Advice on interior dialogue

Here's how I'd format it:

She touched the golden harp with a delicate hand and the dulcet melody flew up and up and up. The music kissed the air like a poem from gGod. (If you're talking about a specific god and using that word as a name, it should be capitalised, else use the indefinite article to precede it). That’s it Sheila. Now they will know you’re the special one. She could really feel music filtering through her now, (<---That would all be gone; it's filtering). Music filtered through her, her legs trembling with bliss. Oh yes, this is so beautiful.

Thoughts should be underlined or italicised to make that part of the text stand out and show those words are thoughts of the POV character.

I don't underline thoughts (which is how you indicate italics in a ms), and I rarely tag them. No one's ever complained. I think if it's clear from context you're fine. (And in your example I think it is.)

However, if it's not clear from context, or if you simply decide you'd like thoughts in italics to set them apart, scarletpeaches's example above is how it's done.

I think it's more a matter of preference than hard and fast formatting rule.

See if you can pull that out, and find a more elegant way to let the reader know that Sheila wants people to think she is special.

I actually use a combination of "he thought" and italics. But most often neither is needed, since the reader already KNOWS we're hearing Mitch's thoughts.

For more complicated thoughts I'll do something like,

What the hell was he going to do now, Mitch thought.

or

Shit! He'd been spotted.

lucidzfl said:

I actually use a combination of "he thought" and italics. But most often neither is needed, since the reader already KNOWS we're hearing Mitch's thoughts.

For more complicated thoughts I'll do something like,

What the hell was he going to do now, Mitch thought.

or

Shit! He'd been spotted.

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That's how I do it, too, I both italicize the thought and then say 'he thought' or just italicize. However, the 'Shit! He'd been spotted,' for me is the best way to do it.

We have two major ways to handle the many kinds of thoughts and feelings.
Internals mostly kinda go along like this . . .

***
Myrtle's nose itched. She felt greatly put upon. The slaughter of misquitoes, preferably in large numbers, was becoming increasingly attractive.
**

If we are reasonably clever, we can get across a great deal of what the character is thinking and feeling without tossing in a lot of 'she felt' or 'she thought or 'it occurred to her'.

There is one specialized sort of internal called Internal Monologue that we treat differently. This is the character talking to herself in specific words. It is like holding a dialog inside her head.
Internal monlogue is written in First Person Present Tense. In a book, it is in Italics. In a manuscript it can be represented by Italics or by an underline.

Internal
She stood in the doorway, scratching a persistent itch.

Internal Monlogue
She stood in the doorway and scratched. I hate itching.

Internal
Probably she should have killed some misquitoes. She didn't do it though.

Internal Monologue
Probably I should start killing misquitoes. She didn't do it though.

Looking at your snippet:

“She touched the golden harp with a delicate hand and the dulcet melody flew up and up and up. The music kissed the air like a poem from god. That’s it Sheila. Now they will know you’re the special one. She could really feel music filtering through her now, her legs trembling with bliss. Oh yes, this is so beautiful.

hollyfan said:

There are moments in my 3rd person limited novel where I write what my protagonist is thinking, but without using italics or “she thought” and I was wondering if I am doing it correctly.

For example, in one of scenes I write something like, “She touched the golden harp with a delicate hand and the dulcet melody flew up and up and up. The music kissed the air like a poem from god. That’s it Sheila. Now they will know you’re the special one. She could really feel music filtering through her now, her legs trembling with bliss. Oh yes, this is so beautiful.”

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Sounds a bit...risque. The tone of it feels a bit like a shampoo advert.

lucidzfl said:

I actually use a combination of "he thought" and italics. But most often neither is needed, since the reader already KNOWS we're hearing Mitch's thoughts.

For more complicated thoughts I'll do something like,

What the hell was he going to do now, Mitch thought.

or

Shit! He'd been spotted.

Click to expand...

Yeah, what scuba-dog has said I like this way better.

I prefer to italicize. (I wouldn't worry about underlining as a protocol, italicize for your MS, the house style/format would come later if/when you get published). Italics are widely accepted as in-head thoughts. But here's the thing...don't do ALL the thinking in italics - just the opening thought. The reader will then assume the rest of the thought is a continuation of the internal dialog. Too much italic in one place is hard on the eyes and can feel like an 'aside', which a reader may decide is something worth skipping if they've gone into skim-reading mode.

But here's the thing...don't do ALL the thinking in italics

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I like to save italics for when it's a direct 'I' thought. The rest of the time we (should!) know we're in my MC's head.

Bob walked down the road. The flash of sand-coloured fur lurking behind the skip was the first clue. (thought-->) Lions, couldn't go ten bloody paces without bumping into a lion these days. Bob pulled out his trusty chair and whip as it leapt for him. It was only then he noticed it had an Uzi, cunningly altered so it didn't need opposable thumbs to fire. (direct thought -->) Holy crap, I think I just pooped myself!

IdiotsRUs said:

I like to save italics for when it's a direct 'I' thought. The rest of the time we (should!) know we're in my MC's head.

Bob walked down the road. The flash of sand-coloured fur lurking behind the skip was the first clue. (thought-->) Lions, couldn't go ten bloody paces without bumping into a lion these days. Bob pulled out his trusty chair and whip as it leapt for him. It was only then he noticed it had an Uzi, cunningly altered so it didn't need opposable thumbs to fire. (direct thought -->) Holy crap, I think I just pooped myself!

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Interesting distinction you have there, Idio.. Umm, I don't know what to call you without feeling like I'm insulting you, lol. But interesting distinction nonetheless.

I don't feel it necessary to put internal thoughts in either italics or constantly doing the he thought, she thought, thingy. Maybe every now and then as a refresher for the reader. But generally, I feel if you are in PoV, the reader gets that these are internal thoughts.

Now, with a brief internal comment by the PoV, I will often time put it in italics to show it's different from the internal thoughts. (He didn't believe what he was seeing, but couldn't help his reaction, oh shit.)

And if I do an entire internal monologue, I treat it as dialogue separating it from general action or scene. The monologue will then show as italics so the reader sees this is different from other dialogue that may be taking place, or action, or general scene.

In my current WIP, I use mind-linking, and I put these bits of dialogue in italics, which presented me with a problem if I wanted to show internal thoughts. In this case, where needed, I did go with the he/she/it thought references so as not to confuse the reader.

I think a lot depends on individual style, and consistency on how it is used...

For me, it depends upon how close my third-person POV is. If I'm really inside the character's head already, straight thought without tags or italics flows just fine and the devices just get in the way. If I'm doing a more distant third person, I use tags and or italics.

Ehab.Ahmed said:

Interesting distinction you have there, Idio.. Umm, I don't know what to call you without feeling like I'm insulting you, lol. But interesting distinction nonetheless.

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Idiot is fine - it's kinda realistic


Obviously this is gong to depends on POV but I tend to write a really tight third ( at least just lately) so...

There's an excellent blog by James Scott Bell from The Kill Zone yesterday on this subject. Hope it helps.