Your wish is granted...

Meerkat · Apr 4, 2007

Granted. No one notices anything, right up until April 15th.

I wish that someone would post some sort of "barber school" website, but not a place to risk your scalp for free haircuts....no this would be a school for agents....hungry for manuscripts to market! Yeah, that's my foolproof wish!

arrowqueen · Apr 4, 2007

Granted. Unfortunately it's ScamSchool and they all want to market them to PA - after charging you a nice, fat fee, of course.

I wish I wasn't getting quite so cynical in my old age.

WildScribe · Apr 5, 2007

Granted. You've got Alzheimer's and you can't remember enough to be cynical.

I wish I were making more money writing.

Mom'sWrite · Apr 5, 2007

Granted. A bunch of not-to-ambitious college students will shell out big dollars for research papers. They'll be over at your house around 8 PM on Saturday to discuss the topics. You'll need to provide a couple of kegs and a bag of chips. Hide the dog.

I wish yards were self-weeding.

Meerkat · Apr 5, 2007

Granted. Of course, they already were. It's getting rid of the darned things you should have wished for!

I wish I had that short Zoysia grass that stays green all the time and only reaches about two inches in height and needs mowing about once every ten years, if that, and is everything the magaine ad claims. There: foolproof!

MidnightMuse · Apr 5, 2007

Granted. Unfortunately, it attracts a lot of golfers, who - thanks to all the gofers - start using your yard as a putting green when you're not at home. I'd suggest shatter-proof glass in those windows, and maybe fog out the one that looks in to the bathroom.

I wish I had a riding lawn mower, a shed to keep it in, and a really handsome, shirtless man to use it while I lounge on the deck and watch.

TrainofThought · Apr 5, 2007

Granted: The shirtless man is riding the lawn mower with a beautiful woman taking pleasure in his body. The police show up stating the lawn mower was stolen as the shirtless man tells the police the mower belongs to you. You’re handcuffed and ushered away while watching the shirtless man and woman cuddle on a lounge chair drinking Margaritas.

I wish someone would cook the things I’m requested to make for Easter.

dancingandflying · Apr 5, 2007

granted. but everyone hates them and no one is your friend anymore. sorry.

i wish i didn't have to go home.

d and f.

Jaycinth · Apr 6, 2007

Granted. You don't have to go home, it's cool if you take off with your friends on that trip to Jamaica.

And while you are gone the physical manifestations of The Green Lantern and Ganesh, appear in your home and grant everyone super powers and they all fly off to a secret headquarters in their new identities and you never see them again.

However attacks by intergalactic and multi dimensional beings fall off...

I wish someone would, using scoops of ice cream, create a portrait of Millard Filmore on the street in front of The White House.

Meerkat · Apr 6, 2007

Granted. And by the powers of MacAllister and the alignment of all of the AW stars in just the right way for pre-ordained post number 2832, this--THIS ONE--is the only wish ever to be granted without drawback. There is indeed now an ice cream portrait of Millard Filmore on the safely blocked-off street in front of the White House. You could have had anything, post number 2832. You chose this. Well done indeed, Jaycinth. And congratulations!

I wish I had a time machine so that I could have beat Jaycinth to post 2832 and wished for something that had to do with Publishers Clearing House visiting my house later.

RumpleTumbler · Apr 6, 2007

Meerkat said:
I wish I had a time machine so that I could have beat Jaycinth to post 2832 and wished for something that had to do with Publishers Clearing House visiting my house later.

Granted. However, a millisecond before you went back someone else went back in time and let one rip in right in the face of the lead coder for Vbulletin. He went into a coma and all the other programmers are at the hospital visiting. Vbulletin hasn't been released yet. There is no Absolute Write forum and no post 2832.

I'd just like a girlfriend please.

Jaycinth · Apr 6, 2007

Granted!
You start corresponding with a nice girl named Tina Ming. As this goes on, you discover that she is your soul mate, your one and olny true love, and she feels the same for you.

So finally, after 1 year, 8 months,17 days,13 hours, 49 min, and 54 seconds, you meet her at the local airport....

The first ever female Sumo Wrestler, Tina Ming.

I wish I could be in their wedding party.

RumpleTumbler · Apr 6, 2007

Jaycinth said:
Granted!
You start corresponding with a nice girl named Tina Ming. As this goes on, you discover that she is your soul mate, your one and olny true love, and she feels the same for you.

So finally, after 1 year, 8 months,17 days,13 hours, 49 min, and 54 seconds, you meet her at the local airport....

The first ever female Sumo Wrestler, Tina Ming.

I wish I could be in their wedding party.

Granted.

Tina has no friends so you're assigned to be a brides maid. After weeks of rehearsal dinners and being out and about you fall in love. You and Tina are married and live happily ever after.

Now that I've lost my true love I wish I had another girlfriend.

arrowqueen · Apr 11, 2007

Granted. The Best Man just had a sex change op.

I wish I could have a kitten.

dancingandflying · Apr 11, 2007

okay. but it's dead.

i wish my parents weren't so ignorant!

d and f.

Mandy-Jane · Apr 11, 2007

Okay. But now they're not ignorant, they know everything. Everything! Where you are when you're not with them, where you're going before you know, and even what you're thinking.

I wish I could go on another cruise.

RumpleTumbler · Apr 11, 2007

Mandy-Jane said:
I wish I could go on another cruise.

Granted. 15 minutes out of port the entire ship succumbs to the Norwalk virus. A storm keeps you from returning to port but doesn't spare you from 40 ft swells that last for the next 12 hours. You don't know which you prefer, Norwalk or seasickness.

I wish the xxx-rated video made by and starring Brad Pitt and Janet Reno would surface on the Internet.

scarletpeaches · Apr 11, 2007

Granted.

Janet Reno (whoever that is) is wearing a strap-on and Brad's lubed up the sheep.

I wish to win the Booker Prize.

IrishScribbler · Apr 12, 2007

Granted. Booker is a singing chicken and the prize is he now belongs to you.

I wish I already lived in Florida.

TrainofThought · Apr 12, 2007

Granted: You just moved to Florida and it starts to sink from the Tsunami that just hit.

I wish I was taller.

dancingandflying · Apr 12, 2007

okay. but now you can't fit inside your front door. sorry.

i wish i could finish my damn novel!

Jaycinth · Apr 17, 2007

Granted. Your novel is finished. Your novel is published. But since you 'damned' it, every time a person gets to page 13, they vanish into perdition in a puff of smoke....but you can hear them crying out when you try to sleep.

There are more voices every night. They know your name. Don't open your closet.

I wish my cats would stop conspiring to flip me out.

WildScribe · Apr 17, 2007

Granted. They are now working solo.

I wish the brownies were done!

RumpleTumbler · Apr 17, 2007

WildScribe said:
Granted. They are now working solo.

I wish the brownies were done!

Granted. They are pot brownies though and you are arrested. The LEO in charge brings them to me for testing and I have a great afternoon at work. When I get home I dip them into tequila. Mmmmmmmm.

I wish I would get laid before the Mayan calender runs out.

TrainofThought · Apr 17, 2007

Granted: Due to the complexity of the calendars, the synchronization is off and you get laid by a donkey.

I wish I can take a 6-month sabbatical without losing my job.

Your wish is granted...

Claims the loan was a gift

RIP, our sarky besom

Slave to the Wordcount

Service with a smile

Claims the loan was a gift

Midnight Reading

A flowering bud of bitchiness

Is it tea time yet?

Your Cuddly Sociopathic

Claims the loan was a gift

Loves Joni Mitchell

Your Cuddly Sociopathic

Loves Joni Mitchell

RIP, our sarky besom

Is it tea time yet?

venturing ever further into the unknown

Loves Joni Mitchell

A flowering bud of bitchiness

Is it tea time yet?

Your Cuddly Sociopathic

Slave to the Wordcount

Loves Joni Mitchell

A flowering bud of bitchiness