The Unreasonable Paranoia Thread.

bettielee

I'm a sparkly fairy princess!
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Between this horror flick and my surround sound - I can't help thinking there's something in this house with me, besides the cats.

the cats are scary enough!

I get PMS, too, and think everyone is talking about me behind my back. It is so weird.

Of course, they probably are...

wait...
 

Angie

Shaddup and lemme think.
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Psst! The monkeys are out to get us!

funny-pictures-hitman-monkey-drowns.jpg
 

C.bronco

I have plans...
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One of my favorites:

PARANOID: A CHANT
by Stephen King

I can't go out no more.
There's a man by the door
in a raincoat
smoking a cigarette.

But

I've put him in my diary
and the mailers are all lined up
on the bed, bloody in the glow
of the bar sign next door.

He knows that if I die
(or even drop out of sight)
the diary goes and everyone knows
the CIA`s in Virginia.

500 mailers bought from
500 drug counters each one different
and 500 notebooks
with 500 pages in every one.

I am prepared.

I can see him from up here.
His cigarette winks from just
above his trenchcoat collar
and somewhere there's a man on a subway
sitting under a Black Velvet ad thinking my name.

Men have discussed me in back rooms.
If the phone rings there's only dead breath.

In the bar across the street a snubnose
revolver has changed hands in the men's room.
Each bullet has my name on it.
My name is written in back files
and looked up in newspaper morgues.

My mother's been investigated;
thank God she's dead.

They have writing samples
and examine the back loops of pees
and the crosses of tees.

My brother's with them, did I tell you?
His wife is Russian and he
keeps asking me to fill out forms.
I have it in my diary.
Listen--
listen
do listen:
you must listen.

In the rain, at the bus stop,
black crows with black umbrellas
pretend to look at their watches, but
it's not raining. Their eyes are silver dollars.
Some are scholars in the pay of the FBI
most are the foregneirs who pour through
our streets. I fooled them
got off the bus at 25th and Lex
where a cabby watched me over his newspaper.

In the room above me an old woman
has put an electric suction cup on her floor.
It sends out rays through my light fixture
and now I write in the dark
by the bar signs glow.

I tell you I know.

They sent me a dog with brown spots
and a radio cobweb in its nose.
I drowned it in the sink and wrote it up
in folder GAMMA.

I don't look in the mailbox anymore.
The greeting cards are letter-bombs.

(Step away! Goddam you!
Step away, I know tall people!
I tell you I know very tall people!)

The luncheonette is laid with talking floors
and the waitress says it was salt but I know arsenic
when it's put before me. And the yellow taste of mustard
to mask the bitter odor of almonds.

I have seen strange lights in the sky.
Last night a dark man with no face crawled through nine
miles of sewer to surface in my toilet, listening
for phone calls through the cheap wood with
chrome ears.
I tell you man, i hear.

I saw his muddy handprints
on the porcelain.

I don't answer the phone now,
have I told you that?

They are planning to flood the earth with sludge.
They are planning break-ins.

They have got physicians
advocating weird sex positions.
They are making addictive laxatives
and suppositories that burn.
They know how to put out the sun
with blowguns.

I pack myself in ice - have I told you that?
It obviates their infrascopes.
I know chants and I wear charms.
You may think you have me but I could destroy you
any second now.

Any second now.

Any second now.

Would you like some coffee, my love?

Did I tell you I can't go out no more?
There's a man by the door
in a raincoat.
 

C.bronco

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Here's Mine:

Delusion

Madness was
Hoarding remnants,
Folded in books, lined
On shelves, and
In the choice
Of what’s to be saved.
What’s in your room?
Do they call it
Paranoia when
Down the hall they
Whisper, hold their
Hidden thoughts,
Glance at you after
You walk by?
Someone is writing down your name
On a list, someone
Has your file, your
Photo clipped on front, your
Number neatly beneath your name.
Someone floats
In and out of your periphery,
And when you have to
Tell someone
You do and
Afterward regret it.
Who are they?
They will
Diminish your life, your
Mind to a chemical imbalance or
Physiological disorder, those
People who walk through your door,
Full of normal
Talk and thoughts, they are
Saturated in
Cellular buzz and
Microchips, they
Eat sport utility and
Their hands hum with internet,
Interface, inter-office memo.
The tiny hairs on my arms
Prick up at their
Electric breath, their
Visions of tax shelters
And closet organizers.
We
Fill our lungs with air
When outdoors, and strings,
Find the colors of
The late afternoon, your
Careless eucalyptus,
And roll sound like dice
Across the carpet,
Kicking up the glove parsley
And sample size sarcophagi
That were matted down
On the open porch.
If I forget and
Leave my exoskeleton on the counter,
We still mail the chia pet
To Pompeii.
This madness, oh!
I am
Keeping mine.
 

bettielee

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my favorite part of "The Two" by WH Auden

Tell your stories of fishing and other men's wives;
the expansive moments of constricted lives
in the lighted inn.
But do not imagine we do not know
nor that what you hide with such care won't show
at a glance.
Nothing is done, nothing is said,
but don't make the mistake of believing us dead;
I shouldn't dance

We're afraid in that case you'll have a fall.
We've been watching you over the garden wall
for hours
The sky is darkening like a stain,
something is going to fall like rain,
and it won't be flowers.

...now, is that not the most frightening and threatening poem? I mean, yeah, scare me with prose, but to frighten me with poetry? **shiver**
 

Leukman

Pernicious...n'stuff.
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I'm afraid to read any of the posts in this thread cause the title freaks me out a little. Who started this damn thing. No- wait...I don't wanna know. Why are there three pages of responses already? What's wrong with you people? Is there something I don't know?





Oh.My.God. You can see me through my monitor, can't you?!?




*runs out of building screaming, hits streetlamp, Bam B'b'b'b'bam*
 

Woof

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They threatened to feed me into a paper shredder if I revealed this, but there is a very large ape in this thread who is staring and winking at everybody because HE and only HE knows where the nuclear bananas are hidden.
 

Leukman

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WHAT?!?


HOLY CRAP.


WHERE?!?
 

Leukman

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Agreed. And if I'd listened to my paranoia a time or two, I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.


What the hell is that supposed to mean???
 

Leukman

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That's what I was afraid of.
 

Leukman

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Why hasn't anyone posted in here for so long? Is this some kind of conspiracy? Is RT waiting in the shadows to set up his hot-tub again?
 

LOG

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I like hot tubs, get someone drunk in them, let them fall off to sleep, then up the temp a bit and wait for their inner organs to fail under the heat.
...I didn't just say that...