November Challenge -- Drabble

[dclary]

Tommy tried the tuna truffle, thinking that this time the tasty treat thoroughly transcended the tilapia or trout. Fortunately, finding flavorful fresh fish frightened Frank: feral freespine flatfish fought Frank's Father ferociosly in February.

Suddenly Susan sprang straight skyward, shouting something silly: she seemed sure some SCUBA skindiver should seek some shark, shrimp, snapper -- something saleworthy, so she skinned Sarah's suit, stole someone's speargun, said "see ya suckers!" and split.

Perhaps parolee Paul’s private problem perpetrating perilous plunders psychologically persisted partly due to his philosophically partitioning Pedro’s proud psyche. Paul purposefully pounded Tommy’s tuna. Susan speared Frank’s fat fanny.

 

[jvc]

Had to read it a few times Dave, still have no idea what's going on, nevertheless a great effort and not an easy thing to do .

 

[Sophia]

Very clever, and it made me want to read it several times trying to understand it. And at no point during the rereads did it feel boring. Very well done.

 

[dclary]

Beyond the alliteration, which was challenging enough (and thank god this was a 100 word drabble and not a 1000 word flash!), trying to find a string of alliterative phrases that could sound plausibly like part of a connected story was crazy. This was a fun challenge!

 

[Bayou Bill]

As a charter member of AA (Alliterators Anonymous) I loved this. Just a few thoughts.

I don't claim to be any sort of expert when it comes to punctuation a grammar, but maybe, just maybe, semi-colons would be a better choice than colons. Your call.

Question: what happens to Pedro?

You might want to conisder breaking it up into even smaller paragraphs.

For instance:

Tommy tried the tuna truffle, thinking that this time the tasty treat thoroughly transcended the tilapia or trout.

Fortunately, finding flavorful fresh fish frightened Frank: feral freespine flatfish fought Frank's Father ferociosly in February.

Suddenly Susan sprang straight skyward, shouting something silly: she seemed sure some SCUBA skindiver should seek some shark, shrimp, snapper -- something saleworthy, so she skinned Sarah's suit, stole someone's speargun, said "see ya suckers!" and split.

Perhaps parolee Paul’s private problem perpetrating perilous plunders psychologically persisted partly due to his philosophically partitioning Pedro’s proud psyche.

Paul purposefully pounded Tommy’s tuna.

Susan speared Frank’s fat fanny.

Thanks for the fun read.

Bayou Bill