

 

[V.W.Singer]

Don't waste time doubting yourself or patting yourself on the back. Don't compare your work to others. No writer is the same as another, or at least shouldn't be. There are successful bad writers, and there are unsuccessful good ones.

There is only one way to find out how good you are. If you have a story in you, write it. You'll know if it's any good when it's done.

 

[White]

Hugs, White. Just remember, you are not alone.

I have on my bookshelf three mass market SFF books published over the last 30 years. I will not name them or their authors. But each one has sunk the nadir of what I thought was too bad to be published commercially. And all three authors *are still publishing today*. These are the books that get my blood pressure sparking and set a low growl rising in my throat, and get me back to work when I'm feeling really sorry for myself.

On the same shelf I have three of the most perfect mass market SFF books (I think) published in the same time period. Those are the sugar after the bitter medicine of the first three.

Yeah, I do have thoughts like that, about good and bad authors. J.K Rowling for one. I would never have thought of pitching the idea of a adolescent wizard and his school days. I'm kicking myself for that lol.

i never thought it could be a positive thing to feel but I'm starting to see it that way. That has helped a bit, so thank you.

 

[White]

Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt that says "I Suck."

Then I get a little note from my editor that says "I love this" or "This character really grabbed me" and I think, huh... maybe I don't completely suck after all.

And then I start a new project and think I suck all over again.

Well, I guess maybe I'm not doing so bad if published authors feel like that.
Hearing stuff like this does make me feel better. As does having a community of guys and gals who have been though this already, and have come out of it. so, thank you.