The most useless gardening implement

blacbird

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The hoe.

At least where I live. The principal weedy pest is something called chickweed, which is like micro-kudzu, and will simply take over a garden plot unless you get down on your hands and knees and pull each of the bastards from the soil. The hoes does more harm than good, because this scourge of evolution simply re-roots itself in about ten seconds, as near as I can tell. And the microscopic seeds are known to remain viable in soil for centuries, according to studies.

The only saving grace it has is that it is a relative of spinach, and the leaves are edible, good in salads, or cooked. The latter is my revenge.

caw
 

icerose

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One thing you can do is cure your garden soil. It takes some effort but you build a heat box, put a layer of soil in it and cook it for a couple of days. That kills all seeds in the soil. Then you mix it with your compost to get your good bacteria back and put it in your garden.

I can't think of any useless garden tools at the moment, I haven't had my own garden ever so that could be part of it and after trying this year and having my dogs eat it all and discovering I don't have enough decent exposure on any part of my tiny lot, it doesn't look like it's going to happen soon.
 

backslashbaby

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Hoes are useless here, too. With the clay soil we have, all hoes do is leave all the roots to sprout again within the week. Our pesky weeds have roots like a parsnip, and Bermuda grass has an entire maze of underground runners.

I have to wait until there's a really good few days of rain and then pull them by hand. I also spot-use herbicides in bed edges, although I wish I didn't ever have to. The stuff will take over the universe, though, if it stays!
 

Fenika

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Keep in mind herbicides will poison and slow all plants, which is why I'm nominating it for most worthless ;)

Have you tried weed clothes on the sides?

I love getting down and close to my garden so I don't use a ton of tools aside from bed prep. It sure is hard on the back and arms though.
 

backslashbaby

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Yeah, my back problem is a major stumbling block, but I do a bunch of work sitting very close (on my butt) and getting all muddy :D

I haven't found anything that Bermuda grass can't get under :( I do usually try to hand-pull all the invading runners on muddy days. If you get them right, you can pull out feet at a time.

But the stuff is a lot like bamboo. Whoever thought of using it here in the South is just bonkers, I think!
 

blacbird

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One thing you can do is cure your garden soil. It takes some effort but you build a heat box, put a layer of soil in it and cook it for a couple of days.

I have a vegetable garden consisting of five 8X4' and one 8X6' raised beds, and two large flower beds in front of the house. Cooking that soil would take 50X the amount of work it takes to weed it.

No way in the galaxy will "weed clothes" prevent this plant from sprouting.

No, this weekend is major chickweed-extinction work. doused with a gallon of mosquito repellent. But the minor plus is that the stuff is a relative of spinach and completely edible, and good, raw or cooked. I'm cooking some of it with other vegetables as I post this.

caw
 

Xelebes

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I've used the hoe more for landscaping than I have gardening. Although my dad uses the hoe to plant potatoes.

Weeding has always been a by-hand thing. Never tried using a hoe to weed.
 

Teinz

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The hoe useless? I depend on it!

After all my veggies have sprouted, I use the hoe to create a dry and loose toplayer of soils in which nothing germinates. No weeds anymore.
 

Kerosene

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The hoe useless? I depend on it!

Same here.

Having a large garden calls for a tool that can uproot weeds, till the soil, create water spillways and much more. God, I can clear the garden of weeds in thirty minuted rather then five hours with my hands.
 

RobJ

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The hoe is great around here. The most useless thing in our garden is my wife's husband.
 

frimble3

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So far this year, it's been the hose/sprinkler. It's raining again.
On one hand, everthings lovely and green. Including the rocks, the fences, the furniture. I assume the reason the squirrels move so fast is so the moss and algae doesn't get a grip on them, as well. Maybe that's why they scratch themselves so much?
 

Tepelus

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Hey frimble, send some of that rain east. Sure could use some.

The hoe is useless for me, too. I don't have a veggie garden, so if I did I probably would use it between rows. I grow ornamental plants and wildflowers where hand weeding is my only option. I try to pack in as many plants as I can in a bed so they choke the weeds out--less to have to pull. But until the plants grow in, I have to hand weed. And this year the weeds are winning. I just haven't been in the gardening mood this year. At all. Which is very unusual for me. Not even taking pictures of my plants. Even more unusual. Just not feeling it this year, and I know I'm going to regret it.
 

Xelebes

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Hey frimble, send some of that rain east. Sure could use some.

We are.

Picture1.png


[Credit: edm_guy from Skyscraperpage]
 

frimble3

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Yeah, the trick is getting it over the mountains to Edmonton for re-shipping.
Nice picture, that's why my sister loves Alberta, those big clear skies. She doesn't seem to mind the sub-zero-ness of it, but the gray, drab months (yes, I'm talkin' 'bout you, June!) out on the Coast drive her crazy!
 

kikazaru

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If you want a completely safe, non-toxic weed killer, try boiling water. Fill up a carafe of boiling water take it to where you need it and pour it on, it will kill the weed and it's root.

My dad has a steam cleaner that I keep thinking might work as well and may have to borrow sometime, although I think that the creeping charlie has me defeated.
 

Xelebes

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Yeah, the trick is getting it over the mountains to Edmonton for re-shipping.
Nice picture, that's why my sister loves Alberta, those big clear skies. She doesn't seem to mind the sub-zero-ness of it, but the gray, drab months (yes, I'm talkin' 'bout you, June!) out on the Coast drive her crazy!

June has been gray too. Probably a few more storms and tornadoes than you guys, though.
 

sulong

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If you want a completely safe, non-toxic weed killer, try boiling water. Fill up a carafe of boiling water take it to where you need it and pour it on, it will kill the weed and it's root.
Yeah, boiling water works well. I use it on my driveway, walkways, and places where pin-point accuracy is needed.

I'm not sure how it would work in a broad-cast type environment though. Likely sterilize the whole area if it did work.

I generally pour about 12oz or so on each target. But I have no idea if smaller amounts of the boiling water would be just as effective. Maybe I'll give myself a project to determine just how much boiling water is actually needed to be effective. - or maybe not.
 

AndreaGS

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Ooh! Boiling water! I'm going to have to try that. We have some odd type of (bright green) grass that keeps popping up in our mulch, and it is really difficult to pull. It has a hollow stem with several layers, so if you don't grip it hard enough or low enough, you just pull off the outer layer and it's free to pop up again later.

We don't own a hoe. Definitely useless.
 

backslashbaby

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We use pick-axes on our soil, seriously :ROFL:

Actually, I could see a hoe in the garden rows, where the soil is already cultivated and mulched. So that's why my grandmother had them, huh? I sit, not stand, so it's still pretty useless to me :)
 

CalebJMalcom

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I use my hoe to break the soil for planting. For weeding. I pull the weeds out, break off the roots and throw the plant back down. Eventually I build up enough dead weeds in between rows that it mulches (thus repressing seeds) and helps replenish the soil.
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Hoes are great ... my candidate is any tool that costs less than three bucks. It'll tease you by doing its job for a short while before the Chinese implement breaks off of the Chinese handle.
 

eeplants

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For me I use my bare hands in pulling out the weeds. The hoe doesn't really do much of a help than making the situation even worse.
 

Jamesaritchie

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I love a hoe. You just have to be willing to use it long enough and often enough. I've never found anything a hoe can't keep out of a garden, except for people willing to actually use a hoe.

Depending on the size of the garden, you just put in time, and the hoe does the trick. One hour every evening keeps our garden whistle clean.