Ladder in the Sky

[_Jean18]

Climb up the ladder in the sky
where everything starts to blend
so you let go and fly
As you ascend
pass all the trees
you find there is no end
As far as the eye can see
like the wind you sway
you are completely free
From the gray
and the forming storm
you'll begin to fade away

 

[thewonder]

It reads more like song lyrics than a poem per se. You've kept a kind of rhythmic meter particular to song lyrics that I think that you could abandon for a poem such as this. I'm also somewhat perplexed by the simultaneous sense of liberation and obliteration, which may be part and parcel to the poem.

 

[Lyrae]

That reads to me like someone attempting to free themself in a gloomy way. Now that's just my own understanding of things, but the climbing and flying followed by "fading away" just makes me think of it But I find it good.

 

[allyfaye]

Climb up the ladder in the sky
where everything starts to blend
so you let go and fly
As you ascend
pass all the trees
you find there is no end
As far as the eye can see
like the wind you sway
you are completely free
From the gray
and the forming storm
you'll begin to fade away

I loved this a lot. I love when I can imagine what is being said.

 

[Unimportant]

I loved this a lot. I love when I can imagine what is being said.

Hey, @allyfaye, just flagging that it's probable this poet (and others) won't see your comment, since they posted this for critique nearly two years ago. It's a good idea to check the dates on posts before you reply, as AW prefers that members not "necro" threads (raise them from the dead).

 

[Elaine Gao]

Climb up the ladder in the sky
where everything starts to blend
so you let go and fly
As you ascend
pass all the trees
you find there is no end
As far as the eye can see
like the wind you sway
you are completely free
From the gray
and the forming storm
you'll begin to fade away

I personally interpreted it as breaking away from the confinements and shackles of the earth--the ladder is like the path, the way, while the sky is the new, limitless realm. I'm also impressed by how you managed to rhyme within such concise lines. I love rhyming patterns (as long as it isn't forced) but my lines thus always turn into sentences.

 

[Elaine Gao]

Hey, @allyfaye, just flagging that it's probable this poet (and others) won't see your comment, since they posted this for critique nearly two years ago. It's a good idea to check the dates on posts before you reply, as AW prefers that members not "necro" threads (raise them from the dead).

Oops; saw this after I posted my reply. Thanks.