Weeding "that" out of your MS
- Thread starter Danalynn
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His eyeballs widen and his ears started to turn red as he scanned down my report card.
“Did you just sleep at your desk?” The corner of his lip twitched when he turned to glare at me, “You’re grounded for a month.”
Then you probably wouldn't like my MS, 'cause I do that frequently.
In my defense, I probably wouldn't if I was writing for adults, though....
I write for Middle Grade/Young Adult, and I've found that authors do that all the time in this genre.
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This is a super helpful thread. I had completely forgotten about "that" and the other suggestions are good ones.
What I really like seeing, though, are examples. Before and after, that kind of stuff.
What I really like seeing, though, are examples. Before and after, that kind of stuff.
So.
And so.
So then.
My current personal bugaboo is that my right hand recently decided that "its" should always have an apostrophe between the "t" and the "s." Most times, I catch it automatically, but I love the "find" function.
And so.
So then.
My current personal bugaboo is that my right hand recently decided that "its" should always have an apostrophe between the "t" and the "s." Most times, I catch it automatically, but I love the "find" function.
(grades already addressed, thank you Potluck, great reply)
There was a collective sigh of relief when the noise ceased.
Or
Grandma nodded her head at Grandpa. "See, you stick an electric cattle prod into the rain barrel and those darn coon sure 'nuf get quiet."
Grandpa pursed his lips and set the shotgun down. Then crossed his arms and pretended to nap again.
Mother straightened her pink hat and stuck her chin up, daring the world to try to top her.
Betty had a nervous tic. It was the innocuous scratching of her scalp just behind the left ear. Whenever things got rough; Betty would scratch. No one bothered to point it out to her. She was our natural barometer of stress at the office.
Just because your narrator isn't omniscient doesn't mean they don't try to be. That's why they are called unreliable narrators. They inject their own personal hypothesis into every situation. That's half the fun of first person.
Amy
Marry me, Amy!
Your whole post is incredibly helpful. When I was poking through this thread earlier, I went and looked up "seemed" in my first rewrite of my current MS. I nearly freaked. I didn't know how to fix all those "seemed" bits and pieces.
-Now- I do. And not only do I know how to fix them, I know why seemed is bad. It makes sense now.
I demand more!
Your whole post is incredibly helpful. When I was poking through this thread earlier, I went and looked up "seemed" in my first rewrite of my current MS. I nearly freaked. I didn't know how to fix all those "seemed" bits and pieces.
-Now- I do. And not only do I know how to fix them, I know why seemed is bad. It makes sense now.
I demand more!
Marry me, Amy!
Your whole post is incredibly helpful. When I was poking through this thread earlier, I went and looked up "seemed" in my first rewrite of my current MS. I nearly freaked. I didn't know how to fix all those "seemed" bits and pieces.
-Now- I do. And not only do I know how to fix them, I know why seemed is bad. It makes sense now.
I demand more!
LOL. If I married you, at least I'd finally have a s/o who likes books! Nice.
Re seemed...Do you know the old adage of "Your best teacher is your last mistake." Well....
Guilty.
Found some other good words to "weed" out if used excessively:
www.tameri.com/edit/words2kill.html
all
always
anxiously
eagerly
every
frequently
got
merely
nearly
need
never
not
often
only
so
then
just
finally
that
though
very
Hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . . .
me thinks me "FIND" button is gonna get a work out.
www.tameri.com/edit/words2kill.html
all
always
anxiously
eagerly
every
frequently
got
merely
nearly
need
never
not
often
only
so
then
just
finally
that
though
very
Hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . . .
me thinks me "FIND" button is gonna get a work out.
That list is comprised of words that aren't inherently problematic, but individual authors might rely on them too heavily. For instance, JK Rowling uses 'hastily' too much.
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Oh, I agree! Just is one of my favorites!!!!
Hi. My name is Dana-Lynn, and I'm a just-a-holic!
I just checked my MS for the word just, and I used it 173 times out of 35,000 + words.
Eeeek! Need to curb my desire for them!
Hi. My name is Dana-Lynn, and I'm a just-a-holic!
I just checked my MS for the word just, and I used it 173 times out of 35,000 + words.
Eeeek! Need to curb my desire for them!
I hate commenting on grammar because I'm just not that good at it. But your question here isn't actually the one you're asking.
She_Wulf showed you had to get rid of the seemed/was in the sentence, which is good to know. What's really operating here, however, is exactly what are you trying to say. Taking your first sentence: "He seemed furious about my grades." The question is exactly what are you trying to accomplish with the sentence.
The sentences you've given are all tells. She_Wulf basically turned these all into shows, which are usually the better way to go. But sometimes you want to use a tell.
If what you're trying to portray is that the person was furious about the grades, then you want to show it. For example, something like: She was so furious about my grades that she ripped my report card into a billion pieces, screaming at me.
But sometimes you don't want to portray the external of what's going on, but you want to bring us into the narrator's head. For example: I couldn't decide, but she seemed furious about my grades. Here you're showing some internal doubt as to whether she was furious about the grades or something else. You want your readers to be unsure exactly what's happening. This is an internal issue of how your narrator is thinking.
These examples would both be in first person POV. I'm trying to think how I'd use "seem" in third person, and I can't think of how I'd use it.
I hope this helps.
Best of luck,
Jim Clark-Dawe
If you want to obsess over the frequency of these words, Roger Carlson has a free frequency counter in the tech forum that will tell you how many times a word appears in your manuscript:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11653
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11653
The only two redundant words I didn't see listed in this thread are:
actually
of (this is actually a majorly overused word, so I figure it hardly needed mention)
Deleting redunancy is fun!
It's also redundant to ever say things like 'red in color' (we know it's not red in shape!) or 'six-year-old child' (we know they're not a six-year-old adult), but we have so many communication habits.
other more-than-one-word redunancies:
all over again (all over is fine)
exactly the same (drop the exactly)
new recruit (a recruit is new)
There are so many... LOL
actually
of (this is actually a majorly overused word, so I figure it hardly needed mention)
Deleting redunancy is fun!
It's also redundant to ever say things like 'red in color' (we know it's not red in shape!) or 'six-year-old child' (we know they're not a six-year-old adult), but we have so many communication habits.
other more-than-one-word redunancies:
all over again (all over is fine)
exactly the same (drop the exactly)
new recruit (a recruit is new)
There are so many... LOL
Oh, I agree.
I use actually A LOT just when I'm actually talking, so I can imagine how many times I've actually written it in my MS.
Gonna put the old "find" button to work again. . . .
Thanks for the input, Barber.
I use actually A LOT just when I'm actually talking, so I can imagine how many times I've actually written it in my MS.
Gonna put the old "find" button to work again. . . .
Thanks for the input, Barber.
Beware of cutting too much... 
I allow "excessive" words in dialogue (or MC thought), as per characterisation. If the character would say it (or think) that way, it stays.
I allow "excessive" words in dialogue (or MC thought), as per characterisation. If the character would say it (or think) that way, it stays.
It has recently come to my attention how the word "that" is used entirely toooooooooo much in manuscripts. (Similar to the use of the phrase "and then", though Microsoft Word doesn't LIKE it when you take the "and" out of "and then!" lol! And every time you re-spell/grammer check your document, it tells you so!)
SO ANYWAY, I went into my MS and used the "Find" feature in the edit menu of MS Word, trying to locate all of the unnecessary "that" words in my 15 chapter WIP....
(Granted, some "that's" ARE necessary, but some definately are not.)
I am only up to the 7th chapter so far using my handy little "Find" button, and I have already found 141 "that's" that I didn't need!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
LOL!!!!
I look for that, as, then, well, and some others... It's amazing.. how many unnecessary they are...