send her a virtual sporan, ben. that should go a long way towards lifting spirits.
poor kid. man,.......that sucks.
poor kid. man,.......that sucks.
Comedy Cabaret I: Awaiting Mac's Ax
- Thread starter Soccer Mom
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She knows we love her 
Battery, I got you this - this weekend. Oh wait, I can't mail it to you. You're still askeered of me. I'll give it to my son
Yup. Bottle opener in the brim
Battery, I got you this - this weekend. Oh wait, I can't mail it to you. You're still askeered of me. I'll give it to my son
Yup. Bottle opener in the brim
*falls to knees. sobs uncontrollably*
She knows we love her
can you also remind her that we love her rack?
*sniff* you got me what?
how sweet!
I'll give it to my son
i'm not scared of you. *insert the guy sticking his tongue out*
and yes, your son will appreciate his mommy giving him a gift!
Yup. Bottle opener in the brim
ain't never seen nothin' like that before.
interesting.
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What's blue and f***s dogs?
Haggis in his lucky blue coat.
What's white and doesn't climb trees?
A Fridge
What is green, has six legs and will kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A Pool table.
Haggis in his lucky blue coat.
What's white and doesn't climb trees?
A Fridge
What is green, has six legs and will kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A Pool table.
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Double-knee replacement? She isn't THAT old, is she? Send her my love.
Anyway...
O’Brien and Mulligan were relaxing with a fine couple of pints at the pub after a long Monday when the conversation turned to gardening.
“And did you hear what’s all the rage with the Dublin gardening crowd?” O’Brien asked Mulligan.
“And what might that be?” Mulligan inquired.
“I was reading in the Times this past Sunday about the strangest things these urban gardeners are placing in their gardens to keep watch over their patches of beets,” O’Brien explained.
“What’s that, then?” Mulligan responded.
“Well, now,” O’Brien went on, “They’re calling them ‘Metro-Gnomes’!”
Anyway...
O’Brien and Mulligan were relaxing with a fine couple of pints at the pub after a long Monday when the conversation turned to gardening.
“And did you hear what’s all the rage with the Dublin gardening crowd?” O’Brien asked Mulligan.
“And what might that be?” Mulligan inquired.
“I was reading in the Times this past Sunday about the strangest things these urban gardeners are placing in their gardens to keep watch over their patches of beets,” O’Brien explained.
“What’s that, then?” Mulligan responded.
“Well, now,” O’Brien went on, “They’re calling them ‘Metro-Gnomes’!”
Poor Inkers.
Well, on the plus side, once she's recovered, she'll be better than she's been in a long time. Plus, she'll be bionic, and we can tease her about that.
Well, on the plus side, once she's recovered, she'll be better than she's been in a long time. Plus, she'll be bionic, and we can tease her about that.
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We can make her better, faster, stronger.
You think they could magnetise those bionic knees? To bring them together sometimes...
Just a thought.
You think they could magnetise those bionic knees? To bring them together sometimes...
Just a thought.
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Keep in mind when you vote.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about
His bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
Community service this week.' The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you'
Card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
Barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
Service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card
And a dozen donuts waiting for
Him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries
To pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.
I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and
Leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card
And a dozen different books,
Such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
The barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
Community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the
Shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a
Free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
Citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Vote carefully this year.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about
His bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
Community service this week.' The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you'
Card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
Barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
Service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card
And a dozen donuts waiting for
Him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries
To pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.
I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and
Leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card
And a dozen different books,
Such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
The barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
Community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the
Shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a
Free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
Citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Vote carefully this year.
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...and for his astute observation about political life, I hereby award Sparhawk the coveted Sociopath of the Week award.
Wear it in good health.
Wear it in good health.
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How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb.
One - - dammit!
(turnaround seemed fair play)
One - - dammit!
(turnaround seemed fair play)
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Pfftt.. The answer is none. The guy will do it to avoid pissing her off more.
A taxi-cabs passenger tapped the driver lightly on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver lost control of his car; almost hit a bus, went up on a sidewalk, and stopped within centimeters of a shop indow.
For a second there everything was very quiet inside of the cab and then the driver said, "Don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that alittle tap on the shoulder would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "It's ok, it really isn't your fault. This is my first day as a cab driver. I have been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
The driver lost control of his car; almost hit a bus, went up on a sidewalk, and stopped within centimeters of a shop indow.
For a second there everything was very quiet inside of the cab and then the driver said, "Don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that alittle tap on the shoulder would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "It's ok, it really isn't your fault. This is my first day as a cab driver. I have been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
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