Learn Writing with Uncle Jim, Volume 1

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James D. Macdonald

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Back on page 190 of this thread, Andrew Jameson referred to a post that I'd made elsewhere. Discussion followed. Since the question has come up again, I think I'll repost that other comment here, so everything will be in one convenient place.

Without further ado:

=============

No, no, no! You don't pay the publisher $4,000! The publisher pays you $4,000! You're the one with the thing of value!

==============

Meanwhile, another PA thread here: Agent's Interesting Observation

A PA author says:

From Writer's Digest, Nov 2005: "Agent Lori Perkins of the L. Perkins Agency in New York says it's much easier to market a first-time novelist's book if the word count falls between 80,000 and 100,000 words, or roughly 300 double-spaced, typed pages--the average novel length.

"One-third of the novels that come into the agency are rejected because they're too long or short, (Perkins says), "The cost greatly increases on books larger than 100,000, so agents and publishers are less likely to gamble on a manuscript the size of a dictionary." END OF QUOTE.

It's good to know we don't have that problem with Publish America, who, from my experience, publishes relatively small books as well as those exceeding 300 pages.

I thought this might be helpful to those of you, who may be holding a manuscript and wondering what to do with it. Send it to PA for review. Maybe it will jump-start your writing career. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Let me explain this, because I can see there's some confusion.

Publishers don't drive publishing. Printers don't drive publishing. Agents don't drive publishing. Bookstores don't drive publishing. Nor do editors. Not even writers drive publishing.

Do you want to know who drives publishing? It's the readers.

First thing you should know: Readers have a sticking-point when it comes to prices. That price is around $28 for a trade cloth (hardcover) book.

Second thing you should know: The unit price of a book decreases as the print run goes up.

Third thing you should know: First novels by unknowns have relatively predictable, and relatively small, sales.

Bookstores won't order books with cover prices that customers won't pay. They can fill the same shelf space with books that might move.

The longer the book, the higher the cost of printing it.

Say a book comes in at 120,000 words. Say it's a normal first novel by an unknown. The publisher figures that it'll sell perhaps 5,000 copies, which means printing and shipping around 7,000 copies.

The publisher can't do that and maintain a price point below $28, while covering their overhead and making a profit.

So they raise the cover price. What happens? Bookstores decrease their orders. So the print run has to go down. That makes the price go up. The bookstores look at the new price, and decrease their orders again. You see where this is going?

Why is all this happening? Because readers won't open their wallets for trade cloth books above $28. Not even by authors they know and like.

What's the solution? Going to PublishAmerica isn't it. Sure, PA will accept the book. They accept anything. Will this jump-start your career? No. Because however high a real publisher would have had to put the price of a hardcover, PA will put the price of a trade paperback even higher. Readers, we know, won't touch the book. You've thrown away your first rights, you're locked into an unfavorable seven-year contract, and your sales history will be horrible.

The real answer is this: Write and sell another book of a more marketable length for a first-time writer. After it comes out, and it's bought and read, you'll have fans who are looking for your next book. Then you can bring out that 120,000 word book. The publisher will be able to print enough copies to justify a $28 price point. Your fans will buy it, new readers will buy it, and you have a happy ending.

Short books, now ... novellas are very hard to sell to publishers. Why? Because readers don't buy them.

I could discuss the path that brought Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, (a first novel weighing in at 800 typeset pages) to press. Notice, please, the price point: $27.95.

How did Bloomsbury manage that? By printing a ton of them. What did they do then? They launched a huge publicity campaign to move that ton of books.

Why did they do that for Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell? Because they believed in it. Why don't they do that for every book? Because they have limited resources, even with a bank account the size of Rhode Island full of Potter-bucks backing them up. Plus, even with the biggest publicity campaign in the world, if the readers don't like the book they'll leave it lying on the shelf.

Please notice that Lori Perkins specified a "first-time novelist." Those are the ones who rely on impulse purchases in bookstores. When you're relying on impulse purchasing, it behooves you to make your book the sort of thing that readers who are buying on impulse are likely to take.
 

James D. Macdonald

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From Email

From email:

> From our friends at the US Department of Labor:
>
> 131.067-046 WRITER, PROSE, FICTION AND NONFICTION (profess. & kin.)
> alternate titles: writer
> Writes original prose material for publication: Selects subject matter
> based on personal interest or receives specific assignment from publisher.
> Conducts research and makes notes to retain ideas, develop factual
> information, and obtain authentic detail. Organizes material and plans
> arrangement or outline. Develops factors, such as theme, plot, order,
> characterization, and story line. Writes draft of manuscript. Reviews,
> revises, and corrects it and submits material for publication. Confers
> with publisher's representative regarding manuscript changes. May
> specialize in one or more styles or types of writing, such as descriptive
> or critical interpretations or analyses, essays, magazine articles, short
> stories, novels, and biographies. PHYSICAL DEMANDS ENVIRONMENTAL
> CONDITIONS S C B S K C C R H F F T H T N F D A C F W C H H N V A M E H R S
> N N N N N N F F F N O O N F N N N N N N N N N 2 N N N N N N N T O N N
>
> GOE: 01.01.02 STRENGTH: S GED: R6 M3 L6 SVP: 8 DLU: 77
>
> If you decide you can't live without the knowledge, I can explain what all
> the codes letters and numbers mean. However, the basics are: this entry
> comes from the DOL's useful publication, the Dictionary of Occupations and
> Trades, and the description was last updated in 1977. The DOL considers it
> to be sedentary work, which, to them, means you sit for at least 6 hours a
> day, but stand and walk for no more than 2, and lift no more than 10
> pounds occasionally (up to 1/3 of an 8-hour day) and under 10 pounds
> frequently (up to 2/3 of an 8-hour day). The DOL considers this occupation
> to have an SVP (Specific Vocational Preparation) rating of 8, which means
> it takes 4 to 10 years to become proficient at this (a useful thing to
> point out to those who would write: "Even the US government, dolts that
> they are, realize you don't learn this job overnight!"). Some of the other
> codes explain exposure to hazards like electrocution and other Fun Stuff.
 

Lilybiz

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"...The DOL considers this occupation
> to have an SVP (Specific Vocational Preparation) rating of 8, which means
> it takes 4 to 10 years to become proficient..."


Um, does the DOL mention anything about on-the-job training?
 

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It's a small step up from apprenticeship.

You work really hard for a year, or so. If your work was good enough, you might get paid something for it.
 

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We frequently link to Making Light as one of the best places for writing-related information. Now there's a poll for "Best Blog," and Making Light is one of the choices. If you like Making Light, perhaps you might make your voice heard.

(Full disclosure: I'm one of the posters at Making Light.)
 

Ken Schneider

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James D. Macdonald said:
We frequently link to Making Light as one of the best places for writing-related information. Now there's a poll for "Best Blog," and Making Light is one of the choices. If you like Making Light, perhaps you might make your voice heard.

(Full disclosure: I'm one of the posters at Making Light.)

Full disclouser, I read over there, M.L., but haven't posted.

Interesting story about the murder next door to the hosts' of M.L..

I do feel better, now, about the post upstream concerning time in grade for writers with regards to success, as the DOL sees it.

That means two to eight years to the possibitiy of publication, for me. Maybe sooner should my skull thin enough to allow needy info to sink in.

Practice makes perfect, and that is a lot of M.s.'s to pound out before I catch on.

But, it also is reassuring and gives me a benchmark and time to develope before I give up.
icon10.gif
 

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Thanks for this great thread, Uncle Jim. I've been reading it from the beginning, and have learnt a lot... though it's going to take me some time to catch up!
 

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It's been a while since I handed out an assignment, so here goes: Due on Christmas Day!

As you no doubt recall, in the novel Frankenstein, young William Frankenstein is murdered. The murder is blamed on Justine Moritz, who is (unjustly) hanged for the offense.

The murder was actually committed by the wretch created by Victor Frankenstein, and Victor knows it.

You can read all about Justine and her sorrows, and the story of the murder from the wretched creature's point of view, on the web:

http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hamberg/Frankenstein/Chapter6.html
http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hamberg/Frankenstein/Chapter7.html
http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hamberg/Frankenstein/Chapter8.html
http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hamberg/Frankenstein/Chapter16.html

But can we let this sad miscarriage of justice stand? We shall not!

The facts of the murder are as presented, but let us alter some things (ignoring time, space, trademark and copyright).

Choose one:

Case 1) Victor Frankenstein, seeing the dire straits in which the virtuous Justine has fallen, writes to a consulting detective who lives at 221B Baker Street, London. That gentleman takes the case, and soon arrives in Geneva with his friend, Dr. John Watson. Write the story in the style of A. C. Doyle.

Case 2) The investigating officer is Sergeant Josef Freitag of the Geneva police. His favorite phrase is "Nichts aber die Tatsachen, Dame." Dum-da-dum-dum.... Write the story in the style of Raymond Chandler.

Case 3) The crack investigators of CSI: Miami are on vacation in Geneva, and are staying at a hotel next door to the Frankenstein home. They take an interest in the case, and prepare a friend of the court brief for Justine's trial. Write in the style of Danielle Steel.

Case 4) By a weird coincidence, Jessica Fletcher of Murder, She Wrote is Justine's great aunt twice removed by marriage, and has arrived in Geneva at the same time as (sharing a coach with) Victor Frankenstein. Write in the style of Jessica Fletcher.

Case 5) Perry Mason takes the case for the defence. Write in the style of Erle Stanley Gardner.

Case 6) Justine hires Billy Flynn (from the musical Chicago) for five thousand dollars. Billy has never lost a case for a woman. This challenge includes songs. Write as a musical comedy. Happy ending mandatory.

There's going to be a Part II to this challenge, but I'll give that to you on Christmas Day, as a present.
 

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Once more into the breech, dear friends: dipping back to Page 105.

Sam and I are sitting on a mostly deserted beach on Lake Michigan a little north of the Drake Hotel in Chicago. The Drake is filled with treasured memories for both of us, and we had dinner at our favorite table there earlier. I need to be with Sam tonight, because it’s one year since, well, everything happened that shouldn’t have happened -- it’s one year since Danny died.

“This is the spot where I met Danny, Sam. In May, six years ago,” I say.

Sam is a good listener who holds eye contact beautifully and is almost always interested in what I have to say, even when I’m being a bore, like now. We’ve been best friends since I was two, maybe even before that. Just about everybody calls us “the cutest couple,” which is a little too saccharine for both of our tastes. But it happens to be true.

“Sam, it was freezing that night Danny and I met, and I had a terrible cold. To make it worse, I had been locked out of our apartment by my old boyfriend Chris, that awful beast.”

“That despicable brute, that creep,” Sam contributes. “I never liked Chris. Can you tell?”

“So this nice guy, Danny, comes jogging by and he asks if I’m all right. I’m coughing and crying and a total mess. And I say, ‘Do I look like I’m all right? Mind your own blacking business. You’re not going to pick me up, if that’s what you’re thinking. Scram!” I snorted a laugh Sam’s way.

“That’s where I got my nickname, ‘Scram.’ Anyway, Danny came back on the second half of his run. He said he could hear me coughing for two miles down the beach. He brought me coffee, Sam. He ran up the beach with a hot cup of coffee for a complete stranger.”

“Yes, but a beautiful stranger, you have to admit.”

I stopped talking, and Sam hugged me and said, “You’ve been through so much. It’s awful and it’s unfair. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you.”

I pulled out a folded, wrinkled envelope from the picket of my jeans. “Danny left this for me. In Hawaii. One year ago today.”

“Go ahead, Jennifer. Let it out. I want to hear everything tonight.”

I opened the letter and began to read. I was already starting to choke up.

Dear, wonderful, gorgeous Jennifer…

You’re the writer, not me, but I had to try to put down some of my feelings about your incredible news. I always thought that you couldn’t possibly make me any happier, but I was wrong.

Jen, I’m flying so high right now I can’t believe what I’m feeling. I am, without a doubt, the luckiest man in the world. I married the best woman, and now I’m going to have the best baby with her. How could I not be a pretty good dad, with all that going for me? I will be. I promise.

I love you even more today than I did yesterday, and you wouldn’t believe how much I loved you yesterday.

I love you, and our little “peanut.”…

Danny.


Tears started to roll down my cheeks. “I’m such a big baby,” I said. “I’m pathetic.”

“No, you’re one of the strongest women I know. You’ve lost so much, and you’re still fighting.”

“Yeah, but I’m losing the battle. I’m losing. I’m losing real bad, Sam.”

Then Sam pulled me close and hugged me, and for the moment at least, it was all better -- just like always.

A first page (a prologue in this case). Let's look at it line-by-line to see what the author is doing.
 

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Sam and I are sitting on a mostly deserted beach on Lake Michigan a little north of the Drake Hotel in Chicago.
We start with a person in a place. A novel starts with a person in a place with a problem, so we're off to a good start. All we need now is the problem. Present tense. Characters are Sam and "I." First person POV makes narration privileged speech.



The Drake is filled with treasured memories for both of us, and we had dinner at our favorite table there earlier.
This is characterization; apparently these folks have known each other, and lived in the area, a long time. Upscale folks, if they eat out frequently, and have a "favorite table."


I need to be with Sam tonight, because it’s one year since, well, everything happened that shouldn’t have happened -- it’s one year since Danny died.
A third character introduced, Danny, and perhaps the problem. So by the end of Paragraph One we have a person in a place with a problem. That's getting the pieces off the back rank expeditiously. This sentence is the longest and most complex so far. The reader slows down, making Danny stand out. All three characters are in this one sentence. "Died" is in the last-word position, a very important position in a sentence. It's also the last word of the paragraph. It jumps at the reader.


“This is the spot where I met Danny, Sam. In May, six years ago,” I say.
Presumably Sam doesn't already know this, even though Sam and "I" are old friends who frequently dine together not far away? Okay, I can buy that, but let's move fast now. No definite info on the gender of the speaker, but I'm thinking female. Sam knows who Danny is. Danny, whoever he was, isn't the speaker's child.

Sam is a good listener who holds eye contact beautifully and is almost always interested in what I have to say, even when I’m being a bore, like now.
Long sentence, with complexities in its clauses. Answers the reader's question "Why does Sam care?" before it's asked. Reinforcement that the speaker is a female -- "holds eye contact beautifully" isn't a particularly masculine phrase. We may have the author admitting that this is boring -- it's backstory and exposition -- but the exposition has to go somewhere. Flattering the reader, by comparing the reader to the admirable Sam. Are we being a bore when we're talking about a (so-far mysterious) death?

People are interested in love, and people are interested in death (sex and violence -- can't go wrong with those), and so far in two-and-a-half paragraphs we've got both. This isn't really boring.


We’ve been best friends since I was two, maybe even before that.
Clearing the ground for romance with someone else, defining the relationship, and giving backstory and characterization. A good sentence.

Just about everybody calls us “the cutest couple,” which is a little too saccharine for both of our tastes.
Okay, we can be pretty sure that we're talking male/female now. That's an odd phrase to use to describe "best friends," so perhaps they're something more than that? More characterization, and more preempting the reader's objections.

But it happens to be true.
So ... y'all really are a couple? And cute, too? "It happens to be true" implies that some other things either are (or will be) lies. Very simple sentence, easily digested, getting the reader back up to speed. A good paragraph close.

“Sam, it was freezing that night Danny and I met, and I had a terrible cold.
We have to use "Sam" as the first word to show that "I" is talking. Otherwise the reader will have to pause a moment to be sure.

To make it worse, I had been locked out of our apartment by my old boyfriend Chris, that awful beast.”
A bit of confusion. Freezing in May? Well, Chicago -- perhaps. Is "freezing" the thing that's bad, is "had a terrible cold" the thing that's bad, or is meeting Danny the thing that's bad? A bit of as-you-know-Bob dialog here: Sam obviously already knows who Chris is, and (as the speaker's long-time best friend) undoubtedly has a poor opinion of Chris. No need to call Chris a beast -- that's for the reader's benefit.

“That despicable brute, that creep,” Sam contributes. “I never liked Chris. Can you tell?”
A number of short sentences. If Chris isn't important to the story, I'll be disappointed.

“So this nice guy, Danny, comes jogging by and he asks if I’m all right. I’m coughing and crying and a total mess. And I say, ‘Do I look like I’m all right? Mind your own blacking business. You’re not going to pick me up, if that’s what you’re thinking. Scram!” I snorted a laugh Sam’s way.
Telling, but we're telling a story to Sam, so that's okay. And Sam is a patient listener. I'm not certain I like "I snorted a laugh Sam's way."

“That’s where I got my nickname, ‘Scram.’
Sam doesn't already know this? But it's an emotional time, the anniversary of Danny's death. I'll let this pass.


Anyway, Danny came back on the second half of his run. He said he could hear me coughing for two miles down the beach. He brought me coffee, Sam. He ran up the beach with a hot cup of coffee for a complete stranger.”
We're learning more about Danny. I sure hope that coffee had a lid.

“Yes, but a beautiful stranger, you have to admit.”
Definitely a female character, if this isn't a gay romance. I believe we're in the romance genre. Sam's right in his implication: Danny was trying to pick her up.

I stopped talking, and Sam hugged me and said, “You’ve been through so much. It’s awful and it’s unfair.
Woo! Suddenly we drop from present tense to past tense. C'mon, author, you can do better than this. To make up for it, we're promised that there'll be lots of awful and unfair stuff. If we want to see a character angst, we've come to the right place. Here on page one, the reader will know if this is a book he or she will like.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you.”
So we're beyond hope, beyond help. This character is going to suffer for about 300 more pages.


I pulled out a folded, wrinkled envelope from the picket of my jeans.
She went out to dinner in jeans? Okay, I suppose so. She just happens to be carrying the letter? Or she was planning to show it to Sam? Still in past tense.


“Danny left this for me. In Hawaii. One year ago today.”
So, Danny died in Hawaii. Vacation? Our characters are definitely well-to-do. Suicide note?

“Go ahead, Jennifer. Let it out. I want to hear everything tonight.”
I bet I know what the rest of the book is going to be: Jennifer (Hurrah! "I" has a name, and we were right, it's female!) is going to spend the rest of the book Letting It Out. We, the readers, will get to hear Everything.

I opened the letter and began to read. I was already starting to choke up.
Angst, angst, angst!

Dear, wonderful, gorgeous Jennifer…
Well, Danny's laying it on a bit thick.
You’re the writer, not me, but I had to try to put down some of my feelings about your incredible news.
Aieee! Our main character is a writer! Well, write what you know, I suppose.
I always thought that you couldn’t possibly make me any happier, but I was wrong.
Doesn't sound like a suicide note. We have another reason to follow along, now -- not only what happened to Danny, but what Jen's good news could be.
Jen, I’m flying so high right now I can’t believe what I’m feeling. I am, without a doubt, the luckiest man in the world. I married the best woman, and now I’m going to have the best baby with her. How could I not be a pretty good dad, with all that going for me? I will be. I promise.
Ah ha! Jen's pregnant. And, Danny's married to her. Looks like cup-of-coffee-on-the-beach worked pretty well. Fairly simple sentences. A fast read.
I love you even more today than I did yesterday, and you wouldn’t believe how much I loved you yesterday.
All is happy and serene! But we know that he'll be dead within the day, so we have a bit of dramatic irony going. The readers know something that the writer of that letter doesn't know. Danny's a bit one-dimensional right now, but maybe he'll improve.
I love you, and our little “peanut.”…

Danny.
Argh! Blech! And Jennifer worries about appearing too saccharine?

Tears started to roll down my cheeks. “I’m such a big baby,” I said. “I’m pathetic.”
Speaking of babies ... what happened to the baby? If Jen was just telling Danny that she's pregnant one year ago tonight, she should have a five-month-old around somewhere. "You've been through so much," Sam said. I have a bad feeling about what's going to happen to that "peanut." Another reason for turning the page, to find out what happened to the pregnancy.

“No, you’re one of the strongest women I know. You’ve lost so much, and you’re still fighting.”
Go, Sam! More promises to the reader.

“Yeah, but I’m losing the battle. I’m losing. I’m losing real bad, Sam.”
The dialog is simple, punchy, short. A good contrast to that syrupy letter from Danny. All kinds of conflict promised. A person in a place with a problem? Yeah, we have that. And we're still on page one.


Then Sam pulled me close and hugged me, and for the moment at least, it was all better -- just like always.

Hmmmm.... way ambivalent relationship these two have. But we've finished the first page. Want to turn it? Sure. We have several unresolved questions, with a promise of some three-hanky emotional suffering.

A pity this is a prologue -- most of the readers are going to skip it. But this is okay, they can come back later to get it if they're interested.

I presume that the next page, the start of chapter one, will put us in Hawaii.
 

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James D. Macdonald said:
All kinds of conflict promised. A person in a place with a problem? Yeah, we have that. And we're still on page one..... Want to turn it? Sure. We have several unresolved questions, with a promise of some three-hanky emotional suffering.
I guess this is where taste and style come in. I see your point--yeah, this has a person in a place with a problem. It has unresolved questions and a promise of suffering. But the writing style--especially the dialogue--is so stilted, and not to my taste, that I would not turn the page.

It also seems contrived--she's with her best friend, she's known him since she was two (or before), and she's only just now--a year after the events--reading him this letter and telling him this story? I don't buy it.

This is a great exercise. It forces me to look at material and decide why I like it or don't like it--what about it works for me or doesn't. Makes me get specific.
 

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I agree. I think what Uncle Jim did was to present what generally makes a story or plot move along -- people at a placw ith a problem and promise of more heartaches. Teases the audience. But also agree that the writing style is a big factor for me to STOP reading now. I think all the mechanics are there for the story to move along but the delivery is so clunky and stilted that it does not make me want to read it. But it is good to analysze like this because its good for writers to know about the mechanics of storytelling.
 

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Gotcha. The mechanics are there. I can go with it. It's just a matter of taste. These types of books sell like crazy and there's no "good" or "bad" about it. No reason why we shouldn't study what sells.
 

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Yeah, not that I wold want to read or write this kind of books, but its good to see how the "mechanics" work and I am sure books like this sell a lot. So the question is what is good and bad writing? Is it about style or is it about story mechanics? Why does a book like this sell a million copies when something I consider brilliant never comes out of a slush pile?
 

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A friend once recommended a bestseller to me. I read it and was appalled at what I thought was a third-grade level of writing. I told her so. She said, "Maybe that's the level most people read at."

(Note she didn't say, "...the level at which most people read.")
 

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I thought Sam was a dog until his second line of dialogue...

Also, I wouldn't turn the page either. Bleh.
 

James D. Macdonald

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Guys, if you have plot and story, your writing only has to be workmanlike or better in order to make a sale. Yes, it's great if you can can write beautiful prose. Beautiful prose plus story and plot is golden. Beautiful prose without plot or story ... isn't what the public is looking for.

In this particular instance, most of what we have is dialog. In a first-person novel, narration is also dialog. Dialog is privileged, and reveals character.


Is this a classic? I doubt it will be. But I'll be long dead before history reveals that answer.

I think y'all will agree, regardless of taste, that every sentence here is doing something that's moving the story along.
 

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James D. Macdonald said:
Dialog is privileged, and reveals character.

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Please, would you explain what you mean by "dialog is privileged"? I'm not familiar with this expression, so the meaning is lost on me.

Thank you for this incredible, generous tutorial of yours. I'm keeping up at the end and reading from the beginning at the same time. Hopefully, one day I'll meet myself in the middle! Or something. In any case, sincere thanks.

SusanR
 

James D. Macdonald

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By "dialog is privileged" I mean that normal rules of spelling and grammar do not apply there. Dialog reveals character, as well as moving the plot forward.

If a character would say "I ain't got no grits," it would be wrong to 'correct' that to "I have no grits." The character would be changed.

You can do anything in dialog. The only question is "Does it work?"
 

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aertep said:
(Note she didn't say, "...the level at which most people read.")

And this proves what? The "rule" that says prepositions can't come at the end of sentences is one up with which we should put.
 
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