How We Met

Woof · Mar 5, 2011

I met iLion many years ago when he was rehearsing for his audition to be the official MGM lion. I was the studio's voice coach/speech therapist at that time and I had worked with iLion for many long hours to improve his roar, which had been affected by a stammer he had had since cubhood. I'll never forget the day of the audition, and neither will any of the film crew, most of whom had tears in their eyes. iLion delivered a magnificent series of roars, without a single hesitation or stammer. He got the job and went on to become rich and famous. Several years later, by the way, I wrote a book about my experience teaching iLion to roar properly. It's entitled The Lion's Speech.

iLion · Mar 5, 2011

Yes, I recall with fondness how I took roaring lessons from coach Woof. Results have been terrific, but some say they detect a slight bark beneath it all. Sorta like "ROOOAAARRR...k" and "RAwwrrr..F". Guess it still needs more work.

flyingtart · Mar 7, 2011

I won iLion in a game of shove-ha'penny in 1948 down the Dog and Duck. At the time it was a major disappointment because I had my eye on a stuffed albatross but it was too heavy to carry home so I took him instead. Since that day he has ornamented my mantelpiece except on Thursdays when he goes shopping.

StoryG27 · Mar 7, 2011

I met flyingtart years ago when she worked at the makeup counter in a store I frequented. I'll never forget when she introduced me to blue eyeshadow and ruby lips, and told me the secret to the perfect look: If your makeup can't be seen from space, you're not doing it right. Thank you, flyingtart.

kellysaid · Mar 7, 2011

So, I met storygirl when I was selling bibles door to door.
Enter, she said, and I straightened my mask and did as asked.
Now, I said, about to start my spiel.
Don't talk to me about bibles, she interrupted, I asked you in for a different reason.
Huh, I replied and wondered aloud, well, what could that be?
Everyone around here avoids me, she whispered, I have no one to talk to. But you're here now...
Laugh, I try to tell myself, laugh and sidle back for the door ... but I can't, she's already there.
Plink, click, shunk, where did she get so many locks? I wonder, seeing no other way to escape.

Nymtoc · Mar 7, 2011

I met kellysaid when I was Scuba diving off the coast of Erromango. I was about 200 feet down, trying to make friends with a cuttlefish, when she suddenly appeared. Because of our situation we obviously couldn't speak, but she wrote something on a little slate. It read "Which way is up?"

Kaiser-Kun · Mar 7, 2011

I met Nymtoc at the roof of our local police station. Someone had turned on the Kaisersignal, so I rushed over to investigate, but when I arrived, he was there, holding a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a big garbage bag in the other. While grinning like a maniac, he told me "I'm your greatest fan..."

Nymtoc · Mar 7, 2011

I met Kaiser-Kun when he was attempting to bond with a colony of bees. The result cannot be described in words.

kellysaid · Mar 7, 2011

Yeah, I remember Nymtoc, all right. I was a lost scuba diver, trapped in an underwater cave, his stream of bubbles my only hope for salvation. I swam towards him, treasuring what little air I had left in my shrinking lungs. Yeah I asked him which way was up! And he showed me with sign language, which triggered my inappropriate snicker reflex. I gulped water. The last thing I remember before I passed out was his vigorous gesture up.

Kaiser-Kun · Mar 7, 2011

I met kelly without knowing at a Lone Hearts & Stuff matchmaking convention, which she attended as the event pet, dressed in a giant Heart suit. She sends me eight letters a day, somehow describing my current clothes and what I'm eating on each one.

flyingtart · Mar 7, 2011

Kaiser-Kun was in charge of the sniffer dogs when the Drugs Squad raided my house in 1999. We struck up a conversation while the dog was getting high on my "face powder" and we've been firm friends since. He even came to visit me in jail.

Nymtoc · Mar 7, 2011

I met flyingtart when she was about to take off in what she was determined would be the highest balloon trip ever made. I watched till her balloon disappeared into the sky.

Wonder what ever happened to her.

Lavern08 · Mar 8, 2011

1980 - Parliament Funkadelic concert.

Front row - center seat.

Yep,

Nymtoc (in all of his glory) wearing a diaper and pumping the funk.

He was actually kinda cute back then.

Drachen Jager · Mar 8, 2011

You call it "pumping the funk" I call it indecent exposure. I met Lavern when I arrested her and Nymtoc for indecent exposure at a Parliament Funkadelic concert.

Kaiser-Kun · Mar 8, 2011

Lavern confuses me for her high school crush, and stalks me to jump and throw a flower bouquet at me when I least expect her, yelling "HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT NOW? FLOWERS FOR A LADY, MY BROKEN HEART!".

I also met Drachen Jager in court when we filed the same restriction order against Lavern.

Drachen Jager · Mar 8, 2011

I met Kaiser-Kun when he was an alpaca herder in Peru. He seemed content with his life, herding alpacas, heating his alpaca milk with his alpaca dung fire, eating alpaca cheese with some fermented alpaca milk to unwind at the end of a hard day. I asked him if he'd ever eaten something which had not come from an alpaca.
He said, "Do you mean the hair of the alpaca? I tried that once, it did not taste good."
I said, "No, alpaca hair comes from alpaca, have you ever had something that did not come from an alpaca?"
He looked at me like I was some sort of madman. "No alpaca urine for you tonight if you keep that talk up!"
Needless to say, after that I was good for the rest of the evening and I earned my cup of alpaca urine.

poetinahat · Mar 8, 2011

Back when I was a swaggie, I thumbed a lift outside Coober Pedy from some backpackers in a kombi van. The tyres were bald, whish is often the way with kombis and backpackers. They were all right, in their way. Even let me sit in the front seat a spell. One of 'em played concertina, another one played bongos, and another one had a cigar-box banjo. They made quite a noise, but it was well-meant and it passed the time.

The last one didn't play anything, but he had this conductor's baton, and he just conducted the rest. While he was driving, mind. All the way north to Mount Isa, well, at least that's where we were headed.

We ran through all the Irish drinking songs, then all the German drinking songs, and even all the drinking nursery rhymes. Finally, I started singin' Waltzing Matilda, and the conductor chucked me out by the side of the road. Handed me a tin of deviled ham and a warm can of Fosters, and said, "Ich nicht bin eine billabong", and sped off. I could hear Kraftwerk blaring from the stereo as the kombi careened down the road in a puff of cloud of dust.

A bloke in a ute picked me up the next day. About fifty km down the road, I saw the kombi by the roadside. Steam was pouring from the bonnet, and two of the tyres had blown.

As the bloke chuckled and sped up, I waved out the window and yelled, "Happy trails, Drakko... see ya in Humpty Doo!"

Nymtoc · Mar 8, 2011

I met poetinahat when he was preparing to depart for London to attend the royal wedding. He was standing in front of his triple mirror and wanted my opinion of his formal wear. "Do you think I should have chosen silk facings for the tailcoat?" he asked.

"No," I said. "Satin looks fine."

"What about this waistcoat? It almost extends below the front of the tailcoat. Do you think I should have it shortened?"

"No one will notice."

"This tie is cotton marcella. Should I have chosen piqué?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Look at these pumps. I paid seven hundred dollars for them, but I'm convinced I should have gotten the thousand-dollar ones. Don't you think so?"

"You look splendid. You have nothing to worry about. By the way, how did you ever manage to get an invitation to the wedding?"

He looked confused. "Do you need an invitation?"

Lavern08 · Mar 9, 2011

I gotta tell ya folks, that Nym truly is a man of 1,000 faces.

When I met him in Las Vegas, not only was he performing in three nightly shows as a Wayne Newton look-alike, but he had a part-time gig as an Elvis impersonator on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

You should hear that man sing - it's like listening to an angelic host!

kellysaid · Mar 9, 2011

Lavern08 and I met in Vegas. She knocked over a tin of toothpicks and simultaneously we said the exact number scattered on the floor. My eyes narrowed from behind my mask. She smiled, adjusted her tiara and together we took the tables by storm, surrounded by towers of poker chips and bathing in the amped up cheers from drunken onlookers. Until the Pit Boss showed up. Laverne adjusted her bullet deflecting bracelets and I pulled out the trusty nun-chuks and together we took down the boss, broke the bank and escaped in her invisible jet.

Drachen Jager · Mar 9, 2011

I was working at the Vegas Looney bin when Kellysaid and Lavern08 tried to make their escape. They upended a bingo table scattering chips everywhere, then Kellysaid grabbed a link of sausages from the lunch tray and waved them around like she was some kind of ninja.

They settled down after some sedatives, when I last saw her Kellysaid was raving about invisible jets and making phlegmatic engine noises.

kellysaid · Mar 9, 2011

When I met Drachen Jager, his knee was in my back when he said, "Shh, this'll only hurt for a second, it's just like a pinch."

He lied. It still hurts.
And my friend Laverne DOES have an invisible jet, can't you see her sitting in it, look, there she goes ... :e2yawn:

...

Lavern08 · Mar 9, 2011

Kellysaid's street name is: Armed & Sho-nuff Dangerous.

(I found that out when I met her strumming a tune on an old guitar in a dark alley in Nashville)

Drachen Jager · Mar 9, 2011

Lavern08 said:
Kellysaid's street name is: Armed & Sho-nuff Dangerous.

(I found that out when I met her strumming a tune on an old guitar in a dark alley in Nashville)

When I met Lavern08 she was confused between the "How we Met" thread and the "Make up an Outrageous Lie..." thread.

Oh, wait, she still is.

Lavern08 · Mar 9, 2011

I met DJ in a Psych Ward...

... He was being treated for a condition called: Not understanding that just because someone doesn't start a sentence with I met so-and-so, it doesn't mean that they're confused, it just means they know how to be creative and he doesn't-itis.

How We Met

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