"Mommy Porn" -- Cute and harmless, or insulting and degrading?

[thethinker42]

This was brought up in another thread, but I think it's relevant enough to warrant its own discussion.

Erotica readers and writers, what do you think of the term "mommy porn" that is suddenly getting thrown around?

 

[mirandashell]

I don't understand what it means.

 

[thethinker42]

My own two cents...

I've already blogged about it at length, so I won't rehash the entire thing here, but as an erotica writer myself, the phrase "mommy porn" makes me crazy. The term on its own makes my teeth grind, but it's mostly how it's used that bothers me. At its very best, it's often used to downplay women's sexual desires, not to mention giving people another reason to snicker and giggle at erotic fiction as nothing more than mindless wank material. At worst, it's used as the literary equivalent of slut shaming, meant to make both creators and consumers of erotic fiction feel dirty and guilty.

 

[sailor]

To my mind, calling something in erotica 'mommy porn' is to denigrate it, deem it unworthy. By extension, it belittles the writer and reader. I think it's used by the pretentious towards works they deem frivolous.

Put me in the 'it's an insult' column.

 

[Filigree]

Serious insult, to the writer and the readership.

 

[Shadow_Ferret]

What is "daddy porn" then?

Actually what dies the term mean? That once you're a mom your sex drive shuts down or that you shouldn't be thinking about sex, so then mommy porn is supposed to be harmless and acceptable?

 

[E. S. Lark]

I find it insulting for writers, readers and the genre as a whole. I admit, I have called 50 shades mommy porn just because I don't feel like explaining why the kink in it is so wrong to my family. I try, but then they just look at me, so I shrug, mumble and walk away.

But seriously, it's a blatant insult to all genre writers, no matter how successful they are.

 

[thethinker42]

What is "daddy porn" then?

That's another thing about the term that bothers me. "Daddy porn" just sounds squicky and creepy, and "mommy porn" sounds equally so.

Actually what dies the term mean? That once you're a mom your sex drive shuts down or that you shouldn't be thinking about sex, so then mommy porn is supposed to be harmless and acceptable?

Either that, or that now that you're a mommy, you shouldn't be reading "such trash" or thinking "such thoughts."

 

[firedrake]

Everyone's pretty much covered it.

It's insulting and demeaning and I wish the sodding media would drop the term.

 

[Jamiekswriter]

I agree it's insulting. But I've seen women who would never read an erotic novel pick up a book because it's called "Mommy porn." If it ups the sales and keeps them coming back for more . . . .

 

[M.Macabre]

What is "daddy porn" then?

Actually what dies the term mean? That once you're a mom your sex drive shuts down or that you shouldn't be thinking about sex, so then mommy porn is supposed to be harmless and acceptable?

Lol don't google it.

I think you bring up a good point. Porn is fathers, is well, porn. Porn for men is porn. Porn for mothers/females, in the conventional cinematographic sense, doesn't exist because of course women don't look at porn. ''Female porn'' is romantic novels and erotica. Any erotic novel in and of itself is sensational for the media because it is automatically assumed it is targeted at women, who have traditionally held a sexless or ''desireless'' image. Mothers are supposed to be the epitome of this idea.

Mass media has clung to the phrase ''mommy porn'' for a couple of reasons. First, there's definitely a squick factor, thinking of one's parent being sexually active, and what makes an audience squirm is good for ratings. As others have mentioned, it's also degrading on multiple levels. It's a childish title, which trivializes the subject matter, and again reduces female sexuality as something to be laughed at. The trilogy it's connected to has also led to sweeping generalizations about the sexuality of mothers, with some individuals concluding that ''all mothers just want to be dominated or secretly like BDSM.'' However, the bottom line is that the phrase was created to have a negative meaning, to shame and humiliate those who read it.

Still I wouldn't list the mommy porn epidemic as fifty shades's worst offense.

I agree it's insulting. But I've seen women who would never read an erotic novel pick up a book because it's called "Mommy porn." If it ups the sales and keeps them coming back for more . . . .

I think, as with most products, there's an untapped demographic that just required more direct marketing, but if we adopted the ''it makes us money'' excuse for bad behavior for everything offensive, we'd be back in the stone age in no time.

 

[KimJo]

Lori, I read your blog post, and it sums up exactly what I think about the term. Including the similarity to "slut-shaming." Using the term "mommy porn" to refer to 50 Shades and other books makes it sound like the women who read these things are doing something shameful and wrong.

I don't know why our society likes to make out that women who enjoy sex and embrace their sexuality are bad and dirty and evil, but I wish they'd knock it the bleep off.

 

[fireluxlou]

It's a nasty term filled with condescension and belittlement, like all terms used to describe and degrade female sexuality and women.

 

[Hamilton]

"Mommy porn" is mind-boggling insulting. Men are expected to enjoy sexual material at all ages, but apparently only unsatisfied housewives enjoy erotica.

 

[Julie Ambrose]

Last night I went to a women's book club meeting. Like every book club in the universe we were discussing erotica (a great departure for many of the women, who prefer Captital L Literature), and we got talking about the 'mommy porn' label.

What came through was how it was a really super-smart marketing tactic. When something is called 'mommy porn' it's safe (that, and the fact that it's in big supermarkets that also sell teething rusks and pacifiers). When it's 'safe' it's okay to talk about anywhere, to anyone, and hence sell more books.

Thinking of it in that light—and the fact that in the aftermath of 'mommy porn' sexy books are being more freely talked about—I'm not quite so down on the term.

Just a thought (and I may change my mind tomorrow),
regards all,
Julie

 

[Jersey Chick]

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

Have I mentioned I hate it?

Whenever I hear that term (much like when I hear the term, "bodice ripper") my first impulse is to junkpunch the person using it. As hard as possible.

 

[thethinker42]

Last night I went to a women's book club meeting. Like every book club in the universe we were discussing erotica (a great departure for many of the women, who prefer Captital L Literature), and we got talking about the 'mommy porn' label.

What came through was how it was a really super-smart marketing tactic. When something is called 'mommy porn' it's safe (that, and the fact that it's in big supermarkets that also sell teething rusks and pacifiers). When it's 'safe' it's okay to talk about anywhere, to anyone, and hence sell more books.

Thinking of it in that light—and the fact that in the aftermath of 'mommy porn' sexy books are being more freely talked about—I'm not quite so down on the term.

Just a thought (and I may change my mind tomorrow),
regards all,
Julie

It's a double-edged sword. Where it becomes safe for one woman to buy it, it's a reason for another to be extra ashamed and not want anyone to think she's buying *whispers* porn. That, and I think people buying it more openly now has less to do with the label and more to do with the popularity of the particular series. Kind of, "everybody's doing it."

I find the term incredibly shaming and degrading. As if erotic fiction doesn't already have enough trouble being taken seriously, and women don't already have a million reasons to feel ashamed of their sexuality and sexual desires.

 

[Ann_Mayburn]

That phrase makes me want to barf. It's not so much the words, but the utterly condescending smirk that all broadcasters give the camera when they say it. Drives me up a fucking wall.

 

[thethinker42]

That phrase makes me want to barf. It's not so much the words, but the utterly condescending smirk that all broadcasters give the camera when they say it. Drives me up a fucking wall.

Oh man, no kidding. I could *possibly* -- and it's a stretch, but it's possible -- live with it if the population at large could use it without a condescending smirk or a snort of derision. Even then, I think it would still nauseate me.

 

[L.Blake]

I think it sucks and not in a good way...a bit snarky today.

 

[Julie Ambrose]

It's a double-edged sword. Where it becomes safe for one woman to buy it, it's a reason for another to be extra ashamed and not want anyone to think she's buying *whispers* porn.

Forgive me if I sound argumentative, but isn't the success of the term because it domesticates (infantilises?) the term 'porn'? That is, it appeals to people who would normally feel ashamed, but with 'safe mommy porn' don't have to.

Maybe you're right though, and it's the popularity of the series itself that allowed buyers to feel unashamed... Still, I think the marketing campaign ('mommifying' erotica) was a big reason why it walked off the shelves.

By the way, I'm not defending the label at all; the word 'mommy' renders the 'porn' half of the tag completely infantile. That's annoying to anyone serious about erotica for women. Meanwhile the 'porn' tag misreads what erotica is and does, which annoys anyone who doesn't want their erotic fiction misrepresented. I'm in both camps, so it annoys me doublefold.

 

[Celia Cyanide]

I don't know why our society likes to make out that women who enjoy sex and embrace their sexuality are bad and dirty and evil, but I wish they'd knock it the bleep off.

Isn't "mommy porn" supposed to be for those who don't exactly embrace their sexuality?

 

[Soccer Mom]

The thing is, women who read erotica rarely refer to what they are reading as "mommy porn." It's those outside who perpetuate the stereotype that being a mom somehow makes you uncomfortable with your sexuality. Cause we all know these women conceived their babies in test tubes, right?

I hate the term. Stabby hate. I also hate "mommy bloggers" as a way to denigrate women who blog about being mothers or women's issues.

 

[WriterDude]

I'm amused by the term, but only because of the proliferation of the term 'porn' in the vernacular. We have food porn and property porn. We even have the term fanwank to describe something especially gratuitous in a given genre.

It just says to me that porn has a place in today's society and while public wanking may remain uncouth, the denial of, and revulsion at, such a basic and universal activity, is starting to fade.

Embrace the term, take ownership, and demand a mommyporn section in the library/waterstones.

 

[MrZiggles]

I don't see what the controversy is. Though I could be using the term differently than other people use it.

I would expect 'mommy porn' to refer to sexually explicit material targeted at and / or enjoyed by mothers. It's a fact that a woman's life is different as a mother than it would be without a child. That's not pro or con; it's just true. So why would you assume that a mother would like the same material as a woman who is not a mother and has not had the experiences that usually go along with motherhood?