Post the first 3 sentences of your WIP!

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JoNightshade

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This thread is inspired by the "first five pages" thread. Quite a few people expressed the opinion that it's not what happens, it's how it's said that hooks the reader. Personally, I read the back of the book to get an idea of whether I'll like the plot; then I open the first page and read the first few sentences to see if I like the style. If I get to the end of the page and I've read without skipping, I'll buy it.

SO-- post your first three sentences! Are they gripping? Do they read well? I feel like the opening sentence of any novel is as important as the closing sentence.

Here's mine, from the novel I am currently shopping to agents:
[FONT=&quot]
A wash of blue fills the horizon; nothing but sharp, brilliant green beneath his feet. He is dreaming. Samuel knows it even as the undertow of REM sweeps him away. [/FONT]


Actually that's the prologue, and yes it involves a dream, so sue me. If you want the first three sentences of the first chapter, here they are:
[FONT=&quot]
“Where are the kids?” Samuel squinted through the spotted windshield, trying to peer into one of the open hallways across the parking lot. The shadows were too dark to see anything inside. “There should be kids.” [/FONT]
 

DeadlyAccurate

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Language warning and a special thanks to gp101 and the others for the critique that helped form this rewritten beginning.

The rule is simple: get in, do the job, get out. That means no dressing the body in crotchless panties, a ball gag, and a fedora; no cutting off an ear for the client’s scrapbook; and no delivering some goddamn message first. What the fuck does it matter if I utter a witty one-liner before I shoot him?
 

Inky

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Fear sweat-drenched Kit. The Guthrie Goon Squad stalked her through thick woods, their tenacity rivaling bloodhounds. Howling reverberated everywhere at once, ironically harmonizing her comparison--that was no bloodhound!

And from another...

Inzyr raised the ghoul's severed head. "Is this the place?"
Milky eyes snapped open, illuminating the dank cavern. "Yes," it rasped. "Through the walls, if you dare."
 

czjaba

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Okay, this is from my current WIP.

“Nestled in the heart of the Jesenik Mountain Range on the Eastern border of Czech Republic lies the seemingly serene town of Hrabisin, with only about 800 residents. Normally serene until ten years ago when an entire family was found slaughtered in the fields surrounding their home. The only living relative, now in a mental institution finally speaks out on the tenth anniversary of her family’s demise.”
 

Hollan

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Language warning and a special thanks to gp101 and the others for the critique that helped form this rewritten beginning.

The rule is simple: get in, do the job, get out. That means no dressing the body in crotchless panties, a ball gag, and a fedora; no cutting off an ear for the client’s scrapbook; and no delivering some goddamn message first. What the fuck does it matter if I utter a witty one-liner before I shoot him?

*loves* I would read that based on the first few sentences! Very cool ^_^
 

kristie911

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Language warning:

“God hates homosexuals! God hates soldiers!”

Ben glanced over his shoulder which caused another bead of sweat to run down his neck into his vest.

The group behind him stood nearly thirty strong but their voices were as loud as if there were a hundred.

Don't worry, it starts offensive but I kill off three of these bastards in the first 5 pages. Maybe some more later. :)
 

Writer2011

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Here's the story I wrote a few months ago with pencil and paper--now in the editing process--

A few minutes past nine, the telephone rang.

I quickly rose from the bed; swinging my feet around.

They met the gray carpet; it hadn’t been vacuumed in at least a month.
 

Sean D. Schaffer

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Forgive the bad writing, but this is from my present WIP, and it's FIRST DRAFT material:


General Smith pounded the rickety table, his heavy hand nearly toppling the weakened piece of furniture.


"Doc, you're a fool," he growled, as he pointed his other finger across the table at the Colonel. "A direct approach would be suicide. We have tunnels; let's use them!"
 

rugcat

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Here's something from an older work.
You never really get used to dead people. Oh, I suppose you do if you work at the morgue, but that’s a different thing. The ceiling fluorescents hummed quietly, throwing a harsh light on the figure lying in the corner of the room.
 

Southern_girl29

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Here's mine from the work I'm currently editing. It's a few more than three sentences, but it's the first paragraph, anyway. Oh, and it's a YA paranormal.

Gracie gripped the door knob and turned the handle. As soon as she stepped foot inside the door, images sped through her mind like the pictures on the display screen of a digital camera. Momma screaming. Click. Someone stabbing Momma. Click. Blood everywhere. Click.
 
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RLB

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Mine's a MG novel...

A cinnamon wedding cake. What a stupid idea.
Seated at the kitchen table with her sandwich untouched before her, Amelia scowled at the cake through the glass oven window. Wedding cakes were supposed to be yellow or white or- at the very wildest- chocolate, but never cinnamon.
 

JamieFord

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This is from the book I'm agenting:

Young Henry Lee stopped talking to his parents when he was twelve years old. Not because of some silly childhood tantrum, but because they asked him to. That’s how it felt anyway. They asked––no, told him, to stop speaking their native Chinese. It was 1942, and they were desperate for him to learn English.
 

MelodyO

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It's been so fun to read everyone's posts! Here's the first paragraph from my urban paranormal WIP. You're the first to read it, FWIW. ::blushes a little bit::

When the demon showed up, it was the first unexpected thing to happen to Angel Azrael in a thousand years. He was so shocked he stopped what he was doing, his hand half way out of the dead woman’s chest, the soul he’d come to collect pulsing gently in his fist.
 

BardSkye

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The hiss of skates working hard and the crack of sticks hitting the ice, the puck, and each other surrounded me. Through the gap between the plexiglass panels I could just hear the local cable TV announcer speaking into his microphone as his cameraman shot the action.

A whistle, stopping play.
 

Zoombie

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From something I just wrote, called Walk in the Rain:

--Rewind.

Flash backwards. A window, rain pattering against it.

Plink plink plink.

Knilp. Knilp.

--Forward.

I blink, slowly. The dream was so vivid...who am I?

It comes.

Name: Eve <Censored>
Age: 21
Current Assignment: Rouge.
Location: Chicago.

The main character is not only not human, on drugs but also telepathic and wakes up quite confused.

This is from something I've been hitting for a while now, E.L.F:

“Hey...Jimmy, have you ever heard of Earth?”

Jimmy stood, holding a Ought 432 Three Vee Audio computer card that he had freed from its watery grave. Murky brown liquid dripped from its corners, its wires corroded away by who knows how long a time under water. Jimmy threw it over his shoulder.

Hmmm...that's less exciting than I thought it would be. Huh.
 

Novelust

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You guys get the first four. :)


The alarm went off.

Larry staggered out of bed. His bare right foot met the floor.

Cold, Larry thought. Synapses began firing, and he and revised that to—Cold, Freezing, Alaska
 

JoNightshade

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This is awesomely hilarious. I read it out loud to my husband and he's ready to buy.

Language warning and a special thanks to gp101 and the others for the critique that helped form this rewritten beginning.

The rule is simple: get in, do the job, get out. That means no dressing the body in crotchless panties, a ball gag, and a fedora; no cutting off an ear for the client’s scrapbook; and no delivering some goddamn message first. What the fuck does it matter if I utter a witty one-liner before I shoot him?
 

herdon

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This isn't actually a wip. I have a few of those and wouldn't know which one to choose ;)

This is actually from something I wrote several years ago but found that it had too many similar themes/ideas as another thing I wrote so it got stuck in the desk drawer without any edits. One day I might revive it but it would probably mean a complete rewrite.

[FONT=&quot]The dream was always the same.

He was in a forest. The trunks of the trees trembled, shimmering in the flow of a soft mist that carpeted the forest floor. There was a glow within the mist like the echo of torchlight bringing life to shadows. The voice was there, hanging at the edges and seeming to come at him from all directions at once. The words, which he could never quite recall, seeped into his mind. They beckoned to him, urgent but not forceful, and just under the surface he could feel a quiet anger that hid boiling visions of hatred and rage.

Yeah, it starts with a dream ;) I don't think any rule is sacred, and the dream is very important to the story.
[/FONT]
 

dmytryp

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Language warning and a special thanks to gp101 and the others for the critique that helped form this rewritten beginning.

The rule is simple: get in, do the job, get out. That means no dressing the body in crotchless panties, a ball gag, and a fedora; no cutting off an ear for the client’s scrapbook; and no delivering some goddamn message first. What the fuck does it matter if I utter a witty one-liner before I shoot him?

I liked this one too. Here is mine:

Sweat and blood stung his eyes. He tore off his helm and threw it on the ground. The steel gauntlets and the double handed sword followed.
 

Inky

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It's been so fun to read everyone's posts! Here's the first paragraph from my urban paranormal WIP. You're the first to read it, FWIW. ::blushes a little bit::

When the demon showed up, it was the first unexpected thing to happen to Angel Azrael in a thousand years. He was so shocked he stopped what he was doing, his hand half way out of the dead woman’s chest, the soul he’d come to collect pulsing gently in his fist.
Ooooooh....got my curiosity going....allllll kinds of potential....
 
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