cut the purple - lost the rhythm

Tiz_Mee · May 22, 2009

I've cleaned up my first chapter from my excessive use of adjectives - but now I have found that the rhythm of my paragraphs is lost.

Do I just totally rewrite - or is it okay to put a few of the adjectives back in to make it flow?

It seems I'm missing a few beats here and there and it seems choppy.

If that makes any sense.

Maryn · May 22, 2009

Of course you're going to rewrite. Several times, in all likelihood. For now, I'd recommend finishing the whole thing, knowing you tend to overload the adjectives and limiting yourself as much as you're able.

It's much easier to rewrite a completed novel than to finish one with an absolutely perfect, positively lyrical first chapter, right?

Maryn, whose first chapters are often too polished

seun · May 22, 2009

As Maryn said, write the rest of your book before worrying too much about the first chapter. And in any case, losing the purple is better than having to fix the rhythm.

dpaterso · May 22, 2009

If you still have the original copy, is it possible to rework the problem paragraphs to reduce adjectives by blending them or using less flowery alternatives, rather than remove them completely?

-Derek

Tiz_Mee · May 22, 2009

I have been messing with it all morning - driving me crazy. There are only two major places - but I hate it when it reads and has that obvious break as it tries to move along. I'm going to go on through the next chapters and try to get back into the feel of it. Thanx for the suggestions of "moving on with the rest of the novel" maybe it willl help my mind think a little clearer.

I'm definately, definately purple.

thanx again

blacbird · May 22, 2009

dpaterso said:
If you still have the original copy

Given this question, it seems appropriate to point out that, in these days of ridiculously cheap digital storage media, there's simply no good reason NOT to "still have the original copy." I always keep original versions and work on copies of those. If anybody is in the habit of messing with only one copy of a given work, I highly recommend changing your procedures.

caw

Tiz_Mee · May 22, 2009

definately have multiple copies. I think this is my 3rd revision maybe 4th. I have in on hard drive, external drive, printed out, you name it - I got it covered.

1st time I went in and fixed plot holes/grammar - 2nd time tried to make it flow and after that realized I had way to much fluff in it - thus the third and probably a hell of alot more

Mel · May 22, 2009

And some cheap as in free. Gmail and Yahoo mail. Multiple addresses at each to mail copies to. Put title and date in subject line.

Sage · May 22, 2009

I don't know that "moving on" is necessarily the right answer in this case. Could be that moving on will let wsknable find the right voice naturally and can come back to the beginning and fix it. But something can also be said for finding the right voice at the beginning, then doing the rest of the novel that way. It's definitely a valid choice to go back and revise those first chapters after you're done, but I find that my character's voice has a lot to do with how the story was told (would background info go here? MC's voice is driving it there), and that might make it difficult to change later. Changing the voice in the first chapters of LS was really difficult, but the MC's voice had changed, so the narrative did too.

Karen Duvall · May 22, 2009

I think you might be too close to it right now. Set it aside and work on something else for a while, maybe do some writing exercises to clear your head. It's a great way to get a feel for how to write without the adjective crutch, and then when you return to your WIP, you'll see it in a whole new light. Trust me. I've been through this a few times myself.

The Rav · May 22, 2009

blacbird said:
Given this question, it seems appropriate to point out that, in these days of ridiculously cheap digital storage media, there's simply no good reason NOT to "still have the original copy." I always keep original versions and work on copies of those. If anybody is in the habit of messing with only one copy of a given work, I highly recommend changing your procedures.

caw

This is good advice that I need to start following. I always simply change my draft thinking that my revision is always better. It's almost always the case, but that almost can really hurt at times.

Epiphany · May 22, 2009

I like adjectives. lolol.

Maybe have someone else you trust read both versions. See what they think.

cut the purple - lost the rhythm

Tiz_Mee

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Tiz_Mee

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Tiz_Mee

iz bossy . . .

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