Young Adults and Oral Sex

[sol_]

Hello! I'll take the sensitive-topic ball and ask...

... is it just me or there's little to no oral sex (and masturbation) in YA? Just wondering. The usual template is 'smoldering gaze' -> 'super first kiss' -> 'long series of smoldering super kisses' -> "even more kisses" -> eventually, sex. Which is weird because YA, in general, is all about first times and first experiences and stuff.

What gives? Where are the in-betweens?

 

[MrsBrommers]

It's there. I know there's oral sex om SW00N by Nina M@lkin. It's not graphic, but you know what's going on. If it fits the story, I see no problem with it.

 

[Mayfield]

LOOKING FOR ALASKA and THE DUFF both come to mind.

 

[strawberryblondie]

Other Words For Love has an oral sex scene.

 

[amschilling]

"Marked" by P.C. Cast has an oral scene. Once again, not graphic but you know what's happening.

But I agree--both seem to happen less than full-out sex. Maybe writers have a harder time selling them as "true love and therefore it's okay?" No idea, really. Not terribly realistic IMO.

 

[missesdash]

People are just still wary of writing it. Character in YA aren't nearly as sexual as actual teenagers. But I honestly think a lot of the hesitation is with writers. I have oral sex in a lesbian sex scene in my YA and no one has given me a "tsk tsk" lecture.

There's this horrible trend recently of young girls giving blow jobs in totally inappropriate places like class rooms or behind school buildings. The trend is not the oral sex, as that's always been around. But kids have been recording it on their video phones and uploading it. Look up "Amber Cole" to read about the fall out from one such instance.

But yeah, as a culture we're still really uncomfortable with the idea of teenagers as sexual beings. And oral sex is obviously more "risqué" because it's only for pleasure. Not to say kids are having sex to conceive, obviously.

 

[totopink]

Jenny Downham's Before I Die describes the MC who has terminal cancer receiving oral sex from her boyfriend and then watching him masturbate afterwards because she's too weak to actually have sex with him. It was a disgustingly cute scene considering what was going on.

Usually though I think it's left out because when the scene is meant to be a loved up vision of beautifully romantic sex, oral doesn't really fit. Oral sex isn't what young romantics picture when they imagine "waiting for the right one". It's messy, involving, to the point, often egocentric and sometimes unorthodox. Other than the book I mentioned above, I've only ever seen oral sex work when the encounter has been a brief one - a quick blow job at a party or a finger in the park... that sort of thing.

Plus most people tend to to describe sexual scenes through the eyes of the MC. Whereas with sex you can describe lots of eyegazing and kissing, with oral sex it's a lot more unpleasant to describe pubic hair and cock'n'balls to the reader, especially when the scene you're trying to create is a romantic one.

 

[wampuscat]

For some people, oral sex is more intimate than actual sex, so I don't necessarily think of it as something that happens "in between" kissing and sex.

I've read plenty of over the shirt, under the shirt kind of description in YA. I guess it kind of depends on what kind of a story it is. Skipping from dramatic kisses to sex seems to appear more in books that focus on romance, but that might just be my recent reading experience or perception.

 

[sol_]

I'm not necessarily looking for recommendations, guys

I just want to hear your opinions. Why is it less 'true-lovey' than full-blown sex? Take your average paranormal series with true undying love - most of them sooner or later deal with sex. But all the delightful in-between stuff is often omitted or actually forgotten. Zero to sixty Is it because oral sex is only for pleasure's sake? But then again, I've never seen a YA character and her smoldering love interest try for a baby lol And isn't giving and receiving pleasure a perfectly legitimate way of expressing love?

(I loved that Looking for Alaska scene. So awkward and right)

ETA:

For some people, oral sex is more intimate than actual sex, so I don't necessarily think of it as something that happens "in between" kissing and sex.

That's true too. Still, the vast majority of teens I know (and I know a great deal of them since I'm a teen myself lol) fooled around before the 'jump'. Not necessarily oral sex but lots of mutual masturbation... which is quite m.i.a. too in romantic YA.

with oral sex it's a lot more unpleasant to describe pubic hair and cock'n'balls to the reader

Still, I think there can be a cute and romantic aspect to oral/masturbation too.

 

[stormie]

There's a YA novel published in 2005 that has an oral sex party in it. It's called Rainbow Party by Paul Ruditis. The girls each buy a different color lipstick for the party.

ETA: not giving you a recommendation for a book to read, just telling you it's out there. A lot.

 

[KateSmash]

People are just still wary of writing it. Character in YA aren't nearly as sexual as actual teenagers. But I honestly think a lot of the hesitation is with writers.

I'm going to go with this explanation, OP. I know I've run into this problem myself. I feel kind of icky, like I'm sexualizing teenagers somehow - despite being a pretty *ahem* active teen and not even that far removed from my teen years. Adult sex? Easy as pie. Teen sex? Where's my hand sanitizer and a confessional?

I think it's more about the writers and how we have to get over our own hang-ups. We all (or most of us) can rationally see oral sex as part of a healthy sexual relationship. It's getting over seeing our audience as children that's the problem.

Not to mention that western culture, especially American culture, is pretty damn sex negative. How often do we see these things done frankly and/or lovingly in other media? It's almost always for laughs, and when it isn't the tv/movie nannies want to slap all sort of restricted labels on it. But that's another post for another time.

 

[Rhoda Nightingale]

I don't like reading about it, which is why I don't write it and try to avoid or skim over those scenes in existing books. But yeah, they're out there. It's all in your own comfort level.

As far as "not looking for reading recommendations," I see what you're saying, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to read those books anyway to see how oral in teen literature has been handled, by published, successful authors.

 

[kuwisdelu]

I wonder if there is a difference in how the younger writers vs the older writers of YA approach this.

 

[Becca C.]

I write quite a lot of oral sex and handjobs and stuff. But that's probably because almost every sexual relationship I write is boy/boy. I do write "going all the way" scenes for two guys as well, but it's definitely less YA than blowjobs and I tend to be less descriptive and more in-the-MC's-head for those scenes.

 

[Mari]

I'm glad this thread is here. I'm new to writing YA and trying to learn what's taboo and what isn't during the process of creating my story. There's a place where oral sex is going to be important to a relationship. I've been told that any sex is fine in YA as long as the act itself isn't described - ie, you don't want to create a 'training manual' of the act. For me, that's easily enough done between adult characters and consensual sex, but I've never written oral sex or oral sex between teenagers before ... I feel like I'm floating around directionless.

 

[Mari]

I wonder if there is a difference in how the younger writers vs the older writers of YA approach this.

interesting question.

 

[Mari]

I write quite a lot of oral sex and handjobs and stuff. But that's probably because almost every sexual relationship I write is boy/boy. I do write "going all the way" scenes for two guys as well, but it's definitely less YA than blowjobs and I tend to be less descriptive and more in-the-MC's-head for those scenes.

That's another question I have. Is it okay to say "blowjob"? I keep getting mixed responses and really am not sure which way to go.

 

[Paul]

But yeah, as a culture we're still really uncomfortable with the idea of teenagers as sexual beings. And oral sex is obviously more "risqué" because it's only for pleasure. Not to say kids are having sex to conceive, obviously.

em...isn't all sex...em...

 

[Paul]

I wonder if there is a difference in how the younger writers vs the older writers of YA approach this.

excellent question. but for me, it really depends on the story - and the age group. I don't think sex is standard in the 13-16 age group. 16-18, a bit more so, but still not the majority.

so, to me, it should only be there if it' integral to the story, otherwise it's offering a false picture of teens.

of course, i aint no teen, so i'm guessing. but i do know teens and i reckon i'm right.

 

[missesdash]

That's another question I have. Is it okay to say "blowjob"? I keep getting mixed responses and really am not sure which way to go.

It just depends on what type of YA you're writing. I'm reading a YA book right now where the female MC constantly refers to her "pussy." It's very heavy on sexual content an violence. And it's not fade to black, it's detailed. It was published by a major house.

But if you go to the goodreads, you'll see a of of people complaining about the content. "Porn in YA?" But you'll also see people who like to read edgier, grittier YA. There's a place for it, and it's not necessarily self publishing or small presses. It's just not scholastic or Christian Teens Book of the Month.

I also write a lot of mutual masturbation, but that's because, like the OP, I think of it as pretty given before engaging in actual sex.

 

[missesdash]

excellent question. but for me, it really depends on the story - and the age group. I don't think sex is standard in the 13-16 age group. 16-18, a bit more so, but still not the majority.

so, to me, it should only be there if it' integral to the story, otherwise it's offering a false picture of teens.

of course, i aint no teen, so i'm guessing. but i do know teens and i reckon i'm right.

Well by the time they hit 19, 70% of teens have had full out sex. So whether or not one teen is having it, after 14, it increasingly becomes the norm.

 

[Becca C.]

That's another question I have. Is it okay to say "blowjob"? I keep getting mixed responses and really am not sure which way to go.

Go ahead. My advice is to call it what actual teens call it.

 

[Slyest Fox]

That's another question I have. Is it okay to say "blowjob"? I keep getting mixed responses and really am not sure which way to go.

That or "head" is probably the most natural way to say it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I used the term "oral sex" in conversation.

As far as including it in general goes, I think the trouble lies in the fact that it's much easier to avoid going into graphic detail about regular sex than it is about oral sex. As others notes, with sex if you don't want to get too graphic you can discuss looking into each others eyes or kissing and gasps of pleasure. It's hard to describe someone sucking a cock without it sounding at least somewhat like erotica.

I myself have never included it, just because even though generally I have plenty of sexually active teenagers in my stories, I tend to not be that explicit about the sex scenes just because I tend to not find it super necessary and don't think I do it particularly well. But I wouldn't have a problem with it, unless it just felt gratuitous for the sake of being gratuitous.

 

[kuwisdelu]

That's another question I have. Is it okay to say "blowjob"? I keep getting mixed responses and really am not sure which way to go.

That or "head" is probably the most natural way to say it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I used the term "oral sex" in conversation.

I heard just plain "oral" pretty often, too.

Which leads to plenty of snickering whenever someone talks about giving their oral [presentation/exam/etc.] in an academic sense. In middle school, I had an oral threesome with two girls in Spanish class...

 

[Paul]

Well by the time they hit 19, 70% of teens have had full out sex. So whether or not one teen is having it, after 14, it increasingly becomes the norm.

19 aint 18.

you see 19 is college time. still 70%? I'd have called 55/60.